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Are My Partner and I Compatible?

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Do you ever wonder just how good a match you and your partner are? If you’ve recently started dating someone, are you curious about how much potential you have as a couple? Romantic compatibility between couples is a little more complex than just having a lot in common; it’s about your ability to make a strong emotional connection and treat one another with respect, no matter your differences.

It’s hard to measure compatibility (there’s no “formula” for it, after all), but taking a look at many aspects of a relationship can reveal where you and your partner are in sync and where you might experience conflicts. Our comprehensive quiz can help you do just that—and determine your overall compatibility.

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Questions Overview

1. Are you and your partner more emotional or more logical?
  1. We’re both either more emotional or more logical.
  2. One of us is emotional, and one is logical—but we like the balance from that.
  3. I haven’t really noticed a difference either way.
  4. One of us is emotional, and one is logical, so we struggle to understand one another.
2. Do you both have similar core values? (Honesty, kindness, responsibility, etc.)
  1. Yes, we value many of the same things, which makes it easy to get along!
  2. We share some core values and respect the ones we don't. It’s made us stronger.
  3. We have a few shared values but come from very different backgrounds.
  4. We don’t have the same core values and don't always feel like we’re on the same page.
3. How much affection would you say you and your partner show one another?
  1. We generally show each other the same amount of affection.
  2. One of us is more affectionate, but we’re both content with how things are.
  3. One of us is more affectionate than the other, and it can be a problem.
  4. Neither of us is very affectionate towards the other.
4. How often do you and your partner spend your free time together?
  1. We do our best to strike a balance between quality time together and solo hobbies.
  2. We devote more time to solo hobbies than quality time, and we’re okay with that.
  3. We don’t spend much quality time together at all.
  4. We tend to argue over the fact that we don’t spend much free time together.
5. Can you and your partner express your feelings and needs to one another?
  1. Yes! My partner and I support one another 100%.
  2. It’s a work in progress, but we’re both making an effort to be more open.
  3. One of us is much more expressive than the other.
  4. Not really. We either don’t want to or don’t feel comfortable with it.
6. Are you and your partner introverted or extroverted?
  1. We’re both introverts or extroverts, so we’re usually on the same page.
  2. One of us is an introvert, and one is an extrovert, but we balance our needs well.
  3. I don’t know what either of us is in terms of extroversion and introversion.
  4. One of us is an introvert, and one is an extrovert, which can cause conflict.
7. How do sex and intimacy with your partner make you feel?
  1. Amazing! We have a ton of chemistry and a strong emotional bond as well.
  2. Good! Our sex life is satisfying, but I feel like our emotional intimacy could improve.
  3. We haven’t really explored sex or intimacy yet, but we might someday.
  4. It doesn’t feel special. Sex is pretty detached and impersonal, not intimate.
8. How do you and your partner handle money and financial issues?
  1. We rarely disagree about money and communicate well on financial matters.
  2. We’ve had a few squabbles here and there, but we work to get on the same page.
  3. We don’t talk about finances at all.
  4. We constantly disagree over how to handle money and finances.
9. Do you and your partner agree on what the future holds for you as a couple?
  1. We talk about our shared goals all the time, and we’re excited about the future.
  2. We haven’t hashed out the details yet but mostly agree on what we want.
  3. We haven’t really discussed it. We’re happier just seeing what happens for now.
  4. No, we have very different ideas of what the future might hold.
10. Do your political views line up with your partner’s?
  1. Yes, most of the time—and we respect each other’s opinion if they don’t.
  2. Sometimes we agree, and sometimes we have to agree to disagree.
  3. Our political views rarely line up, so we just avoid talking about it.
  4. Our political views don’t line up at all, and we often fight about it.
11. Can you and your partner laugh together?
  1. All the time! We have the same sense of humor—it's perfect.
  2. Sure, we have a good laugh sometimes and find similar things funny.
  3. We don’t really have similar senses of humor, but that’s okay.
  4. Honestly, we fight more than we laugh.
12. If someone asked you how you and your partner were doing, what would you say?
  1. We feel a strong connection, our priorities line up, and we agree on most things.
  2. We have some differences, but that hasn’t stopped us from being a solid team.
  3. We’re doing okay, I guess. We’re just sort of getting by, nothing special.
  4. If I really think about it, the fact that we don’t have much in common bothers me.

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Keep in mind that no relationship is perfect. No matter how similar you are, you\u2019ll still disagree or encounter issues from time to time. It\u2019s normal and doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re no longer compatible. Just keep doing what you\u2019re doing: address any issues together and work through them as partners and equals. With time, your compatibility will be stronger than ever.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Show-Love-to-a-Partner"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-with-Changes-in-Your-Relationship"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Show Love to a Partner","id":1876603,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Show-Love-to-a-Partner","image":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/23\/Show-Love-to-a-Partner-Step-16.jpeg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Show-Love-to-a-Partner-Step-16.jpeg","alt":"How to Show Love to a Partner"},{"title":"How to Deal with Changes in Your Relationship","id":7904931,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-with-Changes-in-Your-Relationship","image":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/92\/Deal-with-Changes-in-Your-Relationship-Step-14.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Deal-with-Changes-in-Your-Relationship-Step-14.jpg","alt":"How to Deal with Changes in Your Relationship"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"You and your partner are fairly compatible!","meaning":"You and your partner have some differences, but nothing big enough to be a glaring red flag. In truth, no couple is \u201cperfect.\u201d There will always be disagreements and conflicts occasionally, and the real test of compatibility is how you handle those conflicts. In that respect, you and your partner are likely doing well!

For all your differences, you\u2019re prepared to work through them and give one another the respect you deserve, even when you don\u2019t agree. At the end of the day, that\u2019s even more important than simply having things in common. Keep working as a team to resolve conflicts and offer one another support through it all; your compatibility will likely get stronger.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Respect-Your-Partner"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-a-Supportive-Partner"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Respect Your Partner","id":408834,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Respect-Your-Partner","image":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d7\/Respect-Your-Partner-Step-5-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Respect-Your-Partner-Step-5-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Respect Your Partner"},{"title":"How to Be a Supportive Partner","id":13120239,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-a-Supportive-Partner","image":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/ff\/Be-a-Supportive-Partner-Step-11.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Be-a-Supportive-Partner-Step-11.jpg","alt":"How to Be a Supportive Partner"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"You and your partner may have a few compatibility issues.","meaning":"While you and your partner may not have the strongest of relationships right now, that doesn\u2019t mean you have no compatibility at all. There could be several reasons for this; you might have enough differences to cause conflict from time to time, or your relationship might be new enough that you haven\u2019t really had a chance to form a strong bond yet.

Either way, your relationship has plenty of room to grow if you plan to stick with it. After all, no couple has everything in common with absolutely no differences. It\u2019s natural to encounter conflict\u2014and so long as you can learn to navigate those conflicts together, you can maximize your compatibility with your partner.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Form-a-Strong-Bond-in-Your-Relationship"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Make-Up-with-Your-Partner-After-a-Fight"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Form a Strong Bond in Your Relationship","id":1384189,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Form-a-Strong-Bond-in-Your-Relationship","image":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c7\/Form-a-Strong-Bond-in-Your-Relationship-Step-12-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Form-a-Strong-Bond-in-Your-Relationship-Step-12-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Form a Strong Bond in Your Relationship"},{"title":"How to Make Up with Your Partner After a Fight","id":17102,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Make-Up-with-Your-Partner-After-a-Fight","image":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/25\/Make-Up-with-Your-Partner-After-a-Fight-Step-17-Version-3.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Make-Up-with-Your-Partner-After-a-Fight-Step-17-Version-3.jpg","alt":"How to Make Up with Your Partner After a Fight"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"You and your partner may not be very compatible.","meaning":"There may be a lot of differences weighing on your relationship, and you may not know how to work past them. You and your partner likely don\u2019t have a lot in common and don\u2019t share the same values. You may also have different goals in life, and you may not really work as a team or go out of your way to solve your problems together.

Remember: it\u2019s not a bad thing to realize that maybe you aren\u2019t as compatible with someone as you were hoping. It\u2019s not a reflection of your character. Ask yourself: do you still feel like spending time with your partner? Do you like being around them? If the answer is yes and you want to continue your relationship, you could always sit down with them and figure out how to become a stronger team\u2014or see a relationship therapist and figure out how the two of you can move forward.

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More About Compatibility

What does it mean to be compatible? Compatibility is a couple’s ability to get along, relate to each other respectfully, and treat one another as partners and equals. Compatibility is also defined by a couple’s ability to share some goals and interests and spend enough quality time together to forge a strong emotional bond.

However, there’s a flipside to compatibility: partners don’t have to do everything together or share the exact same hobbies. In fact, it’s pretty much impossible to meet someone who shares every single one of your passions, values, and dreams. People who fixate on finding their “soulmate” tend to overlook partners they could be totally compatible with! They’re envisioning a perfect match with no conflicts or differences—but in reality, differences are healthy.

Compatibility isn’t an exact science, but it can involve a blend of several different factors, including emotions, values, life goals, passion, commitment, and sociability. So, don’t stress out trying to find “the one.” If you and your partner can celebrate the many things you have in common, respect your differences, and work through any issues that arise, it’s very possible that you’re already a compatible match.


Factors That Influence Compatibility

Emotions and intimacy. Intimacy is more than physical closeness: it’s about your ability to be open and honest with your partner (and vice versa). The more you and your partner feel free to express your feelings and give one another emotional support in your relationship, the more intimate (and strong) your emotional bond with them will grow.

Physical chemistry. When you and your partner are deeply attracted to one another and have a great connection in the bedroom, that’s your physical chemistry. It’s also something you can improve if you feel like you and your partner don’t always naturally click in the bedroom. Make a point to talk to them about your needs and expectations during intimacy, and encourage your partner to share theirs as well.

Life goals. Do you and your partner understand one another’s future aspirations? Couples with compatible life goals are able to appreciate and support one another’s vision for the future, including everything from career ambitions to housing, marriage, or the possibility of starting a family. The closer your life goals align, the more compatible you’ll be.

Values and philosophies. Do you and your partner approach life with a similar attitude? Values and philosophies can apply to everything from your worldview to the traits you value most in yourself and others. For example, you might have an optimistic “glass half full” approach to life, but your partner might have more of a pessimistic or realistic worldview. Your philosophical compatibility can also involve religion and any religious similarities or differences you might have with your partner.

Passion. Passion is less about how enthusiastic you and your partner are in the bedroom and more about your enthusiasm for each other and your relationship. Do you wish your partner were there when you’re apart? Do you often think about them, consider what they’d do or how they’d feel about something? The more you and your partner crave each other’s presence and feel motivated to strengthen your relationship, the more passion you have.

Finances and money. Money isn’t exactly the most romantic subject in the world, but it’s still an important one. If you and your partner cannot fundamentally agree on how to manage and spend your money, you may end up having a lot of fights over the course of your relationship, especially if you decide to merge your assets at some point. Before doing that, make sure you’re both on the same page in terms of how you feel your money should be handled.

Sociability. Sociability concerns how you and your partner socialize with other people. If you’re extroverted, you might both be the life of the party, craving adventure and excitement with a large group of friends in tow. And if you’re introverted, you might prefer curling up together on the couch and reading a book, enjoying one another’s company and the peaceful moment. It’s okay if you and your partner have some differences here, but it is important for you to find a healthy balance between socializing and downtime.

Commitment and responsibilities. This refers to your sense of loyalty and willingness to put in the hard work that all relationships require, no matter how naturally compatible you are. Some people instinctively run away or back off when things get tough, while others double down and work through the problem. Relationships are a two-way street: if you and your partner are committed to the relationship and willing to take on the responsibilities associated with that commitment, you have good compatibility in this area.

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