People make jokes about “daddy issues,” but they’re a real thing—and they’re totally common, not just for women, but for men, too. Basically, having “daddy issues” just means you’ve got some unresolved problems surrounding your father figure that could be impacting you today. There’s no shame in having daddy issues, and with therapy and support, it’s possible to work through them.
Wondering if you might have daddy issues of your own? Answer a few questions, and we’ll tell you our thoughts.
Questions Overview
1. True or false: “I have a tough time setting boundaries with other people.”
- Definitely true.
- Somewhat true.
- Somewhat false.
- Definitely false.
2. Would you say you’re pretty good at expressing your emotions to others?
- No, not at all.
- Not really.
- Sort of.
- Absolutely.
3. When you’re dating someone, do you feel a constant need for emotional reassurance from your partner?
- Yes, I feel like I need reassurance all the time.
- Yeah, a lot of the time.
- Maybe sometimes, but not too often.
- No, hardly at all. I’m pretty secure.
4. Do you feel a strong need for men’s validation, and don’t really know why?
- Yes, for sure.
- Yeah, sometimes.
- Not really.
- Not at all.
5. When someone you’re close to gets angry or upset, you…
- …get angry or upset back.
- …get anxious and try to fix things.
- …distance yourself.
- …try to calm them down.
6. What qualities do you value most in a significant other?
- Excitement and unpredictability.
- Independence and self-sufficiency.
- Stability and security.
- Empathy and understanding.
7. The thought of never earning your father’s approval makes you feel…
- …desperate and fearful. Almost nothing else matters.
- …very depressed.
- …indifferent. Who cares?
- …sad, but it’s beyond my control.
8. How would you describe your communication with your father?
- Very rocky. We hardly ever speak, if at all.
- Not great. We avoid touchy subjects.
- OK. We disagree sometimes, but we resolve fights eventually.
- Good. We respect one another’s opinions and try to understand where one another is coming from.
9. How would you describe your emotional bond with your father?
- Nonexistent.
- Not very good.
- All right.
- Really great!
10. Say you have plans with a friend, but they cancel at the last minute. You feel…
- Really angry, hurt, and offended.
- Pretty annoyed.
- Somewhat irritated, but overall I don’t care.
- Slightly annoyed, but understanding.
11. What words best describe you in relationships?
- Exciting and dramatic.
- Emotional and idealistic.
- Ultra independent.
- Kind and confident.
12. How do you typically react when you get in a fight with a partner?
- I get angry and dump them.
- I give them whatever they want and beg them not to leave me.
- I don’t fight: I leave. Who needs them?
- I get upset, of course, but we work through it. People fight.
13. Your committed partner is away on a trip without you. You feel…
- …upset that they went without me. Clearly they don’t love me.
- …anxious. What if they forget about me? What if they cheat?
- …indifferent. I don’t care what they do.
- …fine. I miss them, but I’ll see them again soon.
14. Would you say you jump from relationship to relationship?
- Yeah, definitely.
- Yeah, sometimes.
- Not really.
- No way.
15. Do you feel the need to test people (especially romantic partners) to make sure you can trust them?
- Yes. How else can I be sure they really care?
- Yeah, sometimes.
- Not really.
- Nope. Testing is the opposite of trusting!
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- Anxiety when you\u2019re away from your partner<\/li>
- A constant need for reassurance in romantic relationships<\/li>
- Abandoning relationships at the first sign of friction<\/li>
- Repeating the dynamic they had with their father in romantic relationships<\/li><\/ul>
If you said yes, you\u2019re not alone, we promise\u2014and it\u2019s not<\/i> your fault. As children, we really need strong, secure attachments to our father figures, but if your father was negligent, unpredictable, or absent while you were growing up, it\u2019s understandable if you developed an insecure attachment style. The attachment styles we develop in early childhood can negatively affect the romantic and platonic relationships we form in adulthood.
Daddy issues can be painful and feel impossible to resolve, but that doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t heal from them. Imagine a world in which your father never hurt you, in which child-you received all the love, care, attention, and support you deserved. How does it feel to imagine yourself in that world?
We\u2019re here to tell you that you deserve the love, care, attention, and support you didn\u2019t get when you were younger. If you\u2019re struggling, it could be worth it to reach out to a therapist. They may be able to help you understand any pain you\u2019re still clinging to\u2014where it comes from and, more importantly, how to move through it. Because you can<\/i> move through it. A better future is possible.
In addition to reaching out to a therapist or counselor, we recommend checking out some of these articles to help you navigate the past and how it may have influenced your attachment style in the present:- How to Build a Healthy Relationship<\/a><\/li>
- How to Cope with Being Unloved by Your Parents<\/a><\/li>
- How to Not Let Your Life Revolve Around Your Boyfriend<\/a><\/li>
- How to Soothe an Anxious Attachment<\/a><\/li><\/ul>","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Choose-a-Therapist"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Choose a Therapist","id":45124,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Choose-a-Therapist","relUrl":"\/Choose-a-Therapist","image":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d7\/Stop-Alcohol-Cravings-Step-3-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Alcohol-Cravings-Step-3-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Choose a Therapist"},{"title":"How to Let Go of Past Hurts","id":1284915,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts","relUrl":"\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e0\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts-Step-10.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts-Step-10.jpg","alt":"How to Let Go of Past Hurts"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":2,"text":"You may have some daddy issues.","meaning":"Based on some of your answers, you might have some underlying unresolved father issues. These are some common ways daddy issues show up in adulthood\u2014do you identify with any of them?
- Anxiety when you\u2019re away from your partner<\/li>
- A constant need for reassurance in romantic relationships<\/li>
- Abandoning relationships at the first sign of friction<\/li>
- Repeating the dynamic they had with their father in romantic relationships<\/li><\/ul>
If you said yes, you\u2019re not alone, we promise\u2014and it\u2019s not<\/i> your fault. As children, we really need strong, secure attachments to our father figures, but if your father was negligent, unpredictable, or absent while you were growing up, it\u2019s understandable if you developed an insecure attachment style. The attachment styles we develop in early childhood can negatively affect the romantic and platonic relationships we form in adulthood.
Daddy issues can be so painful and feel impossible to resolve, but that doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t heal from them. Imagine a world in which your father never hurt you, in which child-you received all the love, care, attention, and support you deserved. How does it feel to imagine yourself in that world?
We\u2019re here to tell you that you deserve the love, care, attention, and support you didn\u2019t get when you were younger. If you\u2019re struggling, it may be worth it to reach out to a therapist, just to check in. They may be able to help you understand any pain you\u2019re still clinging to\u2014where it comes from and, more importantly, how to move through it. Because you can<\/i> move through it. A better future is possible.
In addition to reaching out to a therapist or counselor, we recommend checking out some of these articles to help you navigate the past and how it may have influenced your attachment style in the present:- How to Build a Healthy Relationship<\/a><\/li>
- How to Cope with Being Unloved by Your Parents<\/a><\/li>
- How to Not Let Your Life Revolve Around Your Boyfriend<\/a><\/li>
- How to Soothe an Anxious Attachment<\/a><\/li><\/ul>","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Choose-a-Therapist"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Choose a Therapist","id":45124,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Choose-a-Therapist","relUrl":"\/Choose-a-Therapist","image":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d7\/Stop-Alcohol-Cravings-Step-3-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Alcohol-Cravings-Step-3-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Choose a Therapist"},{"title":"How to Let Go of Past Hurts","id":1284915,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts","relUrl":"\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e0\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts-Step-10.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts-Step-10.jpg","alt":"How to Let Go of Past Hurts"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":3,"text":"You may be burying some daddy issues.","meaning":"Based on some of your answers, you might have some underlying unresolved issues, but you may be trying to ignore them. We get it. We really, really do. Daddy issues can be so painful and feel impossible to resolve, and after a while it\u2019s tempting to just\u2026pretend like nothing is wrong. You don\u2019t need anyone, and they don\u2019t need you. Everything\u2019s fine.
But is it? We encourage you to slow down, take a difficult look at what\u2019s going on inside of you and what you\u2019ve been through in the past, and answer this question: Are there wounds that you\u2019re ignoring?<\/i> These are some common ways daddy issues show up in adulthood\u2014do you identify with any of them?- Anxiety when you\u2019re away from your partner<\/li>
- A constant need for reassurance in romantic relationships<\/li>
- Abandoning relationships at the first sign of friction<\/li>
- Repeating the dynamic they had with their father in romantic relationships<\/li><\/ul>
If you said yes, you\u2019re not alone, we promise\u2014and it\u2019s not<\/i> your fault. As children, we really need strong, secure attachments to our father figures, but if your father was negligent, unpredictable, or absent while you were growing up, it\u2019s understandable if you developed an insecure attachment style. The attachment styles we develop in early childhood can negatively affect the romantic and platonic relationships we form in adulthood.
Daddy issues can be so painful and feel impossible to resolve, but that doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t heal from them. Imagine a world in which your father never hurt you, in which child-you received all the love, care, attention, and support you deserved. How does it feel to imagine yourself in that world?
You deserve love, care, attention, and support. We promise you do. It may be worth it to reach out to a therapist, just to check in. They may be able to help you understand any pain you\u2019re still clinging to\u2014where it comes from and, more importantly, how to move through it. Because you can<\/i> move through it. A better future is possible.
In addition to reaching out to a therapist or counselor, we recommend checking out some of these articles to help you navigate the past and how it may have influenced your attachment style in the present:- How to Build a Healthy Relationship<\/a><\/li>
- How to Cope with Being Unloved by Your Parents<\/a><\/li>
- How to Not Let Your Life Revolve Around Your Boyfriend<\/a><\/li>
- How to Deal with Avoidant Attachment Style<\/a><\/li><\/ul>","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Choose-a-Therapist"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Choose a Therapist","id":45124,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Choose-a-Therapist","relUrl":"\/Choose-a-Therapist","image":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d7\/Stop-Alcohol-Cravings-Step-3-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Alcohol-Cravings-Step-3-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Choose a Therapist"},{"title":"How to Let Go of Past Hurts","id":1284915,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts","relUrl":"\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e0\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts-Step-10.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts-Step-10.jpg","alt":"How to Let Go of Past Hurts"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":4,"text":"You don\u2019t sound like you have any daddy issues.","meaning":"Not a daddy issue in sight! You must have a really great relationship with your father figure\u2014or, maybe, you had<\/i> daddy issues, but you did a lot<\/i> of hard work to resolve them. If that\u2019s the case, we salute you. Healing from the past is hard\u2014and if you did have any daddy issues you\u2019ve worked through, you know better than just about anyone that overcoming trauma is often not a one-and-done thing; it\u2019s an everyday task, and yes, it might get easier, but the scars never go away completely. You live through<\/i> and with<\/i> the pain, honoring it as a part of your past, but not giving it power over who you are or what you do with your life.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Choose-a-Therapist"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Choose a Therapist","id":45124,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Choose-a-Therapist","relUrl":"\/Choose-a-Therapist","image":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d7\/Stop-Alcohol-Cravings-Step-3-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Alcohol-Cravings-Step-3-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Choose a Therapist"},{"title":"How to Let Go of Past Hurts","id":1284915,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts","relUrl":"\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e0\/Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts-Step-10.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Let-Go-of-Past-Hurts-Step-10.jpg","alt":"How to Let Go of Past Hurts"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""}]" class="quiz_results_data"/>
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- How to Cope with Being Unloved by Your Parents<\/a><\/li>
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- How to Cope with Being Unloved by Your Parents<\/a><\/li>
- How to Build a Healthy Relationship<\/a><\/li>
- How to Cope with Being Unloved by Your Parents<\/a><\/li>
- How to Build a Healthy Relationship<\/a><\/li>
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What exactly are “daddy issues”?
In brief, if someone has “daddy issues,” they have (or had) an unhealthy, unstable relationship with their father or father figure. Contrary to popular belief, men and women alike get “daddy issues,” and they’re not a laughing matter (though people—and by “people” we really just mean “women”—with “daddy issues” are often used as the butt of sexist jokes).
So what are daddy issues, really? And how do they form?
Well, as children, we really require strong, secure attachments to our caregivers, but if your father is negligent, unpredictable, or absent while you’re growing up, you’re likely to develop a disorganized, avoidant, or anxious attachment style, which can negatively affect the romantic and platonic relationships you develop in adulthood. On the other hand, children who maintain strong, consistent, and secure relationships with their parental figures while they grow up are more likely to develop secure and trusting relationships in adulthood as well. (And yes, anyone of any gender can have “mommy issues” or “daddy issues” or both!)
Someone with “daddy issues” may struggle with these symptoms in relationships:
- Anxiety when their partner is away: Someone with daddy issues may experience Intense distress when they’re not with their partner.
- Constant need for reassurance: People with daddy issues may crave reassurance from their partner that the relationship is going OK.
- Abandoning ship easily: Daddy issues may cause someone to view anything negative in the relationship as a sign the relationship is doomed or that their partner doesn’t love them.
- Repeating the dynamic they had with their father: Someone with daddy issues may gravitate towards relationships similar to the one they maintained with their father figure. Why? They may unconsciously seek to recreate the dynamic they had with their father in an attempt to “fix” their relationship with their father—or they may just seek out this dynamic because it’s all they know.
Luckily, daddy issues don’t have to be a forever problem. Many people are able to overcome unresolved daddy (and mommy) issues with the help of a licensed therapist. They’ll be able to help you identify any unhealthy patterns in your current relationship so that you can start to overcome them. It’s hard work, but it’s possible—and you’re worth it. We promise.
Want to learn more?
To learn more about daddy issues, visit these sites:
