Am I Emotionally Unavailable?

Take this quiz to find out!

How emotionally available are you? Answer these 12 questions, and we’ll tell you whether you’re open with your heart, or you guard your feelings.

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Questions Overview

1. You’ve got a hot date tonight! You’re looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking…
  1. I’m so excited for tonight! I’m sure it’ll be great.
  2. I hope I don’t blow this.
  3. I hope they don’t blow this.
  4. Maybe I should just cancel. They won’t like me.
2. Speaking of relationships, you tend to get involved with people who…
  1. …are kind, compatible with me, and open about their intentions.
  2. …are generally nice, but I’m not totally sure I can trust them.
  3. …are totally perfect, and I won’t settle for less.
  4. …are already dating someone else. 🙈
3. Someone was supposed to meet you for coffee, but they forgot. It really hurt your feelings. What do you do?
  1. Tell them how I feel and ask them what happened.
  2. Make a joke next time I see them about how they abandoned me.
  3. Never bring it up. It’s fine.
  4. Never bring it up, and avoid them. They clearly don’t want anything to do with me.
4. Would you say you’re a glass-half-full kind of person or a glass-half-empty kind of person?
  1. Totally glass-half-full
  2. Mostly glass-half-full
  3. Mostly glass-half-empty
  4. Totally glass-half-empty
5. What’s your preferred method of communication with someone you’re in a relationship with?
  1. In person
  2. Over the phone
  3. Through text
  4. Through social media
6. You’ve had a rough day, and your partner can tell. They urge you to open up to them. You:
  1. Open up if I feel up to it. If not, I say, “I don’t really feel like it, thanks.”
  2. Start talking about my feelings, even if I don’t totally want to.
  3. Feel anxious and angry. What right do they have to push me?
  4. Get super uncomfortable and shut down.
7. Which relationship situation scares you the least?
  1. Spending time getting to know someone and gradually opening up more.
  2. Becoming super emotionally intertwined with someone from the get-go.
  3. Dating different people and breaking up when things get too serious.
  4. Having a crush on someone I can’t have.
8. Which answer best describes your attitude towards love and relationships?
  1. Love is a wonderful, enriching part of life.
  2. I feel like I need to be in a relationship all the time. I don’t like being on my own.
  3. I like the idea of dating, but a healthy relationship doesn’t seem achievable.
  4. It’s just easier for me to be alone.
9. You’re on your second date with someone who you think you could really like—then they ask you a personal question that takes things to a deeper level. How do you feel?
  1. Fine! Dating is about getting to know people, right?
  2. A little nervous, but I try to match their emotional energy.
  3. Uh-oh, panic time...
  4. I don’t go on second dates.
10. Would you say you’re considerate of other people’s feelings?
  1. Of course!
  2. Yes, sometimes at the expense of my own feelings!
  3. Sure, if it doesn’t cause a problem for me.
  4. I haven’t really thought about it.
11. Your significant other just got some bad news and they’ve started crying. How do you feel?
  1. Concerned and compassionate.
  2. A tad anxious, but mostly concerned about them.
  3. A little turned off and annoyed, if I’m being honest.
  4. Stressed out and even afraid.
12. Do you cry easily?
  1. Now and then.
  2. Bring on the waterworks…
  3. Hardly ever.
  4. No, never.

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you<\/i> want, whether it\u2019s to share your whole heart with someone, or keep things closer to the chest for a bit. Believe it or not, developing emotional boundaries with others and learning to manage your feelings will make it easier to connect with people on a deeper level\u2014and you deserve that connection.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Set-Boundaries-with-People"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-With-Your-Emotions"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Set Boundaries with People","id":4772847,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Set-Boundaries-with-People","image":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/60\/Set-Boundaries-with-People-Step-13-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Set-Boundaries-with-People-Step-13-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Set Boundaries with People"},{"title":"How to Deal With Your Emotions","id":431301,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-With-Your-Emotions","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/ec\/Deal-With-Your-Emotions-Step-15-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Deal-With-Your-Emotions-Step-15-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Deal With Your Emotions"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":3,"text":"You could be more emotionally available.","meaning":"Based on your answers, you may have some things to work on in the emotional availability department. You\u2019ve no doubt been through a lot, and it might have given you cause to mistrust others\u2014and yourself. And, true, there are<\/i> some people you\u2019re probably best not opening your heart all the way up to, and maybe there are some feelings you\u2019d rather not feel, because they\u2019re too painful or even scary. Trust us, we get it. But being able to sit with your emotions, even the dark ones, even the scary ones, will bring you peace in the long run, we promise. And it\u2019s by getting to know yourself and your emotions better that you\u2019re able to better connect with the people around you\u2014and believe us, you deserve a deep, loving connection. We all do.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Set-Boundaries-with-People"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-With-Your-Emotions"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Set Boundaries with People","id":4772847,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Set-Boundaries-with-People","image":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/60\/Set-Boundaries-with-People-Step-13-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Set-Boundaries-with-People-Step-13-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Set Boundaries with People"},{"title":"How to Deal With Your Emotions","id":431301,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-With-Your-Emotions","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/ec\/Deal-With-Your-Emotions-Step-15-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Deal-With-Your-Emotions-Step-15-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Deal With Your Emotions"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":4,"text":"You\u2019re not very emotionally available.","meaning":"Based on your answers, you run away from emotional vulnerability like it\u2019s a camel spider on fire. You\u2019ve no doubt been through a lot, and it might have given you cause to mistrust others\u2014and yourself. Maybe you believe you\u2019re not capable of engaging on a deeper level, or that people wouldn\u2019t want to be with you if they knew the real you. And, true, there are<\/i> some people you\u2019re probably best not opening your heart all the way up to, and maybe there are some feelings you\u2019d rather not feel, because they\u2019re too painful or even scary. Trust us, we get it. But being able to sit with your emotions, even the dark ones, even the scary ones, will bring you peace in the long run, we promise. And it\u2019s by getting to know yourself and your emotions better that you\u2019re able to better connect with the people around you\u2014and believe us, you deserve a deep, loving connection. 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What does it mean to be emotionally available?

Emotional availability refers to emotional stability and openness in interpersonal relationships. It also involves being able to be honest with yourself about what you’re feeling, or be willing to work through your emotions. Emotionally available people are willing to sit with their own emotions and sort through them—or, often, just let the emotions pass. Most of the time, feelings just need to be…well, felt.

In a relationship (romantic or otherwise), an emotionally available person listens patiently to the other person, is open to feedback, avoids being passive-aggressive, and tries to communicate peacefully, and works to find a compromise when dealing with a disagreement. These sound like nice qualities to us!

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