How to Be Different

Co-authored by Rachel Clissold

Last Updated: April 18, 2024 Approved

There are many people out there who want to be "part of the crowd." If you want to be the leader and stand out from the crowd instead, then this article is for you. It's a wonderful feeling when you know that you are original and unique.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Knowing Yourself

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1
Know you're unique . For starters, know that you're already different from everyone on the planet. Sure, some people are more different than others, but all of us have a unique set of experiences and characteristics that spell out a different reality than everyone else on Earth. No one else has the same brain you do, the same thoughts you do, and the same reactions as you do. You're different by just being human. ^{[1]
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- Labels are pretty useless. Even striving to be different isn't something that's truly achievable. A quick change of cultures will show you that people operate differently by default. Instead, accept that you're already unique and work with yourself. Who are you, anyway?
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Find yourself and be yourself . In order to be as different as possible, you have to be you -- not a carbon copy of someone else. If you don't know who you are, that process can seem a bit scary. In order to be yourself, you have to find yourself. ^{[2]
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Research source} Do you know what it is you like? Who are you when no one else is around?
- It's important to love yourself , too. If you're not comfortable with who you are, you'll inevitably end up trying to be someone else -- or at the very least being someone who you're not to please others. Which won't work in the end. ^{[3]
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3
Spend some time alone. It's normal nowadays to be constantly bombarded with stimuli -- whether it's on a screen or the people around us. To really get down to who you are and what makes you different, spend some time alone. Disconnect from everything. ^{[4]
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Research source} What are you left with? Meditate on what matters to you. ^{[5]
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- We're constantly being told what to wear, what to eat, what to say, what to look like, how to act, what to read, what to watch...you get it. Get alone and all of a sudden you'll be without guidance. It'll be a strange feeling, sitting there, thinking about what you wouldn't miss if you never had to wear/eat/say/do/read/watch it again. Think about what aspects of your environment are shoved onto you and which ones you openly embrace. ^{[6]
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Know what you want. Be very careful that you actually want to be different. Maybe you're just in a group of friends that you don't live with and that little voice in your head is just being misinterpreted. What does different actually mean to you? ^{[7]
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- What do you perceive as normal? What is it about people that strikes you as "the same?" Every person's interpretation of what "different" actual is, well, different. Is it how they look? Act? Talk? Dream?
Once you've pinpointed what "different" is to you, how do you want to go about it? If you're in a group of friends that only eats Swedish protein bars and wears pink on Wednesdays, how do you want to go off on your own? Do you want to become a math mastermind or do you just want to shake it up by wearing purple? You could be different in so many ways.

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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Finding Your Uniqueness

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1
Note your environment. A Japanese man that shakes hands instead of bowing will be different in his culture, but be pretty normal in the West. Reading Thoreau for fun will be commonplace in some circles, while "normal" is Cosmopolitan in others. In order to know how to be different, you have to take into account your environment. Think of three words to describe yours. Now, what's the opposite of that?
- Let's go back to "Mean Girls." Three words to describe that environment? Superficial. Vain. And unsurprisingly, mean. Want to be different from the Plastics? You'd have to be a deep thinker, not into looks, and nice. However, being nice in other circles is totally normal (and expected). What's your circle like?
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Observe. Take a step back from your surroundings for a moment and just observe. ^{[8]
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Research source} How are people behaving? How do they interact with each other (friends, strangers, cashiers, lovers)? What assumptions do they all make? How are they dressed? If you were to walk in unexpectedly, how could you not fit into the mold?
- There's definitely a spectrum of outrageousness here. Something so simple as wearing a bright color could set you out from the crowd in a Cafe on a dreary day.
- You could make small changes to your behavior -- when the cashier at the cafe asks you what you'd like, instead you could reply, "Hmm. Not sure. How was your day?"
- You could go the wrong way -- be loud, throwing things, start dancing on tables -- that'd sure be different than normal public etiquette. But it'll probably get you thrown out.
3
Do what you like. Straight up, you're going to enjoy some things that are trendy and some things that are not. That's fine! As long as you're doing what you enjoy, you'll have a combination that's probably unique to you. Maybe you love baking, jiujitsu, and thrift shopping. If you enjoy it, it'll feel right.
- It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks or does. ^{[9]
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  Research source} Do you want to sing a song from Jekyll & Hyde at karaoke in German? Awesome. Go for it. Do you want to buy that Abercrombie & Fitch bag? Well, if it would make you happy, sure. Just make sure it's not someone else telling you to do it!
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Research source} We are naturally raised as part of a group. Therefore, we're constantly being exposed to things that others around us have already approved. These things are good -- they can open us up to things we're not even aware of -- but it's also important to try things that are brand-spankin' new to you that other people haven't already endorsed. How else will you find out what you like and do not like? ^{[11]
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Color outside the lines. From a very young age, we're sort of brainwashed to fit into our society. We wear clothes, eat with utensils, go to school, do things to match our gender, etcetera and so forth. It's hard to realize that this is a box you can get out of. There are lines that you can color outside of. It just hasn't occurred to most of us.
- Think about how you would act if you were in a dinosaur costume. No one can see your face or body and you're in a dinosaur costume. All of a sudden you start bursting into rooms and waving your tiny arms and creeping up on people just because you can. You could do this in real life. You just choose not to. ...Why?
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Be absurd. As if the dinosaur example wasn't enough, instead of just coloring outside the lines, you don't even have to use your metaphorical crayons on the metaphorical paper. If you want to go around school wearing headphones and dancing like you're in a Selena Gomez music video, the thing is, you can . If you want to wear a hat shaped like the state of Texas and stand outside of Walmart all night long, if you can find one, you can . (Doesn't mean you should, but you definitely could.)
- Some people are going to severely frown on the dinosaur costumes, the public dancing, and the weird-shaped hats. Know that if you do want to start pressing the limits and toeing the line, you'll most likely experience opposition. If you can handle the heat, go for it. But know that lots of people frown on what's "abnormal."

Part 3

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Putting It into Action

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1
Shake hands with your enemies. This is a way to say act differently toward people than they expect. In a good way, of course! And see where it gets you -- who knows, the next time you have to deal with a cop, shake his hand, ask him about himself, and see if you get out of that ticket! You very well may.
- One way to certainly be different is to be friendly to everyone. How many people do you know that are friendly to literally "everyone?" Probably not many. It's hard work! We all end up judging those around us and gravitating toward certain types of people. Instead, be friendly toward those you may not feel inclined to be friendly toward. You'll be different and learn a lot!
It's really easy to get caught up in what society tells us looks good and is attractive. (Even if you don't think so.) While it's impossible to completely avoid that (without making the clothes yourself), use fashion like a cafeteria -- take what you want and leave the rest. Do you like a certain trend? Great. Would you rather be sporting a pair of rain boots from 1972 than a pair of Uggs? Awesome -- maybe your mom has some in her closet.

Selena Gomez, Founder, Rare Beauty

Be authentic to your own look and style. "It’s hard to feel comfortable when you feel like everyone is watching, judging, and commenting on the way you look. Self-confidence is still something I work on daily, but when I stopped trying to conform to society’s unrealistic standards of beauty, my perspective entirely shifted."
3
Don't get caught up in games. It's hard to come up with a few examples that everyone does. You could say, for example, "listen to unpopular music," but there are loads of people that do that. However, one thing that seems to be a pretty normal characteristic across the board is drama. We love it. If you want to be different, avoid it! ^{[12]
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Research source} Don't let it be a part of your life. ^{[13]
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Research source} And definitely don't start it!
- Because of how interacting with people works, we all end up playing games a lot. A friend asks us if we're mad and we say no to keep things calm, even though we are. We do things to get attention, we lead people on, we employ tactics to get what we want, even if they're not the nicest. If you can recognize those urges, try to resist them. Being honest and genuine is a characteristic to be proud of and is more unique than it should be. ^{[14]
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4
Say what everyone else is thinking. One of the games people play is not saying what we mean. We're afraid of standing out, making noise, hurting someone's feelings, or just getting embarrassed. There will be times when an entire room is thinking something, but no one says it. The term "elephant in the room" exists for a reason! Be that person! ^{[15]
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- Most people are caught up in what they look like or the impression they give off to truly do what they really want. They're too wrapped up in thinking about others and not being themselves to really operate on a genuine level. If you catch yourself not doing something because others are present, do it anyway! (Within the law, of course!)
5
Don't bother trying to impress. If you haven't noticed, there's a pattern here of how others' opinions shouldn't really matter. Since most people are concerned with impressing others and how they're perceived, try not to do it. It's often when we're not trying to impress that we do the most impressing!
- You know how they say love will come to you when you stop looking for it? It's sort of like that. Instead of presenting an image to the world, just present yourself. It's so much better and so much more unique.
6
Know the world works in opposites. Nothing is really as it seems. So many people are trying to be different it results in them all being the same! Being quiet may mean that when you talk, people hear you louder. When you're not trying to attract that boy or girl, they become attracted to you. So trying to be different may not get you anywhere.
- Dressing in a squirrel suit (or a dinosaur outfit) and walking into a bar, for example, isn't necessarily different. In a certain way, it's saying, "Look at me!" just the same as a short skirt and high heels are. So the next time you're trying to be different, think about what you're actually doing. Is it the opposite?
7
Know you'll bump heads. Society isn't super good at accepting what isn't trendy. People are praised for being fashionable and pretty -- few are praised for expanding our limits and coloring outside the lines. Those people may not welcome you with open arms. And that's fine! You don't need 'em. But you do need to know it's gonna happen. That way you'll be prepared for when it does. ^{[16]
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- Aristotle said, “To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” ^{[17]
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  Research source} This is one thing he nailed. Criticism is going to happen if you step outside of the box at all. Think of it as a good thing! By getting criticism, you're doing something. You're getting noticed. You're exposing people to other things. Excellent! You're different.

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How can I learn to not be afraid of myself?

Rachel Clissold
Certified Life Coach
Rachel Clissold is a Life Coach and Consultant in Sydney, Australia. With over six years of coaching experience and over 17 years of corporate training, Rachel specializes in helping business leaders move through internal roadblocks, gain more freedom and clarity, and optimize their company’s efficiency and productivity. Rachel uses a wide range of techniques including coaching, intuitive guidance, neuro-linguistic programming, and holistic biohacking to help clients overcome fear, break through limitations, and bring their epic visions to life. Rachel is an acclaimed Reiki Master Practitioner, Qualified practitioner in NLP, EFT, Hypnosis & Past Life Regression. She has created events with up to 500 people around Australia, United Kingdom, Bali, and Costa Rica.

Rachel Clissold

Certified Life Coach

Expert Answer

Try to have people in your life that are supportive of you, rather than people who are going to drag you down and judge you. The people in your environment can be a huge influence on you.

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Tips

Try to be at peace with yourself. ^{[18]
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Research source} Being surprised if people dislike your weirdness is just oblivious stupidity on your part. If you are not willing to endure some odd glances or comments, you will have no choice but to keep your blossoming strangeness to yourself.

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Remember that self-discovery is an ongoing process. The person you are at 15 is not who you will be at 22, or 49, or 97! Our needs and interests change as we grow older. Things that were important to us then, sometimes don't seem to matter anymore. Wisdom replaces petty ambitions as we learn to grow from ourselves.

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Be very open-minded, or at least try to be. Learn to see the world from different perspectives (and not necessarily just human perspectives, either). Don't be afraid of those who challenge your preconceptions and values.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

If you want to dye your hair, do it. If you want to wear "weird" clothes, do it. Whatever you find fun and fulfilling is worth pursuing. Being "different" is all about being your most authentic self, so don't let anyone stop you from being you.
Don't "pretend" to be weird just so you can be different. If you're faking it, you'll just be like everyone else who puts on a show to try and impress others. The really unique people are the ones who are true to themselves.

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Warnings

Take note that by asking someone else how to be different, you are defeating the purpose of what you are trying to do. Meaning if you're asking someone else how to be different you will NOT be different because the vast majority of the time they tell you things that they themselves would do to be different. Therefore, asking someone else how to be different is practically impossible because they will unknowingly tell you how to be like them. It's quite a paradoxical conundrum, isn't it?

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Remember that being weird is not necessarily better than "being normal." All people are weird in their own ways, even if they do conform to society's rules.

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Being random in order to seem weird is often extremely obnoxious and is, again, very superficial. It will not necessarily help you see the world in a new or different way.

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Don't label yourself. Just because you feel that you are a "gangsta" doesn't mean that you can't love ballet.

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How to Be Different

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Knowing Yourself

wikiHow Quiz: What Kind of Reality Check Do I Need?

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Finding Your Uniqueness

Putting It into Action

Expert Q&A

Tips

Tips from our Readers

Warnings

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