Caring for Yourself (& Your Home) While Your Partner Is Gone

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Effectively manage your emotions and responsibilities on your own
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If your spouse has to go out of town, whether they're traveling for business or deployed in the military, it's totally normal to feel sad and lonely. The idea of doing it all by yourself can be overwhelming, but you can do it! The key is to keep yourself busy while also staying connected to all the people around you who are there to support you. Keep reading for the best tips on how to survive time apart from your spouse, whether they're going to be gone for weeks, months, or just a few days.

Best Tips for Managing when Your Spouse Is Away

Cope when your spouse is away by keeping yourself busy with daily tasks that enrich your life. Practice mindfulness to ease stress and reach out to friends and family for support. When you focus on your physical and emotional health the time apart will be over before you know it.

Section 1 of 4:

Keeping Yourself Distracted

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    Thinking ahead is an easy way to distract yourself from your partner's absence. Use a calendar or a countdown app to count the days. It could be the date your spouse is coming back home or another fun event happening while they're still gone. [1]
    • If you have kids, you can turn this into a craft project! Make a chain using different colored strips of construction paper, with each link representing a day. Then, your kids can break a link off the chain each day.
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    Writing your thoughts and reflections on the day, whether in a paper journal or on an electronic device, is a great way to cope with the emotions and stress when your spouse is away. To make this a habit, choose a time every day when you have 5 to 10 minutes to yourself, then journal at the same time every day. [2]
    • Journaling also helps you express your feelings about your spouse's absence in a positive way so you're not bottling those feelings up.
    • You might also consider creating an online journal that you can share with your spouse. Just make sure the page is private if you don't want to share it with anyone else. [3]
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    If you've always wanted to get your degree, now could be the perfect chance! Even if you're only going part-time, the structured class schedule will keep you busy and help you take your mind off of your spouse. [4]
    • Even if you already have a degree or don't feel like committing to a degree program, there are plenty of individual courses you can take to learn more about a topic of interest.
    • Online courses give you a little more flexibility so you can learn at your own pace when it's convenient for you. Better yet, a lot of these courses are free.
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    Do you have more free time than you know what to do with while your spouse is gone? Fill that time with an activity you've always wanted to try. Start at your local library or community center, or use an app such as Meetup, to find out what kinds of groups are active in your area. [5]
    • For example, if you enjoy gardening, you might join a local gardening group or help out at a nearby community garden.
    • Getting involved in your community by volunteering is another way to keep yourself busy that will also help you feel more connected with the people around you. [6]
    • You might also get involved in online groups centered around a hobby you enjoy. Social media platforms are a great place to start if you're looking for like-minded people to explore your newest interest.
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    Schedule time each day to exercise or do something active, such as taking a walk around your neighborhood or going for a swim. Motivate yourself with a goal, such as running a 5K or a marathon. You won't notice your partner's absence as much if you're focused on achieving your goal. [7]
    • Exercise also boosts the release of feel-good chemicals in your brain that help reduce stress and put you in a better mood. [8]
    • You might also try exercise apps that connect you with an online community of people who are working on their fitness together.
    • If you enjoy playing sports, you might consider joining a community rec league team. That way, you're getting out and being active as well as making friends.
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Section 2 of 4:

Staying Connected

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    Make a plan before your spouse leaves so you know when and how you can get in touch with them, then try to touch base at least once a day while they're gone. Phone, text, and email are some basic ways that you can keep in touch. Even if you can't chat as much in real time, you can at least leave messages for each other throughout the day. Video chat also allows you to see each other as you talk or even do things together, such as run errands. [9]
    • If you have kids, make sure you choose times when they'll be available to talk to their other parent as well.
    • Take advantage of technology to spend time together occasionally if you can work it into your schedules. For example, you might have a date night and watch the same movie on video chat together.
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    Online games and mobile phone apps allow you to play games with each other even though your spouse may be far away from you. These sorts of activities help you feel connected to each other while you're physically separated and give you the opportunity to make memories together even though you're apart. [10]
    • Having a little healthy competition going with each other can help keep the spark in your relationship alive as well.
    • If you have kids, look for age-appropriate family games that all of you can play together to strengthen your family bonds.
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    If you search online, you'll likely find message boards and forums populated with other people who have spouses who are away from home a lot. Talking to other people who are dealing with the same things you are can help you feel less alone. They'll also swap coping strategies so you can help each other that way as well. [11]
    • For example, if your spouse is in the military, you can probably find lots of groups online for military spouses.
    • Even though you'll likely feel more trusting of people who are in a similar position as you are, you still want to be mindful of internet safety. Avoid giving away any personal information on message boards and forums where anyone might have access to it, or sharing that information with people you haven't met in person.
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    People who love you will totally understand when you're feeling sad, stressed, or overwhelmed. Talking with friends and family who care about you can help you feel more grounded and realize that you're not alone. [12]
    • If you have friends or family members who are in similar situations, you definitely want to reach out to them so you can provide emotional support for each other.
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    It's normal to feel guilty about going out and having a good time while your spouse is away, but everybody needs a break every once in a while! You'll feel less alone when you're socializing and interacting with others, even if your spouse can't be with you. [13]
    • If you have kids, include them in outings that the whole family can enjoy, such as a short hike and picnic or a movie night.
    • You might also plan short visits to friends or family members who live further away. Spending time with them and being away from home will help you miss your spouse less.
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Section 3 of 4:

Managing Your Household

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    When you make a meal plan , you take the guesswork out of eating and can help cut down on trips to the grocery store. Prep at least a couple of options so you're not eating the same thing every night, then refrigerate or freeze individual portions for ready-made meals. [14]
    • Schedule dinner out once or twice a week for a little variety and to treat yourself. If you have kids, you might make a ritual out of this. For example, you could have pizza every Thursday night.
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    If your spouse typically took care of some of the household chores, you'll need to find a way to do those things as well. Keeping a consistent routine is the best way to ensure that nothing slips through the cracks. It also helps keep you from feeling quite as overwhelmed. [15]
    • If you have kids, make sure they understand what's going on and enlist their help. Age-appropriate chores get the kids more invested in the household.
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    When you're used to having help from your spouse, it can feel overwhelming to realize you suddenly have to do everything on your own—even if it's only for a limited period of time. If a friend or family member steps up and offers to take some of that load off your back, take them up on it! Let them know that you appreciate anything they're willing to do to make this time a little easier for you. [16]
    • It's also totally okay to ask for help if you need it! Sometimes people don't want to impose but are more than willing to do something for you if they're asked.
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    You may be capable of handling a lot, but you're not superhuman. Hire someone to give you an afternoon off if you can. Even having a friend or family member come by and watch the kids for a couple of hours while you run errands can be extremely helpful. [17]
    • Take advantage of early morning and after-school programs offered by schools and local community centers if you need a little extra time during the week.
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Section 4 of 4:

Maintaining Healthy Habits

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    Having fun is essential for your overall mental health and general outlook on life, which makes it an important part of self-care. Whether you're hanging out with friends or enjoying a quiet evening alone, don't neglect having a good time while your spouse is away. [18]
    • While it's alright to kick back with a drink every now and then, avoid drinking in excess or leaning on alcohol as a way to cope. If this is a problem for you, suggest locations or activities that don't involve drinking.
    • You might also consider taking one night a week off—leave the housekeeping chores for tomorrow, order in takeout, and cozy up with your favorite book or movie. [19]
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    Starting a meditation practice is a great way to bring mindfulness into your daily life. Being more mindful makes it easier to cope with stress and the negative feelings that might come up during your partner's absence. [20]
    • Increase your mindfulness by expressing your gratitude for things in your life. You might start a gratitude journal to help with this.
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    The stress brought on by your spouse's absence can drive you straight to the junk food aisle. The problem with this is that a diet of junk food will only make you feel worse. A little something every once in a while as a treat is fine, but try to focus on eating whole foods , including plenty of fruits and vegetables. [21]
    • For example, avocados, berries, and apples are all great snack options! To change it up, try putting sliced fruit on toast with peanut butter or cream cheese for a satisfying sweet treat.
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    You're under a lot of emotional stress so getting quality sleep is really important. Plus, if you can get to bed a little earlier, you won't feel quite so lonely in the evenings without your spouse there. [22]
    • If you have kids, it can also help to start their bedtime routines earlier. It might also take a bit longer to get the little ones down without your spouse there to help.
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    It's perfectly normal if you feel like you just need a good cry sometimes— let it out ! Close friends and family members can make great shoulders to cry on, especially someone who can empathize with what you're going through. [23]
    • If you find that you're really struggling with your emotions during your partner's absence, talking to a therapist can help as well. They can suggest different mental tools that will help you better cope.
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  • Question
    How do you deal with a traveling spouse?
    Michelle Jacoby
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Michelle Jacoby is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder and CEO of DC Matchmaking, a privately owned, boutique matchmaking company based in Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia. She is also the Co-Founder of The Matchmakers Alliance, an international industry organization for matchmakers. With over 12 years of experience, Michelle specializes in one-on-one matchmaking and group coaching to help singles find healthy, lasting relationships. She has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post, Self, and NPR. Michelle holds a BA in Psychology from George Washington University. She is also a Certified Matchmaker from The Matchmakers Institute as well as a Certified Body Language Expert from The Body Language Institute.
    Michelle Jacoby
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Focus on spending some time with your group of friends! While there's nothing wrong with missing your spouse, your overall happiness should not depend on 1 person.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    What do you do when your partner is far away?
    Michelle Jacoby
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Michelle Jacoby is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder and CEO of DC Matchmaking, a privately owned, boutique matchmaking company based in Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia. She is also the Co-Founder of The Matchmakers Alliance, an international industry organization for matchmakers. With over 12 years of experience, Michelle specializes in one-on-one matchmaking and group coaching to help singles find healthy, lasting relationships. She has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post, Self, and NPR. Michelle holds a BA in Psychology from George Washington University. She is also a Certified Matchmaker from The Matchmakers Institute as well as a Certified Body Language Expert from The Body Language Institute.
    Michelle Jacoby
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Feel free to stay in touch digitally! Shoot them a text, call them up, or even schedule a video call. It's nice to stay connected even when there's a lot of physical distance between you both.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 1 Helpful 6
  • Question
    I feel so lonely with my partner away I can hardly eat. I find it hard to sleep at night, and I can't function properly. I miss him so much I can't function.
    Community Answer
    You need a hobby. Take up painting, read a book, start an exercise regiment, etc. If you cannot function without your partner, this is a sign of co-dependence. You need to have your own life. For now, when your partner is away, change up your habits. If you normally eat at the table with him, eat in front of the TV when he's gone. Sleep on his side of the bed or on the couch. This way you won't be quite as attuned to his absence.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.military.com/spouse/military-deployment/keeping-your-sanity-during-military-deployment.html
      2. ↑ https://www.military.com/spouse/military-deployment/keeping-your-sanity-during-military-deployment.html
      3. ↑ https://www.militaryonesource.mil/deployment/on-deployment/10-tips-for-keeping-a-relationship-strong-during-deployment-and-separation/
      4. ↑ https://www.militaryonesource.mil/relationships/married-domestic-partner/managing-your-emotions-when-your-spouse-is-deployed/
      5. ↑ https://www.militaryonesource.mil/relationships/married-domestic-partner/managing-your-emotions-when-your-spouse-is-deployed/
      6. ↑ https://www.military.com/spouse/military-deployment/keeping-your-sanity-during-military-deployment.html
      7. ↑ https://www.military.com/spouse/military-deployment/keeping-your-sanity-during-military-deployment.html
      8. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/exercise-and-stress/art-20044469
      9. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1536504217742388
      1. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1536504217742388
      2. ↑ https://www.militaryonesource.mil/relationships/married-domestic-partner/managing-your-emotions-when-your-spouse-is-deployed/
      3. ↑ https://quod.lib.umich.edu/m/mfr/4919087.0012.102/--miles-that-bind-commuter-marriage-and-family-strengths?rgn=main;view=fulltext
      4. ↑ https://www.military.com/spouse/military-deployment/keeping-your-sanity-during-military-deployment.html
      5. ↑ https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/how-to-cope-when-your-partner-travels-often-for-work
      6. ↑ https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/how-to-cope-when-your-partner-travels-often-for-work
      7. ↑ https://www.military.com/spouse/military-deployment/keeping-your-sanity-during-military-deployment.html
      8. ↑ https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/how-to-cope-when-your-partner-travels-often-for-work
      9. ↑ https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/how-to-cope-when-your-partner-travels-often-for-work
      10. ↑ https://www.kidspot.com.au/parenting/married-but-single-coping-with-an-absent-husband/news-story/b3d45fa00169d3bae8a0f772e65a1def
      11. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/benefits-of-mindfulness.htm
      12. ↑ https://nutrition.org/nutrition-and-stress-a-two-way-street/
      13. ↑ https://www.militaryonesource.mil/relationships/married-domestic-partner/managing-your-emotions-when-your-spouse-is-deployed/
      14. ↑ https://www.militaryonesource.mil/relationships/married-domestic-partner/managing-your-emotions-when-your-spouse-is-deployed/

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To cope with missing your spouse while they’re away, keep yourself distracted by planning fun events that you can look forward to, like parties or movie nights with friends. You should try to stay connected to your family and friends, since they care about you and can help you feel less lonely. If your spouse is deployed, consider joining an online message board where you can chat with other people with military spouses who can empathize with your struggle. For tips on staying healthy and positive with a fitness routine, keep reading!

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