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Make moving on from a new relationship as painless as possible
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Ending a short term relationship can hurt just as much (if not more) than a long term relationship, even if they only last for a matter of weeks or months. If you’re the one to end a short term relationship, you want to do it with kindness and without hurting the other person—as much as possible. In this guide, we’ll discuss how to kindly end a short term relationship, as well as how to come to that decision and find closure for yourself after it’s done.
Things You Should Know
- End a short term relationship respectfully by breaking up with your partner in person. Meet them in a neutral space, like a cafe or park.
- Be direct and honest about your reasons for wanting to break up. Try to avoid giving vague answers about why you’re ending the relationship.
- Focus on your needs rather than blaming your partner. Instead of saying something like “You’re controlling,” try, “I need more space in my life right now.”
Steps
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Meet in person at a neutral location with some degree of privacy. Try to avoid either party’s residence, but especially yours, since you’re the one doing the breaking up. A neutral space, like a park or cafe, will help keep everyone’s reactions low-key and allow you to exit quickly if needed. [1] X Research source
- Although it can be difficult or awkward, ending the relationship in person is the best way to break up with someone as painlessly as possible .
- If it's impossible to talk face-to-face, call your partner or video chat with them. Try to avoid ending a short-term relationship over text, email, or social media.
- Don’t break up by avoiding your partner or "ghosting." Be sure to treat your partner with respect.
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Take responsibility for your decision. Be clear and honest about the reasons why you want to end the relationship and why it's the best decision for you. Use "I" statements to avoid blaming your partner or other life circumstances for the break up. [2] X Research source
- For example, don’t say, “You are too controlling.” Instead, say, “I need more space in my life right now.”
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Make it clear that you’re breaking up with them. Tell your partner that you don’t think it’s best to continue the relationship and make sure that they understand you’re not looking to fix things. Make sure there's no confusion about what's happening. [3] X Research source
- Say something definitive like, “I think the relationship is over, and I need to move on," or "I know this isn't what you want, but it is what I need."
- Avoid saying something like “We can still be friends” unless you really mean it. Even so, it’s probably best for both of you to take some time and heal before becoming friends again.
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Remain firm in your decision. Your partner may not want to end the relationship. They may cry, get upset, or beg you to reconsider. Remain calm and be compassionate, but don’t allow their reaction or behavior to change your mind. [4] X Research source
- Say something like, “I really hate to hurt you like this, but this is what is best for me.”
- If your partner is upset, listen to them. You had a chance to say your piece, so give them the same opportunity.
- However, don’t try to comfort them or make them feel better. It’s not healthy (for you or them) to be your ex’s support system after a breakup.
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Leave as soon as you're done breaking up with them. Your partner may not react to the news of your breakup well. They may cry or raise their voice, which is normal. However, some people may become angry or physically threatening, which is another reason why it is important to break up with your partner in a public space rather than in either party’s residence. [5] X Research source
- If you think that your partner may become violent, consider breaking up over the phone instead of face-to-face.
- If you think you are in danger, call the police. Don't hesitate if you feel your safety is threatened — trust your instincts and call for help.
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Reflect on your feelings before doing anything drastic. Examine all of the reasons why you want to end the relationship. Make a pros and cons list to outline the reasons the relationship won’t work. This list will help you be sure that you are making the right decision by ending the relationship early. [6] X Research source
- You may feel guilty or uncertain. That’s normal. You don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings, or you may feel like you should give the relationship more time to see if your feelings change.
- Ultimately, only you know if you should continue dating someone .
- Consider whether you feel connected to the person, whether you see a future with them, and whether or not your positive experiences with them outweigh the negatives.
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Decide to end the relationship as soon as you know it has no future. When you know your heart’s not in it, dragging out a relationship may create more pain for everyone involved. In this case, it is often best to decide to end the relationship early and talk to your partner about it. [7] X Research source
- If you think the relationship might be healed, consider giving it more time.
- Some people don’t date for long-term partnerships and just want to have fun and spend time with another person.
- If you are still enjoying your time with your partner but don’t see a future together, make sure you and your partner are on the same page about this so they don’t feel misled.
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Make it a clean break by going no contact for a while. Cut off all contact, at least for some time after the break up. Stop calling or texting your ex, and unfollow or mute them on your social media accounts. Calls and texts immediately after a breakup can be confusing for both sides. Both you and your ex need time to heal and move on . [8] X Research source
- If your ex calls you, politely say, “I need some space. Please do not contact me for now.”
- Do not respond to any further communication. If they continue to contact you, ignore them rather than continue to engage with them and repeat your requests for them to stop.
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Resist the urge to meet up with your ex after the breakup. Breakups, even from short-term relationships, can be difficult. You or your ex might feel guilty or lonely and could become vulnerable and possibly do something that you will regret in a face-to-face meet-up. It is important to give yourself and your ex time to heal. [9] X Research source
- Spend time with your friends and keep busy, distracting yourself with plenty of activities.
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Set boundaries if you want to keep them in your life. Let your ex know if (and when) you’ll be ready to resume contact or become friends again. If you have mutual friends or friends in common, set boundaries around hanging out with your ex at group events or your friends talking about your ex in front of you. [10] X Research source
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Recognize that short term relationships can be painful. You may feel silly being so sad over a relationship that only lasted a few months, but short term relationship breakups can be just as painful as any breakup. [11] X Research source Embrace whatever you’re feeling in the aftermath of your breakup.
- Often, people in short term relationships grow more attached to the idea of a person, rather than who they really are.
- By ending a relationship early, you may feel like you have unfinished business with that partner or high expectations that were never met.
- Allow yourself time to grieve the relationship and the potential you may have seen in the relationship. Even if you were the one to end it, you still have a right to feel sad.
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Practice self-care. Find calming activities that help you reflect on the short term relationship and rediscover yourself . Keep a journal if you don’t already, and make time for new hobbies and interests. Lean on your loved ones and let them support you as you heal from this break up. [12] X Research source
- Use positive affirmations and set new goals for what you want in the next chapter of your life.
- If possible, being single is a great time to solo travel and explore more of the world (and yourself!).
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Start dating again when you’re ready. After taking some time to reconnect with yourself, go ahead and get back out there! Join dating apps or ask your pals to set you up with any single friends. Forgive your ex for whatever happened, and let go of that relationship so you can move on to one that better fits you and your life.
- Make sure you’ve mostly healed before reentering the dating pool.
- Dating someone new (or rebounding) before you’re ready can make you feel guilty and possibly hurt your new partner when they realize you still have unresolved feelings about your ex.
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End a Relationship Peacefully with this Expert Series
Breaking up with someone is never easy. We've put together these expert articles to help you make it as painless as possible.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat does a short-term relationship mean?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).A short-term relationship means that there is no commitment or plan for the long run. Each person is free to come and go.
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QuestionWhat defines a long-term relationship?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).A long-term relationship has a common goal of remaining together into the future and being open to forever. Usually, in this kind of relationship, there is a good amount of overlap between goals, friendships, and family.
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QuestionWhat should I say to break up with a girl?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).Be open, direct, and honest, but tactful and kind. Keep the focus on yourself (i.e., "I am not happy in this relationship so I need to stop seeing you.").
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Tips
- While choosing a public space for a break up is good, it should be somewhere quiet where you can have some privacy, so avoid busy or crowded locations like bars or restaurants.Thanks
- Everyone defines “short term relationship” differently, especially with new terms like situationship becoming popular.Thanks
- A short term relationship typically ranges from a few weeks to under a year, and usually doesn’t carry the expectation of long term commitments like marriage.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201509/4-ways-break-someone-compassionately
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201509/4-ways-break-someone-compassionately
- ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/art-of-dating/break-ups-divorce/how-to-break-up-without-being-a-jerk/#h-communicating-clearly-during-the-breakup
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/the-right-way-to-break-up-with
- ↑ http://theartofcharm.com/break-ups-divorce/how-to-break-up-without-being-a-jerk/
- ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/art-of-dating/break-ups-divorce/how-to-break-up-without-being-a-jerk/#h-communicating-clearly-during-the-breakup
- ↑ https://lifesupportscounselling.com.au/resources/blogs/how-to-know-when-a-relationship-is-over-and-how-to-move-forwards-once-it-ends/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201612/4-reasons-end-contact-your-ex
- ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/art-of-dating/break-ups-divorce/how-to-break-up-without-being-a-jerk/#h-communicating-clearly-during-the-breakup
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