So how do you actually talk to girls?

12/09/24 7:52pm

I’m (16 m) not very good at talking to girls. I just get all clammy and awkward whenever I talk to someone I like. Sometimes, I even get weird talking to girls I only see as friends. I just want to feel normal and not so shy when I talk to girls. Do you have any advice?

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach

12/10/24 11:37pm

I'm a firm believer that the problem with talking to someone you like is that you know you have that intention in your heart. I think women can pick up on that very quickly and it triggers a defense mechanism. I would recommend just taking a deep breath, letting go of that intention, and just trying to talk to them like they’re anyone else.

I also recommend using your environment to get conversation going. So, for example, when I would work with a client, we might go to a bookstore. Let's say a girl is looking at a couple of books on a bookshelf. I might tell the client to go and ask if she’s looking at anything interesting. Then, from there, you can sort of let her engage navigate the conversation. You might see she’s holding a mystery book and say, “I’m new to the mystery genre! What would you recommend?” It’s all about using things in your environment to get a footing in the convo. And from that, now you can build on the conversation and take it to the next level. It becomes natural once you have that mutual connection in the environment. But you have to get to the point where that natural tempo can breathe, and that takes getting through the opening.

WikiBirdGlider597

12/11/24 8:42am

I used to get nervous around girls too. But then I learned that listening more than you speak is a hack that makes people think you're a great conversationalist without you actually having to talk as much. Just be genuinely interested in the other person. Smile and nod a lot and act eager to hear what they have to say. Ask open-ended questions and follow up questions so the other person is doing most of the talking.

WikiGibbonDriver142

12/11/24 10:49pm

Three words: practice, practice, practice. Just force yourself to start conversations with girls and carry them for as long as you can. At first, it might be awkward and uncomfortable. But as you get more and more experiencing talking to them, it will become less stressful and will come more naturally to you. Good luck!

WikiDolphinDriver990

12/12/24 6:53pm

Have you considered figuring out why you get nervous around girls? You can try to get better at talking to girls but I feel like there might be a bigger underlying problem here. Maybe you need to build up your self confidence or self esteem so you're not so nervous around girls. They're people just like you. Talk to them like they're one of the homies.