So how do you actually talk to girls?
I’m (16 m) not very good at talking to girls. I just get all clammy and awkward whenever I talk to someone I like. Sometimes, I even get weird talking to girls I only see as friends. I just want to feel normal and not so shy when I talk to girls. Do you have any advice?
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Expert Comments
To be honest, I don’t know too many people who are super comfortable talking to the opposite sex, especially if it’s someone they like. Remember, you’re 16 and still learning about yourself so don’t think that the person that you are today is the person you’ll be tomorrow. If you want to work on talking to girls, you can start by doing so online to be a little bit more comfortable. In person, make small talk. It doesn’t have to be earth shattering conversation. Use your body language. Smile and be pleasant. You don’t have to be a master at talking to girls to get comfortable but you do have to start somewhere. Keep practicing, you’ll get there.
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I'm a firm believer that the problem with talking to someone you like is that you know you have that intention in your heart. I think women can pick up on that very quickly and it triggers a defense mechanism. I would recommend just taking a deep breath, letting go of that intention, and just trying to talk to them like they’re anyone else.
I also recommend using your environment to get conversation going. So, for example, when I would work with a client, we might go to a bookstore. Let's say a girl is looking at a couple of books on a bookshelf. I might tell the client to go and ask if she’s looking at anything interesting. Then, from there, you can sort of let her engage navigate the conversation. You might see she’s holding a mystery book and say, “I’m new to the mystery genre! What would you recommend?” It’s all about using things in your environment to get a footing in the convo. And from that, now you can build on the conversation and take it to the next level. It becomes natural once you have that mutual connection in the environment. But you have to get to the point where that natural tempo can breathe, and that takes getting through the opening.
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I also recommend using your environment to get conversation going. So, for example, when I would work with a client, we might go to a bookstore. Let's say a girl is looking at a couple of books on a bookshelf. I might tell the client to go and ask if she’s looking at anything interesting. Then, from there, you can sort of let her engage navigate the conversation. You might see she’s holding a mystery book and say, “I’m new to the mystery genre! What would you recommend?” It’s all about using things in your environment to get a footing in the convo. And from that, now you can build on the conversation and take it to the next level. It becomes natural once you have that mutual connection in the environment. But you have to get to the point where that natural tempo can breathe, and that takes getting through the opening.
Reader Comments
Have you considered figuring out why you get nervous around girls? You can try to get better at talking to girls but I feel like there might be a bigger underlying problem here. Maybe you need to build up your self confidence or self esteem so you're not so nervous around girls. They're people just like you. Talk to them like they're one of the homies.
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Three words: practice, practice, practice. Just force yourself to start conversations with girls and carry them for as long as you can. At first, it might be awkward and uncomfortable. But as you get more and more experiencing talking to them, it will become less stressful and will come more naturally to you. Good luck!
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Try to pinpoint what about your behavior around girls is "weird" and tackle one thing at a time so it doesn't feel so overwhelming. For example, if you notice that when you talk to girls you stutter, avoid eye contact, talk too fast, fidget, and overshare, just pick one to work on first. In that example, you might start out by saying to yourself "The next time I talk to a girl, I'm going to make sure I actually look at her instead of at the ground." Once you get that down, you can move on to the next thing!
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I'm a girl and honestly? Just be yourself! Treat them how you want to be treated! Also, I would recommend not forcing yourself and talking to them when you want to. (I'm not the best at explaining so I hope you get what I'm trying to say)
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I’m a guy and if you don’t know what to do when your approaching her take a deep breath talk yourself up then make your approach don’t stand there for to long and when you’re talking to her, be honest, be kind and have a good posture and keep the conversation going.
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I myself am a girl, and I say, be yourself! And don´t worry about how you look. I view my crush the same, whether he just came back from P.E and is all sweaty, or if his hair is slicked back for a school dance. Just be kind and considerate, and thats key.
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I myself am a girl, and we don't like fakers. Be yourself! Be kind and don´t worry about how you look. Honestly, I view my crush the same, whether he just came from P.E and is all sweaty, or if he has his hair slicked back for a school dance. I personally don´t care how their hair looks or what they wear. They just have to be nice and considerate!
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It's not as easy as just talking, also since people can get shy, nervous or even scared since this may be new to them. But I guess some people can just talk to them so I kind of get what you were trying to say.
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Girls always say that but if you saw how we usally mess around with 'the boys' you would get mad at us and say we're rude and toxic
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Lol she didn't know we make rizz lines and other cringed things up and we talk about smoking not drinking
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I used to get nervous around girls too. But then I learned that listening more than you speak is a hack that makes people think you're a great conversationalist without you actually having to talk as much. Just be genuinely interested in the other person. Smile and nod a lot and act eager to hear what they have to say. Ask open-ended questions and follow up questions so the other person is doing most of the talking.
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Just breath… treat girl/females with respect, and just talk, remember they may be just as nervous of talking to you, so just be nice and kind.. you’ll be surprised how much that will be appreciated.
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Well I wouldn't say that, but I guess if it's nice to you then alright. But some people seem to be uncomfortable with you saying that but hey- good for you.
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