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Preserve your relationships with these kind excuses
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When a family member, friend, or acquaintance asks you for money, it can feel uncomfortable or even rude to simply say, “No.” While no is an acceptable answer, coming up with a polite excuse is a diplomatic way to let your loved one down gently while minimizing hurt feelings and awkwardness. In this article, we’ll share good excuses to give your friends and family for not lending them money. We also spoke with several financial advisors and clinical therapists to learn how to say no and offer other ways to help your loved ones out.
The Best Excuses for Not Giving Family or Friends Money
- “I’m not currently in a position to lend you money right now.”
- “I don’t want to hurt our relationship, so I’m not comfortable giving you money.”
- “I can’t afford to lend you money. My budget is too tight right now.”
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Section 1 of 3:
Excuses for Not Giving Money
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“I don’t want lending money to hurt our relationship.” Financial advisor Jonathan DeYoe says you can “really risk the friendship” when you lend someone money and they end up not being able to pay you back. Not only is this excuse a valid reason not to lend your friend or family member money, but it shows that you care about them, which can alleviate any disappointment or hurt feelings.
- “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you the money. I’m worried that this would ruin our friendship, which I care too much about.”
- “I’m afraid lending you money would hurt our relationship, so I have to say no.”
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“I have a policy against lending money.” Saying this excuse makes it clear to your friend, family member, or acquaintance that not lending money is simply a personal philosophy of yours. This helps prevent them from taking your “No” personally, which limits any awkwardness or disappointment. [1] X Research source
- “I’m sorry, but it’s my personal rule to not lend friends or family money. I hope you can understand that.”
- “It’s nothing personal, but I simply don’t lend money to other people. Thank you for understanding.”
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“I’m not in a position to lend money right now.” This excuse communicates to your friends and family that you’re not in good financial standing to lend them money, whether that’s the truth or simply because you don’t feel comfortable doing so. There’s no need to get specific, as this excuse works best by remaining vague. [2] X Research source
- “Lending you money isn’t really feasible for me right now.”
- “I’m sorry, but it’s not possible for me to give you money at this time.”
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“I’m sorry, but I’m not comfortable with lending you money.” Sometimes, honesty is the best policy. Just keep your response kind but firm by focusing the excuse on yourself and maintaining open and relaxed body language . [3] X Research source For instance, don’t criticize the person or bring up your reasons for being uncomfortable lending them money.
- “I’m uncomfortable with lending out money, so I’m sorry but I have to say no.”
- “I really don’t feel comfortable lending money, I’m sorry.”
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“My budget is tight, so I can only afford the essentials right now.” Your friends and family are more likely to understand that you can’t lend them some cash if money is currently tight for you. Since your needs are also important, they might be less likely to question your decision or feel upset by it. [4] X Research source
- “I’m sorry, I’m already capped out on my budget this month. I can’t afford to lend any extra money at this time.”
- “I’m sorry, things are tight right now. With my current budget, I can’t afford to give you money.”
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“My housing costs went up, so I can’t afford to give you money.” Unexpected house emergencies happen, like a surprise rent raise or a broken AC unit. Your family and friends are unlikely to argue if they know you’re dealing with a pricey housing issue. After all, your safety and comfort are important, too.
- “I’m sorry, the bank just raised my mortgage payments. I don’t have the money to lend to you.”
- “Our AC unit just broke down and we have to replace it. I’m sorry, but I don’t have any spare cash to give you.”
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“I don’t have room in my budget to help out because I’m saving for…” Most people have something they’re saving money for, whether that’s building up an emergency fund, paying off loans, or planning a big trip. If your friends or family know that you have more pressing priorities, they’ll be more likely to understand and accept your “No.” [5] X Research source
- “My loans are piling up and I’m saving money to pay them off. So I’m sorry, but I can’t afford to lend you money.”
- “I’m sorry, but I don’t have any spare cash to lend right now. I’m saving up to put a down payment on a house I fell in love with.”
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“I’m sorry, I’m already giving money to someone else.” This excuse shows your friend or family member that you’d love to help out, but you’re already lending your extra money to another person. For instance, you might’ve spotted a relative money, donated to a local cause, or sponsored a charity.
- “I just promised to loan my brother cash, so I’m sorry, but I can’t afford to lend you money, too.”
- “I’m sorry, I just donated money to the local animal shelter. I don’t have room in my budget to lend you money, too.”
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“My money is tied up in savings accounts, so I can’t give you a loan.” If you’re financially savvy, you might be investing your money in stocks or growing your funds in savings accounts. There are often rules or fees about taking out your money, which makes this a good excuse for not being able to lend friends or family cash.
- “I’m sorry, all of my spare cash is invested in stocks. I don’t have any money to lend you right now.”
- “I put all of my money in my retirement account, so unfortunately, I can’t give you money at this moment.”
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“I’m sorry, but no.” At the end of the day, you don’t need an excuse for not giving someone money—a kind but firm “No” is answer enough. While saying no can be hard or feel rude, especially when a friend or family member is in need, it’s important to remember that you don’t need to justify what you do with your money. [6] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- If you’re not used to telling people no, it might make you feel upset or guilty to say it. Clinical psychologist Dr. Sirvart Mesrobian encourages you to remember that “your emotions and self-care is not something you should be apologetic for.” She says, “Other people’s struggle accepting a no response is not something you are accountable for,” either.
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Section 2 of 3:
How to Say Politely Say No to Someone Asking for Money
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Be direct and brief, but kind. Keep your “No” short, sweet, and simple by using definitive but polite language. [7] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Clinical psychologist Dr. Asa Don Brown says, “Always be respectful of others when conveying your desires.” He recommends using “a peaceful and calm voice” when saying “No” to your friend or family member asking for money.
- For instance, you might say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t lend you money.”
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Use “I” language to explain your reasoning. When telling someone no, clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer says, “Think about the why behind your feelings.” She recommends you “ use ‘I statements’ with an emotion attached” to explain yourself.
- For instance, you might say, “I don’t feel comfortable doing this because I feel like it could hurt our relationship.”
- Tenzer says using “I” language allows the person “to validate and empathize with your feelings” without feeling criticized or defensive. It also helps you “feel empowered.”
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Be empathetic and offer to help in a different way, if possible. If your friend or family member is asking you for money, they might be in a tough situation and feel very vulnerable. While you shouldn’t feel guilty for saying, “No,” it’s still important to be empathetic and understanding of their situation. Follow up your, “No,” with an offer to help them out in another way, if you can. [8] X Research source
- For example, you might say, “I’m sorry, I understand this is a difficult time for you and I want to be there for you. While I can’t lend you money, I can work with you to create a budget to help manage your finances.”
- We’ve compiled a list of helpful alternatives to giving your friend or family member money in the section below .
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Ask for time to think if you feel pressured in the moment. Tenzer says “It can be very beneficial to think before you act, meaning do not respond to things right away or under distress.” If you’re feeling uncomfortable or pressured to answer someone about giving them money, she recommends “allow[ing] yourself to think about it.” This gives you time to “create a plan to move forward” and come up with a polite but firm response.
- For instance, you might say, “Let me think about it before I give you my answer.”
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Politely and firmly repeat your decision if they keep asking. If your friend or family member doesn’t take your “No” for an answer, stand your ground. Kindly but assertively tell them that you can’t give them the money and that you aren’t changing your mind. [9] X Research source
- For example, you might say, “Like I already said, I can’t afford to lend you money right now. Please understand that I’m not changing my mind on this.”
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Set boundaries about lending money in the future. Setting boundaries helps keep your relationships healthy and improves your well-being. [10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Dr. Brown suggests you define your boundaries about lending money “with an ‘I-statement.’” He says this helps you “refrain from using language that is accusatory” and that “suggests that they are to blame for the boundary” even if “you have established the boundary because of someone else.”
- After you set your boundary, Brown recommends giving the person time to “process and digest the request.” He says, “Remind the individual that you deeply care about them and that this is not a reflection of their worth. Inform the individual that this is important and that you would not have requested it otherwise.”
- For example, you might say, “I am not comfortable with lending anyone money and I don’t appreciate you trying to guilt me into doing something I’m not comfortable with. Please understand that I do care about you and this isn’t personal. I am happy to help you in other ways, if you ask.”
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Tips
- If you decide to loan a friend or family member money, DeYoe suggests you “understand the terms” together and then “write [them] down.” When you write the loan agreement , be clear about how much money you’re loaning them, how and when they’ll make payments, and if you’ll charge interest or fees if they make late payments.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2024/05/08/1248683940/the-dos-and-donts-of-lending-money
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2024/05/08/1248683940/the-dos-and-donts-of-lending-money
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/of-prisons-and-pathos/202105/how-and-why-to-say-no
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2024/05/08/1248683940/the-dos-and-donts-of-lending-money
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-we-work/201302/nine-practices-to-help-you-say-no
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2013/11/say-no
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2013/11/say-no
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2024/05/08/1248683940/the-dos-and-donts-of-lending-money
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-we-work/201302/nine-practices-to-help-you-say-no
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-to-say-no
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2024/05/08/1248683940/the-dos-and-donts-of-lending-money
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/of-prisons-and-pathos/202105/how-and-why-to-say-no
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2024/05/08/1248683940/the-dos-and-donts-of-lending-money
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