How to Have Great Sex After Having a Baby

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Having a baby will change your entire life. You will feel different emotions, your schedule will change, and your body will definitely feel different. You may feel anxious about having sex again after a baby. That's normal. There are many things you can do to have a good sex life after having a baby. The most important thing is to remember to take care of yourself.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Getting Your Body Physically Ready for Sex

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  1. Your body goes through a lot giving birth. It is normal to take time to recover. Most caregivers recommend that you abstain from intercourse for at least 4 weeks after you give birth. [1]
    • It is unsafe to have intercourse less than 2 weeks after having a baby. Your body is likely still bleeding and you risk hemorrhaging or contracting an infection. 4 weeks is generally considered safer than 2 weeks.
    • If you have had stitches, your caregiver will likely advise you to wait until you have your 6 week postpartum check-up.
    • A perineal tear, a c-section, or an episiotomy are all potential reasons that you might have stitches. These procedures all require extra healing time.
  2. It is important to abstain from intercourse until after your doctor clears you for sex. Your healthcare provider might require you to come in for a check-up before giving you the all-clear. Remember, this is to help your body recover. [2]
    • Your follow-up appointment is a great time to ask your doctor questions. You can ask about your recovery in general, but you can also have an honest conversation about post-baby sex.
    • Prepare a list of questions in advance. That way, you will be more likely to remember to ask about everything that has been on your mind.
    • You can ask questions such as, "Are there any precautions that I need to take when having sex for the first time?" and "If there is discomfort, how can I ease that?"
  3. Maybe you've been looking forward to receiving the all-clear from your doctor to resume having sex. If he advises you to wait a while longer after your 6-week checkup, that can be disappointing. However, it is important that you follow any medical instructions that you receive after having a baby. [3]
    • If you had a c-section or perineal tearing, you may need additional time to heal. You can risk a setback and further wounding your body if you don't wait.
    • If your doctor says your body is ready for sex, that's great news. But listen to any other advice offered. For example, if you are told to take it slow and easy, do so. If lubricant is recommended, make sure to get some.
  4. You are the only one who knows for sure if you are ready to begin having sex again. Even if your doctor says you are physically ready, you may feel like you need more time. Many women are especially sensitive for several months after giving birth. [4]
    • Vaginal dryness is a common problem, especially if you are breastfeeding. You may continue to experience this for the duration of breastfeeding.
    • Lubricants can help. However, if you feel discomfort or pain, it is perfectly fine to hold off on having sex.
    • Pay attention to your body's needs. If the thought of having sex makes you anxious, that is probably a sign that you need to wait longer. And that's fine.
  5. When you have a new baby, your life revolves around feeding, changing, and caring for that infant. Both parents are likely suffering from a severe lack of sleep. It is no secret that your sex drive is negatively impacted by not getting enough rest.
    • Before you will feel like having great sex again, you'll need to start getting more sleep. This might seem impossible, but it is important for your sex life.
    • However, the correlation between sex and sleep goes both ways. Having sex can actually help you sleep more restfully.
    • Even if you are exhausted, try having sex if you feel physically capable. The few hours of sleep you grab will feel more restful.
    • Once you start getting more sleep, you'll feel more motivated to have more sex. It is a cycle.
    • Try going to bed a half hour earlier. Make this a time specifically for sex.
Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Checking in With Your Emotions

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  1. When you have a new baby, you are going through a lot of changes. These changes aren't just physical. Pay attention to the emotional shifts that are occurring, too. Your emotional well-being is important when you are reestablishing a sexual connection with your partner. [5]
    • Start by accepting the changes that have happened. For example, you may notice that your breasts feel and look much differently.
    • That's normal. Try not to let your feelings about your body impact your desire to have sex.
    • Another common worry is that your body will feel differently to your partner after you give birth. It's possible that it might.
    • Accept that your body has physically changed, and that sex will be different for both of you. But that does not mean that it is not still good.
  2. Pregnancy and giving birth greatly affect your hormones. Your hormones likely will not return to normal until you start menstruating again. For many women, this doesn't happen until for anywhere from 4-12 weeks after giving birth. [6]
    • When your hormones are out of balance, your sex drive can vary. Many women will feel ready to have sex, but just as many won't feel ready for several months.
    • Remember that feeling either way is fine. And it's normal for your feelings to shift from day to day, and even hour to hour.
    • You will also be spending most hours of the day holding and caring for your newborn. When it's finally time to take a break, you may feel the need for some personal space. It's ok if you don't feel like being touched.
  3. Try not to think too much about what other people do. Your sex life is between you and your partner. You two should resume having sex when it is right for you. Having a great sex life after a baby may take some adjustments, which is normal. The best thing you can do is to be patient with yourself and with your partner. [7]
    • Some couples begin having sex 1 month after giving birth. Others prefer to wait 6 months. Give yourself time to feel ready to be intimate again.
    • If you feel nervous about sex, you won't feel aroused. Wait to try until you feel ready.
    • Take it slow. Once you feel ready for sex, be gentle and take the process slowly. This can help ease your fears about physical discomfort.
    • Remember—after you give birth and start caring for your child, your body is hyper-vigilant and on high alert. It takes about 5 years for your body to go back to the way it was before.
  4. It's hard to feel sexy when you are exhausted and stressed. Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically can do wonders for your sex life. Pamper yourself a little. You will feel relaxed and ready for amazing sex with your partner. [8]
    • Allow family and friends to help. When you're a new parent, you might feel the need to be with your baby 24/7, which is normal.
    • If a trusted family member or friend offers to give you a break, take them up on their offer. You and your partner deserve a little time for yourself.
    • Consider treating yourself and your partner to a relaxing activity. It might feel good to get a couples massage or go out for dinner.
    • Spending some time together as a couple can help you reconnect. This can inspire both of you to put more focus on recharging your sex life.
  5. It can be difficult to feel sexy after giving birth. Maybe you are stressed about losing the baby weight. Or perhaps you're uncomfortable looking at your stretch marks. If you don't feel confident in your body, it can be difficult to feel interested in sex. [9]
    • In order to start having great sex again, it's important to try to regain your confidence in your body. Remind yourself that your body is amazing--giving birth is no small accomplishment!
    • If you feel up to it, start getting some exercise. You can take a long walk or attend a post-natal yoga class.
    • Physical exercise can increase your confidence levels. Just make sure to clear it with your doctor before you resume your workouts.
    • Try cleaning yourself up. It can be easy to forget to shower or put on actual clothes when you're a new parent.
    • When you feel ready, dry your hair and put on an outfit that makes you feel good. This can make you feel more like yourself again, and ready for sex.
Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Communicating With Your Partner

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  1. The key to having great sex is to be open and honest with your partner about how you're feeling physically and emotionally. This is especially true after you have a baby. You have both experienced a major life change. This warrants a discussion about how your sex life will change. [10]
    • Share your feelings. If you are nervous about having sex, talk to your partner.
    • Try saying something like, "I'm still experiencing a lot of tenderness. I am a little anxious about having sex."
    • If your partner is the one who gave birth, you may have your own concerns. Try sharing by saying, "I'm worried that I will hurt you or cause you pain during sex."
    • Validate one another's emotions by listening. By talking to each other, you can connect and exhibit trust.
  2. If you are not ready to start having intercourse yet, that's ok. There are other ways that you can reestablish an intimate connection with your partner. Talk to one other about ways that appeal to you both. [11]
    • Give each other massages. Light some candles, get some scented oils, and help each other relax. You'll feel physically connected without the anxiety.
    • Take a shower together. Let the steam and scented soaps help you feel sexual with each other. You could also try a bubble bath.
    • Touch each other. Hold hands, cuddle during a movie, and kiss each other multiple times throughout the day.
  3. You may not be able to immediately resume your normal sexual preferences. For example, missionary position can feel uncomfortable to women who have recently given birth. Consider trying alternate positions so that you can both enjoy sex. [12]
    • During postpartum sex, it can be helpful to let the woman control the pace and pressure.
    • Try a woman on top position. This way, the female can set the tone during sex.
    • Side-by-side can also be a great way to make sex feel good to both of you. This position typically causes penetration to be less deep, which can be helpful for someone who is healing.
    • Communicate during sex. Tell your partner what feels good and what doesn't.
    Emily Morse, Author & Sex Therapist

    Prioritize finding out what works for you. "The best thing you can do for your sexual confidence is taking the time to learn what feels good for your body."

  4. Life after having a baby can be very hectic. You are likely both sleeping much less and a bit stressed from additional responsibility. Try to make time for your relationship, despite the challenges.
    • Go on a date night. Ask a family member to come over. Take some time for an adult dinner and movie out of the house.
    • If a sitter isn't feasible, have a date night at home. When the baby is sleeping, take some time to cuddle on the couch and catch up on your Netflix shows.
    • Take time to focus on your relationship outside of parenthood. On your dates, make sure to talk about something other than the baby.
    • Talk to each other about outside interests. When you're a new parent, it's natural to focus on sleep schedules and breastfeeding, but don't forget that you and your partner are attracted to each other for other reasons.
  5. Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. Sometimes you need to put in some extra effort to make sure that you devote enough time to that component of your relationship. If you find that you're not having enough sex, try scheduling it. [13]
    • Make a sex date. You can work this into your schedule the same way that you plan things like doctors appointments and paying the bills.
    • This may not seem totally romantic, but it is worth it. Once you get in the habit of having regular sex again, you will no longer need to plan it in advance.
    • You may schedule the act itself, but that doesn't mean that your lovemaking has to be routine. Surprise each other by trying some new moves.
    • It's okay to be flexible. You'll have to work around your baby's schedule. But make sure to keep your sex date, even if it has to be pushed back or moved forward. If necessary, skip the housework for once.
  6. The most important thing you can do to encourage great sex is to be emotionally supportive of one another. Being a new parent is an amazing experience, but it definitely comes with challenges. Make sure that you and your partner help each other out. [14]
    • Encourage one another. Say things like, "You're a great mom. And that makes me love you even more."
    • You will likely find that parenthood deepens your connection. Which is an excellent way to help your sex life be fantastic.

Rekindle Your Sex Life with this Expert Series

Has sex gotten boring or predictable in your relationship? We've put together these expert articles to help you spice up your sex life.
1
Make Sex Important in a Relationship
2
Enjoy Phone Sex
3
Have Great Sex After Having a Baby
4
Enjoy Sex in a Long Term Relationship
5
Increase Libido
6
Have Sex During Your Period

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.babycenter.com/0_lets-talk-about-sex-after-the-baby_11802.bc
      2. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/sex-after-pregnancy/art-20045669
      3. ↑ https://www.babycenter.com/0_lets-talk-about-sex-after-the-baby_11802.bc
      4. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/sex-after-pregnancy/art-20045669
      5. ↑ https://www.parents.com/parenting/relationships/sex-and-marriage-after-baby/how-to-have-great-postpartum-sex/
      6. ↑ https://www.parents.com/parenting/relationships/sex-and-marriage-after-baby/how-to-have-great-postpartum-sex/
      7. ↑ https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a536362/sex-after-the-birth
      8. ↑ https://www.whattoexpect.com/family/6-common-sex-after-pregnancy-problems-and-solutions
      9. ↑ https://www.whattoexpect.com/family/6-common-sex-after-pregnancy-problems-and-solutions
      1. ↑ https://www.parents.com/parenting/relationships/sex-and-marriage-after-baby/how-to-have-great-postpartum-sex/
      2. ↑ https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a536362/sex-after-the-birth
      3. ↑ https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/week-6/ease-into-sex.aspx
      4. ↑ https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/21/marriage-and-sex-schedule-sex_n_1784519.html
      5. ↑ https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a536362/sex-after-the-birth

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Feeling anxious about having sex again after having a baby is totally normal, but there are several things you can do to prepare your body and mind to have great sex. Your body goes through a lot giving birth, so make sure to take time to recover. Most doctors recommend allowing your body to heal for at least 4 weeks after giving birth before having intercourse again. Even if your doctor has given you the okay, listen to your body. If the thought of having sex makes you anxious, then you probably need to wait a little longer. You’ll also want to consider that your body may need lubricants to reduce discomfort since vaginal dryness is a common problem after childbirth. If you’re feeling anxious that your body will feel different to your partner, do your best to accept that this doesn’t necessarily mean that sex won’t feel as good. And remember, it’s hard to feel sexy when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, so take care of yourself first. To learn how to communicate with your partner about having sex after having a baby, keep reading!

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      • Moldini Amanda

        Jul 18, 2018

        "It helps me a lot because it made me be aware of having sex after giving birth. "
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