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Dating and building a relationship is fine, but sometimes you just want to scratch an itch—and a one-night stand is one way to do that. A quick hook-up with no expectations can take away relationship pressure and allow you to open up and really have fun. The important thing is not to be too casual about your casual sex. Read on for tips on how to stay safe, healthy, and emotionally balanced while you have a little fun.
Things You Should Know
- Make sure people you know and trust are aware of who you're going to be with and what you're going to be doing. Use protection against pregnancy and STIs.
- Tell your potential partner about your expectations so you're both on the same page. Feel free to experiment sexually and be open about your desires.
- Have an exit strategy in place to avoid awkward moments in the morning.
Steps
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Tell a friend where you're going to be and who you're going to be with. This is important no matter what, but it's especially important if you're hooking up with a relative stranger who you haven't spent much time with. Send a text to someone you trust who's local and let them know the details of your encounter. [1] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to source
- For example, you might text, "Bob Smith who I met at Hot Bar tonight is coming home with me! Please call if you don't hear from me before 8 a.m. tomorrow morning."
- If you're going to the other person's home or to a hotel, give your friend the address and apartment or room number so they know exactly where you are.
- Don't just spring this on someone out of the blue! Talk to your friend ahead of time and ask if they're willing to be your contact person. You might say, "I'm thinking about having a one-night stand this weekend. Would you be willing to text or call me and make sure I'm safe?"
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Protect yourself against pregnancy and STIs. If you don't want the encounter to last beyond one night, that means making sure you don't pick up an STI or have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy. Always plan on having protected sex and make sure any potential partner is good with that as well. If you're going to be using condoms, have your own with you—don't rely on the other person to have them. [2] X Research source
- Discuss safer sex with them before you start getting physical. If your potential partner is reluctant or refuses to wear protection, find someone else. That person doesn't respect themselves or you.
- Get tested for STIs at least once every 6 months if you've been sexually active with more than one person. Let your potential partner know when you last had an STI test and what the results were. [3] X Research source
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Ask the person to come over to your place. You'll likely feel safer if the person comes over to your place. You'll be comfortable there and know where everything is. It's a lot easier than going to a stranger's place for the first time. [4] X Research source
- You're more likely to fully enjoy the experience if you're in your own territory and can relax and feel comfortable.
- Safety is always important as well. If you're at home, you're at least at a place where friends and family will know to look for you if something happens.
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Stay sober to keep the experience safe and memorable. Drugs and alcohol put women at greater risk for sexual assault. It also lowers your inhibitions, which can make you more likely to do something that you might regret after the fact. Besides, you want to remember everything about this experience, right? You certainly don't want to wake up with a hangover wondering what happened last night. [5] X Research source
- If you go out with your potential partner before the hookup, limit yourself to one or two drinks so you can keep your wits about you throughout the experience. [6] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to source
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Discuss boundaries and limits with your partner. Before you get down and dirty, have an open conversation about what you like and don't like. If there's anything that's completely off the table for you, let them know beforehand. Find out what their boundaries and limits are as well, so you can respect them. [7] X Research source
- If a potential partner is dismissive of your boundaries or tries to talk you out of them, they're not a safe person for you to share this experience with.
- Talk about body parts and ways you like (and don't like) to be touched. If there are any activities that are off-limits, let them know. For example, you might say, "I don't want you to kiss me on the mouth. That feels too romantic and intimate—I want to keep this purely sexual."
- Reader Poll: We asked 855 wikiHow readers who've had one-night stands, and 51% of them agreed that the best way to discuss boundaries is by letting things progress naturally and discussing boundaries as they arise. [Take Poll]
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Take responsibility for your own transportation. Even if the person you're going to hook up with seems perfectly safe and normal, avoid relying on them for transportation. If you're going back to your place, have them follow you so that both of you have transportation the next morning. [8] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to source
- No matter where your hookup is taking place, having your own transportation ensures you can leave if things start feeling "off." You don't have to feel pressure to go along with something that makes you feel uncomfortable just because you don't have an easy escape.
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Trust your gut feeling if something feels off. If you're getting a weird feeling about the person, you're better off going with someone else than taking a chance. Put your health and safety above all else—don't risk it for someone who's hot but seems like a jerk. Instead, look for someone who you feel good being with. [9] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to source
- Even though you're not looking to get into a relationship with the person, you still want them to be someone who's attentive and cares about your needs.
- It also helps to find someone who's a genuinely good person. If you can admire them for their personality and ethics, you'll be much more likely to have a pleasurable experience with them.
- If things start great and then go south, you can always block the person to make sure they can't contact you again.
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Approach your potential partner with confidence. Confidence is key to a successful sexual encounter. When you approach and go after someone you want it can be a really empowering experience. That confidence can even bleed over into other aspects of your life. [10] X Research source
- Maintain eye contact and strike up a conversation. For example, you might say, "They're playing great music tonight. Do you go to many shows?"
- Try some flirtatious physical contact to let the person know your intentions and where your interests lie. For example, you might rest your hand on their leg or arm as you share a funny story.
- Feel free to take the lead , especially if that's something you don't normally do. You don't have to wait for someone you like to make the first move! Just saunter up and say something like, "I'm really attracted to you. Wanna come over to my place?"
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Be upfront about what you want. Let your potential partner know that you're looking for a hookup or a one-night stand. Be clear that you're only looking for one night—not a relationship or a recurring thing. [11] X Research source
- For example, you might say, "I'd love for you to come home with me. We can have fun tonight, but I need you to know that I'm not interested in dating or having a relationship."
- Talk about how discreet you intend the encounter to be. Is this something you're going to pretend never happened if you run into each other in the future? Do they want to avoid having friends or neighbors find out about it? Make sure you're both on the same page. [12] X Research source
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Maintain the same expectations throughout the experience. You might catch feelings—that's not something entirely within your control! But it has less of a chance of happening if you stay focused on the fact that this is just a one-night stand and avoid looking for anything else in the person. [13] X Research source
- Whatever your expectations, have this conversation before things get naughty so you can at least go into this knowing that you both want the same thing.
- Your encounter doesn't have to be completely emotionless to be successful! But it is important to be open and honest about feelings you have (as well as feelings you might develop). [14] X Research source
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Focus on the positive before, during, and after the experience. Even if you're looking for a one-night stand and go after it yourself, you might still feel some regret or shame the next morning. That's totally normal! Just remind yourself of how confident and empowered you were, how there was something (and someone) that you wanted and you went out and got it. [15] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- Think back about the best parts of the encounter, the things that made you smile or giggle. Those moments are what will help you feel more positive about the experience.
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Choose a partner who you're extremely attracted to. A one-night stand is all about sex, so physical attraction and chemistry are maybe the most important part. Go for someone who makes you feel that spark, if not a little fluttering in your stomach. Ideally? Someone who immediately makes you start thinking about sex. [16] X Research source
- You might want to avoid someone you're likely to see on a regular basis after the encounter—especially if you think it'll make things awkward. For example, you might not want to have a one-night stand with a coworker if you think it would be weird at work.
- You don't necessarily have to choose a complete stranger, though. Is there a good-looking groomsman at your cousin's wedding? Go for it!
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Be open and vocal about your sexual fantasies. A one-night stand is the perfect opportunity to experiment in ways you normally wouldn't—especially if you're in a different city or you're with someone you know you're never going to see again. People tend to be less self-conscious with strangers, so you have the opportunity to try something you've always wanted to do. [17] X Research source
- If you've always been hesitant to be vocal before or during sex, use this as an opportunity to open up. Don't worry about being too aggressive—enjoy the freedom.
- Experiments and fantasies don't just relate to the things you do. Maybe you've always wanted to have sex in the kitchen or on the dining room table. Well, this is your chance.
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Seek enthusiastic consent repeatedly throughout your hookup. Consent is the sexiest and most important part of a successful one-night stand. You'll both have a much better time if you constantly know that you're both completely on board with everything that's happening. [18] X Research source
- For example, before you touch the person's chest, you might say, "Is it okay if I touch you like this?" After doing it for a couple of minutes, you might say, "How does that feel? Is this still okay? Is there something else you'd like better?"
- Stay engaged and pay attention to your partner's body language. If they clench up or move away, stop what you're doing and make sure they're still okay with everything that's happening.
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Address any awkwardness openly when it happens. Silly moments can happen in any sexual encounter, but they're particularly likely when you're with someone for the first time. You don't know each other's bodies very well and something unexpected is bound to happen, even if it's as simple as a fart that escapes at the worst possible time. Just giggle and make light of it. [19] X Research source
- You might make a light-hearted comment, such as, "Bodies gonna do what they're gonna do, right?"
- Put them at ease by treating any awkward or embarrassing moment like it's no big deal and moving on as quickly as possible. For example, you might just smile and make eye contact briefly, then say, "Now, where were we?"
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Enjoy cuddling afterward if that's your thing. Just because it's only going to last one night doesn't mean it can't be intimate. If you love cuddling and pillow talk after sex, let your partner know that's important to you. At the same time, if you don't feel comfortable with that level of intimacy, don't try to force it. [20] X Research source
- You don't have to make it sound romantic. You might say, "I always get a good night's sleep with someone's arms around me. Would you mind being the big spoon tonight?"
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Have an exit strategy in place for the following morning. Whether you're at your place or at a hotel, make sure your partner doesn't overstay their welcome. Let them know from the outset how long you intend the encounter to last, whether they can stay the night, and when you expect them to be gone. [21] X Research source
- For example, you might say, "I'd love for you to come back to my place. I do have a spin class booked for 8 a.m. tomorrow morning, though, so you'll have to be gone before then."
- In the morning, remind your partner of your plans in a polite but firm way. You might say, "I really enjoyed spending time with you. I do have to head out soon, though."
- If you want to prolong the encounter, that's fine too—as long as both of you are comfortable and enjoy spending time together. [22] X Research source
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Warnings
- Always be conscious of your personal safety. If something feels off, trust your instincts and break off the encounter. [23] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to sourceThanks
- Always use some form of protection to protect yourself against both pregnancy and STIs. Don't leave it to chance, especially if you don't know the person. [24] X Research sourceThanks
References
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/stds-birth-control-pregnancy
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-be-an-ethical-hook-up
- ↑ https://www.eligiblemagazine.com/2016/03/01/girls-guide-one-night-stand/
- ↑ https://epublications.marquette.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1751&context=theo_fac
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips
- ↑ https://www.pride.com/love-and-sex/how-to-hook-up-with-someone#rebelltitem3
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips
- ↑ https://www.menshealth.com/uk/sex/a754612/5-women-reveal-their-hottest-one-night-stands/
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-be-an-ethical-hook-up
- ↑ https://www.pride.com/love-and-sex/how-to-hook-up-with-someone#rebelltitem3
- ↑ https://www.pride.com/love-and-sex/how-to-hook-up-with-someone#rebelltitem3
- ↑ https://thestroudcourier.com/2019/09/26/sex-and-health-the-scoop-on-ethical-hookup-culture/
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/02/ce-corner
- ↑ https://epublications.marquette.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1751&context=theo_fac
- ↑ https://www.eligiblemagazine.com/2016/03/01/girls-guide-one-night-stand/
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-be-an-ethical-hook-up
- ↑ https://www.pride.com/love-and-sex/how-to-hook-up-with-someone#rebelltitem3
- ↑ https://www.pride.com/love-and-sex/how-to-hook-up-with-someone#rebelltitem3
- ↑ https://www.eligiblemagazine.com/2016/03/01/girls-guide-one-night-stand/
- ↑ https://www.menshealth.com/uk/sex/a754612/5-women-reveal-their-hottest-one-night-stands/
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips
- ↑ https://assets2.hrc.org/files/documents/SaferSexGuide.pdf
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you'd like to have a successful one night stand, find a partner that you're physically attracted to and approach them confidently. Next, let them know upfront that you're only looking for casual sex. If they're interested, take them to your home or to a hotel instead of going to their place, so you feel more comfortable. However, make sure to let a friend know where you are, and always use protection before you have sex. Then, feel free to experiment with some of your fantasies and enjoy yourself. For more advice on how to have a good one night stand, like how to plan the perfect exit strategy, keep reading!
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Reader Success Stories
- "I am a young adult woman who never in my life thought it would be a real possibility to have a one night stand without feeling used. But after reading this, I had the greatest sex in my life, enjoyed myself, and my confidence is higher than ever!" ..." more
"I am a young adult woman who never in my life thought it would be a real possibility to have a one night stand without feeling used. But after reading this, I had the greatest sex in my life, enjoyed myself, and my confidence is higher than ever!"
..."
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"I was always a virgin but after following the steps of this wikiHow I finally did my first one night stand. And it was amazing! Now we are about to get married and have a third kid on the way! I'm happy and I wanted to thank you guys for this!"
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"I had the best one night stand ever! Thanks so much wikiHow."
"Learned to express self confidence when talking to a girl."
"Useful advice and I will try it next time."
