How to Keep Your FWB Interested in You

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An easy-going friends with benefits (FWB) situation with no strings attached: what could be better? Keeping your FWB interested in you ensures that you keep having good, clean fun with each other for as long as you’d like to. In this article, we’ll tell you everything you need to know about a FWB situation so you can keep the dynamic going successfully.

1

Keep emotions out of the relationship.

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  1. If you can, try to keep your emotions in check, and keep things platonic with your partner. [1] If you do start developing feelings for them, talk to them about it to see if they feel the same way. [2]
    • A friends with benefits situation can be tricky, and they aren’t for everyone. If you’re finding that you attach a lot of emotions to sex, this dynamic might just not be for you (and that’s okay).
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2

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  1. If you think your FWB might be getting a little tired of the routine, ask them if they’re comfortable trying something new. Or, see if they have anything new they want to try. This will keep them interested in you long-term, and it’s fun for you, too. [3]
    • You never have to do anything that you don’t want to, but try to keep an open mind. If you’ve never tried something before, you might just like it!
3

Give them space outside the bedroom.

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  1. Since you’re not in a relationship with them, you probably won’t be in constant contact. Try to keep your texts and calls to a minimum, and reach out if you want to set up a hookup time or make a plan to hang out. [4]
    • Don’t be alarmed if you don’t hear from your FWB for a while. People get busy, and they might have other things going on, like work or school.
    • If you find yourself wanting to talk to them more and more every day, you could be developing feelings for them. If that’s the case, talk to your FWB to see what their feelings are and what you might do about your relationship.
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4

Keep your relationship private from friends and family.

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  1. While it might seem like a fun idea to grab your friend and take them to a party or a family gathering, this can start to move more into relationship territory. If you want to keep things strictly platonic, hang out with your FWB alone, not with other people. [5]
    • You can talk to your friends about your FWB, but don’t mention them to your parents or relatives. They’ll probably assume that you two are dating, which can be tricky to deal with.
5

Focus on being a good friend.

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  1. While your relationship might be mostly about having sex, you can also be a friend to your hookup partner. Ask them about their day, offer advice, and be a listening ear when they need one. [6]
    • This will help avoid feeling too transactional. If you can talk to each other like friends, you’ll probably have a better sex life, too.
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6

Go out on friend dates, not romantic dates.

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  1. This means going out to eat, watching movies together, and just generally hanging out platonically. What you don’t want to do is anything romantic: candlelit dinners or nighttime stargazing sessions are a no-go. That way, you’ll keep the boundaries of the relationship clear while still having fun together. [7]
    • Try inviting your hookup out to breakfast the next day as a fun way to connect without a sexual component.
7

Keep cuddling to a minimum.

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  1. After you and your FWB have sex, feel free to lounge around with each other and enjoy each other’s company. However, try not to cuddle too much or fall asleep cuddling, since that could lead to developing feelings for each other. [8]
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8

Groom yourself regularly.

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  1. Before you invite your FWB over, spend a few minutes in the shower. If you have a vagina, use warm water to gently cleanse your vulva . [10] If you have a penis, use soap and warm water to gently clean it . [11] The better you smell and look, the better your sex life will be.
    • Shaving is optional, but some people have a preference for it. If you aren’t sure, you can ask your partner what they like.
9

Talk about exclusivity.

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  1. Some people in a FWB situation are completely exclusive, and they don’t date other people. Others are fine with seeing other people, and don’t mind if their partner dates around. Talk to your FWB before you start the relationship to see what they’re comfortable with, and tell them what you’re okay with, too. [12]
    • “Are you planning to date other people? I don’t mind if you do—since I’m not looking for anything exclusive right now, I was probably going to keep dating other people, too.”
    • “Even though we’re just friends with benefits, I’d feel more comfortable if we weren’t sleeping with other people. It just helps me to know that we’re having safe sex.”
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10

Practice safe sex.

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  1. Not only will this keep them interested in you, but it keeps you both safe, too. [13] Be sure to talk about protection, like using condoms or dental dams, to protect yourself from STDs. [14] This is especially important if you two aren’t exclusive, since having multiple sexual partners can lead to a higher risk of STDs and STIs.
    • Talking about safe sex can feel a little awkward, but it’s an important conversation to have. Start it off by saying something like:
    • “Could we talk really quick about what we’re gonna use for protection? I’m on birth control, but I’d like to use condoms as well, just to be safe.”
    • “I know we’re exclusive, but I’d feel more comfortable if we used condoms and dental dams, at least at first.”
11

Set an end date for the relationship.

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  1. Talk with your FWB about when the relationship might end: is it when one of you finds a new partner? Is this just a summer fling? Knowing when to end the relationship will keep your boundaries in place, and it will make you both feel more secure in the situation you have now. [15]
    • “I’m having a ton of fun with you right now, but I am still looking for a serious relationship elsewhere. I want you to know that if I find someone I could see a future with, I’ll probably end our situation.”
    • “I really like what we’ve got going on right now, but it’s probably just a summer thing for me. I just want you to be prepared for that.”
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Join the Discussion...

What does "friends with benefits" REALLY mean?
WikiBadgerDiver849
WikiBadgerDiver849
So........I been fooling around with a friend lately and I'm not sure what our relationship is, but i think it qualifies as "Friends with benefits." But I am wondering......what exactly does "friends with benefits" mean, technically speaking? Of course I've heard this term before but from a practical standpoint I don't know how it works: what are the "rules" (if there are any)? Can you be exclusive with a fwb? Am I just setting myself up for heartache?
Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
There are times in people’s lives when they want to be sexually active but don’t want to be bothered with a relationship, so they might start a friends with benefits relationship. And yes, there are rules, but you and your FWB partner set them.

It is really important to communicate exactly what your hopes and expectations are. How often will you see each other? What are the expectations in the friendship and with the sexual relationship? Can you see other people at the same time? How can you ensure everyone’s safety from STDs if so? Getting as specific as possible will help eliminate confusion, mixed signals, and potential problems or fights in the future.

Encourage continued communication to keep everyone safe and in the loop. Find out how often you need to check in with each other. Sex between friends can seem fairly innocuous, but sometimes strong feelings of attachment can develop between one or both partners. Find time to check in with each other on a regular basis and see how the relationship is progressing, if there are any growing feelings, and if the relationship should or shouldn't continue. It’s important to remember you were friends first. Staying friends no matter what should be a priority.
WikiFoxChaser795
WikiFoxChaser795
Great questions! This might sound unhelpful but the answer is that the rules of being friends with benefits are defined by the people who are friends with benefits. It differs from person to person. For example, you ask about exclusivity, and I've had both FWB setups where we were exclusive and ones where we were free to see multiple people, so it's up to you. Whether it's unwise to get into a fwb situation again depends on the person. I think it's unwise in a few situations. 1. You know that you catch feelings easily and can't see yourself realistically being in sexual relationship without getting attached. If that's the case, you're just setting yourself up to get hurt. 2. The person is related to other people in your life, so if things get messy it can hurt the people around you. 3. You're not responsible about your sexual health. If you hook up with a bunch of people and don't stay safe, you can endanger yourself and the people you hook up with.

Otherwise, getting into a fwb situation can be rewarding!
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD .

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.vogue.com/article/friends-with-benefits-relationship-advice-sleeping-together
      2. ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview
      3. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/11-ways-to-help-yourself-to-a-better-sex-life
      4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-navigate-friends-with-benefits
      5. ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/friendship/how-to-make-having-a-fwb-fun/
      6. ↑ https://www.vogue.com/article/friends-with-benefits-relationship-advice-sleeping-together
      7. ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/friendship/how-to-make-having-a-fwb-fun/
      8. ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/friendship/how-to-make-having-a-fwb-fun/
      9. ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview
      1. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/4976-vulvar-care
      2. ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/penis-care
      3. ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview
      4. ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview
      5. ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/friendship/how-to-make-having-a-fwb-fun/
      6. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-navigate-friends-with-benefits

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      Reader Success Stories

      • Mia L.

        Oct 2, 2022

        "Terrific article! Helped me seriously to figure out what boundaries I want to set for my FWB. Which surprised me. ..." more
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