What Is “Leave and Cleave”?

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Defining this Bible verse and how it can help a marriage
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You’re chatting with a friend who’s getting married, and they mention that they’re preparing to “leave and cleave.” Huh? What does that even mean? “Leave and cleave” is a religious principle that a newly married or committed couple should leave their family behind to unify with their partner. Keep reading to learn more about this Christian ideal and where it comes from.

Meaning of “Leave and Cleave”

“Leave and cleave” is a Biblical principle emphasizing that couples in committed relationships should leave their families to start a new family together. It focuses on the need to prioritize marriage over all other relationships and become an independent family unit.

Section 1 of 3:

What does “leave and cleave” mean?

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    This Biblical principle comes from Genesis 2:24: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” [1] The notion is that a serious relationship cannot grow and become fully committed without stepping away from family. “Leaving” indicates that the couple is ready to start a new family together and prioritizes each other. “Cleaving” means that each partner recognizes they are joined or united. [2]
    • An example of “leave and cleave” would be a couple deciding to move out of their parent’s home and get their own place together. They’re cutting ties with their family to create their own life together, setting clear boundaries and establishing independence. [3]
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    Many Christians believe that “leaving and cleaving” also represents unity with the Lord. Christians leave other gods and temptations behind to God and submit to His almighty power.
    • As Deuteronomy 13:4 says, “It is the Lord your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.” [4]
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Section 2 of 3:

How does “leave and cleave” create stronger marriages?

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    When a couple “leaves and cleaves” as a married pair, they show one another (and their families) they’re committed to each other. They love each other so much that they’ll give up their past lives to be together. [5]
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    Away from their families, a married couple can establish their own routines and traditions. They have the ability to make their own mistakes and grow as a couple without judgmental or watchful eyes. [6]
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    Family can be stressful, especially when it comes to relationships. When a couple sets boundaries and takes a step away, it can help them bond and grow with one another outside of family drama, judgment, and pressure. [7]
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Section 3 of 3:

Is “leaving and cleaving” easy?

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    If you’re thinking about “leaving and cleaving,” it’s okay to feel sad or uneasy. While moving out or setting clear boundaries with your family may be difficult, know that it’s not goodbye. You’re starting a new chapter with someone you love, and your family can be a part of that journey in a way that’s healthy for everyone. [8]
    • Establish boundaries right away to keep your support system. [9] For instance, perhaps you chat with your mom on the phone every other Thursday or travel home on specific holidays.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+2%3A24&version=NIV
      2. ↑ https://blogs.baylor.edu/christianscriptures1and2/2012/01/31/leave-and-cleave/
      3. ↑ https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/embracing-your-new-family-of-two/
      4. ↑ https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy+13.4&version=NIV
      5. ↑ https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/embracing-your-new-family-of-two/
      6. ↑ https://donnareidland.com/marriage-made-heaven-leaving-cleaving-weaving/
      7. ↑ https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/embracing-your-new-family-of-two/
      8. ↑ https://spokanechristiancounseling.com/articles/why-leaving-cleaving-and-weaving-are-vital-to-your-marriage
      9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm

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