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Befriending your crush might help redirect their attention to you
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Having a crush on someone and not knowing if they like you back can leave your stomach doing major flip-flops—but when you know for a fact the person you dig is into someone else, it’s a whole other level of stress! Luckily, if they’re not dating, you’ve still got a chance to redirect their attention toward you. Keep reading: we’ll walk you through the process of befriending your crush and distracting them from any other girl they might fancy. Soon, they’ll only have eyes for you!
Things You Should Know
- To make your crush stop liking another girl, become friends with your crush. Get to know them and understand what they look for in a partner.
- Show off your best qualities, but be yourself. Avoid changing yourself to be more like the girl your crush likes.
- Over time, your crush may start to develop feelings for you instead of the other girl—but if they don’t, try not to be too disappointed. You’ve still got a good friend.
Steps
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Put yourself on their radar by spending lots of time with them. The more time you spend with your crush, the better. [1] X Expert Source Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 30 September 2021. Your crush may not be interested in you yet, but taking the time to comfortably show them your personality and truly get to know them may change their mind. If you’re not already on speaking terms with your crush, try to hang out with them and strike up a friendship.- Slowly become a fixture in their life by hanging around and seeing if a friendship blossoms. If you go to school or work together, try to leave at the same time to give you opportunities to chat. Better yet, take up the same extracurricular activities as them so you get more time together.
- Strike up casual conversation with them : “Boy, that math test was a bear, wasn’t it? How do you think you did?” With enough surface-level, relatable chit-chat, eventually, a friendship may bloom.
- If you’re both on social media, follow your crush and initiate some conversation there
. Having an online presence can also help you stay on your crush’s radar even when you’re not physically together. [2]
X
Expert Source
Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
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Ask your crush what they want in a partner to see if you’d be good together. Once you’ve gotten to know your crush a bit better and established some trust, gently broach the subject of your love lives. Ask them what they’re looking for in a potential significant other, and share your relationship goals, too. This will help you find out if you’d actually be a good match—plus, sharing deep, personal feelings like this may also strengthen your bond and make them trust you even more.- Consider asking your crush about their crush—what they see in her, why they think they’d be a good match—but avoid trying to change yourself to be what you think your crush wants. The right person for you will like you for who you are.
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Speak nicely about your crush’s crush. Jealousy may make it tempting to speak poorly of her, but remember, she hasn’t actually done anything wrong (and she might not even be aware the person you like is into her). If you speak nicely about her and express curiosity about your crush’s love life, they’ll appreciate that you’re supportive of them and invested in their personal affairs.- Your crush probably won’t appreciate you bad-mouthing the girl they like, and they might end up thinking you’re a negative person. They may also opt to not talk to you about their crush anymore, and we’re guessing you like hearing updates about their love life!
- Another way to think about it is, if you trash the girl your crush likes, you’re essentially trashing your crush’s opinion, which is sure to push them away from you. If you care about your crush, respect that they’ve (currently) got feelings for this girl.
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Build up your crush’s confidence to encourage them to want to date you. While you don’t want to speak poorly of the girl they like, you may be able to redirect your crush’s romantic attention to yourself by talking them up . Over time, they may begin to realize how good you make them feel about themselves, and they may realize you’re the one they really want to be with.- Point out the qualities about them that you like: “You’ve got such a great laugh! I could listen to it all day,” or “You’re the smartest person in our class, seriously. What a brain.”
- While your ideal result is them falling for you, be sincere in your compliments, and try not to count on them developing feelings. While being supportive and encouraging gives you a way better chance of winning their affections , in the end, they may still not want to date, and that’s OK. In that case, at least you have a great friend!
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Be fun around them to make them want to spend time with you. While a crush can make you freeze up and not know what to say, letting your guard down and having fun with them can make you seem more confident and alluring. Everybody wants to date someone they can have fun and be themselves around, so while you’re still in the “friend zone,” show your crush your playful side.- Develop inside jokes with your crush, and laugh at their attempts to be funny. Everyone appreciates someone who laughs easily! [3] X Research source
- But don’t feel pressure to only be funny—after all, if you do end up dating, odds are, your crush will see you on your bad days as well as your sunshiny ones. In a healthy relationship, you’ll both have lots of fun together, and you’ll be there to support each other on the less-than-fun days.
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Show them you have the traits they’re looking for in a partner. Now that you’ve learned more about your crush’s likes and dislikes—especially their views on relationships—you’re in a better position to show them how you embody what they want in another person. They may not realize how much you have in common—show them!- Subtly let them know that the two of you have similar interests or shared hobbies: “You’re going to the Billie Eilish concert? So am I! We should go together!”
- Communicate what you're looking for in a relationship, and they may realize you're both on the same page: "I just want someone I can be myself around, someone who's in it for the long haul."
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Don’t change who you are. Show your crush you’ve got the qualities they’re looking for in a partner…but only if you actually possess those qualities! If you know you and your crush don’t align, don’t pretend to be anything you’re not. Even if it makes them fall for you, you would almost certainly be unhappy in a relationship where you couldn’t be yourself.- Not possessing the traits your crush finds attractive doesn’t mean they’re wrong or that you’re wrong—you might both just be looking for different things! And that’s OK.
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Dress to impress . There’s more to a healthy relationship than looks, but looking your best can help turn your crush’s head and make you feel more confident (which will also help turn their head). [4] X Expert Source Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 30 September 2021. Wear neat, comfortable clothes, and keep yourself clean and well-groomed. [5] X Research source- Looking good isn’t about adopting a specific style or trying to look like the girl your crush likes. It’s about being intentional with your looks and dressing in a way that you feel good about and that matches your own unique style.
- In fact, feeling good about yourself can make you seem more attractive than even the hottest wardrobe. Exercising and giving yourself regular pep talks can help you feel more confident and capable, and complimenting others and smiling will make you seem more alluring to them. [6] X Research source
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Flirt with your crush. Tease them and smile often. [7] X Expert Source Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 30 September 2021. Lean towards them when the two of you talk, keep laughing as they tell jokes, and create a physical connection. You can touch your crush’s shoulder when you’re laughing or run your hand through their hair and comment on how nice it is. [8] X Research source- Use body language
to show your crush you want them. Maintain an open, relaxed posture, or throw them a coy smile: turn your head slightly down and tilt it to the side, and offer a shy smile while maintaining confident eye contact. [9]
X
Expert Source
Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
- Use body language
to show your crush you want them. Maintain an open, relaxed posture, or throw them a coy smile: turn your head slightly down and tilt it to the side, and offer a shy smile while maintaining confident eye contact. [9]
X
Expert Source
Julia McCurley
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Appreciate the friendship you have. Even though your ultimate goal might be romance, appreciate the platonic relationship that you’ve created with your crush without your friendship being contingent on whether or not they end up falling in love with you. [10] X Expert Source Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 30 September 2021. Paradoxically, appreciating your friendship and not putting any pressure on romance may actually make your crush want you: they may be attracted to the idea of dating someone who has already shown themselves to be a fun, reliable pal. But even if they don’t develop feelings for you, you’ve got a wonderful new friendship to be grateful for.- If your crush does end up dating this girl, be supportive, and don’t “blame” your crush for not returning your feelings. It’s possible they’ll break up and your crush will want to date you instead—but don’t count on this. If you’ve got a good friendship with them, that on its own is something to celebrate!
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Tips
- Find out what your crush likes to do. He will respect you trying to learn more about him.Thanks
- The better you get to know your crush, the more you may realize you aren’t a good match romantically. If this is the case, don’t try to force it. Revel in your new friendship, and keep your eyes peeled for someone else who might be right for you.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Try not to change too much for other people. Be yourself—that's all that counts! If he doesn't like you for what you are, he's probably not worth it.
- Sometimes, it's best to just try and be friends. Just because he's your crush doesn't mean you have try to flirt every time you're together.
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References
- ↑ Julia McCurley. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
- ↑ Julia McCurley. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
- ↑ http://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/
- ↑ Julia McCurley. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201402/how-flirt-and-be-attractive
- ↑ https://www.insider.com/ways-to-look-feel-more-attractive-confident-2017-8
- ↑ Julia McCurley. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201202/how-flirt-and-seduce-touch-part-1
- ↑ Julia McCurley. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
- ↑ Julia McCurley. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
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Reader Success Stories
- "As I was looking at this boy who I really liked and he was always staring at this other girl. I was confused because that girl was shorter than me. My name is Aretha she is also called Aretha. But after trying this, he asked me out." ..." more
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"As I was looking at this boy who I really liked and he was always staring at this other girl. I was confused because that girl was shorter than me. My name is Aretha she is also called Aretha. But after trying this, he asked me out."
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