Q&A for How to Convince Your Parents of Your Intercaste Love

There are both non-profit and government organizations that can help support intercaste couples in need. Try reaching out to your local police or to a government organization such as the Delhi Commission for Women. You can also try connecting with Love Commandos, an NGO that helps couples who want to marry for love.

Even if there are no other intercaste marriages in your family, you might be able to find examples from your family's circle of friends. You could also point out that attitudes toward intercaste marriages are changing and becoming more open-minded across the country, especially among people aged 18-35.

If you and your parents have a very close and loving relationship, they might already be more willing to be flexible about who you marry. Explain to them that you've been in love with your boyfriend for many years, so you already know that the relationship is stable and that you are good for each other. Let them know how happy you will be and how much it will mean to you if they allow you to marry the man you love. Listen to any concerns they have and try to address them as well as you can.

Realize that this is likely going to be an ongoing discussion over some time, as he’ll not only need to digest your reasoning but he’ll be getting his parents’ values made clear to him at the same time. He will need time to balance both sides and reach his own conclusion. You can help by regularly raising the matter in a gentle and explanatory way, talking about well-known, intercaste couples featured in the media and also discussing how attitudes are changing about caste values, and that it’s as much your decision as a couple as it is a family one. Suggest both of you meet each others’ families. However, if his unwillingness to make a decision to marry drags on for a year or more, and/or he refuses to let you meet his family, then it’s probably time to reconsider your relationship so you can have the freedom to find someone who is ready to wholeheartedly agree to spend a lifetime with you.

Yes, a Kshatriya can marry a Brahmin, this is not considered to be a problem unless the families see it as one. If your family does see it as problematic, it is a good idea to try to get the families together to talk through any concerns. If the married couple are intent on retaining the caste system ideals, then it should be noted that a Brahmin man marrying a Kshatriya woman means the children will be considered Brahmin but if a Brahmin woman marries a Kshatriya man, the children will be considered Kshatriya.

If you don’t feel you can talk freely about marriage with your parents, then it’s important to begin from a place of understanding about what concerns and expectations your parents may have around marriage. Ask them what they think about marriage in general and how they felt when they got married, as a way of getting some background information from them. Once you have a better idea of this, you can gradually begin raising the idea of your own marriage and what your expectations are, and what things have changed since they were married (if contrasting your and their situation would prove to be helpful). Try to avoid arguing with them, and instead seek a place of agreeing to disagree without anger or reaching a compromise. Remember that you’re an adult, and you are free to make your own decisions, no matter how hard that may be for your family. For more help, see Method 2 "Talking to Your Parents" above.

Ask them what matters the most for them - is it their reputation or is it their child's happiness? Peoples' opinion might matter for a small duration, but their child's happiness will matter in the long run. If their child was unhappy in their marriage, that would end up causing a lot more problems for them than a little bit of gossip from people whose opinions ultimately don't matter that much.

The best way is to talk to your father and ask him the root cause of his disapproval. You should be confident of the person you chose to be your life partner. Talk to your father about her. Talk about his accomplishments, success, family values, strength of character, and most importantly, why you love this person. Convince your father about the fact that if you marry someone else, that would not make you happy.

Tell your parents caste does not define the person you are in love with and make yourself confident that no matter what people say about your relationship you will stick with her.

Tell them you want to live a happy and loved life, half of which you have spent with your family and, the remaining, you want to be with your love. And, this can only happen if you marry a person who you love.

Your parents cannot force you to be with this person (I hope). Calmly explain to them your reasons for not being happy with this match, and tell them that it would be better to end the relationship now before things get more serious than they already are. Both you and the person you're engaged to deserve happiness, and it sounds like neither of you will get it with this marriage.

You can try to learn what their bad impressions are. Once you know what they think of you, you can prove them wrong and show them how good of a match you are.

Religion does not have to be a dividing factor when you're in love with someone. Maybe you should sit down with your parents and discuss how you two intend to bring religion into your marriage. Will one of you convert? How will you raise your children? Once they have a better understanding of what your relationship means in terms of religious practices, they will feel more at ease with it. Make sure they know how important their support is to you.

Tell them the qualities that attracted you to him and that you admire about him, and your feelings toward him. Convince them that you have considered the age difference.

Just go to her parents, be very respectful towards them and try to persuade them by telling them how good you will treat their daughter.

Remind them that love is always the most important thing.

Usually, this situation is resolved through calm perseverance. It is wholly unfair of anyone to force anyone to make such a horrible choice. However, if that person cannot be made to see why it's such a horrible mistake to force such a choice upon you, there is only one choice: not her. Whether you marry your boyfriend or not, if she doesn't understand why she's wrong, you can never have the same relationship with her again; where does it end? Wash the dishes or I'm not your mom anymore? Talk until you can choose them both.

File for an intercaste marriage in court. They will allow the marriage, and will make sure that you are safe during the process.

Remember, at the end of the day, it is your decision and not theirs. So, the two of you can do whatever you want.

Speak to your parents and try to make some good, convincing points. Tell them how much you both love each other and would like to make your dreams together. If they don't agree, you can still take a stand and move ahead with your life with your partner.

You need to get your lover away from your parents. Do not put him/her in a dangerous position. If you truly want to be with this person, you need to leave your parent's home so as not to endanger the person you love.

Tell your parents you love them a lot and don't want to oppose them. Try to explain to them that you love your partner and that you can stay happy with her. Try to show them your love is good and perfect match.

Remind your father that at the end of the day, love is the most important thing of all. Try to help your father focus on the positive aspects of your significant other. Meet your significant other's parents, and have them meet your parents as well.

Have your parents cleared their stand about your marriage? If they already told you that you cannot marry outside your caste and religion, then you need to seek help from the law. If you are adults, you are free to marry as you like. If you both can convince them by sharing your future plans of financial security and a good lifestyle, maybe they will consider your boyfriend.

Understand that what your father is doing is emotionally abusive. You are not responsible for your father's choices. What you are responsible for is your own happiness. You have to decide what the right choice is for you and no one can make it for you. Take time to reflect.

Tell them that looks fade, but love doesn't, and that you should never judge a book by its cover. If the person has respectable parents, ask your parents to meet with them.

That really depends on how old you are and how much older your lover is than you. Talk to someone you trust about it.

Before trying, make sure the person you are in love with is strong and steady about marrying you, knows about your caste and his or her family knows about your caste. These three things are the most important things before you are going to talk with your parents about your love. Don't believe and blindly. If your caste is okay for your lover and his family, then you can proceed with your parents. That way, you can have a better chance to convince your parents, with the support of your lover's family.