What to Say and Do When a Girl Is Flirting with You

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A simple guide to recognizing & responding to her flirtation
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Knowing how to react to a girl who is flirting with you can be tricky! How you react really depends on how you feel about her. If you’re interested, we have tips for how to convey that and flirt back. We also explain how to react if you aren't interested in her. Read on for everything you need to know about navigating this situation, with insights from dating coaches Imad Jbara and Erika Kaplan.

How to Respond to a Girl Flirting with You

If you're interested in her, make eye contact, maintain open body language, and touch her playfully. Send her flirty messages via text or on social media. Tell her how you feel when you're ready. If you're not interested, be kind but firm, don't send any mixed signals, and let her know you view her as a friend.

Section 1 of 3:

How to Flirt Back If You Like Her

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  1. Making direct and extended eye contact with someone shows that you are interested in them. If you are having a conversation with her and you look her in the eyes, it demonstrates that you are listening, engaged, and care about what she is talking about. Eye contact forms a connection between two people. [1]
  2. Complimenting someone is a way to show that you have noticed something about them and it is something you like. Even if it is something small, it shows that you are paying attention to her and care enough to let her know.
    • For instance, you could compliment her personality by saying: "You have a great sense of humor."
    • Alternatively, you could comment on her appearance by saying: "You have beautiful eyes."
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  3. Body language can tell someone a lot about how you feel towards them. When you use open body language, you are physically showing that you are comfortable and open to interactions with the person. Examples of open body language include: [2]
    • Angling your body to face her.
    • Leaning in towards her.
    • Smiling, laughing and warm facial expressions.
    • Nodding when she is talking.
    • Mirroring her gestures and body language.
  4. Devoting time to hanging out with her will communicate that you are interested in her as well. Whether you’re out on a walk or lounging on the couch at her place, make an effort to have meaningful conversations. Ask her questions and really listen to her answers— don’t just wait for your turn to speak. Your attentiveness and thoughtfulness will show her that you want to get to know her better.
    • For example, if she shares an anecdote about a favorite childhood snack, surprise her with it the next time you see her. It doesn’t matter if it’s something silly, like Oreos dipped in peanut butter. She’ll know you were paying attention and she’ll definitely appreciate it.
    • Ask follow-up questions, like, “How did that make you feel?” Or, “Would you be interested in doing [x] again?”
  5. Flirting often happens through text or online messages, not just in person. Don’t limit yourself to IRL interactions— keep the sparks flying in her inbox by telling her how cute she looks in her most recent post or by sending her a corny joke. No matter what, a message from you will make her smile. A few tips: [3]
    • Make sure your messages have value and aren't generic, so you don't come across as boring or dull.
    • Answer her questions with more than just a yes or no. Give more details about yourself and start a conversation.
    • Joking or playfully teasing her. Creating playful, light banter over text will help build a connection.
    • Avoid over texting. Sending her way more messages than she sends you will make you look desperate and could be annoying for her.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 202 wikiHow readers if they think lightly teasing someone is an effective way to flirt, and 85% said yes . [Take Poll]
  6. 6
    Touch her playfully. If she’s tapping you on the shoulder or squeezing your arm during conversation, feel free to do the same. Jbara suggests, “Reciprocate the tease. If [they] give you a subtle touch on your elbow, a little tap, obviously, [they’re] trying to get you to react.” He adds, “Your reaction is what shows them that there's interest. That's what we build off of.” [4]
    • Of course, it’s important to establish consent and not to cross any boundaries when it comes to testing the waters with physical touch. Pay close attention to her reactions and body language and go from there.
  7. Letting her know how you feel provides a way for both of you to more clearly communicate your feelings and intentions. Admitting that you are interested in her will allow her to respond honestly and together you’ll have a better sense of what you want to happen next. You can ask her out on a date and set a romantic mood for you to spill your beans. With any luck, she’ll spill hers right back! [5]
    • It can be very difficult to accurately determine if someone is flirting, so the best way to find out is through a direct conversation with the person.
    • Try saying "I really enjoy spending time with you and I think I am starting to develop feelings for you. Do you feel the same way?"
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Section 2 of 3:

How to Convey That You Aren’t Interested

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  1. If you are not interested in her, you should respond by not engaging in flirtatious behaviour. You should continue to be kind towards her, but keep your interactions strictly on a friendship level. Kaplan shares, “I think there's a way to be subtle without hurting people's feelings. So, make sure that you're not sending mixed messages by holding their hand or touching them on the shoulder playfully, or anything like that. Make sure that you feel that the relationship reads as strictly platonic.” [6]
    • If she invites you out one-on-one, make an excuse and tell her you’re busy.
    • If she texts you or messages you on social media persistently, let her know you’re not much of a technology person.
    • It can be a hard line to walk, but try to avoid hurting her feelings as much as you can while remaining firm in your decision not to engage.
  2. You can show that you are not interested by using closed body language, such as crossing your arms, turning your body away from her, and avoiding frequent or extended eye contact. [7]
  3. If she continues to flirt with you, despite your attempts to convey disinterest, then you should have a conversation with her about it. Tell her that you aren’t interested in a romantic relationship with her. You should be direct and to the point, so that there is no misinterpretation. Kaplan advises, “If need be, you can make it clear by saying, ‘I'm so happy to have you as a friend in my life, you mean a lot to me.’ Just make it clear that you feel that they are a friend of yours.” [8]
    • Let her know you would still like to be friends with her, if this is the case.
    • If you are already in a relationship with someone else, you should let her know, as this will help her better understand where you are coming from.
    • Even if you aren't you could say that you are in order to help convey your disinterest. This only works if she doesn’t know you or your friends very well, and will not find out that you aren’t being truthful.
  4. If the flirting continues after you have expressed your stance and discomfort with the situation, you should stop spending time with her. Take yourself out of the situation by avoiding all interaction with her, when possible. [9]
    • This can include not responding to her flirty texts and deleting or blocking her number if she persists after you have asked her to stop.
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Section 3 of 3:

Signs She’s Flirting With You

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  1. When a girl is flirting, she will often convey this through her body language. Humans are highly visual creatures, and learned body language has helped our species communicate without words, including whether or not we think someone is a cutie patootie. Here are some unmistakably flirty body language cues to watch for:
    • Fidgeting or hair twirling : Girls will often play with their hair or their accessories when they are excited or nervous. This can be a sign of flirting if it occurs while they are also smiling or making eye contact during a conversation.
    • Touching you while talking: Jbara cites light physical touch as a good sign of flirtation as it “builds tension.” If a girl affectionately touches your arm or knee while chatting with you, it implies that she is comfortable with you and wants to be close to you. [10]
    • Smiling/eye contact: A girl who is into you will likely meet your gaze and hold it during conversation. She may also smile while doing so, giving you all the green lights.
    • Angling her body towards you: If her body is positioned toward yours, she probably likes you. This open body language says that she feels comfortable around you and wants you to know it.
  2. If she pokes fun at you, jokes with you, and/ or makes sexual comments, it could be a sign of flirting. Girls typically won’t bring up subjects like sex unless they feel comfortable around you and want to see how you react. If you shut it down, it could signal to her that you’re not interested. But if you laugh and joke back, she’ll probably take it as a sign that you’re attracted to her.
    • However, it won’t always be fun and games if she’s interested in getting to know you. She’ll also ask you about yourself and actively tries to keep the conversation going.
    • She might remember small details that you shared in past conversations, which is a great way to know she’s truly paying attention to what you have to say.
  3. If a girl likes you and is flirting with you, she will likely want to spend time in your presence. For example, if you are hanging out in a group of friends and she wants to talk and spend most of her time with you, then that is an indicator that she likes you and could be flirting with you. [11]
    • Moreover, if she mentions that she’s stopped hanging out with her other guy friends or that she isn’t dating anyone, this could be opening the door for you to step through it!
  4. 4
    She gets dressed up for you. If she used to dress casually in sweatpants and a t-shirt, but lately, you only see her in dresses and high heels— she’s probably doing it to impress you. Chances are that she finds you attractive and hopes you feel the same way about her, so she’s putting in the effort to look her best. Don’t be shy and compliment her on how good she looks— that’ll let her know her plan to win you over is working.
  5. 5
    She asks about you when you’re not there. If you have to bail on a group outing, she might ask about you in your absence, as she was probably excited to see you. If your friends tell you that she seemed bummed upon realizing you wouldn’t be there or that she mentioned you a few other times that night, these are all giveaways that she’s into you. So, maybe the next outing you plan together should be a date— and this one, you won’t want to miss!
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you respond to someone who is flirting?
    Imad Jbara
    Dating Coach
    Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
    Imad Jbara
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    If you are interested, flirt back! Reciprocate the touch, reciprocate the tease, make the conversation more playful. Don't be afraid to be yourself and build sexual tension. If there is no physical contact, no teasing, you are showing that you are not interested.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/attraction/using-eye-contact-attraction-to-build-a-relationship/
      2. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/female-body-language/
      3. ↑ https://get-a-wingman.com/how-to-flirt-with-a-girl-over-text/
      4. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      5. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-tell-your-crush-you-like-them
      6. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      7. ↑ https://bodylanguageguide.wordpress.com/closed-body-language-guide/
      8. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      9. ↑ https://www.bolde.com/someone-likes-you-dont-feel-same/
      1. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      2. ↑ https://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating_top_ten/50_dating_list.html

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