Sharing your life with someone you love is great. You have a constant partner in crime, you support each other through highs and lows, and you share responsibilities. Being somewhat codependent is part of any long-term relationship, but it’s important to have your own independence, too. If you feel like you’ve become fully dependent on your partner, rather than just receiving support from them, try some of these tips to regain your independence and strike a better balance between living your own life and sharing it with your partner.
This article is based on an interview with our relationship expert, Kelli Miller, licensed pyschotherapist and award-winning author. Check out the full interview here.
Steps
wikiHow Quiz: Am I Codependent?
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you balance independence in a relationship?Allen Wagner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. After working as a therapist at the Children’s Bureau and Penny Lane Centers, he opened his own practice in 2008. Allen works with both individuals and couples and has 20 years of experience as a therapist. Allen specializes in helping clients improve their relationships, assisting people in managing life transitions, improving communication in all environments, and identifying realistic and positive goals. Alongside his wife Talia Wagner, he authored the book "Married Roommates". He received an MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Film and Creative Writing from the University of Arizona.Set aside some time for yourself! Self-care is incredibly important, whether it's playing a sport, doing a hobby, or visiting with friends.
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QuestionIs being independent bad for a relationship?Allen Wagner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. After working as a therapist at the Children’s Bureau and Penny Lane Centers, he opened his own practice in 2008. Allen works with both individuals and couples and has 20 years of experience as a therapist. Allen specializes in helping clients improve their relationships, assisting people in managing life transitions, improving communication in all environments, and identifying realistic and positive goals. Alongside his wife Talia Wagner, he authored the book "Married Roommates". He received an MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Film and Creative Writing from the University of Arizona.Not at all! You never want to neglect yourself or feel like you're trapped in your current relationship.
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QuestionHow do you know if you're codependent?Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.It might be really difficult for you to do things without your partner, or you feel like you constantly need your partner's approval or validation before doing something. You might also only feel good if you feel like you're needed in a relationship, or if you're setting yourself up to feel needed (either to rescue your partner or be rescued yourself).
Video
Tips
References
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ https://www.insider.com/how-to-be-more-independent-in-a-relationship-2019-1#set-more-boundaries-2
- ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/be-independent-in-a-relationship/
- ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/be-independent-in-a-relationship/
- ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/how-to-maintain-healthy-independence-while-social-distancing-with-your-partner/
- ↑ https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/maintaining-individuality-in-a-relationship
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ways-to-become-more-independent-less-codependent#4
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ways-to-become-more-independent-less-codependent#3
- ↑ https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/maintaining-individuality-in-a-relationship
- ↑ https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/maintaining-individuality-in-a-relationship
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ https://www.insider.com/how-to-be-more-independent-in-a-relationship-2019-1#consider-working-with-a-therapist-5