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Ever have a crush on a girl but don't know how to talk to her? Wouldn't it be great if you could get close to her and start a conversation? If so, then you should read this article to see how to casually get that seat next to her.
Steps
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Choose the right place. There are many places where sitting next to a girl that you like can be a great way to introduce yourself or get to know her further. Ideally you want to choose somewhere where you can initiate a conversation. Somewhere where she is likely to have an empty seat next to her. [1] X Research source
- Sit in the desk next to her before class.
- Try finding a seat next to her in the cafeteria.
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Choose the right time. Timing is everything when talking to someone you have a crush on. You don’t want them to see you as a nuisance or an interruption. If the girl you like seems busy doing homework or talking to someone on her cellphone, this may not be the best time to approach her. [2] X Research source
- Before or after class is a good time.
- Choose a seat next to her during study hall.
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Ask if you can sit down. Show that you are courteous and thoughtful by asking her if you can sit next to her. You also want to make sure no one else has that seat claimed, like maybe a friend of hers, before you just jump into it.
- “Is someone already sitting in this seat?”
- “Do you mind if I sit here?”
- If it turns out she was busy, apologize for interrupting.
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Respect her wishes if she says no. No woman is under any obligation to talk to you. Also, if she says this isn’t a good time or that she would rather sit alone, you’ll go further toward earning her respect by be being mindful of her wishes. Say something like, “Oh, okay. Maybe another time.” And then walk away graciously.
- Don’t sit down anyway if she says no.
- Realize that your crush may just be having a bad day or might be trying to focus on other things. Just because she said no today doesn't mean she'll say no next time.
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Don’t sit too close. When you sit next to your crush, be sure not to intrude on their personal space. [3] X Expert Source Eddy Baller
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 7 February 2020. You want to be close enough so that you can easily carry on a conversation but not so close that your knees touch when you turn to face her.- When choosing the desk next to your crush in class, don’t pull it closer to hers. She may find this to be an overly aggressive gesture. If you strike up a conversation and feel like the desks are too far apart to continue comfortably, you may want to slide it over a bit, but generally you should just leave it where it is.
- If you take a seat next to her on a bench, like on the playground or at a table in the lunch room, leave several inches between you.
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Sit up straight. Don’t slouch. Sit with your spine straight and your shoulders back. Keep your head up. You might want to turn your body slightly so that you are facing your crush more directly.
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Don’t fidget. Tapping your fingers on the desk, shaking your legs, or constantly readjusting your glasses will just make you look nervous. It will also act as a distraction for your crush which will make it hard for her to focus on what you have to say.
- Take deep breaths.
- Fold your hands and rest them on the desk or table in front of you. If there is no table, rest them in your lap.
- You don’t have to keep your hands still the whole time. Many of us use our hands to gesture while we speak, but when they are idle, keeping them folded will help keep you from fidgeting too much.
- Take a quick inventory of your body every few minutes. Maybe while she is talking or when there is a small break in the conversation. Check in with yourself. If you feel your leg bouncing or an urge to keep moving around in your seat, take a deep breath and try to relax. Bring your focus back to your crush.
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Have some ideas about what to talk about. Talking to a girl you like can be nerve-racking. You can ease some of the stress by having a few things already picked out to talk about before you sit down. If you are in the same class you could say something about the teacher or the content of the class itself. If you are at lunch or out with friends you might mention a popular movie or the antics of a friend you have in common.
- “Professor Fink is so boring. I actually like physics, but he has a real knack for sucking all the fun out of it.”
- “Have you seen the latest episode of Supernatural? It was riveting.”
- “Today is my dog’s birthday. I’m so excited. Do you have any pets?”
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Introduce yourself. If you don’t already know the girl you like, introduce yourself as soon as you sit down. Tell her your name and maybe what you think of the class. Just a few sentences. “I’m Steven. I usually sit over by the Coke machine at lunch, but I thought I’d switch it up today.”
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Compliment her. When delivered with the right intentions, a sincere compliment can make anyone feel good. Avoid saying things about her body or comments that are lewd or sexual. Instead, tell her you like her shirt or her earrings. Even better, compliment her ideas while you guys are talking. [4] X Research source
- Be honest. An insincere compliment is usually easy to pick out and can have the opposite effect. [5] X Research source
- “I really like listening to you break down the thematic elements of the latest episode of Supernatural. It’s opening up the show in a new way for me.”
- “Those are really nice earrings. Where did you get them?”
- Avoid sexually charged compliments. [6] X Research source
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Listen and ask questions. Don’t just monopolize the conversation. Sitting next to some you like is a great way to get to know them better. Ask her about herself. What kinds of things is she into? How is she liking the class so far? What does she usually like to get for lunch from the cafeteria? [7] X Research source
- If this is a first meeting, keep the questions light. Avoid extremely personal questions.
- Smile and nod your head. Say things like, “I see.” “Yes.” or “I Understand.” [8] X Research source
- Make eye contact. [9]
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Expert Source
Eddy Baller
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 7 February 2020. This helps you appear confident. It also assures her that you are listening when she speaks and that you are engaged in what she has to say. [10] X Research source
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Pay attention to her body language. [11] X Research source If she is avoiding eye contact or leaning away from you, these may be indicators that she is not into the conversation. You can try redirecting the topic to something more neutral or inline with her interests. This may also be a sign that she needs more space or is feeling somehow intruded on. Try leaning back or scooting over a bit to give her more room.
- If you notice her leaning forward, smiling, and/or making eye contact, then this is a good indicator that she is engaged in the conversation and having a good time. Keep it up! [12] X Research source
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Know when to stop talking. When class starts or an assembly in the gym begins, don’t try to keep the conversation going in a whisper. Instead, participate fully in whatever the activity is. This will show her that you have very clear boundaries and that you understand social norms. [13] X Research source
- You may be able to make a few more connections with some non verbal communication. If the teacher says something funny, you might look her way and make some eye contact while you laugh. [14] X Research source
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Practice good hygiene. You’ll want to be at your best when you sit next to a person you like. The last thing you want is to come off charming and likable, only to have her become too distracted by any offensive odors coming from your body. Be sure to shower daily. Where deodorant and brush your teeth twice a day.
- Carry mints with you. Have one before you sit down. Gum can work too, but it can sometimes be hard to talk while chewing gum. It can also be perceived as rude or gross.
- Where a modest amount of cologne. Don’t dump too much on. It shouldn’t burn the nostrils of the person smelling it. A few dabs on your neck and wrists is fine.
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Tell her it was nice to meet her. End the conversation by thank her for her time. Tell her you really enjoyed meeting her (or getting to know her even better). Be specific. Reference something you guys talked about. “I had a really great time hearing your views on the television show Supernatural.” “Thank you for telling me that funny story about your cats.” “I understand this physics problem so much better now that we’ve had a chance to talk it out together.
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Ask if she would like to talk again.Be specific here as well. “I’d like to talk more about pet ownership with you if you are interested.” If you’ve just met, it might not be prudent to ask for her number right away. But you can try to set up an appropriate time to meet again. Or even better, ask if it would be okay if you sat next to her the next time the class meets. After you get to know her a little better, you can ask to call her sometime.
- Be specific here as well. “I’d like to talk more about pet ownership with you if you are interested.”
- Let her know when you’ll be here again. This puts the power in her hands to decide if she would like to sit next to you again. Which she totally will if you followed these steps.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I act confidently?Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.Have good posture! Maintaining good posture will not only make you look more confident, but it can increase your energy level and actually affect your hormones, making it more likely that you’ll be positive and clear headed while you speak.
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QuestionWhat should I do if a girl I like sits next to me?Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.Try striking up a casual conversation with her. Try to talk about a relatable subject, like a class you're in together.
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References
- ↑ https://www.jezebel.com/how-to-talk-to-a-woman-without-being-a-creep-5981581
- ↑ https://www.jezebel.com/how-to-talk-to-a-woman-without-being-a-creep-5981581
- ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
- ↑ http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/05/how-to-compliment-a-woman-without-objectifying-them/
- ↑ http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/05/how-to-compliment-a-woman-without-objectifying-them/
- ↑ http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/05/how-to-compliment-a-woman-without-objectifying-them/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-face-adversity/201111/being-good-listener
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-face-adversity/201111/being-good-listener
- ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologistworld.com/bodylanguage/eyes.php
- ↑ https://www.psychologistworld.com/bodylanguage/eyes.php
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201206/the-ultimate-guide-body-language
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201206/the-ultimate-guide-body-language
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-face-adversity/201111/being-good-listener
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Reader Success Stories
- "This article helped a lot. I'm sitting by my crush in homeroom, and I had no idea how to act at all! This nifty little article was amazing." ..." more
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"This article helped a lot. I'm sitting by my crush in homeroom, and I had no idea how to act at all! This nifty little article was amazing."
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"It really worked! I tried it on this girl and she really dug me!"
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