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Guilt is an emotion that compels humans to make peace with other people, fix a mistake, or change bad behavior. Usually guilt helps us to maintain a happy life. [1] X Research source However, when guilt sticks around for no obvious reason, this is a problem. Find out why you feel guilty and then take steps to get rid of it.
Things You Should Know
- Examine your guilt to understand where it comes from. The cause could be survivor’s guilt, childhood trauma, depression, or because you did something wrong.
- Journal or talk through your feelings, then compare them to your reality. Let go of self-judgmental feelings over things you can’t control.
- Recognize you can’t be perfect and accept responsibility for any wrongdoing you might have done in order to let your guilt go.
Steps
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Decide if you didn’t do something but wanted to. Sometimes you may feel guilty because you contemplated doing something that violates your personal morals. Even if you didn’t act on it, you may feel guilty for even considering it. If you’re feeling guilty for no obvious reason, you might have considered doing something you believe is wrong, but quickly pushed it out of your mind. The guilt might have stayed even though the thought left. [2] X Research source
- You might have forgotten the immoral thing you considered doing, such as cheating on your spouse or stealing from your friend. Sit and think about it to recall if you did want to do something like this.
- If you did have a thought like this, take a moment to forgive yourself. Then ask the person you thought about doing wrong against to forgive you.
- After you have made amends, let it go by not blaming yourself and focusing on the present. [3] X Research source
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Evaluate yourself for thinking you did something wrong. Sometimes we feel guilty for thinking we did something wrong when we didn’t actually do anything. For example, maybe you wished something bad would happen to your ex’s new partner, and then they got in a car accident. Even though you didn’t actually do anything, you can feel like you caused their accident. If you feel guilt for no apparent reason, perhaps you thought you did something wrong and then forgot about it. [4] X Research source
- Try to remember if you have ever wished bad would happen to someone and then it did.
- If you can’t talk to that person, take measures to forgive yourself .
- Keep in mind that you may also be judging yourself too harshly. For example, you might be thinking that you said something rude or did something insulting, when in reality the other person does not think that at all.
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Consider survivor’s guilt. You might feel guilty because you survived a traumatic event that affected someone else negatively. Even if this is not something you think about every day, it can be a cause of constant guilt. Identify survivor’s guilt by noticing if you feel sad when you perceive that you are doing better in life than others. [5] X Research source
- For example, if you survived an armed robbery, then you might have guilt when hearing about someone who was killed in an armed robbery. If you feel guilty for surviving the robbery because someone else did not, then you might have survivor's guilt.
- If you identify survivor’s guilt in yourself, you need to take some time to process your negative emotions and forgive yourself.
- Talk to someone about what happened, such as a psychologist.
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Realize that guilt can be caused by childhood events. You may have been traumatized as a child, whether abused over a long period of time or because of a specific event. You may also have been treated unfairly while growing up. All of these events can have lasting effects on you as an adult, even giving you feelings of guilt that seem to have no source. Think about your childhood to determine if something that happened then is causing your guilt. [6] X Expert Source Catherine Boswell, PhD
Licensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.- If you can identify something from your childhood that leads to guilt, such as abuse or a traumatic event, seek the help of a professional psychologist.
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Determine if you have neurotic guilt. Sometimes you feel guilty for no reason because you have neurotic guilt, or guilt that is much stronger than a situation calls for. You might feel guilty for things you have no control over. Neurotic guilt might occur because you feel bad for not being better at something.
- You might also feel neurotic guilt because you don’t want to do something others believe you should.
- Neurotic guilt can also arise from self-doubt.
- If you have neurotic guilt, you should take measures to forgive yourself. You also might to seek out a psychologist for counseling to help you cope and overcome the guilt.
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Determine if you did something wrong. Knowing the cause of guilt can help you resolve it. If you’ve looked at these techniques and you still feel guilty, maybe you need to admit there is a real reason you feel guilty. You may have forgotten about what you did. Sit down and think about your actions over the last few weeks and months to discover if you have done something wrong. This can explain why you feel guilty. [7] X Research source
- You may need to verbalize your thoughts through writing or talking to help you remember committing any wrongful acts. Write down your actions in a bullet list, or talk to a friend to help you remember.
- Maybe ask people who are close to you if they can remember you doing anything you should feel guilty about.
- If you can’t think of anything you did wrong, then you can stop giving in to the guilty feelings. Tell yourself that you did nothing wrong and focus on the present. [8] X Research source
- If you did do something wrong, go apologize and ask for forgiveness.
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Ask yourself if you might be depressed . Depression can cause you to feel guilty for no reason as well. Think about whether or not you might be depressed. Depression can take many forms, but you will likely have had ongoing feelings of sadness, loss of interest in things you once enjoyed, changes in your eating and sleeping, and feelings of hopelessness and/or helplessness. [9] X Research source
- Consider feelings of guilt along with these symptoms and talk to your doctor or a mental health professional if you think you might be depressed.
- Feelings of guilt may take many forms in depression. For example, you might feel guilty about not meeting your monthly sales quota at work, even if no one else in your office was able to meet their target either. Or, you might feel guilty for not washing the dishes before going to bed, even if you did lots of other housework and you were too exhausted to do anything else.
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Write or talk about your guilty feelings. Verbally or visually processing your feelings can help you get to the source of them. For example, you can identify if your guilt is out of proportion to your actions by writing out the situation in a journal. [10] X Research source Journaling or talking about your guilty feelings with someone else can help you recognize whether they are valid or not.
- Developing a regular habit of journaling or talking to someone can help you process feelings of guilt so that you stop feeling this way.
- Journaling also gives you something to look back on to help you see your progress. [11] X Research source
- Find a psychologist to discuss your feelings with if nothing you do at home is making these feelings go away.
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Conduct a reality check. The reality is often that you are not at fault, especially when you truly do not know the source of your guilt. It is helpful to take a moment and do a reality check when you’re feeling mysterious guilt. The truth about what is happening around you can show you that it’s not your fault. In these cases, give yourself permission to let go of the guilt. [12] X Research source
- Perform a reality check by sitting down and considering what is truly happening, not what you imagine is happening. You might need the help of a friend or family member to help you see things the way they truly are. Ask someone to sit down with you and give their perspective.
- For example, if you usually are very organized and one day you miss an appointment, you should not feel guilty. You are allowed to make mistakes.
- Let go of guilt by recognizing your responsibility, expressing your sadness that the situation occurred, and focusing on the present. [13] X Research source
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Try releasing yourself from your own judgement. One technique for processing guilt is to look at guilt as a judgement against yourself. To help yourself stop feeling guilty, take a moment to release yourself from your own judgements.
- Make a list of all the things you feel guilty about or recognize that you have judged yourself for. It could be as broad as telling yourself that you are a bad person, or as specific as telling yourself you are stupid for dropping your coffee this morning.
- Sit down and say out loud, "I release myself from the judgement that I am a bad person," or "I release myself from the judgement that I am stupid for dropping my coffee."
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Visualize your guilt as a car. Visualizing your guilt may also help you to acknowledge it, assess whether it is worth worrying about, and move forward. Try imagining that you are driving a car on a highway, and whenever you feel guilty, your car begins to drag to the left or right. When that happens, imagine that you are pulling your car to the side of the road, identifying the source of the problem or guilt, and figuring out what you can do to fix it. [14] X Research source
- For example, if you feel guilt over something that you can fix, such as by apologizing to someone, then take some time to fix it.
- If there is nothing you can do to fix your car, then imagine yourself getting back on the road and driving straight ahead.
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Find a way to relax. Guilt can take a toll on your physical body. Since guilt usually indicates that you need punishment, you may be caught in a vicious cycle of internal punishment. When you don’t know why you feel guilty, self-punishment can feel especially exhausting. Take time to relax and push the feelings of guilt out of your mind. This will also reduce your stress level. [15] X Research source
- Help yourself get out of the punishment mode by thinking about something you did correctly that day.
- For example, congratulate yourself for making it to the gym, making a healthy food choice, or spending time with your family when you didn’t have to.
- There are many ways to relax, such as practicing breathing exercises, meditating, visualization techniques, and so on. [16] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
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Accept any wrongdoing and let it go. To stop feeling guilty for no reason, you need to let go of your feelings of guilt. Identify any wrongdoing you might have committed and take accountability for it. Then, seek forgiveness from yourself and others and stop giving yourself permission to feel this way. Accept that there is no way to change what has already happened. [17] X Expert Source Catherine Boswell, PhD
Licensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.- Remember that letting go can be choosing to stop blaming others or yourself as well as forgiving yourself and others. [18] X Research source
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Recognize that you can’t be perfect. Sometimes you may have a constant sense of guilt because you expect perfection from yourself. Consider that you may be demanding something from yourself that you can never have. No one on Earth is perfect. When you expect yourself to be perfect, you set yourself up for failure. A sense of failure can make you maintain feelings of guilt. Instead, tell yourself that you are only human.
- When you make mistakes, correct them and then stop thinking about it.
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Stay away from circumstances that make you feel bad. Find a solution for your guilt by avoiding situations that give you guilty feelings. You may feel guilt for no reason, but some situations make you feel worse than others. Identify these situations and avoid them. [19] X Research source
- Start by keeping a planner and writing down each of your daily activities in it. After each activity is over, write down how you felt, such as “good,” “happy,” “sad,” or “guilty.”
- Later, look at your list of emotions and group the activities that make you feel guilty into one list. It might help to categorize them as a type of situation, such as “performance” when you have to do something for someone else.
- Take measures to reduce or stop these activities.
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Forgive yourself . If you are guilty about something, then you may need to forgive yourself to move on. Forgiving yourself can help you to release your feelings of guilt and feel okay with yourself again. This can be an ongoing process, but with time you may start to feel better.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I forgive myself?Dr. Catherine Boswell is a Licensed Psychologist and a Co-Founder of Psynergy Psychological Associates, a private therapy practice based in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups, couples, and families struggling with trauma, relationships, grief, and chronic pain. She holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell has taught courses to Master’s level students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.Forgiving yourself is an important practice. If you would let a friend off the hook for the same thing you are feeling guilty about, why not let yourself off the hook?
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Tips
- Feeling guilt is normal to an extent. Guilt motivates you to maintain healthy relationships and prevents you from making the same mistake twice. Just keep in mind that when guilt won’t go away, this is a problem.Thanks
- Find something fun to do to take your mind off your guilty emotions, such as watching a TV show or going out with friends.Thanks
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Warnings
- Feelings of guilt can be a symptom of depression. [20] X Research source If you cannot get your guilty feelings to go away on your own, seek professional help.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.wisegeek.org/how-can-i-stop-feeling-guilty-about-everything.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201208/the-definitive-guide-guilt
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/07/22/learning-to-let-go-of-past-hurts-5-ways-to-move-on/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201208/the-definitive-guide-guilt
- ↑ http://www.giftfromwithin.org/html/Guilt-Following-Traumatic-Events.html
- ↑ Catherine Boswell, PhD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201208/the-definitive-guide-guilt
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/07/22/learning-to-let-go-of-past-hurts-5-ways-to-move-on/
- ↑ http://www.allaboutdepression.com/dia_12.html
- ↑ http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/guilt-coping-mechanisms
- ↑ http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-6496/5-Ways-to-Get-Rid-of-Guilt.html
- ↑ http://www.health.com/health/article/0,,20952312,00.html
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/07/22/learning-to-let-go-of-past-hurts-5-ways-to-move-on/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/overcoming-guilt-in-depression
- ↑ http://www.health.com/health/article/0,,20952312,00.html
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/relaxation-techniques-for-stress-relief.htm
- ↑ Catherine Boswell, PhD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/07/22/learning-to-let-go-of-past-hurts-5-ways-to-move-on/
- ↑ http://www.health.com/health/article/0,,20952312,00.html
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression
About This Article
Article Summary
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To stop feeling guilty for no reason, recognize that you can't be perfect and you don't have to hold yourself to that standard. If you constantly expect perfection from yourself, you'll always feel guilty when things don't go according to plan. Instead, cut yourself some slack and try to relax a bit by doing activities you enjoy. Whenever you start feeling guilty, just ask yourself "Is this a valid criticism, or am I beating myself up for something that's out of my control?" More often than not, this will help you realize you need to be kinder to yourself! For advice from our Mental Health reviewer on how to determine the source of your guilt, read on.
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