Toxic Adult Children: 15+ Signs Your Daughter Doesn’t Respect You

PDF download Download Article
Recognizing the signs of a toxic daughter so you can repair your relationship
PDF download Download Article

Does your adult daughter still throw temper tantrums, make snarky remarks, or give you the silent treatment? If so, you might have an unhealthy parent-child relationship. While it may be the same behavior exhibited during childhood, disrespect from an adult child can feel more hurtful than before—but, it doesn’t mean you have to sit back and take it. In this article, we’re going over all the signs that you have a toxic daughter, plus how to handle her behavior and move forward in the situation.

Things You Should Know

  • A toxic daughter may blame you for her problems and refuse to take accountability for her actions. To get what she wants, she might make you feel guilty or invalidate your feelings.
  • To deal with toxic behavior, clearly communicate your boundaries. For example, if your daughter yells at you, you can say, “If you raise your voice, I am going to leave the room.”
  • If you feel guilty or upset around your daughter, you may have a toxic relationship. If your daughter continues to ignore your boundaries, you may decide to take a step back.
Section 1 of 3:

Toxic Daughter Traits

PDF download Download Article
  1. A toxic daughter may say mean things to her parents to make them feel ashamed or humiliated. If your daughter constantly makes unnecessary comments about your age, looks, cooking, behavior, or parenting style, it could be her way of intentionally hurting you. [1]
  2. A toxic daughter may not believe in personal space or boundaries, fueling her toxic behavior. Whether she’s always late to meet you or calls you at any given hour (when you’ve asked her not to), this behavior isn’t acceptable for a grown adult—if she continues to act this way, it could harm her relationships with others because she doesn’t care about their time, space, or energy. [2]
    Advertisement
  3. If your daughter raises her voice during an argument, it may be a sign that she’s not emotionally mature. Since she can’t express her emotions in a calm, rational way, the only way to get her point across is to lash out at you (and by overpowering your voice, you may not be able to get a single word in). [3]
  4. If your daughter blames you for every problem in her life, she hasn’t learned how to take accountability for her actions. She might say things like, “It’s not my fault,” or “You’re the reason I turned out this way” (even when you don’t have influence over certain situations). By playing the blame game, she’s avoiding her responsibilities as an adult and hindering her personal growth. [4]
  5. If your daughter was neglected or traumatized during childhood, she may be unable to feel or demonstrate empathy as an adult. [5] While this doesn’t justify her behavior, it could explain why she makes insensitive or cruel comments. Since she can’t put herself in another person’s shoes, she doesn’t know how to work through conflict in a healthy manner (resulting in aggressive or toxic behavior). [6]
  6. If your daughter gives you the silent treatment or shuts down conversations with a brisk “Whatever,” or “Fine,” she might have unresolved issues with you. Although this doesn’t give her the right to rudely dismiss you, this could be her way of masking her anger or resentment (and the moment you counter her behavior, she can use it to justify her passive-aggressive actions). [7]
  7. If your daughter doesn’t get what she wants through aggressive tactics, she may begin to act differently in order to take advantage of you. Whether she acts nicer to you than usual or flat-out ignores you, interpret this as a sign of toxic behavior—she’s playing up her emotions to get her way or convince you to do something for her. [8]
  8. If she can’t get what she wants through aggressive or manipulative tactics, a toxic daughter may resort to lying. No matter how big or small the lie, lying is extremely damaging behavior that breaks the foundation for a healthy relationship (and since it’s coming from your child, it feels like an even greater betrayal of trust). [9]
  9. A toxic daughter may invalidate her parents’ experiences to make herself feel better—but it’s definitely not okay. Since gaslighting isn’t as obvious as verbally attacking someone, it can be harder to identify, but if your daughter dismisses or minimizes your feelings (to make you feel like you’re always wrong), take it as a sign that you have an unhealthy relationship. [10]
  10. A toxic daughter might believe she knows everything, which explains why she rarely or never apologizes. In her mind, she’s always right, and since she’s refusing to acknowledge anyone else’s opinion, it may feel like you’re talking to a brick wall most of the time. [11]
  11. A toxic daughter may bring up her parents’ mistakes to justify her behavior. If your daughter constantly reminds you of a past slip-up, it usually means she’s not over the situation. Because there’s not a definitive way to prove your intentions were caring, she likely won’t forgive you until she addresses the pain and trauma within herself. [12]
  12. Does your daughter frequently insult, criticize, or bully you? If so, it may be a sign that she has no emotional filter. A toxic daughter isn’t afraid to verbally attack her parents because she doesn’t know how to express her emotions properly (or she simply doesn’t care to). Since there’s only so much verbal abuse you can take, you may end up feeling bad about yourself when she’s not around. [13]
  13. If you have grandchildren, your toxic daughter may refuse to let you see them unless you give her what she wants. This is a clear sign of bullying (and bribery), and it can disrupt your entire family dynamic. By using her children as pawns, she’s playing a game to punish and hurt you. [14]
  14. A toxic daughter may simply not care about her parents’ well-being. And if she doesn’t respect their opinions or boundaries, it means she’s not afraid to say things that come off as rude or offensive. If your daughter makes insulting comments about you or your partner, interpret it as a sign that you have an unhealthy relationship. [15]
  15. Sometimes, a toxic daughter believes she “deserves” everything she desires (and uses this to justify her behavior). If your daughter praises herself when she does the bare minimum or thinks the world revolves around her, it might explain why she’s so hurtful to you—she doesn’t care about anything other than getting what she wants. [16]
  16. While it’s understandable for your daughter to prioritize her partner, it’s not normal to be cut off completely after marriage. If your daughter rarely reaches out unless she wants something, it’s definitely a sign that your relationship is toxic (and has become estranged). [17]
    17. Advertisement
Section 2 of 3:

Dealing with Toxic Behavior

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you want to maintain a relationship with your adult daughter, figure out when she’s likely to have an outburst (so you can minimize the chances of one). For example, if she only yells at you in private, schedule all your dates with her in public settings. Or, if she gets extremely upset around your new partner, limit his contact with her to a virtual setting. [18]
    • Sometimes, your daughter’s toxic behavior may not directly concern you (and you could just be the person she’s venting her frustrations to).
    • Once you recognize what makes your daughter tick, you may be able to develop a healthier relationship with her. However, it could take time, so be sure to practice self-care and work on yourself in the meantime.
  2. To protect your well-being, identify toxic behavior you will not accept and communicate your limits in a clear and direct manner. Try to be as concise and specific as possible so your boundary is easy to remember. For example, if your daughter constantly shouts at you, you could say, “I’m not going to listen to you if you don’t speak in a normal tone. If you raise your voice, I’m going to leave the room.” [19]
    • Although it can be hard to set healthy boundaries with your child, no one deserves to be disrespected or attacked. You don’t need a reason to be treated with respect, so be extra compassionate to yourself during this process.
    • If you’re worried about confrontation, practice the scenario with a trusted friend so you can learn to stay calm in heated situations. [20]
    • If your daughter disregards your boundaries (and you don’t wish to speak to her in person), it’s perfectly okay to send her an email or text to restate them. You could say, “Since you don’t respect me and continue to insult me, I will no longer accept your calls.” [21]
  3. Try to turn an argument into a conversation . If your daughter is upset or angry, remain calm and try to talk things through. Sometimes, children resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms, like yelling or passive-aggressive behavior, because they can’t express their true emotions. To defuse a tense situation, you could say, “I think the situation is getting out of hand, so let’s take 10 minutes to regroup. I want to understand where you’re coming from.” [22]
    • If you’re dealing with passive-aggressive behavior , avoid mirroring your daughter’s behavior and figure out why she’s acting up. Instead of giving her the cold shoulder, you could say, “I may be wrong, but it seems like you’re upset. Do you want to talk about it?” or “If you're upset about something, it’s safe to talk to me.” [23]
    • If your daughter opens up to you, be sure to accept and validate her emotions, even if you don’t agree with her behavior or point of view. [24]
  4. Although you shouldn’t have to change your schedule to avoid your daughter, you might find it’s the most effective way to maintain a peaceful life. Regardless of your relationship, you don’t owe anyone your time and energy, so feel free to leave the room if you don’t want to be near your daughter. Or, give yourself a break and go no-contact for a few months until you’re in a better place. [25]
    • If you can’t limit physical contact with your daughter, try to limit the emotional energy you spend on her. To protect yourself from negative energy , make a conscious effort to focus on the positive aspects of your life and remind yourself that it’s not your responsibility to “fix” someone.
    • While it can be hard to avoid your daughter at family gatherings, try to surround yourself with other people so there’s no opportunity for her to corner you. Avoid sharing the details of your relationship to family members you’re not close to—remember that any information can be used against you. [26]
  5. If you’re struggling to deal with your daughter’s toxic behavior, talk to a trusted family member or friend to help you process your emotions. Remember that you don’t have to go through this experience alone—a loved one can help you navigate your relationship with your daughter and provide emotional support. [27]
    • If you don’t have a strong support network, seek professional help. A therapist is an unbiased third party who can help you figure out the next steps in the healing process.
    • If your relationship is seriously affecting your mental health, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse .
    6. Advertisement
Section 3 of 3:

Should I walk away from a toxic child?

PDF download Download Article
  1. At the end of the day, if your daughter continues to attack or belittle you (and you’ve clearly stated your boundaries), you might have to cut ties with her to minimize your pain and suffering. While you can’t control your daughter’s behavior, you can control if she has access to hurt you, and by distancing yourself, you can begin the road to healing. [28]
    • Every relationship is different, so there’s no specific timeline to leave a toxic situation. The decision to walk away is extremely brave and difficult, so reflect on how you feel around your daughter and ask yourself what’s holding you back.
    • When leaving an emotionally abusive relationship , be sure to set up an exit strategy with your friends and family. Accept that you may feel guilty at first, but remain firm in your decision.
    • Remember that cutting contact with your daughter doesn’t have to be forever. When she’s ready to address and change her behavior, she can reach out to you to repair your relationship.

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Video

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Give a Spanking
      How to
      Include Spanking in Child Discipline
      How to
      Ground Your Child in a Healthy, Effective Way
      How to
      Deal With a Spoiled Brat
      15 Ways to Discipline a Stubborn Child or Teenager
      Understanding Narcissism in Children: How to Deal with a Narcissistic Child
      How to
      Stop Being an Attention Whore
      How to
      Discipline an Autistic Child
      How to
      Stop Being Hyper
      How to
      Discipline a Child According to Age
      How to
      Deal With a Lazy Teenager
      How to
      Punish Your Kids for Smoking
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://firstthings.org/how-to-deal-with-toxic-family-members
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/202204/5-strategies-cope-toxic-family-members
      3. ↑ https://www.healthcentral.com/sex-and-relationships/toxic-family
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/202204/5-strategies-cope-toxic-family-members
      5. ↑ http://sfhelp.org/relate/empathy.htm
      6. ↑ https://www.healthcentral.com/sex-and-relationships/toxic-family
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201112/recognizing-and-responding-your-daughter-s-passive-aggressive
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/202204/5-strategies-cope-toxic-family-members
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/202204/5-strategies-cope-toxic-family-members
      1. ↑ https://www.healthcentral.com/sex-and-relationships/toxic-family
      2. ↑ https://youtu.be/garAQwXbFi0?t=155
      3. ↑ http://bulliesbegone.com/toxic-adult-children
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/202204/5-strategies-cope-toxic-family-members
      5. ↑ https://youtu.be/garAQwXbFi0?t=169
      6. ↑ https://www.healthcentral.com/sex-and-relationships/toxic-family
      7. ↑ https://onlinegrad.pepperdine.edu/blog/entitled-children-improving-behavior
      8. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4507819
      9. ↑ https://www.healthcentral.com/sex-and-relationships/toxic-family
      10. ↑ https://youtu.be/TW9b0WEitIE?t=100
      11. ↑ https://youtu.be/TW9b0WEitIE?t=269
      12. ↑ https://youtu.be/TW9b0WEitIE?t=232
      13. ↑ https://www.healthcentral.com/sex-and-relationships/toxic-family
      14. ↑ https://www.lsci.org/pdf/the-angry-smile/ANGRY%20SMILE%20-%20Powerpoint%20HANDOUT%20for%20Online%20course.pdf
      15. ↑ https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/passive-aggressive-child-teen-behavior
      16. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/202204/5-strategies-cope-toxic-family-members
      17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/202204/5-strategies-cope-toxic-family-members
      18. ↑ https://firstthings.org/how-to-deal-with-toxic-family-members
      19. ↑ https://www.rejectedparents.net/estrangement-from-adult-children-have-you-had-enough

      About This Article

      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 85,942 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Kristen B.

        Jan 12

        "My daughter has every single one of these traits. It's so painful. My 3 grandchildren can't see me and ..." more
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement