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Common (and some surprising) types of cheating, plus signs of infidelity
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Cheating can be an unfortunately common and complex issue in committed relationships. While cheating itself happens more often than anyone would like, people often differ in their definition of cheating and what really counts as infidelity in a relationship. What is and isn't considered cheating can be confusing, but we put together this comprehensive guide to help you make sense of infidelity, spot it in your relationship, and know how to handle it when it happens.
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If you think your partner may be cheating on you, the phone monitoring app mSpy can help. mSpy gives you a full report of your partner’s phone activity, including texts, phone calls, social media usage, dating apps like Tinder, and more. It also tracks GPS location, works on any type of device, and is 100% invisible to others. Just make sure to get your partner’s consent before installing, since using phone monitoring apps without someone’s permission is illegal in most places.
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Section 2 of 6:
Common Types of Cheating
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Physical cheating Physical cheating is what most people think of when they picture infidelity. Physical infidelity is usually defined as having sexual relations with another person, but it does have some gray areas. Some people may consider non-sexual physical intimacy, like holding hands or kissing, as cheating, while others may not. Similarly, some people may see a drunken kiss as a less egregious form of cheating than a sober one. Depending on the relationship, common examples of physical cheating include: [3] X Research source
- Holding hands or cuddling with another person
- Kissing or making out with someone else
- Dancing with or touching another person in a sexual way
- Having sex with someone else
- Paying for sex or an erotic massage
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Emotional cheating Emotional cheating occurs when someone has formed a close emotional, romantic bond with someone besides their partner. This type of cheating often involves no physical intimacy (at least in the beginning). Instead, emotional affairs often begin as an innocent friendship but evolve to the point where the emotional intimacy and support typically reserved for a romantic relationship are being shared in a platonic one. Emotional cheating can be hard to define, but some examples of an emotional affair include: [4] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- Inappropriate communication like excessive texting, calling, or social media contact
- Hiding a “friendship” from a partner because of guilt or the knowledge they may feel uncomfortable
- Sharing deep thoughts and feelings with someone else (while not sharing them with a partner)
- Behaving like a couple with someone else, without the physical intimacy
- Having strong emotions or romantic feelings for someone else
- Telling someone about said strong emotions or romantic feelings
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Virtual cheating Sometimes called online or digital infidelity, cheating via online services or social media profiles is similar to emotional cheating. However, it’s become increasingly more common due to the ease of finding and engaging in infidelity with someone online. Some potential examples of virtual cheating include: [5] X Research source
- Liking other people’s thirst traps
- Sending flirty messages or leaving sexual comments on social media posts
- Spending more time chatting with another person online than chatting with a partner
- Having a secret dating profile online
- Sexting
- Sending or receiving nudes
- Initiating conversations or personal relationships with digital sex workers or people in chat rooms
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Micro-cheating Micro-cheating is one of the most common types of cheating in a relationship, and it consists of repeated minor and subtle actions that lead someone to develop intimate connections outside of their relationship. These actions may make the faithful partner feel jealous and insecure, but they’re not quite enough to qualify as traditional cheating. The specifics of what does or doesn’t constitute micro-cheating depends on the couple, but some examples may include: [6] X Research source
- Going to strip clubs
- Sending flirty messages
- Stalking an ex on social media
- Texting or communicating frequently with an ex
- Flirting with other people
- Entertaining someone else’s advances
- Fantasizing about someone else
- Having an active online profile on a dating site
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Financial infidelity Financial infidelity doesn’t have to involve another person at all. Rather, financial cheating happens when a partner is secretive or deceitful about their spending or savings. While this type of infidelity can happen in conjunction with a physical affair (e.g., the cheater is going over their family’s monthly budget to buy gifts for their secret lover), it can also manifest in other ways, including: [7] X Research source
- Gambling addictions that deplete the partner’s savings
- Substance abuse problems, causing large amounts of money to be spent on alcohol or drugs
- Compulsive shopping that runs through the family budget
- Large amounts of debt or diminished savings being hidden from one partner
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Object infidelity Some people believe it’s possible to cheat on a partner with a hobby or interest. While it’s completely healthy to have normal hobbies and interests, this type of cheating may occur if all of someone’s time and attention is devoted to a hobby. For example: [8] X Research source
- If someone spends all of their free time playing video games online with friends.
- If someone spends every weekend with their intramural sports team instead of a partner.
- If someone spends every evening working rather than spending time with a partner.
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Commemorative infidelity Commemorative cheating happens when one person has decidedly fallen out of love with their committed romantic partner but stays in the relationship out of obligation. In this case, the individual may still see romantic or physical connection outside of their monogamous relationship and justify it because (from their perspective) their relationship is over. [9] X Research source
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Section 3 of 6:
Signs of Infidelity
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They’re possessive over their electronics. Evidence of cheating is often found in texts and emails on electronic devices like phones or laptops. For this reason, a partner who’s cheating may be overly possessive of or protective over their electronic devices and the amount of time they’re spending on them. In effect, they don’t want you (their partner) to know who they’re talking to. [10] X Research source
- If you’re concerned about your partner’s behavior with their phone, consider asking them if they’d be willing to share their location and phone activity with you. A surveillance app like mSpy allows you to monitor and log activity on a target device—in this case, your partner’s cell phone or computer.
- mSpy lets you read messages, view calls, see social media activity, and track GPS location. mSpy may be the ideal solution to give peace of mind to and guarantee mutual transparency for both you and your partner.
- Before using a phone monitoring app like mSpy, make sure to get your partner’s consent, since using one of these apps without permission is illegal in most cases.
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They’re unreachable for long periods of time. If your partner disappears for long periods of time without any logical explanation, this may mean that they’re engaging in infidelity with someone else. Otherwise, they’d probably just tell you that they’re with their friends or at a meeting, and they won’t act strange or evasive about where they’ve been. [11] X Research source
- If you use mSpy , you’re able to track the location of your partner’s phone (with their permission, to avoid legal issues). Even if they aren’t responding to your texts, you’ll be able to see exactly where they are and deduce what they might be up to.
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They give illogical and inconsistent explanations for their behavior. If your partner is constantly lying to you about where they’ve been or who they’ve been with, you’ll probably be able to pick up on inconsistencies in their story over time. If they start to give conflicting information or get stressed when asked about what they’ve been up to, then they may be cheating and struggling to keep their story straight. [12] X Research source
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Their schedule has suddenly changed drastically. If your partner all of a sudden has to work late consistently (even when their job doesn’t really require that), then they may be cheating. Similarly, if they suddenly have to go on frequent out-of-town business trips for a job that never required that before, you may have reason to be suspicious about whether or not they’re telling the truth. [13] X Research source
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They’re spending large amounts of money for no clear reason. If your partner has a sudden, inexplicable change in their spending habits, that should raise some red flags. They may be withdrawing large amounts of cash or charging restaurant meals to their credit card that clearly bought enough food for two people. While the issue may not necessarily be infidelity, inconsistent expenses are a big sign that something is going on with your partner. [14] X Research source
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They become more adventurous or energetic in the bedroom. Contrary to what you might think, people who are being unfaithful actually tend to want more sexual intimacy with the partner that they’re cheating on. While you might expect them to have less time for sex with their committed significant other, cheating may make some people feel more sexually energized and want to seek out more frequent or more exciting varieties of sex with their romantic partner. [15] X Research source
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Their friends act uncomfortable around you. Most of the time (but not always), the friends of the cheating partner will know about the infidelity before the significant other does. If your partner’s friends are suddenly acting awkward or uncomfortable around you—or if they even seem to be avoiding you entirely—then this guilty behavior may be because they know that their friend is cheating. [16] X Research source
- If you think that your partner’s friends know something you don’t, then they’ve probably had phone calls or text messages with your partner discussing their infidelity. On mSpy , you can record phone calls and see texts, call logs, or even ambient recordings of your partner’s surroundings. If they are cheating and talking with their friends about it, mSpy will let you know.
- However, remember that it’s usually illegal to monitor someone’s phone without their knowledge, so it’s best to ask your partner before installing any spyware on their phone.
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They accuse you of cheating with no concrete reasoning. If your partner knows that they’re doing something wrong or dishonest, they may start projecting onto others and imagine that everyone else is doing the same thing as they are. As a result, they may start accusing you (or someone else) of cheating, even though they have no real evidence or reason to believe that that’s the case. [17] X Research source
- However, there are many possible reasons that a partner may accuse you of cheating—including that they’re recognizing some of the signs on this list! They may also be struggling with feelings of jealousy or insecurity, although that’s still an issue that you probably want to address in your relationship.
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They start to criticize you often or make belittling comments. If your partner is cheating on you and feels guilty about it, then they may be experiencing something called cognitive dissonance. What happens with cognitive dissonance is that your partner believes that two things can’t be true at the same time—in this situation, they can’t simultaneously believe that cheating hurts their partner and that they are a kind person who wouldn’t hurt their partner. [18] X Research source
- To deal with this dissonance, your partner may start telling themselves that you aren’t worthy of honesty or faithfulness, so they can’t really be hurting you (or that hurt is deserved).
- To prove this idea to themselves, they may start to criticize or demean you frequently.
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You think they’re cheating but don’t have proof. Sometimes, you might have a major feeling that your partner is being unfaithful but don’t have any real evidence to prove it. Some studies have shown that people can detect lies subconsciously, even if they’re unable to identify why they feel like the person is lying.
- If you just can’t shake the feeling that your partner is cheating (and you don’t have any past relationship trauma that may be causing you to feel that way), then it might be worth it to talk to your partner or do some further investigation.
- If you want to find proof, then asking your partner to install a monitoring software on their phone may be just the solution. It’s really unlikely that your partner will be able to keep all signs of cheating off of their phone, which is why mSpy allows you to monitor your significant other’s text messages, phone calls, social media behavior, camera images, calendar, and GPS location.
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Join the Discussion...
So I’ve been dating this guy for about a year now and everything is going great. I really mean it, we click, we’re loyal, we love each other.... Read More
There's no single definition of cheating, and there's no single definition of flirting, which makes this question complicated! Because different... Read More
I agree with the first commenter that this may not technically be cheating, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t reasonable for you to be upset. Ev... Read More
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Tips
- The boundaries you set in a relationship may be fluid and change as you, your partner, and your relationship grow. Keep having open discussions about what you consider infidelity to ensure you're both on the same page.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- What's considered cheating depends on you and your significant other. In one relationship I was in I didn't mind if he flirted with other girls but he cared if I flirted with other guys so I compromised and we just made that a rule. In the relationship I had after that, though, it wasn't a rule because neither of us was bothered by it!
- Some people are very suspicious and defensive and consider every little harmless thing infidelity. A guy I dated wouldn't let me go on social media because he thought it meant I was talking to other guys, even if I wasn't. Compromise is important in any relationship but so is trust, and you can't control someone else.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-mentality/202209/what-counts-cheating-in-relationship
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/polyamory/
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/infidelity/
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/emotional-cheating
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/understanding-the-different-types-of-infidelity#4
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/infidelity/
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/infidelity/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/understanding-the-different-types-of-infidelity#4
- ↑ https://jimbrillon.com/how-to-overcome-infidelity/
- ↑ https://www.self.com/story/signs-of-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://time.com/6964719/how-to-tell-if-someone-is-lying/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/is-he-cheating-or-am-i-paranoid-how-to-know-for-sure/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.self.com/story/signs-of-cheating
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/is-he-cheating-or-am-i-paranoid-how-to-know-for-sure/
- ↑ https://www.health.com/relationships/why-do-people-cheat
- ↑ https://www.health.com/relationships/why-do-people-cheat
- ↑ https://www.health.com/relationships/why-do-people-cheat
- ↑ https://www.wfla.com/bloom-tampa-bay/rebuilding-trust-after-infidelity-strategies-for-healing-and-moving-forward/
- ↑ https://coupleslearn.com/rebuild-trust-after-betrayal/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201408/how-take-full-responsibility-affair
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-mentality/202209/what-counts-cheating-in-relationship
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/is-he-cheating-or-am-i-paranoid-how-to-know-for-sure/
- ↑ https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/adultery
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/emotional-cheating
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