How to Comfort a Friend Who's Lost a Parent: 70+ Supportive Phrases

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Know exactly what to say to support a friend who’s grieving
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Losing a parent can be one of the most devastating things a person may endure. Knowing what to say to comfort a friend in the throes of grief is hard, as you want to make them feel better without minimizing their pain. Still, words like, “I’m here for you” don’t seem to carry enough weight during these tough times. Here are more options for what to say to comfort someone who’s lost a parent.

What to Say to Console a Grieving Friend

The first thing you should do is offer your condolences: “I’m so sorry for your loss.” You can also offer to do helpful tasks for them, like make them a meal or clean their house. Provide continuous support by checking in with them, allowing them to be vulnerable, and assuring them you’re not going anywhere.

Section 1 of 5:

What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost a Parent

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  1. If one of your friends has lost a parent, don't focus too much on trying to find the exact right words to say. Instead, simply offer your condolences, company, and help in whatever way you can. [1] Here some examples of what you might say to someone who has lost their parent:
    • "Words can't express how sorry I am for your loss."
    • "I want to offer you my deepest condolences.”
    • "I know this is such a difficult time for you and your family."
    • "I just want to express my sorrow at your parent's passing."
    • "Please know you can lean on me during this painful time."
    • "If you need me, you know I'm just a phone call away."
    • "Is there anything you need right now?"
    • "Please remember to take care of yourself-- I can help!"
    • "Have you eaten? Have you slept?"
    • "Can I help watch the kids while you rest?"
    • "I know you don't feel like doing anything right now, and that's okay."
    • "Remember you have a support system here for you."
    • "If you just want some company, we can just sit together and not talk."
    • "Don't be afraid to feel your feelings, this is a safe space."
    • "I know nothing I say will fix it, but know I'm here with you."
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Section 2 of 5:

What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost a Mother

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  1. If you knew this individual’s mother personally, don't be afraid to reference a fond memory of her and express your sincere condolences. Make sure to also let your friend know that you’re there for whatever they need. Here are some examples of what to say to someone who’s lost their mother:
    • "Your mom always made me feel welcomed and safe in your home."
    • "She had such a kind and gentle way about her."
    • "Nobody could ever replace your mother."
    • "I know that a world without your mother in it feels empty."
    • "There's nothing that could prepare you for the death of a mother as wonderful as yours."
    • "Your mom fought so hard until the end. She was a force to be reckoned with and she'll be sorrowfully missed!"
    • "It was a gift to know her for as long as I did."
    • "You embody so many of her beautiful qualities."
    • "I hope you know she's proud of you no matter where she is."
    • "I was so sad to hear of your mother's passing. She was a very special lady."
    • "May your sweet mother rest in peace."
    • "I know you'll carry on her legacy of joy and kindness."
    • "I wish I had gotten to know her better because she seemed like such a sweet and caring person."
    • "Your mom treated me like I was her own and I'll never forget that."
    • "No matter what, your mom's light will continue to shine on through you."
Section 3 of 5:

What to Say to Someone Who’s Lost a Father

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  1. Express to your friend how deeply their father impacted your own life—reminiscing on his life together could be therapeutic. Recalling his personality quirks could momentarily lighten the mood and bring a little levity to your friend's day. Listening to the way other people remember their dad may help them process. Here are some examples of what you might say to someone who’s lost their father:
    • "Your dad had the best sense of humor!"
    • "Remember the time he let us skip school and took us to play hooky?"
    • "A dad like yours will never be forgotten."
    • "His heart was as big as his appetite!"
    • "Your father was a man of excellent character and everyone around him admired him."
    • "I feel lucky to have known him as long as I did!"
    • "The stories he told will be deeply missed!"
    • "Your father was such a stand-up guy."
    • "The loss of your dad is so profound-- he was a great man."
    • "Nobody could ever fill his big shoes."
    • "Having your dad in your life to guide you with his love and wisdom was invaluable."
    • "This great loss will shape you, but his spirit will always be with you."
    • "What are some of your favorite memories of your dad?"
    • "I know your dad was so happy to have you there until the very end."
    • "I had the utmost respect for your father."
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Section 4 of 5:

How to Write a Message Offering Your Condolences

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  1. Start by offering your condolences . This will be a particularly daunting time for them, so keep it short and to the point. The most important thing is that they know that you want to be there for them. Even saying something as simple as, “I just want to say that I’m thinking about you,” will show that you care. [2] You can also say:
    • ”I’m so sorry for your loss.”
    • ”I’d like to offer my sympathies."
    • ”My thoughts and prayers are with your family.”
    EXPERT TIP

    Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT

    Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist
    Ken Breniman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Yoga Therapist and Thanatologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years experience of providing clinical support and community workshops utilizing a dynamic combination of traditional psychotherapy and yoga therapy. He specializes in eclectic non-denominational yoga guidance, grief therapy, complex trauma recovery and mindful mortal skills development. He has a MSW from Washington University in St. Louis and an MA Certification in Thanatology from Marian University of Fond du Lac. He became certified with the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing his 500 training hours at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
    Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT
    Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist

    There's really not any right thing to say. So, putting the pressure on oneself to come up with the right thing to say is probably only going to be more stressful for either someone trying to console or offer condolences. There's also many ways to be present with another person.

  2. Don't try to compare experiences. Even if you’ve lost a loved one before and you feel equipped to say anything along the lines of, “I know exactly how you feel,” it would be best if you removed your feelings from the situation all together. [3] Although you think you understand your friend’s loss, everyone’s grief is unique to them, so steer clear of empathizing by sharing your own experiences. Instead, encourage them to feel their feelings fully. You can say:
    • ”I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
    • ”I know I can’t make it better but I’m here.”
    • ”You are allowed to feel everything you’re feeling.”
  3. Extend a helping hand. In the tumultuous time after a parent passes away, your friend may not have the energy to do anything. It’s easy to neglect ourselves when consumed by grief, so offering to do tasks for them could be a huge help. Ask if you can make them a meal, or help clean the house. Even taking their dog for a walk or changing their cat’s litter box could provide them with a little relief. Whatever you can do to help will be highly appreciated. [4] You can say:
    • ”What do you feel like having for dinner? I’ll make it and bring it over!”
    • ”Why don’t you go lay down while I tidy up the house?”
    • ”Is there anything I can do to lighten your load?”
  4. Let your friend know you can be there whenever they need you. Grief can strike like a bolt of lightning, out of nowhere, so it’s a good idea to assure your friend that you want to be there for them any time they need you. [5] Let them know that they won’t annoy you by reaching out if they feel the urge to chat, vent, or shed a few tears on the phone. Grief is not a linear process and remind them that it’s okay to experience a “relapse” even if it’s months down the line. You can say:
    • "l'll always pick up the phone for you.”
    • ”Don’t be a stranger if you need someone to talk to!”
    • ”I’ll never get tired of listening to what you have to say."
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Section 5 of 5:

What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Lost a Parent

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  1. In your efforts to comfort a grieving friend, you may have the urge to use a cliche that could do more harm than good. Putting one’s foot in one’s mouth is understandable when trying to find the exact right thing to say, but the following phrases should not be uttered. [6]
    • “He’s in a better place now.” Unless your friend is very religious and truly finds comfort in the prospect of a peaceful afterlife, saying this to a grieving friend could come off as dismissive of the reality of the situation. Try not to imagine or speak on where their deceased loved one has gone, and instead focus on allowing your friend to process their emotions.
    • “Time heals all wounds.” This is another empty statement you should avoid, as it may not even be true for every person or every situation. Although it’s mostly accepted that the passage of time does act as a kind of salve for grief, slowly but surely reducing the open wound to a scar, you don’t want to assume that this will be the case for your friend.
    • “It was God’s plan.” Again, unless your friend is deeply religious, try not to mention the divine or the supernatural in this situation. It may sound insensitive, implying that God designed for their mother or father to die in the specific manner and time that they did. Your friend probably doesn’t want to hear this, as it may cause them to feel even more helpless and hopeless in the grand scheme of things.

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      Tips

      • Sitting in silence with someone can be as helpful as having a conversation. In the aftermath of a death, those grieving may prefer to process their emotions in silence for a period, especially after interacting with dozens of friends and family at a funeral or wake. Allow your friend the opportunity to just sit with you without any pressure to talk.
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      • Continue to text or call once a day or so. Checking in doesn’t have to mean that you’re blowing up your friend’s phone or showing up at their house unannounced. It could be as fuss-free as texting once a day to make sure they have everything they need. If they don’t, you’ll be able to tell, and hopefully step in even if only to offer a distraction.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/bereavement/for-friends-and-family/
      2. ↑ https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/11/20/18104727/friendship-parents-death-grieving
      3. ↑ https://www.sueryder.org/grief-support/supporting-someone-bereaved/what-to-say/
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/midlife-reimagined/202312/what-to-say-and-what-not-to-say-to-a-grieving-person
      5. ↑ https://www.elizz.com/family/relationships/what-to-say-to-someone-who-lost-a-parent/
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/grief/helping-someone-who-is-grieving

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