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Racism is an ugly, unfortunate reality in society. Despite popular belief, racism isn’t just a matter of yelling slurs and posting offensive social media comments—it’s a prejudiced type of thinking that hurts many people on a daily basis. If you’re a victim of racism, focus on preserving your mental health, which may make it easier to cope with the toxic language and behavior. If you don’t personally experience racism, you can still play an important role by defending and advocating for minority groups in your community.
Steps
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Stand up for yourself. It takes a lot of courage to make yourself known, especially if you hear casual racism in a conversation. Try not to view your statement as a confrontation—instead, focus on starting a new conversation with the person in question. You can phrase your response as a joke, or introduce your opinion into the conversation. As difficult as it may be, speaking up can make a big difference in a conversation. [1] X Research source
- For instance, if a friend or coworker makes a racist joke, you can say something like: “Why do you need to make fun of someone else for the sake of laughs?”
- If someone starts promoting the “All Lives Matter” counter-movement, you can point out how it hurts and minimizes the struggles of black people.
- There’s also nothing wrong with directly asking someone what they meant by a certain comment. [2] X Trustworthy Source Kansas University Center for Community Health and Development Community-based research center focused on supporting public health development and education Go to source
- Don't be afraid to pick your battles, too. It may not be worth getting into it with a random, hateful stranger, but it's definitely worth talking to a loved one, friend, or co-worker. [3]
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Expert Source
Nancy Lin, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 27 May 2021. - It's also okay if you can't think of something to say in the moment! It's perfectly natural to be at a loss for words in that type of situation. [4]
X
Expert Source
Nancy Lin, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.
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Share your experience with other trusted individuals. Talk to someone who can potentially help you take action against another person’s racist remarks or behaviors, like a Human Resources employee, teacher, or another person in a position of power. These people may be able to address the racist individual directly, or offer suggestions or other resources that you can take advantage of. [5] X Research source
- For instance, you can say something like this: “Billy sits in the cubicle next to me, and he made a racist joke directed at me during our lunch break. Could someone speak to him about this privately, or is there diversity training that the company could look into?”
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Remind yourself of how valuable and irreplaceable you are. It can really hard to feel confident and self-assured when you’re dealing with racist remarks. However, you’re not alone in any of your thoughts and feelings. Focus on reminding yourself that you’re talented and qualified at the things you do and that you deserve all of your achievements. [6] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
- These negative, self-doubting feelings are known as the “Imposter Phenomenon,” which is experienced by a lot of people in minority groups. [7] X Research source
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Lean on your spirituality to cope with negativity. Join a local church, temple, or other spiritual organization that aligns with your beliefs. Look to the teachings of your chosen religion or spiritual doctrine for comfort and strength, especially on tougher days. [8] X Research source
- You can also consult a spiritual leader for guidance if you’re having difficulty with the effects of racism in your everyday life. They may be able to offer some insight or resources that can help.
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Surround yourself with people dealing with similar issues. Confide in friends and colleagues who also deal with racism regularly. Share your frustrations and concerns with this support group whenever you’re having a rough time. It can be really validating to have people in your life who really understand and connect with what you’re going through. [9] X Research source
- For instance, you can create a group text with a few friends, or reach out to your friends individually.
- Friends and allies can be a great source of comfort and healing in the aftermath of hurtful, uncomfortable situations. [10]
X
Expert Source
Nancy Lin, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.
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Celebrate your own culture. As hard as it is, don’t let ignorant, hateful people diminish your pride in your own identity and culture. Take time throughout the year to celebrate where you come from, either by yourself or with a group of friends. If you really want to get in the spirit of things, join a club or organization dedicated to multicultural activities, like a multicultural club on a college campus. [11] X Research source
- If you maintain a positive attitude about your identity, you may feel much better equipped when it comes to dealing with racism.
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Meet with a mental health professional if you need extra support. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help, especially if you experience a lot of anxiety, depression, and other negative feelings due to racism. Talk with your healthcare provider about your options, and see if you can meet with a counselor to discuss some of the negative impacts racism has on your daily life. [12] X Research source
- There are also some ways you can get help for free.
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Commit to being anti-racist. Despite popular belief, “not being racist” isn’t the most helpful stance that you can take. Instead, focus on being “anti-racist,” where you actively advocate for minority groups. You can be anti-racist by demanding fairer hiring practices at your workplace, or by just correcting someone in a conversation. Understanding the difference between “anti-racism” and simply “not saying racist things” is a really important and helpful step to take as you deal with racism in your own life. [13] X Research source
- Racism occurs at different levels in society. For instance, there’s “individual racism,” or racist actions and attitudes that happen on a person-to-person basis. There’s also “institutional racism” and “structural racism,” which are perpetuated through organizations and governments, respectively.
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Be on the lookout for racist behavior. Keep your eyes and ears open every day, whether you’re out in public or relaxing at home with family. Racism can rear its ugly head in a lot of different ways, and isn’t just limited to cruel slurs and mean remarks. Keep an ear out in regular conversation to see if you notice signs of casual racism or racial microaggressions (RMAs). [14] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- Racial microaggressions are subtle types of racism that show up in conversation, or in a person’s everyday behavior. A lot of the time, people don’t realize they’re partaking in RMAs. Micro-assaults, micro-invalidations, and micro-insults are all forms of RMAs.
- A micro-invalidation takes away from other people’s struggles. Saying something like “That sounds tough, but I also have it rough” is a good example of this.
- A micro-assault is more targeted language, like a racist joke.
- Micro-insults are more subtle jabs, like asking a person of color how they qualified for a certain job.
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Support victims of racism if you can’t speak up in the moment. Depending on the situation, it may be too risky or dangerous to make a public stand in defense of someone. In this case, take time to talk with the victim and see if they’re okay. If you sense that someone is in physical danger, call the local police for help.
- For instance, if someone is spewing insults and threatening violence, it might be best to let them walk away before you approach the victim.
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Address toxic language instead of the individual person. Take time to correct racism as you notice it. However, avoid attacking the individual—typically, when someone is called racist, their first instinct is to close down and defend themselves. Instead, try to separate their toxic language from the actual person speaking, and highlight why and how their language is harmful. [15] X Research source
- For instance, you can say something like: “I understand where you’re coming from, but saying that all lives matter really invalidates the struggles that the black community is going through right now.”
- You can also say something like: “I get that the COVID-19 outbreak is scary, but there’s no reason to target or blame individuals from the Asian American community.” [16] X Research source
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Address racist remarks from a loved one in a calm, civil way. Racism is tough to deal with any scenario, but it’s even harder when it’s coming from a relative or close friend. Instead of attacking your loved one, try to have a respectful conversation where you can both talk openly about your beliefs. Use “I” statements, which let you explain your own emotions and opinions, instead of using “you” statements, which may sound like a personal attack. [17] X Research source
- For example, instead of saying: “Your point of view is racist and unfair,” try saying something like: “I understand where you’re coming from, but I don’t think you’re considering all the facts.”
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Record belligerent acts of racism if they’re happening in public. Keep an eye out for outright displays of racism and xenophobia in public spaces, like a grocery store or restaurant. If the situation allows it, record the incident with your phone, so you can report it to law enforcement, if needed. [18] X Research source
- For instance, if someone is causing a disturbance by insulting and belittling someone, you can report them to the police for unruly behavior.
- You can give the footage to the police and see if they take action on grounds of disorderly conduct. If a hate crime was committed, law enforcement will definitely be able to take action.
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Step back from social media if it’s affecting your mental health. Social media can be really tricky to navigate, especially if you’re friends with/following people from a variety of political backgrounds. Pick your battles carefully—while there’s nothing wrong with addressing racism on social media, the conversation may escalate into a toxic discussion. Put your mental health and wellbeing first, above anything else, before engaging with someone online. [19] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
- If you choose to address a racist remark online, you can say something like: “I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but that kind of attitude is really harmful towards minority groups.”
- There’s absolutely nothing wrong with unfriending, unfollowing, or blocking someone on social media for the sake of your mental health.
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Report any racist propaganda that you see online. Unfortunately, racist remarks are pretty common in digital spaces, like online forums and social media. Keep an eye out for any hurtful or otherwise racist comments, and report them as soon as possible.
- Reporting is always the best course of action, but you can also reply to hateful comments if you feel up to it. You can say something like: “What gives you the right to say something so cruel and hurtful?”
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Accept the fact that you’ll make mistakes as an ally. Unfortunately, racism isn’t likely going away anytime soon. You can be part of the solution by choosing to be an ally, but you may run into some challenges and difficulties along the way. Above all else, being an ally is a learning experience, and you may say or do the wrong thing at times, even if your intentions are pure. Be patient with yourself, and be willing to listen and grow along the way. [20] X Research source
- If you have any friends that come from a minority background, ask them if they’d be willing to correct you if and when you say something incorrectly.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionMy crush called me a "poo" because I'm brown. I was really sad. I don't know what to do. Can you give me some tips?Luna RoseTop AnswererGet a different crush! It sounds like this person is not very nice anyway, and doesn't deserve you. Recognize that just because your crush says something, that doesn't mean that they are right or that it was appropriate to say. You are not a "poo." Look up pictures of amazing people with different shades of brown skin. Are Beyonce or Lupita Nyongo "poos"? Of course not! And neither are you. Recognize that this person is wrong, and you can do so much better than someone who compares people's skin colors to poop. There are many wonderful people out there, so good luck finding someone nice! It may take time, but I bet you will.
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QuestionHow can I respond to a friend who uses racist slurs and justifies it by saying he had a bad experience when he was a child?PreuxFoxTop AnswererRemind him that he is hurting people right now by using slurs. You could also offer to help and support him in finding a therapist or a counselor, since this traumatic incident is still affecting him. Remind him that there is no shame in being hurt, but it is not acceptable to use that pain as an excuse to hurt others.
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QuestionMy husband is white. At family events they acknowledge me and then move away and make me feel invisible. What can I do?Community AnswerThis is a common issue. If you think they are doing it subconsciously just because they aren't sure what to say to you, you can try talking to your husband and asking him to let his family know that they make you feel left out. He can give them ideas on how they can better include you in their family. If you think they are purposely trying to be mean to you, you and your husband should decide on a course of action that works best for you. You can choose to confront them together, or you might choose to spend less time with them, or even cut them out of your lives altogether.
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References
- ↑ https://caps.ucsc.edu/pdf/coping-with-racism.pdf
- ↑ https://ctb.ku.edu/en/table-of-contents/culture/cultural-competence/reduce-prejudice-racism/main
- ↑ Nancy Lin, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.
- ↑ Nancy Lin, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/build-trust/
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/greater-self-acceptance-improves-emotional-well-201605169546
- ↑ https://www.brown.edu/campus-life/support/counseling-and-psychological-services/coping-race-related-stress
- ↑ https://csumb.edu/pgcc/coping-racism-discrimination
- ↑ https://www.brown.edu/campus-life/support/counseling-and-psychological-services/coping-race-related-stress
- ↑ Nancy Lin, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.
- ↑ https://www.brown.edu/campus-life/support/counseling-and-psychological-services/coping-race-related-stress
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2019/03/8-tips-for-healing-emotional-wounds
- ↑ https://nmaahc.si.edu/learn/talking-about-race/topics/being-antiracist
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2009/02/microaggression
- ↑ https://caps.ucsc.edu/pdf/coping-with-racism.pdf
- ↑ https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/how-to-respond-to-coronavirus-racism
- ↑ https://www.amnesty.org.au/tell-someone-love-theyre-racist/
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/standing-up-to-racism
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_reasons_to_take_a_break_from_screens
- ↑ https://caps.ucsc.edu/pdf/coping-with-racism.pdf
- ↑ https://www.unicef.org/parenting/talking-to-your-kids-about-racism
- ↑ https://view.champlain.edu/2020/06/11/educate-yourself-with-these-resources-about-race-racism-and-racial-justice/
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/standing-up-to-racism
About This Article
Article Summary
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If someone is being racist towards you, even if it is an unintentional microaggression, know that your feelings are not an overreaction and that you can walk away instead of engaging with the person. If you choose to confront them, make the conversation about their words and behavior instead of accusing them of being racist, which can just make them defensive. Try saying something like “That phrase is pretty offensive to Native Americans” and explain why instead of saying “You are offensive.” Another approach you can take is to tell them, “You shouldn’t say that. It hurts me when people say that because...” and make them know that their behavior is personally hurting you. For more advice from our Mental Health co-author, including how to deal with racism from a superior at work, read on.
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"Thanks, this helped me a lot. At my school, this group of boys is calling me 'curry muncher' just because I am Indian. I had told them to stop, but they would not. The best thing I did was tell my teacher and parents. The problem was solved quickly."
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