Why Are You Dreaming about an Ex?

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Learn why an old partner is suddenly visiting you in your sleep
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It’s okay if you’re a little lost, startled, or even disturbed by a long-gone ex showing up in your dreams; we’re here to help you make sense of it. The good news is that the way you feel about the dream indicates a lot. [1] If the dreams are bothering you, you’ve probably got some unresolved feelings, while if the dreams don’t feel important, they probably aren’t! In this article, we’ll break down all of the common reasons you might be dreaming about an old ex.

1

You want to get back together.

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    Ask yourself, “Do I still have romantic feelings for my ex?” If the answer is yes (or even “just a little bit…maybe?”) your dream may be a sign that you’re still interested in your ex. Even if the breakup was good for you, perhaps you’re still attracted to them or you just miss what they added to your life. [2]
    • This explanation is especially likely if your dream was romantic (or even sexual) in nature.
    • This doesn’t mean that getting back together is the right decision for you. If you two broke up for valid reasons or your relationship wasn’t fulfilling, it’s probably best to try moving on.
    • If your breakup occurred a while ago and you two independently resolved whatever issues caused the breakup to happen in the first place, perhaps it’s the right time to reach out to them and reconnect !
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2

You two have unfinished business.

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    If your breakup was abrupt or you never got the opportunity to say your piece, your dream might be a sign you either need to make peace with the fact you’ve moved on, or a sign that it’s time to reach out and say what needs to be said. Either way, if you feel mixed up or like something is “off” after your dream, you may have business to finish. [3]
    • If you want to know what went wrong, ask them for a relationship post-mortem. Sit down with your ex and talk about what went wrong in the relationship.
    • Your dreams contain information your conscious mind isn’t picking up on, so this may be your subconscious mind telling you something.
3

You’re mourning the relationship.

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    If your ex broke up with you and you didn’t want the relationship to end, it’s totally reasonable that your ex would pop up in your dreams. This could be your way of working through your grief. Dreams are often a way for our subconscious to process and deal with the pain we don’t want to deal with during the day, so look at this as a sign of progress. [4]
    • Seeing a counselor or therapist will really help if you’re having trouble moving on. There’s nothing wrong with getting some emotional support to talk through your feelings. You can find a therapist near you by searching on BetterHelp .
    • Even if you don’t want to see a counselor or therapist, talking to a friend and getting these feelings off of your chest may make you feel better.
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4

You have mixed feelings for your ex.

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    Maybe you miss your ex physically but want nothing to do with them outside of that. Alternatively, perhaps you really want to get back together but you’re not sure you’re ready to let go of your anger. A convoluted or messy dream signals convoluted or messy feelings. [5]
    • If you can’t tell whether your dream was a good dream or a nightmare, this is a big sign you’ve still got some messy feelings regarding your ex.
    • It’s okay to both literally and figuratively sleep on it if you aren’t 100% sure how you feel. Just give it time. Maybe future dreams will have more information for you.
5

You’re falling for someone new.

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    If you’ve got your eyes on someone new or you’ve just started a new relationship, it actually makes a lot of sense you’d dream about your ex. Don’t worry! Once upon a time you and your ex were really into one another and things are good. Your brain may just be making subtle connections. You used to like your ex, you like someone new, and now you’re just having dreams about “things you like.” [6]
    • This kind of thing happens all the time. You go to bed on an empty stomach and you dream about your favorite meal. You get excited about a new job and you dream you’re the CEO of a company. These are the kind of simple connections our brains make when we go to sleep.
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6

You’re processing emotional pain.

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    Dreaming about your ex may just be a natural and normal part of the healing process. You were hurt by your breakup and now you’re dreaming about it as a way of sorting through the pain. This is totally normal and natural, and you don’t have to give these dreams more weight than you need to. [7]
    • Everybody experiences loss differently, and there’s nothing wrong with letting go of your pain slowly over time through dreams like these.
    • Was your ex doing something cruel in the dream, like chasing a cat or performing unnecessary surgery on you? If so, it could be a sign you have some healing to do.
7

You feel betrayed or annoyed with others.

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    Did your coworkers recently get on your nerves? Is your family driving you up the wall? Did you just find out your friend lied to you? If something like that has happened, dreaming of your ex may just be your brain remembering other people who hurt you in the past, like your ex. [8]
    • Did your ex appear in a dream alongside other people you’re not happy with? If so, you’re probably just bothered by the other people and your ex was subconsciously pulled into the dream.
    • If you don’t still have intense feelings towards your ex, this is very likely to be the trigger for the dream. It’s probably your subconscious just bringing up things that bothered you in the past.
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8

You’re about to start a new journey.

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    If you just got a new job or you’re on the precipice of a big life decision, the dream about your ex could be a sign of a fresh start. The last time you and your ex were around each other was likely during the breakup, so you may remember them as a catalyst for a big shift in your life. [9]
    • If you aren’t sure about some big decision on your plate, the ex appearing in your dream may be a sign you’re ready to make the leap you’re thinking of taking.
9

You’re still angry.

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    It’s totally reasonable if you’re still furious at your ex for breaking your heart. That’s natural and understandable. Unfortunately, it could mean that you’re going to dream about your ex from time to time, so you may want to work on letting it go if you don’t want to keep dreaming about them. [10]
    • It’s totally okay to just be mad at someone who deserves your ire so long as you aren’t angry forever.
    • Take an anger management class or see a therapist if your anger is interfering with your life.
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10

You saw or heard about your ex.

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    A dream about your ex doesn’t need to be super meaningful. If you recently saw your ex pop up on Instagram, somebody dropped their name in a conversation, or you stumbled across an old photo of you two together, you may just have them in the front of your mind. [11]
    • People often just dream about whatever is in the front of their minds. If you don’t have strong feelings about the dream, just don’t overthink this one.
    • This is especially likely to be the case if your ex doesn’t really do anything notable in the dream, like if they’re a literal face in the crowd, or they just wave at you from a distance.
11

You’re processing regrets.

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    Do you feel like you made some mistakes when it came to your relationship? Were you unfaithful or did you refuse to take the relationship to the next level and commit? If so, you may just be learning to let go of your regrets in your dreams. [12]
    • This is especially likely to be the cause of your dreams if you wake up feeling guilty.
    • It’s important to learn how to forgive yourself . Everybody makes mistakes and nobody is perfect.
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12

Your ex is trying to manifest you.

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    If you believe that there’s more to this world than science can explain, then maybe your dreams are a sign that your ex is thinking about you. Perhaps they’re actively trying to manifest your energy, or maybe they’re just thinking about you so often that your dreams are subconsciously intertwining! [13]
    • If you’re potentially interested in rekindling things , this is a good time to reach out to your ex to see how they’re doing.
13

It may not mean anything.

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    Most people fill their dreamscapes with experiences from the past. If you have a painful memory of tripping in gym class as a kid, you’re more likely to dream about it in the future. That doesn’t mean gym class means anything significant to you today, though. Your brain is just drawing on random associations. [14]
    • You’re actually less likely to dream about your current partner than you are to dream about an ex.
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      • Your experience of the dream is probably the most important thing when it comes to what you should do. If the dream feels like an anecdotal experience that’s mostly meaningless, that’s probably the case. If you feel like you need to act on the dream and reach out to your ex, it’s a sign you probably should. [15]
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      • Want to stop dreaming about your ex? Start keeping a dream journal and write down everything you dream about when you wake up each morning. This will help you process the dreams more consciously and give you more control over your dreams. [16]
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about dreams, check out our in-depth interview with Kari Samuels .

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8161826/
      2. ↑ https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a30284725/dreaming-about-an-ex/
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8161826/
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202102/what-happens-if-you-dream-about-your-partner-or-ex
      5. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8161826/
      6. ↑ https://www.out.com/commentary/2019/9/03/im-getting-married-i-cant-stop-dreaming-about-my-ex
      7. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8161826/
      8. ↑ https://www.out.com/commentary/2019/9/03/im-getting-married-i-cant-stop-dreaming-about-my-ex
      9. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/23/style/dreams-about-an-ex-love.html
      1. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8161826/
      2. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/23/style/dreams-about-an-ex-love.html
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8161826/
      4. ↑ https://www.vice.com/en/article/akdpzp/can-you-visit-ex-dreams-manifest-text
      5. ↑ https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a30284725/dreaming-about-an-ex/
      6. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8161826
      7. ↑ https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a30284725/dreaming-about-an-ex/

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