What's considered a big age gap in relationships?

10/09/24 11:39am

i'm a 23-year-old woman dating a 32-year-old man, and i've gotten some negative feedback from people who say this age gap is too big. so it has me wondering, what do you all consider "too big" of an age gap? and what are your best tips for making our love last despite our age difference and other people's opinions?

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker

10/09/24 6:14pm

Nine years is an acceptable age gap. When there is an age gap of 10 years or more, the dynamics of the relationship can be quite unique. A parent/child power structure could develop, or a lack of mutual interests could cause you to want to spend more time with friends their own age.

WikiGladeRunner771

10/09/24 10:10pm

Unfortunately, people are judgmental and it's not unusual to get some negative comments about your relationship, even though age gaps are really common.

My advice? Just ignore it! If you're in a healthy, happy relationship, the people who truly care about you will see that and be supportive.

Ask your friends and family to get to know your partner and give them a chance. There's a reason you chose this person and fell in love with them. Hopefully, they'll recognize that and realize that age is just a number. Best of luck!

Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

10/10/24 9:26am

Men often want to date women who are younger than them because they’re attracted to youthfulness. Younger women also tend to have less baggage, which older guys are generally not a fan of. So long as the two of you possess communication styles that are in sync with each other and you share common interests, values, and life goals, there’s nothing wrong with dating someone a little older than you.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

10/10/24 4:53pm

Women often like older men because of their maturity and feeling like they will get better experiences out of him that he's more emotionally in tune. All you have to do is find the common ground between the two of you and see if there's real chemistry between you on the day. Make sure you're connecting on likes, passions, and interests that you have together.

If it starts to feel like there's too many differences between you or you feel that they're really a lot older than you, have a conversation and ask questions about the age gap. You could ask something like what is your experience dating a younger woman? Based on how the guy responds, you'll be able to tell if you think he's mature enough to be in that kind of relationship.

WikiGibbonSlinger293

10/11/24 7:01am

Yeah as a woman who has dated a handful of older women and women my age I much prefer older women. I've been told I just have an "old soul" so maye that's part of it, but I also agree with the above poster, that they just have things figured out more and are more confident. Theres less questioning and wondering what they want--they KNOW what they want!

WikiBirdCaster437

10/11/24 12:42pm

I know there's a ~discourse~ around age gap reltionships as like, imbalanced but tbh the biggest issue I see in age gap relationships (between consenting adults obviously) is that if the gap is big enough the older partner may eventually develop health complications and the younger partner may have to take care of them. All partners take care of each other, that's what love is, and just because you're older doesn't always mean you're going to get health problems, but it can be a lot more pressure and stress on the younger partner in these kinds of cases.

WikiWombatSeeker448

10/12/24 1:17pm

I have been with my wife (who's 12 years older than me) for almost a full decade. She's 56 I'm 44. I couldn't be happier. I think the only real problem I've noticed is we don't always understand each other's cultural references, sense of humor, music taste, ect. But this is small potatoes. At the end of the day, I have plenty of friends to bond with over this stuff and also we are both willing and eager to learn more about each other's world/interests so it's all fine! :)

Besides we have so much more in common-- I think in age gap relationships people tend to focus on all your differences, but my wife and I connect better than I've ever connected with anybody.

Anonymous WikiLlama

10/26/24 2:07pm

I'm 24 and my girlfriend is 17 is it acceptable

What do other wikiHow readers have to say?

Other wikiHow readers have submitted their own tips on topics similar to this one.

Reader Tips from Can 20-Year Age Gap Relationships Really Work?

Anonymous Reader

The only issue for me with my boyfriend who is much younger than me is I am not as active anymore. It isn't a deal-breaker, I don't think, but I know he wishes I could do more with him. But he has friends to be active with him so it's OK.

Anonymous Reader

To each their own! I married a man 20 years older, even older than Mama and Papa. We are blissfully happy and have a baby together.

Reader Tips from 12 Things to Consider Before Dating an Older Man

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Step back. Take off your rose colored glasses. Write down the pros and cons, because the cons are not going to change. If the relationship makes you smile more often than you frown, then have a beautiful life!

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Baggage isn't always a bad thing, and older or younger partners can come with baggage. As long as they have both gotten past it, that's what counts.

Reader Tips from How to Date a Younger Girl

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Pay attention to her body language at all times. If she looks uncomfortable, stop whatever you're doing and ask something like, "Are you okay?" or "Is this okay with you?"