How to Have a Nice Resting Facial Expression

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Learn to embrace your natural smile and appear more approachable
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Having a pleasant facial expression is a small change that can have a positive affect on your life. It can be the difference between making friends, getting a job, starting a relationship, or getting help throughout the day. We chatted with dating and relationship coaches John Keegan and Collette Gee about how to enhance your resting facial expression, improve your smile, be more approachable in general, and be more aware of your face.

Getting a “Resting Smile” Face

Keep your eyes fully open but relaxed to seem inviting. Keep your mouth relaxed and don’t be afraid to show your natural smile (avoid “neutral” lips or a frown-shaped pout). Relax your facial muscles and keep a small opening in the part between your lips to convey warmth.

Method 1
Method 1 of 4:

Improving Your Resting Facial Expression

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  1. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and they’re usually the first thing about you other people notice, so it’s important to let them lead. Keep your eyes fully open—resist the urge to squint—and raise your brow just a little to make them more approachable. [1]
    • Many people default to a squinty, creased-brow expression, which can be too intense or perceived as angry or negative.
    • Wide eyes, on the other hand, communicate attentiveness, curiosity, and a relaxed personality.
    • Don’t go overboard! Practice in the mirror, and aim to raise your brow just enough that your eyes are rounder, but not so much that you get wrinkles on your forehead.
  2. Keegan tells us that a nice smile is super approachable, but that “there is a nuance to that smile.” If it’s too big or fake, it’ll have the opposite effect and make people suspicious. Instead, go for a Mona Lisa smile as you move through your day: relaxed, calm, and subtle.
    • One quick way to master this is to pretend you have a secret. Channel that sly satisfaction into your smile !
    • Don’t feel pressured to always be smiling , and don’t try to stifle more genuine, full smiles when they come. Use the Mona-Lisa smile when you need to be visible, but not “on.”
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  3. 3
    Keep your chin slightly raised. Gee tells us that “the most important thing is to have great posture.” Posture is many things, but good head and facial posture starts by keeping your chin raised, just a little. This helps you look and feel more confident, and opens up your face and facial expression, rather than closing them off.
    • It also helps to have proper mouth posture: keep your tongue resting on the top of your mouth, with your teeth slightly apart.
  4. 4
    Tilt your head slightly. This is a playful, natural head posture that shows that you’re engaged, listening, and interested. Think of the way a dog tilts their head when listening to a command. Babies, too, perk up when you tilt your head at them. It’s an instinctual, relaxed, and friendly gesture that’s good to use when you’re not sure of what else to do with your face. [2]
  5. Nervous habits can prevent you from showing a pleasant facial expression, and can make other people nervous, as well. Gee reminds us to be aware of those nervous habits. Ask a friend if they notice any, or take note when you see them—things like biting your nails, scrunching your nose, or creasing your brows.
    • If you do these, redirect those tics by channeling them into another small, less noticeable habit. For example, if you bite your nails when you’re nervous, try playing with a stress ball or fidget toy instead.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 4:

Smiling More Confidently

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  1. Most photographers will tell you to say “cheese!” to get you to smile, but that can result in a stiff look. Instead, find a mirror and say “money” out loud. Notice the shape of your mouth as you make the last “ee” sound. That’s a more natural smile! Familiarize yourself with how this feels, and start saying “money” silently before a photo. [3]
  2. Sometimes, when we force a smile, it doesn’t come out quite right because our nerves are messing with our facial muscles. Before you smile, take a deep breath to loosen your muscles. Relax your brow, jaw, and cheeks , then smile. [4] Try it in the mirror—you’ll see the difference.
  3. It’s hard not to give a big, natural smile when you’re thinking of something funny. Think of your favorite joke, or a meme you saw online, or something funny that happened to you earlier, and let your face do the rest of the work. [5]
    • For example, imagine the person you’re talking to doing a funny dance or imagine receiving some good news.
    • Or, just think positive thoughts! Imagine kittens, puppies, sunrises—whatever you find pleasurable and relaxing.
  4. 4
    Embrace your natural smile. Smiling is a natural response to the world around us. It’s something everyone does without thinking when they’re truly happy. [6] It’s your body being happy, so embrace it! Don’t hide or change your natural smile because you’re afraid it doesn’t “look right” or isn't magazine-perfect. It’s you!
    • If you are severely self-conscious about your natural smile, consider talking to a dentist or orthodontist about possible ways to alter it.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 4:

Looking More Approachable

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  1. Gee warns against letting yourself get so tense that you’re “looking around the room or fidgeting in your chair.” Every now and then, take a deep breath, relax your shoulders, relax your jaw, let your body slacken. When you’re relaxed , it’s much easier for other people to approach and talk to you.
    • Also, soften your core, roll your neck from side to side, and stretch your hands to loosen them up.
  2. Open body language is key to looking like someone who’s fun, friendly, and easy to talk to. After you’ve loosened up, set your shoulders a little back, uncross your arms, face your body toward the other person, but a little off-center, as well, to show them you’re present and attentive, but not too intense. [7]
    • Straighten your back, slightly tuck your chin inward so you’re not craning your neck forward, and set your feet firmly on the ground—or cross them, whichever is more comfortable.
  3. 3
    Use small facial expressions during conversation. Having a good conversation isn’t just about smiling all the way through it—that can be interpreted as unnatural or stiff. Rather than worrying about constantly having a “pleasant” expression, react to what’s being said, and what you’re saying. That way, the other person knows that you’re invested, and that you understand what’s being said. [8]
    • For example, frown slightly when the other person says something negative, or look away thoughtfully when they ask you a tough question.
    • Mirror the other person’s behavior and attitude to more naturally match the tone of the conversation.
    • Most importantly, let your own body take control! You might sometimes need to control your reactions, but for the most part, people appreciate an honest and transparent demeanor.
  4. 4
    Make 3-4 seconds of eye contact at a time. Making eye contact is a key ingredient in any pleasant interaction. But too much eye contact can be off-putting or intimidating, while too little can make you seem nervous. Aim to make eye contact with the other person for 3-4 seconds, then look away for several seconds, and repeat. [9]
    • As with any of these tips, take this more as a guideline than a hard-and-fast rule. When in doubt, ask yourself how much eye contact the other person is making, and aim to match it.
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Method 4
Method 4 of 4:

Being More Aware of Your Face

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  1. Relax your face to a neutral expression. Then, take a look at yourself in the mirror. [10] That’s what other people see when you’re going about your day. Being aware of this can help you decide when to consciously change your facial expression, or to let your face do its own thing.
    • Ask yourself: If I saw someone with this expression, would I want to strike up a conversation? Would I be comfortable talking to them?
    • The point isn’t to feel pressured to change your natural features to make others happy. Instead, just becoming aware of those features can help you decide when you might want to put in a little effort.
    • For example, there’s nothing wrong with having a resting “angry face,” but if you’re trying to be friendly to someone, you might want to change that expression when you talk to them.
  2. Looking in the mirror or at a picture of your face can produce biased feelings—it’s hard to see what other people see. The best way to get a sense of your true resting facial expression is to ask others. Asking strangers what kind of emotion you convey through your face will give you the most truthful reactions. [11]
    • You might also ask your friends or family, but they’re probably accustomed to your face as it is, and might not be as helpful.
    • Keep that in mind! The people who know and love you also know and love your face. You don’t always need to change yourself for other people.
  3. It’s not natural for humans to constantly be monitoring their own facial expressions, and there’s a reason why you often smile, frown, or make other expressions without realizing it. While it can be useful to have more control, stressing about your own face constantly will only wear you out and make you even more nervous. [12]
    • Studies show that women are more often expected to “look pleasant,” but this is an unfair standard, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to accommodate other people’s comfort by changing your own body.
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about smiling, check out our in-depth interview with Kamal Ravikant .

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.elle.com/life-love/how-to/a24/change-your-facial-expression/
      2. ↑ https://www.elle.com/life-love/how-to/a24/change-your-facial-expression/
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/202107/how-develop-easy-smile
      4. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwhf0zQTwz4&t=57s
      5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/wellbeing/laughter-is-the-best-medicine
      6. ↑ https://news.stanford.edu/stories/2022/10/posing-smiles-can-brighten-mood
      7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/effective-communication
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201610/5-ways-our-body-language-speaks-loud-and-clear
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-clarity/202109/the-subtle-dance-of-eye-contact-in-conversation
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/202107/how-develop-easy-smile
      2. ↑ http://www.elle.com/life-love/how-to/a24/change-your-facial-expression/
      3. ↑ https://theweek.com/articles/815496/insidious-sexism-resting-bitch-face

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To have a pleasant facial expression, start by taking a picture of your resting face and asking others for their opinion of your expression so you can find out what you need to change. Then, practice at home by holding a pen between your teeth, which forces a smile. If you need to work on appearing more inviting, keep your eyes open but relaxed, and part your mouth slightly with your lips turned upwards. Finally, make your facial expressions more convincing by feeling positive, like by thinking about friends and family or your recent accomplishments. For tips on how to appear comfortable while smiling, read on!

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      • Edward Zalman

        Aug 14, 2017

        "It helped me develop a smile that's not a one mm gap in my mouth, a short duck bill or just straight up horror ..." more
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