How to Know Whether You're Sexually Compatible

Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT and Janice Tieperman

Last Updated: September 15, 2021 References

Relationships can be tricky waters to navigate, especially if you’re starting to take things to the next level. If thinking about having sex or you’ve just started getting intimate, you may be wondering if you and your partner are on the same page. Look over the answers to some of the most common questions people have, and see if they clear things up a little bit.

Question 1 of 7:

What does being sexually compatible mean?

Download Article

1
Sexual compatibility is a fancy term for how in-tune you are with your partner. This chalks up to your sexual preferences and desires, your beliefs or attitudes towards sex, your turn-ons, and what your needs are. Basically, the more sexual compatibility you have with your partner, the more satisfied you’ll feel after you’re both intimate together.
- For example, if you and your partner have similar kinks, you’re probably very compatible in the bedroom.
It’s about how similar you and your partner’s needs and desires are on a mental, emotional, and behavioral level. ^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} A lot of people find that when they’re more sexually compatible, they feel happier with their relationship overall.

Advertisement
You can have different turn-ons and still be compatible with your partner. What matters most is that both you and your partner feel satisfied and happy with your sex lives, even if you have different preferences. ^{[2]
X
Research source} To be truly compatible, you both need to able to openly talk about your sexual needs and boundaries. ^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}

Question 2 of 7:

What does it feel like to be sexually compatible with your partner?

Download Article

When you’re sexually compatible with your partner, you’ll feel a lot more fulfilled after sex. This sense of happiness and fulfillment helps you feel happier and more satisfied with your relationship.
If you and your partner are on the save wavelength in the bedroom, you’ll probably feel more fulfilled and happy with your relationship overall. If you aren’t meeting each other’s needs and desires, your relationship may suffer because of it. ^{[4]
X
Research source}

Question 3 of 7:

How do I know if I’m compatible with someone?

Download Article

You can both get into the rhythm, and you both end up feeling satisfied afterward. Generally, when you’re sexually compatible, you’ll have sex a fairly frequent basis, and not once in a blue moon.
You both might have trouble finding the right rhythm, or finding a style that you both really like. Additionally, you or your partner might not feel very engaged, or like you need to satisfy yourself separately after the fact. ^{[5]
X
Research source} Studies show that people who need to pleasure themselves a lot within a relationship aren’t usually sexually satisfied. ^{[6]
X
Research source}

Question 4 of 7:

What should I do if I’m incompatible with my partner?

Download Article

If you and your partner aren’t on the same page sexually, there might be something else at play. Schedule an appointment with a psychotherapist—there might be some deeper issues that are getting between you and your partner.
Similar to marriage counseling, sex therapy tackles sex-related issues at their roots. Explain what’s been going on, and see if your therapist can shed some light on what might be causing the incompatibility.
If you and your partner don’t have a lot in common in the bedroom, you might just need to expand your repertoire. Browse your local sex shop and see if there are any toys that appeal to both of you.
This option definitely isn’t for everyone, but it might be a good option if sex is becoming something of a roadblock in your relationship. Talk with your partner about a possible arrangement that could work for both of you, and leave you both feeling satisfied and happy. ^{[7]
X
Research source}

Question 5 of 7:

Should you marry for love or compatibility?

Download Article

Love is a wonderful emotion, but it isn’t necessarily permanent. Similarly, you don’t want your entire marriage to revolve around sex. Instead, center your marriage in concrete, long-lasting ideals, like mutual goals and respect. ^{[8]
X
Research source}

Question 6 of 7:

How do you know if you’re good in bed?

Download Article

If you’re skilled in bed, you’ll feel confident when it comes time to be intimate. You’ll also be flexible, and willing to change things up a bit. You’ll also understand your own personal needs, and go the extra mile to climax whenever you’re intimate.
Sex can be an abstract part of a relationship—you and your partner probably aren’t giving each other really in-depth feedback and compliments. Still, if your partner is engaged and turned on, they probably think you’re doing a great job. ^{[9]
X
Research source}

Question 7 of 7:

Is sexual compatibility all that matters in a relationship?

Download Article

Not at all! There are a lot of factors that make a relationship work, and sex is just a single piece of a larger pie. Other factors, like timeliness, cleanliness, spending habits, and general priorities play a big role in how compatible you and your partner are. If you aren’t compatible when it comes to basic things, like arriving somewhere on time or staying organized around the home, your relationship may still run into issues. ^{[10]
X
Research source}
- For instance, if you arrive to dates 5 minutes early and your partner is always 15 minutes late, that could spark issues later on.
- If you want to start a family and your partner is focused on their career, that could also lead to compatibility issues further down the line.

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Question

Can a kiss determine compatibility?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

A kiss alone doesn't determine your compatibility. Instead, you both need to have the same attitudes and expectations about what sex represents in your relationship.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 1 Helpful 7
Question

How do you know you're not sexually compatible?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

You might have trouble communicating your needs, boundaries, and curiosities in an effective way with your partner. You might also have some trouble feeling comfortable and vulnerable around each other in sexy situations.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 0 Helpful 4

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Tips

If you’re having trouble getting things going, try watching an adult video with your partner. This might help set the mood, or give you both some ideas for when you get intimate. ^{[11]
X
Research source}

Thanks
Helpful 1 Not Helpful 2

Submit a Tip

All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published

Name

Please provide your name and last initial

Submit

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

[1]

Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

[7]

[8]

[9]

[10]

[11]

Log in

How to Know Whether You're Sexually Compatible

Steps

What does being sexually compatible mean?

What does it feel like to be sexually compatible with your partner?

How do I know if I’m compatible with someone?

What should I do if I’m incompatible with my partner?

Should you marry for love or compatibility?

How do you know if you’re good in bed?

Is sexual compatibility all that matters in a relationship?

Expert Q&A

Tips

You Might Also Like

References

About This Article

Did this article help you?

Quizzes

You Might Also Like

Featured Articles

Trending Articles

Featured Articles

Featured Articles

Watch Articles

Trending Articles

Quizzes

Explore Categories