How to Know if a Gay Friend Likes You (for Men)

Reviewed by John Keegan

Last Updated: October 2, 2024

So, you have been hanging out with some friends and you notice a guy friend who seems to be flirting or showing signs of attraction. It's only natural to find out if he's into you!

Section 1 of 3:

Knowing if He's Attracted to Guys

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Is he shy around other men? Does he flirt with you? Or most importantly, does he act shy around you? There are many methods and ways to get him to state that he's attracted to you--one of those ways is to simply observe his behavior and the way he acts towards you and other men.
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Trying using fun games to figure out his sexual orientation. For example, you could play spin the bottle. If he has to kiss a girl, see how he reacts to it. If he has to kiss a guy, see how he reacts. Does he smile or frown? Is he excited or hesitant?
- If you're teens, try playing truth or dare. If you want to find out his sexuality, play truth or dare with a close group of friends so it doesn't seem awkward if he does come out. He may not be completely honest, so this method may not work. If you are nervous to ask him, see if one of your other friends can be brave enough to ask. Or, make it a Private Truth or Dare, where the person asked only has to tell the asker. That way there is no embarrassment between the group.
- Play Never Have I Ever and say something like: "I have never been attracted to another guy." And watch if he puts his finger down. If you do not know how to play this game, this is how. Everybody puts up 10 fingers, and they go in a circle saying things they have never done or had. If someone has done what the teller says, they put down a finger. If nobody has done it either, the teller puts down a finger. This is probably the method that will work the least, so be cautious.
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Talk to him. Talk to him about how he feels about girls, guys, and love in general. Observe what he says. For example, if he only talks about having a future girlfriend, he might be straight. If he talks about dating girls and guys in the past, he could be bisexual. If he talks about future/past partners in using they/them, he could be pansexual.
- Talk about love and romance to him. What love he would like to have when he is older. Staying on this road will get him to maybe come out to you, or it may just confirm that he is straight. He may lie, but if you are honest to each other, he will tell you the truth about his sexual orientation and how he feels.
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Simply ask if he's attracted to men. If you guys are good friends, he will understand. However, don't just straight up go up to him and say: "Are you gay?" Make it subtle. Start out talking about romance or partners. Guide the conversation to the topic of love. Soon enough, after enough time he may come out to you, or at least state that he's attracted to guys.
- As another idea, you could something like, "Are you into guys, girls, or..?" and wait for his response. Something like that won't hurt his feelings, but be sure to state your sexual orientation first, since he may get the wrong idea.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I Gay?

How do you know if you’re gay? There’s a whole spectrum of romantic and sexual orientation, and ultimately, you get to choose whatever label feels right. We’ve created this quiz to help you explore how you feel about your sexuality and start to find some answers within yourself.

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Have you ever had feelings for a same-gender close friend?

I think so. That’s why I’m taking this quiz.

Wait, what’s the difference between friendship and a crush?

Don’t think so, but we’re so close people joke that we’re dating.

Nope. We’re just friends.

Section 2 of 3:

Telling If He Likes You

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Does he flirt with you? Does he try to be around you all of the time? Listen to the way he talks to you. Does he always try to talk to you in particular? He may giggle a lot and laugh and always say something that may make you laugh. He might get into your conversation with someone else. Talk to him. See if he is excited and really paying attention to what you say. He may just be a friend who pays attention, but be wary. See if he makes eye contact when he listens and talks. Is he close to you?
Over the course of a week, watch how he talks and acts toward others, and you. Get in with his other friends and see if he may like you. Look at everything he has done for you and everything he has talked to you about. Does he go out of his way to help you or talk to you?
If you find out he is gay, or are really sure he is, just ask him. Be confident and ask if he has feelings for you. Be sure to clarify that you don't share these feelings. Say something about your friendship to be able to comfort him if you tell him you don't like him. But when you ask just say something like "Hey man, I've been picking up a sort of vibe between us. I had a question--do you like me?"

Section 3 of 3:

Turning Him Down

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He may ask you out, hold your hand, or even try to kiss you. Kindly pull back and tell him you value him as a friend but aren't interested in a relationship.
Choose a quiet place with no onlookers, such as a parking lot or next to the woods. You don't want him to be embarrassed in front of others, and it should be a place where he can "escape" whenever he needs in order to cope with the news.
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Explain that you value as a friend, and you're straight. You can't make it much easier, but it can help a little if you remind him that he is a great guy. Say something like, "Hey man. We're great friends and you're really cool, but I don't see you that way. I'm straight. I think you're a really cool and funny guy, and I value your friendship a lot." Be confident that everything will be alright. During and after the talk, try to keep your distance as he may have many feelings boiling up inside of him.
- If he is a romantic, he may try to hold your hand or kiss you to get you to realize that he really likes you.
He may be afraid that you'll turn against him because of his orientation. An easy way to clear this up is to say "I don't think any differently of you for being attracted to guys," or "You'll find a great guy someday," This lets him know that he still has your friendship and support.
He might need some space, and while it can be sad to spend less time with a friend, it's what is best for him. How much space he needs depends on the strength of the crush, and how long it takes for him to recover from rejection. When he's ready, he'll come to you.