Q&A for How to Know When It's the Right Age to Have a Boyfriend

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  • Question
    How do you know you're not ready for a relationship?
    Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
    Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
    Expert Answer
    You're not ready for a relationship if you're unable to set boundaries for yourself. Before dating anyone, you need to be very clear about the kinds of behavior that you will and won't accept, and be comfortable asserting those boundaries.
  • Question
    What should I know before I start dating?
    Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
    Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
    Expert Answer
    Make sure that you're educated about sex, sexual assault, and healthy relationships. It's really important to understand the different types of consensual sex, the appropriate age to have sex, the dangers of STDs, and ways to keep yourself safe. You should also know what qualifies as a healthy relationship, and what counts as sexual assault.
  • Question
    Where can I go to learn about sex?
    Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
    Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
    Expert Answer
    Ask your teachers or parents for advice if you feel comfortable enough. If you'd rather not approach the topic with them, talk to an older cousin or sibling for advice. You can also do your own research on trustworthy medical and psychological sites.
  • Question
    How do I know if I am ready for a relationship?
    Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
    Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
    Expert Answer
    You know how to treat yourself with kindness and respect. If you don't have how to treat yourself well, you won't be discerning enough to find someone who will do the same. Spend plenty of time getting to know your likes, dislikes, and what makes you tick—that way, you can search for someone who shares your interests and treats you the way that you want to be treated.
  • Question
    I am 11. I like this boy so much! Every time I look at him I get butterflies in my stomach. I can't stop thinking about him! I think about him when I wake up in the morning and I think about him to help my self go to bed. My parents know I have a huge crush on him. I just have not talked to them about seeing him ovuside of school or texting him. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    If you think he likes you back, you could ask him or ask him to do something fun with you and your friends. You might need to wait for him to ask you out, but while you're being patient you can be yourself and wait to see if he likes you for being you. Don't try too hard to get his attention or you might look desperate.
  • Question
    Over protective Dad. Help?
    Community Answer
    It's probably best to have a conversation with your dad to find out why you think he's overprotective. Maybe suggest having a father-daughter dinner night where the two of you go out and discuss dating and both of your expectations.
  • Question
    What do I do if I'm 12 and I'm ready for a boyfriend, but my parents said no?
    Hannah Madden
    Community Answer
    Ultimately, you need to respect your parents rules for now. You can keep the conversation open and tell them about your maturity levels and what you'd like out of a relationship, but since you're still young, they have the final say on when you can date.
  • Question
    I'm 13 and I really like this guy. We went on date a few days ago, after being good friends before. Is there a casual way to suggest being exclusive without coming off as desperate or getting rejected?
    Hannah Madden
    Community Answer
    Defining the relationship (and whether or not you're exclusive) is an important part of the dating process. On your next date, casually ask him where he sees this relationship going or if he's talking to anyone else right now. If he's only seeing you and he wants things to be serious, then you can ask him if he wants to be exclusive.
  • Question
    I have a sorta boyfriend. We both like each other. My mom said no dating until 15, and has made it clear she doesn’t like middle school relationships. Should I tell her?
    Hannah Madden
    Community Answer
    While it might be scary now, it's important to be honest with your parents (especially about relationships). If your mom finds out that you're dating someone later on, she'll probably be more upset than if you tell her now. Let her know that you have a boyfriend, and tell her about all his great qualities. Hopefully, she'll listen to you and be more open to you dating.
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