Q&A for How to Respond when Someone Calls You a "Racist"

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  • Question
    What is the best way to deal with being called a racist?
    Jessica Elliott, ACC, CEC
    Certified Executive Coach
    Jessica Elliott is a Certified Executive Coach and multi-passionate entrepreneur. She's the founder of LIFETOX, where she hosts mindful experiences and retreats, and J Elliott Coaching, which she provides executive consulting for professionals, teams, and organizations. Jessica has had over fifteen years experience as an entrepreneur and over five years of executive coaching experience. She received her ACC (Associate Certified Coach) accreditation through the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and her CEC (Certified Executive Coach) accreditation through Royal Roads University.
    Certified Executive Coach
    Expert Answer
    Approach the problem with a curious and compassionate mind. There may be valid points this person is trying to make, so stay calm and try to unpack the emotions and reason behind it. Keep an open mind and a kind heart.
  • Question
    How can I avoid getting defensive in this situation?
    Jessica Elliott, ACC, CEC
    Certified Executive Coach
    Jessica Elliott is a Certified Executive Coach and multi-passionate entrepreneur. She's the founder of LIFETOX, where she hosts mindful experiences and retreats, and J Elliott Coaching, which she provides executive consulting for professionals, teams, and organizations. Jessica has had over fifteen years experience as an entrepreneur and over five years of executive coaching experience. She received her ACC (Associate Certified Coach) accreditation through the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and her CEC (Certified Executive Coach) accreditation through Royal Roads University.
    Certified Executive Coach
    Expert Answer
    You never know what this person may be going through to get to a point to accuse you. If you go into the conversation with curiosity, it gives room for both of you to explore, learn, and come to an understanding.
  • Question
    Are you racist for being white?
    Community Answer
    Of course not. You are racist if you think that being white makes you better than someone else.
  • Question
    Is white apologism really how we fight racism, or is it just history repeating itself?
    Top Answerer
    Speaking as a white person here: There's a huge difference between white guilt (unproductive self-blame over broad social issues) and personal responsibility. If white guilt is what you mean by "apologism," then you are absolutely right that sitting in a corner and angsting is unhelpful. It takes a lot of courage to look at something bad you said or did, and say "I messed up, I'm sorry, and I won't do it again." The goal is to take responsibility and be the best person you can be. To avoid repeating our ancestors' mistakes, we must be willing to educate ourselves and help others in the face of unequal opportunities instead of just sitting on our hands as Martin Luther King, Jr. warned against. Work on being a helper, being compassionate, and taking responsibility for your actions, even when it's hard. Then, hopefully, this generation and the next ones will be better off than the previous ones.
  • Question
    Someone at school keeps calling me a racist. I've tried everything to stop them. What should I do?
    Top Answerer
    Talk to a school counselor: say that you're having problems with another student and ask for advice. It might help to carefully re-evaluate your words and actions in case you might have accidentally said something racist, or something that sounded racist even if you didn't mean it that way. Express concern about getting along and wanting to have a good relationship with the student, and use the article steps to help you. Show goodwill towards the other student and give him or her the benefit of doubt; this goes a long way towards ending a fight. An adult may be able to help figure out why this person keeps on calling you racist, if apologies are in order, and how to smooth it out so you can get along with each other.
  • Question
    What can I do if someone makes a racist comment but then claims they were joking and blames me for being too sensitive?
    Community Answer
    Virtually every racist does this. Say something like, "It's racist whether you meant it as a joke or not, and I'd appreciate it if you refrained from saying those things in my presence."
  • Question
    Why should I even bother talking to someone who doesn't care that I'm sorry?
    Kim G
    Top Answerer
    If the person won't accept your apology and efforts to fix the situation, the only thing you can do is have nothing further to do with that person. You are under no obligation to continue to try to persuade anyone to accept you.
  • Question
    Even if being accidentally racial, isn't it best to be humble and seek to make it right?
    Community Answer
    Yes, you should do your best to make the situation right. Simply apologize for your ignorance or for making a rude comment. But if the person refuses to accept your apology, it's best to just move on.
  • Question
    What can I do if someone is sending me hate mail for using a racist term?
    Kim G
    Top Answerer
    You can do your best to show that you are not, or are no longer, racist. However, there is little you can do to persuade that person to change their mind.
  • Question
    What if I believe an accuser is only calling me racist to win a debate?
    Galasy4969
    Top Answerer
    In a public forum debate, this will lose them the debate the moment they say it, as it is a personal attack, not an attack on your rhetoric.
  • Question
    Why do people think only white people are racist, yet there are other examples of other races having a racist past (Arabic slave trade, the Black Panthers, and other hate crimes against whites)?
    Galasy4969
    Top Answerer
    It has largely to do with the Eurocentric history rhetoric of schooling. Many history programs barely touch on the Middle East before the twentieth century. The Black Panthers are often brushed over since there are far more important things going on in that era.
  • Question
    Company policy is no key until payment, so we have someone go with them. We've been called racist even though it applies to everyone. How should we respond?
    Breathe Johnson
    Community Answer
    Just respond by explaining to them that that is the company's policy and applies to everyone.
  • Question
    Why do some black people think they can't be racist?
    Breathe Johnson
    Community Answer
    Not all black people think that, but those who do most likely believe that because they find it difficult to understand how someone of a racial minority could be biased against a racial majority. In other words, they can't see their own prejudice against others because they're focused on the prejudice against them, if that makes sense.
  • Question
    Someone called me racist when I asked about what a mixed race child could look like on Quora. Is this justified? Should I apologize?
    Breathe Johnson
    Community Answer
    Asking a question to find out a genuine answer is not racist. However, it's possible that it genuinely offended the person who accused you of being racist. I don't think you should feel obligated to apologize, but if you did apologize, it would definitely show respect and integrity on your part.
  • Question
    I don't know what I did wrong, but I was discussing black culture with one of my black friends and she got really upset and accused me of "fetishizing" black culture and hasn't spoken to me since?
    Rawrtard
    Community Answer
    Try to talk to her, she may have misunderstood what you were trying to say. Ask her about it and see if you can get her to understand what your intent was in saying what you did.
  • Question
    Does being white make me better than anyone else?
    Ruby
    Top Answerer
    No. No race is inherently better than another. All races should be treated equally.
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