20+ Kind Ways to Reject a Guy and Turn Him Down

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Smoothly turn down a date or hookup without bruising his ego
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It's such a bummer when a guy you don't like asks you out. You don't want to hurt his feelings, but you totally have to say "no." Don't stress because we can help! We’ve compiled the best ways to reject a guy nicely.

Ways to Reject a Guy Nicely

  1. Keep it simple by thanking the guy politely and then telling him no.
  2. Offer a compliment to help soften the rejection.
  3. Prevent him from feeling as hurt by sharing "I" statements.
  4. Let him know that you're dating someone else right now.
  5. Explain that you don't see him in a romantic light.
1

Thank him, then say “no.”

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  1. A simple "thank you" shows him you appreciate him. After you thank him, be direct and honest that you’re not interested in dating him. Keep your message short so he doesn’t get the wrong idea. [1] [2] Text something like:
    • “I’m really flattered, thank you! But tbh I’m not interested in a relationship.”
    • “Thank you for the invitation, but I'm not interested.”
    • "Thank you so much for asking! I really appreciate having you as a friend, but I'm not interested in dating." [3]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 386 wikiHow readers who’ve rejected a friend, and 68% of them agreed the best way to say you’re not interested is by being honest and straightforward, but gentle and kind. [Take Poll]
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2

Give him a compliment first to soften the blow.

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  1. [4] Make him feel good about himself! Text him a kind compliment that comes from your heart. Then, explain that you just aren't interested in dating him. [5] You could might say:
    • “You’re handsome, smart, and a great singer, but I have to say no.”
    • “You’re hilarious and so fun to be around, but I don’t want to take our relationship past the friendship stage.”
    • "You have such great style, so anyone would be lucky to have you. However, I don't think a relationship is right for me."
    • "You're a really great person, but I don't think we're a match." [6]
3

Use "I" statements to protect his feelings.

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  1. Go the "it's not you, it's me" route. In your response, focus on how you feel and why you aren't right for him. Don't mention his faults or why you aren't interested in him. [7] Try:
    • "I care about you a lot, but I'm not in a good place to start a relationship with you right now."
    • "I really like having you as a friend, but I don't feel comfortable going further than that."
    • "I have fun with you, but I don't think dating is the right choice for me right now."
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4

Tell him you’re dating someone else.

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  1. This excuse is convenient if you want to let him down easy. Soften the blow with a little white lie. Act like you really care about the guy, then respectfully decline the date. Explain that you’re already seeing someone, and say it wouldn’t be fair for you to go out with him, too. [8] Try:
    • “I’m totally flattered, but I’ve been seeing someone else. It wouldn’t be kind of me to go out with you when I’m seeing him.”
    • “Hanging out with you is fun, but I’m already seeing someone. I hope you find the right person soon!”
    • "Normally, I'd say yes. But I'm already in a relationship right now, so I can only offer friendship."
5

Say you only see him as a friend.

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  1. Hopefully, this will help you stay friends ! Reassure him that you like spending time with him, but only as a friend. Then, explain that your current relationship is all you can offer. [9] You could text:
    • “I really like hanging out with you, but I just see us as friends.”
    • “You're such a good friend that I can't risk losing you. Can we just stay friends?”
    • “We're so close that I think of you as a brother now. I hope you understand that we can't date.”
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6

Blame a lack of chemistry.

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  1. Tell him you enjoy your friendship but aren’t attracted to him that way. [10] Say there just isn’t any spark, but you’re open to hanging out in the future as friends. Leave it at that. [11] Text back something like:
    • "I really like spending time with you, but I just don't feel a romantic spark."
    • "You're a great guy, but there's no chemistry between us. I think you'll find someone else who's a better match." [12]
    • "You're super fun, but I'm not getting romantic vibes. Can we keep our relationship as-is?"
7

Tell him you aren't the right girl for him.

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  1. If the guy is very sensitive, you might be super worried about hurting him. To avoid this, take the focus off of him and put it on yourself. Then, encourage him to stop looking at you as the best partner for him. This is another form of the classic, “it’s not you, it’s me.” [13] You might say:
    • “You seem like a great guy, but I’m just not the right girl for you.”
    • “It’s kind of you to ask me out, but I’m just not the one for you.”
    • "You're an amazing guy who deserves someone amazing. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the best match for you"
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8

Explain that you're focusing on school or work.

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  1. For instance, you might mention a class, personal goal, or project that’s taking up a lot of your time. [14] If you get into a relationship down the line and the guy asks about it, just say your schedule cleared up around the time the new person asked you out. Text something like:
    • "Dating isn’t even on my radar right now. I’m so busy with school. I just want to focus on my studies.”
    • "I wish I had time to date! Right now all of my time is consumed by school."
    • “It's nice of you to ask, but my job doesn’t leave time for dating right now. I’m working toward a promotion.”
9

Say that you aren't ready for a relationship.

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  1. Don’t worry about explaining why you don’t want to date . Just tell the person you’re not open to dating right now. [15] Keep in mind that he might have questions if you start dating someone else right after you tell him this. You could say:
    • “It's nice of you to ask, but I'm not interested in a relationship with anyone right now.”
    • “I’m too busy to get into a relationship right now, so I have to say no.”
    • "Right now I'm focusing on myself, so I'm not open to dating anyone."
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Ways to Reject Someone Over Text

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      • Keep your text short and concise so it’s more direct. You don’t want him to misunderstand what you’re saying. [16]
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      • Be clear about what you want instead of leading him on. It seems nice to say something like, “Maybe another time,” but it’s only nice if you mean that. Otherwise, he’s only going to be more upset when he finally realizes you aren’t interested. [17]
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      • Don’t apologize because it's okay to reject someone. Apologizing might make him think it’s okay to keep asking. [18]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://hbr.org/2013/02/nine-practices-to-help-you-say
      2. ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
      3. ↑ Judith Gottesman, MSW. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.
      4. ↑ Judith Gottesman, MSW. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.
      5. ↑ https://www.educationsupport.org.uk/resources/for-individuals/guides/saying-no-advice-for-setting-boundaries/
      6. ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202202/how-to-reject-someone-and-help-them-at-the-same-time
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201605/6-ways-to-turn-someone-down-politely
      9. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-say-no/
      1. ↑ Judith Gottesman, MSW. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-to-say-no
      3. ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
      4. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/09/15/913207918/how-to-say-no-for-the-people-pleaser-who-always-says-yes
      5. ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/01/how-to-say-no-to-things-you-want-to-do
      6. ↑ https://hbr.org/2020/09/learn-when-to-say-no
      7. ↑ https://www.edutopia.org/article/its-ok-say-no/
      8. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S038800010800003X
      9. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-to-say-no

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