Am I Dating a Narcissist?

Take this quiz to find out!

Maybe your partner uses you as the punchline for too many of their jokes, or they’re never willing to accept responsibility when things go wrong. You can’t shake this nagging feeling that something is seriously off in your relationship—could a narcissistic partner be the culprit?

While only a mental health professional can officially diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), there are plenty of red flags you can be on the lookout for in your own partner. Take this quiz to get a better idea of where you stand—and how you can put yourself first in a potentially unhealthy relationship.

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Questions Overview

1. How did they act when you first started dating?
  1. Super lovey-dovey. They thought our relationship was written in the stars!
  2. Extra charming. They really knew how to lay it on.
  3. A little flirtatious. Nothing too overkill, though!
  4. Friendly and respectful. They had a healthy sense of boundaries.
2. What are you both likely to chat about over dinner?
  1. Both? That’s funny—they’re usually dominating the conversation.
  2. They might ask about my day only to change the subject and talk about theirs.
  3. They’ll talk about their day, but we’ll also take time to talk about mine.
  4. Anything and everything! They usually let me start the conversation.
3. With 1 being “not very” and 10 being “extremely,” how reliable are they?
  1. 1-2. It feels like they’re constantly canceling our dates and hangouts.
  2. 3-5. It’s pretty much a 50/50 if they’ll follow through or not.
  3. 6-8. They’re reliable when it counts.
  4. 9-10. If they make a promise, they’ll always follow through.
4. You forget to reply to their text for a couple of hours. How do they respond?
  1. They’re pretty annoyed. I can expect a slew of follow-up texts on my phone.
  2. They might send 1-2 texts to see what’s taking so long.
  3. They’re pretty chill and probably won’t double-text.
  4. They don’t care. If it’s really urgent, they’ll just call me.
5. They ask you for a favor that you aren’t super comfortable with. How do they respond when you refuse?
  1. They throw a tantrum. It’s like I’m dealing with a 5-year-old!
  2. They get a little guilt-trippy in hopes that they’ll change my mind.
  3. They’re a little disappointed, but they respect my decision.
  4. They accept my decision with no questions asked.
6. You’re at a nice restaurant and getting ready to order. How do they treat the wait staff?
  1. Pretty rude—nothing the waiter does seems to be good enough.
  2. Not great. They’re nit-picky about the food and seating.
  3. All right. They aren’t overly nice, but they aren’t rude.
  4. Great! They’re really friendly with the waiter and leave a good tip.
7. How do they speak about the people around them?
  1. Terribly. They talk crap about pretty much everyone around them.
  2. Not great. They’re pretty critical of their friends, co-workers, and acquaintances.
  3. Mostly respectfully. They gossip on occasion, but it’s not the norm.
  4. Very respectfully. They don’t have a bad word to say about anyone.
8. How many friends do they have?
  1. Practically none. They burn bridges really easily.
  2. Only a couple. They don’t hang onto friends for a long time.
  3. A good amount. They have a close circle of friends that they can rely on.
  4. So many! They’re friends (or at least friendly) with almost everyone.
9. Describe your partner in two words.
  1. Arrogant and proud.
  2. Overconfident and self-assured.
  3. Coolheaded and indifferent.
  4. Respectful and humble.
10. You just had a rough day. How do they respond?
  1. “If you think that’s bad, wait until you hear about my day.”
  2. “Oh, that’s too bad. Anyway, guess what happened to me today…”
  3. “Dang, that’s really rough. I’m sorry to hear that happened.”
  4. “Oh no! That sounds so frustrating. Do you want to talk about it?”
11. Someone forgot to take the trash out. What’s their response?
  1. “Not my fault—you were supposed to take it out.”
  2. “You said that you were going to take the trash out.”
  3. “Was it your turn to take out the trash, or mine?”
  4. “Whoops! I totally forgot about the trash. That’s on me!”
12. Are they committed to your relationship?
  1. It doesn’t feel like it. They always seem to be “window shopping” for a new partner.
  2. Not always. They’re hesitant to put a label on our relationship.
  3. I think so! I don’t know what their thoughts on a long-term relationship are, though.
  4. Absolutely! They’re in it for the long haul.

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NPD is professionally diagnosed with a list of specific criteria, including (but not limited to) an exaggerated sense of self-importance; a captivation with fantasies of limitless success, power, or beauty; a sense of entitlement; and a lack of empathy. NPD goes beyond an overconfident attitude or sense of self-love\u2014it\u2019s a condition where someone continuously and excessively puts themselves above other people.Ultimately, it\u2019s up to you if you\u2019d like to stick things out with your partner or call it quits. While there are ways to be in a relationship with a narcissist<\/a>, it might be better for your mental and emotional health to cut ties for good. Talk to a trusted friend, loved one, or mental health professional to help you figure out which decision is best for you.If your partner is physically or emotionally abusing you, you don\u2019t have to deal with it alone. Contact an organization like the National Domestic Violence Hotline<\/a> for extra support, or call emergency services if you\u2019re in immediate danger.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Move-on-from-a-Narcissistic-Relationship"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-with-a-Narcissist-Boyfriend"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Get Over a Narcissistic Relationship","id":12957833,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Move-on-from-a-Narcissistic-Relationship","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e4\/Move-on-from-a-Narcissistic-Relationship-Step-12.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Move-on-from-a-Narcissistic-Relationship-Step-12.jpg","alt":"How to Get Over a Narcissistic Relationship"},{"title":"12 Strategies to Deal With a Narcissistic Boyfriend","id":13148265,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-with-a-Narcissist-Boyfriend","image":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d8\/Deal-with-a-Narcissist-Boyfriend-Step-12.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Deal-with-a-Narcissist-Boyfriend-Step-12.jpg","alt":"12 Strategies to Deal With a Narcissistic Boyfriend"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":2,"text":"You could be dating a narcissist.","meaning":"Your partner\u2019s behavior lines up with certain aspects of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). But what does this mean for your relationship?NPD is professionally diagnosed with a list of specific criteria, including (but not limited to) an exaggerated sense of self-importance; a captivation with fantasies of limitless success, power, or beauty; a sense of entitlement; and a lack of empathy. NPD goes beyond an overconfident attitude or sense of self-love\u2014it\u2019s a condition where someone continuously and excessively puts themselves above other people.Having a narcissistic partner doesn\u2019t mean you have to end your relationship, but it does mean that you should look at your relationship a little more critically. Does your partner support you, respect you, and make your life better, or do they add extra stress and conflict to your daily life? Chat with trusted friends, loved ones, and mental health professionals to help you narrow down the best decision for you and your future.If your partner is physically or emotionally abusing you, you don\u2019t have to deal with it alone. Contact an organization like the National Domestic Violence Hotline<\/a> for extra support, or call emergency services if you\u2019re in immediate danger.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Talk-to-a-Narcissist"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-in-a-Relationship-with-a-Narcissist"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Talk to a Narcissist","id":13060594,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Talk-to-a-Narcissist","image":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f6\/Talk-to-a-Narcissist-Step-12.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Talk-to-a-Narcissist-Step-12.jpg","alt":"How to Talk to a Narcissist"},{"title":"12 Tips for Dating or Living with a Narcissist","id":13062664,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-in-a-Relationship-with-a-Narcissist","image":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/17\/Be-in-a-Relationship-with-a-Narcissist-Step-12.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Be-in-a-Relationship-with-a-Narcissist-Step-12.jpg","alt":"12 Tips for Dating or Living with a Narcissist"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":3,"text":"You probably aren\u2019t dating a narcissist.","meaning":"Your relationship has its rough patches, but a narcissistic partner probably isn\u2019t the culprit. The term \u201cnarcissist\u201d solely refers to an individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)\u2014it isn\u2019t a synonym for overconfident, arrogant, or other unpleasant behavior.If your relationship hits a rough spot, take some time to sit with your partner and communicate some of the issues and conflicts<\/a> that you aren\u2019t seeing eye-to-eye on. Share your thoughts openly, honestly, and respectfully, and practice good active listening skills<\/a> as they share their perspective. Good, clear communication is key to your relationship staying healthy and strong!","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Diagnose-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Recognize-a-Toxic-Relationship"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder","id":7516083,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Diagnose-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder","image":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/fa\/Diagnose-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder-Step-13-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Diagnose-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder-Step-13-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder"},{"title":"How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship","id":764960,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Recognize-a-Toxic-Relationship","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/ed\/Recognize-a-Toxic-Relationship-Step-12.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Recognize-a-Toxic-Relationship-Step-12.jpg","alt":"How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":4,"text":"You likely aren\u2019t dating a narcissist.","meaning":"No red flags here! Your partner doesn\u2019t seem to check off any major boxes for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). While you may run into the occasional rough patch, it sounds like your partner brings plenty of empathy and emotional support to the relationship.To keep your relationship running in a happy and healthy direction, take time to check in with your partner and air out any concerns or issues you may have. 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All About Narcissism and NPD

You’ve probably heard the word “narcissist” used to describe a person who’s a bit arrogant or full of themselves (like someone who takes a lot of selfies or spends most of their time glued to social media). This isn’t actually the true definition, though—the “narcissist” label only applies to individuals diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

What is NPD?

NPD is a personality disorder officially recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), a medical text published by the American Psychiatric Association. According to psychiatric professionals, NPD has 9 qualifying criteria—a person needs to meet at least 5 of the following to be diagnosed.

  • They have an inflated sense of self-importance
  • They’re constantly captivated by fantasies of limitless power, beauty, success, or the perfect type of love.
  • They view themselves as unique and special. Only people who share their “uniqueness” and “specialness” are worthy of their time.
  • They need lots of praise and admiration.
  • They feel like they deserve special treatment from other people.
  • They’re fine with using and manipulating other people for their own purposes.
  • They have no empathy and can’t relate to others.
  • They often feel envious of other people or suspect that other people are envious towards them.
  • They carry themselves with an arrogant attitude or haughty type of behavior.

Important Facts about NPD

  • Only a professional psychiatrist can officially diagnose someone with NPD. Mental illnesses (like personality disorders) are extremely nuanced and often overlap with other diagnoses, so it’s never a good idea to “officially” label your partner.
  • People with NPD aren’t automatically abusers. While people with NPD can definitely be physically and emotionally abusive, this abuse doesn’t stem from their mental illness. Abuse comes from a sense of entitlement and a desire for power and control—it isn’t caused by a specific diagnosis.
  • NPD can be addressed with long-term treatment, including counseling and medication. Over time, individuals with NPD can gradually learn how to view themselves in a more positive light and build healthier connections with the people in their life.
  • Many times someone with NPD won’t know they have NPD nor be willing to go to counseling because they don’t feel they have an issue. If this is the case, you yourself can continue to get treatment and learn how to set your own boundaries to stay safe.

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