Should I Go to His House on the Third Date? Advice, Considerations, & More

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So the first and second dates went well, and he’s asking you out on a third date at his place where you two can make a fancy meal and watch a movie. Do you accept, break it off, or suggest something else for the third date? Is inviting you to his house for the third date a red flag? In this article, we’ll walk you through everything you need to know about the pros and cons of going to his house, what this date suggestion might mean about him, and cover whether this is the right move for you or not. Read on to learn more!

Section 1 of 4:

Is it a red flag if a guy asks me to his house for a date?

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    There’s nothing inherently wrong with a guy asking you over to his place for the third date and you taking him up on that offer, but it all comes down to context. How well do you know him and how comfortable do you feel around him? If you’re comfortable around him, the two of you have been vibing, and you’ve been talking a lot, then go for it! On the other hand, if you have doubts about him and you’re not comfortable being alone with him at his place, then there’s nothing wrong with suggesting a different venue for your third date. Trust your instincts here. [1]
    • There’s a chance this guy invited you to his place because he’s hoping to hook up. If you’re okay with that, great! If you’re not, don’t feel pressured into going to his place. You can suggest a different date instead.
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Section 2 of 4:

Why would a guy invite me to his home for the third date?

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    If he invited you over to his place, it might be his not-so-subtle way of saying that he wants to have sex. If you’re down for that too, that’s awesome! If you’re not, that’s totally fine too. It’s just something worth keeping in mind before agreeing to go to his place. [2]
    • If you’re interested in taking things to the next level, that’s totally fine. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping with him on the third date if that’s something you want.
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    A person’s home is about as personal and intimate as it gets. If he invites you to his home, it likely means he wants alone time in a one-on-one setting where the two of you can be alone. If your second date was filled with some passionate conversation, he may just want to keep that energy going. [3]
    • If it seemed like he was acting like he wanted to ask you to be exclusive on your second date, this is probably what’s going on here.
    • If he’s an especially anxious guy, he might want to hang out in his home where he thinks he’ll have an easier time trying to sweep you off of your feet.
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    If he’s a killer cook or he’s got a really nice home, he might be trying to bring you there to show off a bit. This is a pretty tame reason to invite you over, but it definitely indicates that he’s trying to put some effort in to make you like him! [4]
    • If the two of you talked about a love of making food, or you mentioned being a foodie and he happens to love cooking, this is a very reasonable move on his part.
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Section 3 of 4:

Do I have to have sex if I go to his house?

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    If you do go to his house for the third date, you are not automatically agreeing to have sex. If he tries to sleep with you and you aren’t ready for that, tell him that. You should never feel pressured to have sex, and if he doesn’t get the message, leave. [5]
    • It’s okay to have sex on the third date if that’s something you want. If you don’t want to have sex, just tell him you aren’t ready if he makes a move.
    • If he has a negative reaction to you turning him down, he may not be a particularly good partner for the long-term.
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    There’s nothing wrong with accepting the date but letting him know ahead of time that sex is off of the table. If he’s a reasonable, respectful guy, this should be no biggie. This can clear up any potential mixed signals so that you two can enjoy the third date. [6] You might say:
    • “That sounds like fun! I’m in. Just to be upfront, I’m not ready for anything physical. Sorry if I’m making an assumption there.”
    • “I’m totally down to make dinner together at your place, but to be honest, I’m not exactly interested in ‘Netflix and Chill’ just FYI. I want a real date, okay? 😊”
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Section 4 of 4:

Why is the third date important?

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    It’s a given that you two like one another if there’s a third date in the first place. After all, who goes on more than two dates with someone they don’t like? The only question now is whether this could be an exclusive relationship or not. For this reason, people tend to put a lot of importance into the third date. [7]
    • If you two are still sort of feeling one another out and you aren’t quite sure whether you like him or not, that’s totally fine. Everybody moves at their own pace.
    • This doesn’t mean that you have to choose whether or not to be exclusive after the third date. If you want to keep casually dating or you aren’t sure how you feel, that’s okay!
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    Dates one and two are generally spent trying to put on a show. You craft responses carefully, you smile a little more than you normally would, and you do everything you can to impress. By the third date, your guard is down a little and the two of you can actually get to know one another a little more intimately. [8]
    • This is actually why a date at his home might be a good thing—you’ll have plenty of time to talk without any outside distraction.
    • However, if he’s only inviting you over to have sex and you’re looking to connect, you might be better off with a traditional dinner date.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What is the purpose of the first date?
    Louie Felix
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Louie Felix is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker, and the founder and CEO of Matchmaking VIP, a company which provides concierge-level matchmaking services to clients around the world. He is also the COO of Agape Matchmaking based in New York City. With almost 16 years of professional matchmaking and dating coaching experience, Louie has served as CEO for the United States' two largest matchmaking companies serving over 50,000 clients. He has been featured as an expert matchmaker for shows on E! Entertainment Television, WeTV and the CW. He was also recently acknowledged as a top 5 worldwide matchmaker by both the International Dating Conference and the Matchmakers Alliance. Louie was also selected as one of America's top 10 Relationship Experts for the Great Love Debate National Tour.
    Louie Felix
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Expert Answer
    On the first date, you should try to become familiar with each other. Do not focus on whether this is your ultimate partner.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    How do you decide whether to have a second date?
    Louie Felix
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Louie Felix is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker, and the founder and CEO of Matchmaking VIP, a company which provides concierge-level matchmaking services to clients around the world. He is also the COO of Agape Matchmaking based in New York City. With almost 16 years of professional matchmaking and dating coaching experience, Louie has served as CEO for the United States' two largest matchmaking companies serving over 50,000 clients. He has been featured as an expert matchmaker for shows on E! Entertainment Television, WeTV and the CW. He was also recently acknowledged as a top 5 worldwide matchmaker by both the International Dating Conference and the Matchmakers Alliance. Louie was also selected as one of America's top 10 Relationship Experts for the Great Love Debate National Tour.
    Louie Felix
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Expert Answer
    If you have a great time on the first date and like the person, you can tell them that you want to see them again.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 1 Helpful 2
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/is-he-really-interested-into-you
      2. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/is-he-really-interested-into-you
      3. ↑ https://www.happilyeveradventures.com/at-home-date-night-ideas/
      4. ↑ https://www.latimes.com/home/la-hm-affairs-20150523-story.html
      5. ↑ https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/should-you-ever-have-sex-when-you-dont-feel-like-it/12484234
      6. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/is-he-really-interested-into-you
      7. ↑ https://www.latimes.com/home/la-hm-affairs-20150523-story.html
      8. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/blog/2018/12/the-third-date
      9. ↑ Louie Felix. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
      1. ↑ Louie Felix. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
      2. ↑ Louie Felix. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.

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