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Harassment can make you feel frustrated, angry, or even scared — but you don't have to put up with it. To stop harassment, start by confronting your harasser and letting them know that their comments or actions are not welcome. If they persist, you may need to report the harassment to the proper authorities. If the person still won't leave you alone, you may want to consider filing for a restraining order against them.
Steps
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Identify the person harassing you. When you confront your harasser, call them out by name. If you don't know their name, use a description that distinguishes them from other people around you. This can be especially helpful if someone is harassing you in a public place because it draws others' attention to the harassment. [1] X Research source
- For example, if you're on a train and someone is harassing you, you might identify them as "Man in the blue shirt" or "Woman in the red dress."
- If you do know their name, address them strongly by their full name to call out the harassment.
Warning: Be careful about calling out and confronting your harasser if you're in a situation where you're worried about your personal safety, such as if your harasser is with a large group of friends who are egging them on. Always put your personal safety first.
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Tell your harasser that their comments or actions are not welcome. Speak in a loud, clear voice with an even tone. After identifying your harasser, tell them explicitly to stop whatever they're doing that's harassing you. Some examples of what you might say include: [2] X Research source [3] X Expert Source Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.- "John Davis, do not make those comments on my appearance. They constitute harassment."
- "Man in the blue shirt, do not touch me without my permission. That is harassment."
- "Rebecca Reed, I do not welcome or appreciate your advances. You are harassing me."
Tip: Remain civil and polite. Attack the action, not the person themselves.
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Let your harasser know what you want them to do. After telling your harasser what you don't want them to do, you may want to add a statement about what kind of comments or actions are welcome. This is more appropriate if you're in a situation where you know the person harassing you. [4] X Expert Source Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 11 December 2020. Some examples of things you might say include: [5] X Research source- "Let's return to our discussion of this group project. We have a deadline looming."
- "I understand that you probably thought your comments were funny but I was offended. You're welcome to tell jokes that don't include that topic."
- "I would appreciate it if you kept our relationship on a purely professional level from now on."
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Remove yourself from the situation if the person persists. If the person continues harassing you after you've told them clearly that their behavior is not welcome, it's typically best for you to find a way to get away from them as quickly as possible. In situations where it isn't possible for you to completely leave, try to put as much space between you and your harasser as possible. [6] X Research source
- For example, if you're on a train, you can move to another seat, another car, or put a person in between you.
- At a meeting or similar situation at work or school, find out if you can move to a different seat.
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Call an emergency number if you feel you are in danger. Sometimes harassment can go too far. If you feel that the harasser is threatening your safety or well-being, call the emergency number, such as 911 in the US or 999 in the UK, immediately. Tell the operator where you are and what the person is doing.
- If your harasser is unknown to you, provide a description that is as detailed as possible. Take a photo or video of the person with your smartphone if possible.
- Keep in mind that the person will likely flee the scene before anyone arrives in response to your emergency call. However, the call still has the effect of stopping the harassment—at least for the time-being.
Tip: If a stranger is harassing you but you don't feel it rises to the level of an emergency situation, you can always pretend to call 911. Have a friend you can call who will pretend with you.
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Keep records of the harassment. If you're planning to report the harassment to anyone, you'll need proof that the harassment took place. The type of proof you need depends on where and how the harassment happened. At a minimum, keep a personal log with the date, time, and location of the harassment along with your account of exactly what happened. [7] X Research source
- If the person is calling or leaving voicemails, save the voicemails and your phone log to show the number of times they've called.
- If the person is sending you harassing text messages or other instant messages online, keep them but also screen cap them so you have another copy.
- You may also be able to get photos or videos of the harassment with your smartphone. If you're in public and there are bystanders, any of them might also have taken photos or videos.
- If anyone is around when the harassment occurs, ask them if they are willing to serve as a witness on your behalf. Take down their name and contact information.
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Tell your supervisor if you're at work. If you're being harassed by a coworker, tell your supervisor or the individual your company has designated to handle harassment claims. There should be information about this in your employee handbook. If you don't have an employee handbook, talk to your direct supervisor about it. [8] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- If you're being harassed by a supervisor, you typically would go to the person above them. That person would have the authority to get them to stop their behavior.
- If you're being harassed by someone at the top of the hierarchy for the company you work for, such as the owner of the business, talk to someone who has sway over them and can show them the error of their ways.
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Contact local police if you're being harassed at home or in public. As long as you feel safe, call the police non-emergency line or go into the local precinct in person to file your report. Bring any evidence you have with you. Depending on your harasser's actions, they may be charged with a crime — but not without proof.
- Answer the officer's questions as completely and honestly as possible. When the officer is done interviewing you, ask for a copy of the written report. It may take a day or two for it to be ready. Typically, you can just go back down to the station and pick it up.
- Read over the written report carefully and make sure there aren't any errors in your story. If there are, let them know so they can be corrected.
Tip: Get the name of the officer who has been assigned to your case so you have someone to contact directly if other incidents occur. If no one has been assigned to your case, ask for that to happen.
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Get help from your phone company for phone harassment. If someone is placing harassing or threatening phone calls to you, your phone company may be able to set up a phone trace or phone trap to get information about the person. This information typically is forwarded to local law enforcement. [9] X Research source
- If possible, you might also try to block the person's number so they can't call you. Most of the time that will put a quick end to the problem.
- If you can't block the caller, you can still ignore their calls. If you answer the phone and it's them, simply hang up. Do not engage them at all — they'll just keep calling.
- If you don't want to go to the phone company or if your phone company can't help you, make the person think you did. Put a message on your voicemail that says something like: "I can't come to the phone right now but you must leave a message. I've been receiving harassing phone calls and if you don't leave a message your call will be traced and the information forwarded to law enforcement."
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Alert a website administrator about online harassment. If you're harassed on a website or social media platform, you can let the company that owns the website or platform know about the harassment. Typically, they'll simply tell you to block the person. However, depending on what the person is saying, they may take additional steps, such as banning the person from the site. [10] X Research source
- In some situations, you can also report online harassment to your local police. However, they typically won't do anything unless your harasser is local and known to you.
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Gather information about the harassment and the harasser. You can't file a restraining order against a stranger. To request a restraining order, you must have some basic information about the person harassing you, such as their name and the address where they live.
- You'll also need to describe in detail the activities the person is doing that constitute harassment. Most courts go by a legal definition. If what they're doing doesn't fit into that legal definition, you might not be able to get a restraining order.
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Fill out a petition form at your local courthouse. Courts have fill-in-the-blank forms available for anyone who wants to request a restraining order. These forms are relatively straightforward to complete so you shouldn't need to hire a lawyer. [11] X Trustworthy Source US Office on Women's Health U.S. government agency providing resources for women's health Go to source
- Basically, you'll need to provide information about yourself, your harasser, your relationship to your harasser, and what they're saying or doing to you.
- In addition to the court clerk's office, you can also typically pick up blank forms at some lawyer's offices, domestic violence shelters, and police precincts. Some courts also have the forms available online for you to download and print out.
- Some courts, such as UK courts, also require you to write an affidavit describing the harassment that occurred. Your affidavit is a statement under oath that you must sign at court or in the presence of a qualified lawyer.
Tip: If you feel particularly threatened, you may be able to get an emergency restraining order immediately. This restraining order is usually only valid for a few days and protects you until you can get a restraining order through the court.
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Submit your petition to the court clerk. Once you've filled out and signed your forms, make at least 2 copies and take them to the clerk of the court in the county where you live. You can also file in the county where your harasser lives or in the county where the harassment is taking place. In most countries, there is no charge to file a petition for a restraining order. [12] X Trustworthy Source US Office on Women's Health U.S. government agency providing resources for women's health Go to source
- The court clerk will typically return the copies to you. One is for your records and the other needs to be delivered to your harasser.
- In some courts, the judge will hold a brief hearing immediately to issue a temporary restraining order. This order will remain in effect until the date of your full hearing.
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Have your harasser served with the petition. If you have a temporary restraining order, it will only last until the date of your court hearing. Your harasser has to be given a chance to explain their side of the story or argue against the restraining order. Courts use the service process to ensure your harasser has knowledge of the hearing.
- Some courts take care of service for you. In others, you have to arrange for this on your own. Typically, you can have a sheriff's deputy or similar officer of the court hand-deliver the petition to your harasser.
- File proof of the service with the court and keep a copy for your records. If your harasser doesn't show up in court for the full hearing, you won't get your restraining order unless you can prove that they had notice of the hearing.
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Attend the court hearing to have your restraining order issued. On the date your hearing is scheduled, arrive at the courthouse at least 30 minutes early. Bring with you all evidence you have of the harassment. If you have witnesses to the harassment who are willing to testify on your behalf, you can bring them as well. An attorney isn't necessary, but you can hire one to represent you if you wish. You can also bring along friends or family members for moral support.
- Keep in mind that your harasser may be there in the courtroom and they may ask you questions related to the restraining order. The court officers will protect you from any harm.
- When you talk to the judge, speak in a loud, clear voice. Explain the harassment, sticking to the facts of each incident or situation. If the judge asks you any questions, answer them honestly and completely.
- If the judge is convinced that the person is harassing you and is a threat to your safety or well-being, they will issue your restraining order.
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Keep copies of your restraining order with you at all times. When the judge issues your written restraining order, immediately make multiple copies. Keep copies everywhere you frequent, such as your home, relatives' homes, work, or school. You should also keep a copy on your person at all times.
- In some places, you're also required to file a copy of your restraining order with your local police department. If you commute to school or live on-campus, you should also give a copy to campus security.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionIs it okay to be rude if someone won't leave me alone?Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.If someone is harassing you, you no longer have to abide by any norms, rules, or social etiquette! If you want to be rude, loud, or whatever, go for it. Whatever will send the message that you want to be left alone is what you should do.
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QuestionHow can I feel better if my ex won't leave me alone?Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.Ask your friends and family for support, and surround yourself with people who make you feel loved. That will get you back into a more positive headspace.
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QuestionHow do you get someone to stop contacting you?Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.Block their telephone number, block them on social media, and tell them to leave you alone. If they refuse to let you be, you may need to reach out to the authorities for help.
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Tips
- Talk to friends, neighbors, or coworkers about the harassment. They may be able to provide witness statements or protect you from your harasser.Thanks
- Remember that harassment is not your fault. It can be easy to start thinking there's something you could have done differently to avoid the harassment. However, your harasser chose to continue their behavior after you told them it was unwelcome.Thanks
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Warnings
- Don't try to downplay the harassment or ignore it in the belief it will go away. It may escalate.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://hrdailyadvisor.blr.com/2011/10/23/how-to-respond-to-a-harasser-10-things-to-say/
- ↑ https://hrdailyadvisor.blr.com/2011/10/23/how-to-respond-to-a-harasser-10-things-to-say/
- ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.
- ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.
- ↑ https://hrdailyadvisor.blr.com/2011/10/23/how-to-respond-to-a-harasser-10-things-to-say/
- ↑ https://hrdailyadvisor.blr.com/2011/10/23/how-to-respond-to-a-harasser-10-things-to-say/
- ↑ https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/stalking-and-harassment
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2018/02/sexual-harassment
- ↑ https://www.privacyrights.org/consumer-guides/how-put-end-unwanted-or-harassing-phone-calls
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/bullying-safety-privacy/bullying/bullying-social-media
- ↑ https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/getting-restraining-order
- ↑ https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/getting-restraining-order
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