How to Talk to a Guy You Like over Text & IRL

PDF download Download Article
Plus, how to confess your feelings to a guy you like
PDF download Download Article

If you want a guy to notice you, one of the best ways to do so is to talk to him. But talking to your crush can be hard. It's intimidating to approach someone you have feelings for. That’s why we talked to relationship and dating experts to get their best tips for talking to guys, including how to strike up the conversation and keep it going. Plus, we’ll help you figure out when and how to take the plunge and ask him out!

How to Talk to a Guy: A Quick Guide

  1. Go up to him and introduce yourself.
  2. Pay him a compliment to boost his confidence.
  3. Ask for his opinion or a small favor.
  4. Make him laugh with a joke or one-liner.
  5. Discuss your shared interests.
  6. Ask him open-ended questions to get to know him.
  7. Talk about shared interests and hobbies.
Section 1 of 4:

Striking up a Conversation with A Guy You Like

PDF download Download Article
  1. It can be scary to start up a conversation with your crush. Dating coach John Keegan recommends taking a simple and direct approach like, “Hey, I saw you, [and] there's something about you…I just wanted to say hi.” If you can't think of anything to say, strike up a conversation about something happening at the party, recent local events, or popular trends and news. Try to approach him in comfortable situations when he’s not distracted so it’s easier to get his attention.
    • If you’re nervous, try rehearsing what you want to say ahead of time. It may feel silly to you, but stand in front of the mirror in your home and practice. [1]
    • You don't have to plan what you'll say word-for-word, or it might sound strained. Instead, have a general idea of what you want to talk about.
    • Have confidence in yourself and go into the interaction without expectations. Dating coach Cher Gopman says, “Showing that you're confident in who you are is the most attractive thing that there is.”
  2. Matchmaker Christina Jay says, “Giving him compliments here and there can be more than enough for him to know that you're interested in him.” Giving a guy a compliment is a great way to start a conversation because it gives him a little ego boost . Try to focus on his personality, values, or actions to make the compliment more meaningful. It’s nice when someone compliments your appearance, but it’s more personal when they admire who you are. [2]
    • No matter what compliment you give him, Keegan recommends making sure it’s one that you actually believe. False compliments can sound unnatural.
    • If you give him a compliment based on his appearance, try to focus on something he has control over, like his sense of style.
    • Say something like, "Hey, I love your sweater. That color looks really nice on you."
    Advertisement
  3. There’s something called the Ben Franklin Effect that says that people will like you more if you ask them for a favor. It’s especially effective if you’ve just met him. [3] Asking for his opinion or a recommendation is another way to ask for a favor in a subtle way. It also helps you learn a little more about him. Just make sure you base your request for his opinion/recommendation on something you know he’s interested in.
    • Try asking for help with something easy. If you’re in person, ask him if he can tell you where the restroom is.
    • Or try something like, “Hey, you’re a guitar player, right? I want to get my uncle some new strings for his birthday, but I have no clue what’s good. Can you give me any tips?”
    • Think about where you usually see this person. If you have class together, practice asking him about a homework assignment or making a comment on the latest test.
    • Make an observation and then ask him what he thinks. For example, “That quiz today was really tough. What did you think of it?”
  4. If you’re texting, you never want to start with “Hey.” Get his attention with one of your favorite memes or jokes to show you have a sense of humor. Plus, laughing with someone is a great way to improve his mood and bond with him…which is super attractive. [4] Then, keep the conversation going by asking him to send you one back.
    • Try saying something like, “I laugh every single time I see this meme with the little kid giving side-eye.😒🤣”
    • Or try a joke, like, “What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.🌊 Your turn!”
    • Keegan cautions you to be careful when you’re joking around. “Everyone has their own sense of humor. And when you're getting to know someone, you want to feel them out.”
    • He adds, “Start subtle and see how the person responds to it.” If they send you a laughing emoji or LOL, keep going.
    5. Advertisement
Section 2 of 4:

Keeping the Conversation Going

PDF download Download Article
  1. Once you start talking, ask some questions that require more than a 1- or 2-word answer. People generally enjoy talking about themselves, so this is a great way to keep the conversation going and get to know the guy you like.
    • Ask him about things you have in common. For example, "What do you think of this class?" and "Do you think you'll go to the football games this season?"
    • Try asking broad questions that relate to the topic at hand. If you end up discussing a movie you watched in class, say something like, "What kind of movies do you like in general?"
  2. People love talking about their hobbies, so asking him about what he likes usually keeps a conversation interesting. It’s even better if you have shared interests, which means you may be a good match. It also helps you relax a little so he can see how cool and interesting you really are!
    • Movies, music, and TV shows are great topics to start with. Say something like, “What’s your favorite band? What do you like most about their music?”
    • Other questions you can ask to learn about his interests are: “What do you like to do in your free time?”, “What’s your favorite subject in school?”, and “What’s the last internet black hole you fell down?”
    • If you find out you have a shared interest, like you both love Dancing With The Stars , say something like, “Did you see Dancing With The Stars last night? It was so crazy.”
    • From there, you can look for broader topics of shared interests to discuss. For example, "Do you like dancing? I just love dancing and musicals."
  3. When you really like someone, it can be very tempting to try and be the type of person you think he would be interested in dating. But it’s always better to be yourself around your crush. Keegan says to share topics you're interested in. “It could be art or philosophy or just humanitarian things where he [can] really see your deepest self.”
    • Don't deny your interests, hobbies, and friends out of fear of judgment or rejection. Just be polite and use it as an opportunity to help him learn a little about you.
    • For example, say something like, “Oh, I'm not really into football. I actually really love going to see live music.”
    • Avoid putting yourself down to show him you like yourself and you're not insecure.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 2438 wikiHow readers what’s most attractive about a person, and 56% said sense of humor and charm. [Take Poll]
  4. Practice active listening by not interrupting him and giving him your undivided attention. Communication Consultant Lynda Jean says, “You [should] always smile, make good eye contact, and listen more than you talk.” Let him know you’re engaged with what he’s saying by occasionally nodding or repeating what he’s said to help him feel understood and encourage him to keep talking. [5]
    • Make sure you have plenty of time to talk, especially if you’re texting.
    • If you’re talking in person, it’s even more important to limit distractions. So, set your phone to silent and place it face down on the table or put it in your pocket.
    • Pause to think for a moment before you speak. Not only does it give you a chance to consider your words, but it also gives you time to really process his words before responding.
  5. Dating and relationship coach Mark Rosenfeld recommends making strong eye contact and smiling as you flirt. This lets him know you're engaged and into him.
    • Try to introduce gentle touch during the conversation. For example, lightly touch his arm when you laugh at one of his jokes.
    • Rosenfeld also says to make sure you face the guy when you’re talking with him to show him you’re focused on him.
  6. Pay attention to how the guy is reacting. If he starts to get distracted or you feel like you’re running out of things to say, end the conversation politely . Conversations have a natural beginning and end. Rather than trying to force a conversation to go on longer, try to wrap it up. This makes a great impression and leaves him wanting more. [6]
    • After you exhaust a certain topic, you both may sense there's little left to discuss. The guy may start giving shorter answers.
    • Look for an organic way to exit the conversation. Say something like, “I should head to my next class. I'll see you later,” or “I really enjoyed talking with you. Want to get coffee sometime?”
  7. Texting can be a great form of communication to help you get to know him better. Try texting him once in a while and see how he responds. This helps you see if he likes you as well. A guy who texts back eagerly is more likely to be interested. [7]
    • Be yourself when you text. If he asks you questions, give honest answers. Use your authentic voice and sense of humor.
    • Throw in an occasional emoji. Don't overdo it, but a few smiley faces now and then can come off as flirty and help keep the tone light and fun.
    • Allow him to initiate texting on occasion. You don't want to overwhelm him. Plus, a guy who initiates texts is more likely to be interested in you.
    8. Advertisement
Section 3 of 4:

Confessing Your Feelings

PDF download Download Article
  1. Before you ask a guy out, it's a good idea to see if he’s interested . Take a second to see how he’s acting toward you. A guy who's interested will often point his knees at you or lean towards you when he talks, says relationship coach Candice Mostisser. He’ll make strong eye contact, smile frequently, and subtly mirror your body language.
    • He may also make excuses to touch you, like brushing your arm as you talk, putting his hand on the small of your back, or giving you a hug goodbye.
    • Try to notice if he acts differently around you than he does other people. This may mean he likes you…even if he’s not giving other signs.
    • For instance, if he’s usually very flirty with everyone but is more quiet and shy around you, it may be because he likes you and is nervous around you.
    • Keep in mind that none of these are definite signs he is interested, but if you don’t see any of them, it may be better to hold off on confessing your feelings and just be friends for a while.
  2. Jay says, “I think the best approach is being direct.” It can be scary to confess your feelings, but if you think the guy is interested, it's easier to just ask him out instead of beating around the bush. Just make sure to keep it simple and specific. For example, say, “Want to go to that amusement park with me on Saturday?” And if you’re feeling nervous, just take a deep breath to calm your nerves…and then go for it!
    • If you feel your nerves creeping up on you as you’re talking to him, glance at his shoulder for a second to help steady yourself.
    • Another way to beat a case of the jitters is to ask him out over text . Just keep your text simple and direct. And don’t forget to check your spelling before hitting send!
    • For example, text something like, “Since you like Mexican food, would you like to go to dinner at Tres Gatos this Saturday with me?”
  3. You can never be 100% sure if someone is interested in you until you ask. Even if you think you've read the signs correctly, there's always a chance a guy doesn’t return your affection or just likes you as a friend. If this is the case, it’s not a reflection of who you are. His feelings don’t define you. Dating coach Crista Beck says, “We're all different people with unique personalities and preferences. Don't take the rejection personally.” Pat yourself on the back for being brave enough to ask and try to accept that he doesn’t feel the same way. You’ll have a better opportunity some other time. [8]
    • If the guy turns you down, don't question him or get angry. Say something like, "Oh, okay. I'm disappointed, but I understand." Then, excuse yourself and walk away.
    • Handling rejection with grace shows you’re mature and self-assured.
    • Seek out support from friends and family members. Find someone to vent your disappointment towards.
    • Do something nice for yourself in the wake of disappointment. Buy yourself a new item of clothing or other treat. Take a day off to watch a movie with a friend.
    4. Advertisement
Section 4 of 4:

Signs It’s Time to Move On

PDF download Download Article
  1. Getting a little spicy is part of flirting, but if he immediately starts talking about sex, it may be a signal that he’s only interested in one thing from you. This is especially true if you set a boundary that he continually ignores or tries to make you feel bad about. It could mean he only wants sex from you and doesn’t care about who you are as a person. If that’s the case, he doesn’t deserve your time. [9]
    • When he makes the conversation about sex right away, it can be a sign that he’s not interested in getting to know you.
    • Someone who’s truly interested in you will try to learn as much as they can about you with your clothes on.
  2. Sending mixed signals is a sign that he might be keeping you on the back burner in case another relationship doesn’t work out. Another word for sending mixed signals is breadcrumbing. But no matter what you call it, it makes you doubt yourself and feel confused about what’s going on. It’s a type of manipulation, and you don’t need that. [10] Other signs of mixed signals are:
    • He might make plans with you and then bail at the last minute. Or he tells you he wants to spend more time with you and then ghosts you for 2 weeks.
    • You may feel like the one doing all the work to keep the conversation going. Keegan says when someone values you and cares about your happiness, they show up in the relationship.
    • He might love bomb you with a lot of attention and then disappear for a month.
    • He flirts with other women—sometimes even his ex—when he’s with you.
    • He doesn’t reveal anything deep about himself or allow himself to be vulnerable with you.
  3. A guy who’s truly interested in you is going to go out of his way to keep in touch. But if you only hear from him when you reach out, it’s a sign he’s just stringing you along. However, if he texts you first, but it’s only after the sun goes down, he’s probably more interested in sex than having a relationship. Basically, he’s only interested in getting in touch when he wants something from you. [11] It that’s the case, it’s time to bounce.
    • Casual hookups are completely fine if you’re both on the same page about them. But if he’s leading you on by suggesting he wants more, it’s a huge red flag.
    • This guy never contacts you because he wants to take you out on a date. It might be because he only wants sex or doesn’t want anyone to see you out together.
    • If he’s only getting in touch on the weeknights, it might mean he’s spending the weekends with someone else.
    • It may also take him a long time to reply to your texts.
    4. Advertisement

Community Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    What do you do when he doesn't continue the conversation?
    Community Answer
    A conversation requires at least two participants, so if he’s not participating it can make the whole situation difficult. You can either continue to talk or choose to end the conversation. If he seems like he’s engaged but shy and not sure what to say, keep offering subjects and ask him questions. If he seems to be uninterested it’s time to end the conversation .
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 29 Helpful 300
  • Question
    I don't know how to ask the simplest questions, such as his favorite color, without it being awkward. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Awkward could mean so many different things and it’s often a perception we have of ourselves that others do not. The important part is to ask the questions regardless of feeling awkward, because he may not perceive you to be awkward at all. The only way to progress the friendship or relationship is to engage and converse. Practice with friends and have a few questions and responses in mind to help you feel more comfortable.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 41 Helpful 186
  • Question
    What if I'm like crazy insecure? Do guys care about eye contact a lot? Or should I just laugh and smile without looking at him too much?
    Community Answer
    Eye contact can help, as can laughing and smiling. However, it's normal to break eye contact now and again. Too much eye contact can be overwhelming.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 12 Helpful 168
See more answers
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • There's nothing wrong with cutting right to the chase and just telling him how you feel, and telling him outright that you want to get to know him better.
      • Keep in mind that lots of guys are probably as nervous to talk to you as you are to talk to them. They're just people, after all!
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Get a Boyfriend
      How to
      Win Your Crush (Girls)
      How to
      Know if a Guy Likes You
      14 Super Easy Ways to Attract the Guy You Have a Crush On
      How to
      Know if a Guy Likes You in School
      11 Signs a Guy Is Nervous Because He Likes You
      Your Crush Knows You Like Him—Now What?
      How to
      Hook Up with a Guy
      How to
      Drop Hints to a Boy That You Like Him
      11 Indirect Hints to Show Your Crush That You Like Him
      How to
      Get a Boy in Middle School to Like You
      How to
      Approach the Guy You Like
      How to
      Impress a Guy on Snapchat: Keep Him Interested
      How to
      Show a Guy That You Like Him
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/shy-tips.html
      2. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-sincere-compliments-can-help-you-connect-with-others-0222175
      3. ↑ https://time.com/6987094/doing-favors-benjamin-franklin-effect-essay/
      4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/wellbeing/laughter-is-the-best-medicine
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/202006/active-listening-skills
      6. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/end-conversation/
      7. ↑ https://www.breakthecycle.org/ways-guys-hint-they-like-you-through-text/
      8. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/rejection.html
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202402/how-to-tell-if-someone-is-using-you
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/breadcrumbing
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202402/how-to-tell-if-someone-is-using-you

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you want to talk to a guy you like and you're feeling pretty nervous about it, consider rehearsing a few good conversation topics ahead of time. You don't need to rehearse a conversation word-for-word, just think of a few things you can talk about and practice saying them in the mirror. The next time you're around him, be on the lookout for things you can use to break the ice, like making a comment about your history homework or complimenting his sweater. Once you start talking, ask him some questions to get the conversation flowing, and wrap things up before you run out of things to say. For tips on texting with a guy you like, read on!

      Did this summary help you?
      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 2,686,217 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Anonymous

        Dec 12, 2024

        "I successfully dated people in my school after this. As a teacher, it's hard to get students to like you, and ..." more
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement