How to Talk to a Woman You Just Met

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A good first impression can really set you off on the right foot, especially with someone you just met. Although it can be nerve wracking to make conversation with a stranger, there are a few things you can keep in mind to keep your convo flowing smoothly. Keep reading to learn how you can chat with a woman and maintain your confidence to make a deeper connection with her.

Method 1
Method 1 of 11:

Approach her if she looks comfortable.

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    She might be standing with her arms uncrossed, her body facing you, with a pleasant expression on her face. She might also smile at you or make eye contact with you as you walk over. These are all good signs that it’s okay to approach her and start chatting. [1]
    • On the other hand, if she has her head down, her arms crossed, or she’s talking to other people, now’s probably not a great time to approach her.
    • Remember to keep your own body language open by uncrossing your arms, making eye contact, and smiling. It will start you out on the right foot before you even get to chatting. [2]
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Method 2
Method 2 of 11:

Introduce yourself to start the conversation.

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    Since you two don’t know each other, you can shake her hand if you’d like to. Say something simple like, “Hi, I’m Bob” so she knows who you are. She’ll most likely tell you her name, too. [3]
    • If you’re at a party or a group gathering, introduce yourself with how you know the host. For instance, you might say, “Hi, I’m Samantha. I’m Miranda’s next-door neighbor.”
    • Avoid cheesy or overly sexual pickup lines, since those usually don’t go over well.
Method 3
Method 3 of 11:

Ask her a favor for an easy ice breaker.

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    [4] Even something simple like, “Could you grab me a straw?” or, “Will you watch my stuff while I go to the bathroom?” is enough to break the ice and make a connection. Keep it simple so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed, and make it something she can do right away. [5]
    • You could also ask her to snap a quick pic of you or hold your drink while you tie your shoe.
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Method 4
Method 4 of 11:

Ask her a question to start a fun conversation.

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    You could ask about how she likes her coffee, where she got her purse, or why she’s out shopping on a Sunday morning. [6] A simple, innocent question can start a lively convo in no time. [7]
    • Try something like, “What brings you to the farmer’s market so early in the day?” or, “How’s that coffee treating you?”
    • Stay away from anything too personal, like where she lives.
Method 5
Method 5 of 11:

Keep her talking with open-ended questions.

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    Instead, ask her questions that she’ll need to answer with a story, or at least a few sentences. It will keep the conversation going so you two can talk more. [8]
    • Instead of saying, “Do you have a job?” try, “What do you do for work?”
    • Instead of saying, “Do you have any pets?” try, “I have 1 cat and 1 dog. How about you?”
    Debra Fine, Interpersonal Communication Expert

    When speaking with a woman you've just met, focus first on listening, not talking. Ask open-ended questions about her interests and goals, and share a bit about yourself when invited. Avoid invasive personal questions or monopolizing the dialogue. Most importantly, treat her with the same respect you'd give any human being, regardless of gender. A little old-fashioned courtesy goes a long way in making a new connection.

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Method 6
Method 6 of 11:

Add onto whatever she says.

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    Try bundling a simple sentence into an observation, like, “Your scrubs make me think you work at a dentist’s office or a doctor’s office. What do you do?” When she answers, reply with an observation and a question. For instance, if she works in a hospital, you might say: [9]
    • “Working in a hospital sounds like it would be tough. All the medical professionals I know work crazy long hours. What made you want to go into this profession?”
    • If she works at a dentist’s office, you might say, “I’ve heard dental school is pretty hard to get into. How long have you been working there?”
Method 7
Method 7 of 11:

Give her a few compliments.

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    Since you two just met, compliment something you notice about her, like her laugh or her jacket. Stay away from anything too physical, though, or you could come off as creepy. Some good compliments include: [10]
    • “You have an amazing laugh.”
    • “Your scarf is gorgeous, where’d you get it?”
    • “That purse is beautiful. Is it a designer?”
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Method 8
Method 8 of 11:

Take inspiration from the scene around you.

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    For instance, if you’re at a grocery store, you might talk about the new bakery section that sells great donuts. [11] If you’re at a party, ask her if she likes the drink she’s sipping on. [12]
    • Try something like, “Do you like that beer? That brewery makes a great IPA that I love.”
    • Or, “Have you seen the donuts they’re selling over there? The chocolate sprinkle ones are pretty good!”
Method 9
Method 9 of 11:

Add a little humor to the conversation.

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    Stay away from slapstick or knock knock jokes—those rarely go over well. Sarcasm, situational humor, and silly stories usually entertain people, especially when you first meet them. [13]
    • For instance, if you look out the window and see that it’s hailing out, you might say, “Ah, I love a light breeze.”
    • Or, you could tell a funny story with a twist at the end, like, “The other day I woke up and I was so tired I could barely get out of bed. I stumbled around making breakfast and getting dressed, only to realize that it was 2 o’ clock in the morning!”
    • Stay away from sexual jokes or political humor, since those can be a bit much for a first meeting.
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Method 10
Method 10 of 11:

Listen to what she says.

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    Practice active listening by nodding your head, asking follow up questions, and making eye contact. The woman you’re talking to will feel more connected with you, and you’ll probably have a more interesting conversation. [14]
    • Say things like, “Tell me more” and “Wow, that’s so interesting” to show that you’re listening.
Method 11
Method 11 of 11:

Ask for her number if you want to see her again.

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    See if she wants to take down your digits or give you hers so you two can talk again. If she doesn’t seem comfortable with that, don’t push it. [15]
    • You can tell it’s time to wrap up the conversation when she starts looking bored or giving you shorter answers.
    • Say something like, “I really liked talking to you. Could I give you my number so we could talk again later?”
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Is it OK to ask a girl out right away?
    Imad Jbara
    Dating Coach
    Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
    Imad Jbara
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Possibly, but trying a cold approach might trigger her defense mechanisms. Instead, try to start things off with a casual conversation so she feels like you aren't just angling for her number.
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      Tips

      • Remember that the woman you’re talking to is human, too! Don’t put her on a pedestal or assume she’s perfect right off the bat. [16]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
      2. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/love-digitally/201711/what-say-or-not-when-introducing-yourself
      4. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
      6. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      7. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/conversation-starters-topics/
      8. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29943224/
      9. ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/marriage-relationships/healthy-relationships
      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-give-a-powerful-compliment
      2. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/childhood-neglect/2020/06/how-to-have-productive-insightful-conversations-the-vertical-questioning-technique
      4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/laughter-is-the-best-medicine.htm
      5. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/active-listening/
      6. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-make-a-conversation-with-a-girl/
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sonnet-freud/202009/the-psychology-drives-male-female-conversation

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