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Unpacking the psychology behind the attraction
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If older women tend to catch your eye more often than gals your age, you might be wondering if there’s a reason behind your attraction—and what it says about you. We’re here with certified sex therapist Charity Danker, LPC, to explore these questions and more. Stick around to understand the reasons people are attracted to older women, societal taboos surrounding age gap relationships, and whether it’s “normal” to have the hots for an older lady (hint: it is!).
Things You Should Know
- You might find older women attractive because they’re more confident and know themselves better, or because they may be more financially and professionally stable.
- They’re likely to be more experienced in bed and to know what they want out of a relationship—meaning there’s less “guesswork.”
- They’ve also likely got a pretty big knowledge base and great stories to share. They may be more grounded, relaxing company than younger, less self-assured partners.
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Section 1 of 4:
Reasons You Might Be Drawn to Older Women
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They know themselves. While younger potential mates might still be figuring out who they are, older women tend to be beyond the self-discovery phase. They may be more likely to know what they want out of life—and out of a relationship. [1] X Research source
- They’ve achieved personal growth through exploration and, in all likelihood, occasional failure and suffering, and they may display an alluring combo of wisdom, grace, and drive.
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They may be more emotionally mature. While younger partners may be less certain what they want from a relationship and how to communicate their expectations , older women often have more dating experience and may be better equipped to communicate directly with their partners—meaning there’s less guesswork for you.Advertisement
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They’re confident. With age comes self-knowledge, with self-knowledge comes acceptance, comfort, and confidence. Because older women tend to know themselves and the world better than younger folks, they typically exude more confidence and self-assurance. [2] X Research source
- This confidence may also translate to the bedroom. According to sex therapist Charity Danker, LPC, many men are drawn to “women [who] give themselves permission to be sexually free , and open to exploration.”
- Older women tend to be more sexually experienced and confident than younger women—and it’s likely to show.
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They’re knowledgeable. Older women have probably been through more than younger ones, purely because they’ve lived longer. They likely have a large knowledge-base. This, plus their confidence, may make them compelling, grounded people to hang out with.
- Danker observes, “The older person has that knowledge and wisdom, right? They tend to know how to get around with business and you know, retirement plans and yeah, talking to people on a more professional level.”
- So if you’re looking for someone you can learn from, an older woman may make an ideal mate. She’s probably gone through a lot of what you’re facing right now and can offer guidance.
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They may look more physically mature. Depending on the ages involved, an older woman might have a fuller, more developed figure than a younger woman. She may have fuller breasts and a curvy figure, which may be alluring. [3] X Research source
- At the same time, if the woman in question is old enough, she may be more sexually attractive because there’s less or no chance of accidental pregnancy, which can make for a more relaxing relationship.
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They may be more successful. People are often attracted to older partners because they’re more established and stable. They’ve likely got their career figured out and a steady income.
- This isn’t to say a relationship with an older, established partner is automatically transactional; it could be, but the security and stability that comes with financial success is often attractive on its own.
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about sexual attraction, check out our in-depth interview with Charity Danker, LPC .
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201908/why-some-younger-men-prefer-to-be-with-older-women
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201908/why-some-younger-men-prefer-to-be-with-older-women
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-of-sex/202303/older-women-who-date-younger-men-are-more-satisfied
- ↑ https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/olderwomendatingcom-60-of-younger-men-of-any-age-fall-for-mature-women-301470398.html
- ↑ https://www.healthcentral.com/sex-and-relationships/age-difference-in-relationships
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-of-sex/202303/older-women-who-date-younger-men-are-more-satisfied
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201908/age-gap-romance-recipe-stigma-or-success
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-of-sex/202303/older-women-who-date-younger-men-are-more-satisfied
- ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-55834-001
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