Why Do People Not Text Back?

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Figure out why someone hasn’t texted back for up to a week
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It’s annoying when you send a text (or multiple texts) without a response. Being left on delivered or read might get your mind racing: was it something you said? Are they ignoring you? Fortunately, there are many common reasons why someone isn’t responding that have nothing to do with you. In this article, we’ll go over the common reasons why people don’t text back, as well as some uncommon reasons and what you should do next.

Why Someone Doesn’t Text You Back

If it hasn’t been more than a day or so, it’s very likely they just missed your text. Perhaps they were driving or they’re just busy with some other task. It’s also possible they’re just having a bad day or feeling lazy. In any case, don’t assume they’re ignoring you until you have reason to think otherwise.

Section 1 of 3:

Common Reasons Why Someone Isn’t Texting Back

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  1. Maybe they’re away from their phone right now, or maybe they saw it but got distracted with something else. Not everyone has their phone on them 24/7, so the person you’re texting probably just didn’t see that you texted them. [1]
  2. Is the person you’re texting away from a charger? If they’re traveling or out and about, it’s a good bet that their phone died. You might hear from them once they’ve gotten to a spot they can charge their phone and check their messages.
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  3. Texting and driving is a big no-no. If you sent someone a text and they’re currently driving around, they’ll hopefully wait until they’re safely stopped to get back to you.
    • Some iOS devices have a feature that will tell you when a friend is driving with “Do Not Disturb mode” on. If you get an auto-message that says your friend is driving right now, you can expect to hear from them whenever they’re parked.
  4. When you’re feeling down, texting might be the last thing you want to do. If your friend had a really bad day or is feeling depressed, they might be avoiding their phone for right now.
  5. Ever look at your text messages and think, “I just don’t have the energy for this”? Tons of people feel that way, especially if they’re super tired. Your texting pal might just be super burnt out.
  6. Think about their schedule for the day: do they have 2 meetings, soccer practice, and an art show to go to? If so, your text may have just slipped their mind. Busy people don’t look at their phones very often, so don’t take it personally. [2]
    • Does the person you’re texting have kids? If that’s the case, they’re probably busy wrangling toddlers or changing diapers. Children take up a ton of time, and parents often don’t have even a second to spare for a quick text back.
  7. Some people don’t text between the time they go to bed and the time they wake up. If the person you’re texting tends to go to sleep early, you might just have to wait until the morning. [3]
  8. Was your text ambiguous enough that they could reasonably think the conversation is over? Your texting partner might not be ignoring you, they might just think they don’t need to respond. Read back over your messages to decide whether or not this could be the case.
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Section 2 of 3:

Less Common Reasons Why Someone Isn’t Texting Back

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  1. People generally aren’t super happy when they get a ton of texts in a row. Take a look at your messages so far: have you sent more than 2 texts without a response? If so, it could be your eager texting style that your texting buddy finds off-putting.
    • When in doubt, try to match your texting partner’s style. If they only send 1 message at a time, they probably only like to receive 1 message at a time, too.
  2. If you sent someone something they weren’t quite ready to hear, they might be taking time to process before sending a response. Or, maybe you texted them about some bad news. Figuring out what to say when something bad happens can take time, so don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from them for a while.
    • In general, serious topics are best addressed in person or over the phone.
  3. Some people will intentionally avoid your texts or leave you on read simply to make you squirm or to be passive aggressive. These people usually aren’t great friends or partners, and they probably don’t have your best interests at heart. [4]
    • They might be ignoring your texts because they’re upset with you. Think about your last interactions together: did you two get in a fight? If so, they might be leaving you on read to prove a point.
  4. It’s unfortunate, but sometimes when a potential date or a romantic partner stops texting you, they might be thinking of ending things. This definitely isn’t the most common reason why someone isn’t texting you back, but if you’ve noticed a drastic change lately, this could be part of the reason why.
    • Keep in mind that in long-term relationships, couples tend to text less than they did when they started dating. If you two have been together for a while, you may just have less to text about throughout the day.
  5. Have you ever asked your texting buddy whether or not they enjoy texting? Some people prefer calls and emails, while others just like talking in person. If you’re finding it tough to get ahold of them over text, they might want you to reach out another way. [5]
    • Some people will keep their dislike of texting to themselves, because they know so many people are avid texters. They might be texting you because they know you like it.
    • A dislike of texting is more common in older folks. Your friend from school might love texting, but your grandma might not enjoy it too much.
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Section 3 of 3:

What to Do When Someone Isn’t Texting Back

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  1. If you feel like the person isn’t responding because something happened to them, try a different method of communication. Call them or email them if you’re far away, or simply visit their home if you’re close. If you don’t live nearby and you can’t get ahold of them, ask a friend or a relative who is nearby to check on them.
    • You could also send them one last text asking if they’re okay. If they ignored your text without meaning to, they might not even know that you’re worried!
    • Usually, someone not texting you back has a totally innocent reason. Trust your gut, and do what’s right for your situation.
  2. Maybe you’ve sent 2 texts (or 3, or 4…) already. If that’s the case, put the phone down and take a breather. They probably have a perfectly reasonable explanation for why they aren’t responding—go distract yourself with something else. [6]
  3. If they’re busy or their phone is dead, they might just need a bit to respond. Give them a couple of hours, then reach out again if you’re still looking for a response. [7]
    • Think about their schedule, too. If you’re trying to get ahold of someone who has work or school during the day, you might have better luck texting them in the evening.
  4. If you’ve noticed that your texting partner isn’t the best at getting back to you, ask them why that is. See if texting is their preferred method of communication, or if maybe they’d like it if you called instead. Then, you can make changes based on what they like (and don’t like). [8]
    • “It seems like sometimes texting stresses you out. Would you rather I called you instead?”
    • “If texting is too annoying for you, I can totally just call you or send an email.”
  5. You might get the sense that someone is leaving you on read to make you feel bad. If that’s the case, you don’t owe them anything. Delete their number and find someone else who will make you a priority in their life.
    • Only immature people play mind games over text like that. If they were a true friend or partner, they’d approach you with any problems they have so you two could talk things out.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-know-when-someone-does-not-care-about-you
      2. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/texting-dos-and-donts-in-relationships/
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200903/advice-he-never-says-i-love-you
      4. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/texting-dos-and-donts-in-relationships/
      5. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/texting-dos-and-donts-in-relationships/
      6. ↑ https://hbr.org/2020/09/what-to-do-when-your-mind-always-dwells-on-the-worst-case-scenario
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-hypnosis/202211/important-guidelines-about-texting
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/counseling-keys/201603/the-7-rules-for-texting-in-relationships

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