Signs you're dating a narcissist?

This discussion is for readers who took the Am I Dating a Narcissist Quiz .

11/10/24 12:59pm

I just started dating someone and something about the way they treat me rubs me the wrong way but I can't tell if it's actually narcissistic behavior. I just feel icky after our arguments. Are there specific signs that you're dating a narcissist I should look out for? It'd be really helpful to know before we get serious, thanks!

WikiLorisWatcher831

11/10/24 2:29pm

Have you heard of DARVO (Denial, Attack, Reverse Victim to Offender)? I think it's a really helpful framework for figuring out if someone is a narcissist. When you point out behaviors you don't like, they'll downplay it or deny your feelings, and then turn things around on you so that it's your fault. For example, if you don't like them teasing you about something, they may say something like "it was just a joke" to dismiss your feelings and then start going on a rant about how they constantly feel like they're walking on eggshells around you and you're controlling their speech

WikiKoalaSeeker293

11/10/24 5:39pm

I realized my ex was a narcissist when most of our interactions would turn into fights. He had something negative to say about every little thing I did. It was whittling away at my confidence when I found myself questioning if I was in the wrong, I decided that I needed to break things off with him. If you're with a healthy partner, then "arguments" can actually be productive discussions where it's you two against the problem instead of against each other. If you feel icky after your arguments, your partner might not be the right person for you. Listen to your body

Anonymous WikiButterfly

11/21/24 1:00am

what are the arguments mainly caused by? I'd get out whilst you still have your sense of yourself before you become subtly demonized and humiliation becomes a daily part of your life until you withdraw from everyting including yourself and other close family members, they turn them against you because of their charm and masking abilities. if they dont accept it or apologise then problems, emotional abuse are definitely on yr menu eventually... Talk to them about what you feel and why, and see how they react... if you cant discuss your feelings now.. what chance will you have later?

Anonymous WikiZebra

11/30/24 12:42am

I can only speak from my experience with my wife whom I now assume is a narcissist. Early in our relationship I felt something was off, but I didn’t have enough experience to understand what was going on. I believed myself to be to cause and that I must be over analyzing. I believe it takes about 3-4 years to really know someone, but not every dynamic is the same. The things I’m about to mention may take 3-6 months to surface as the narcissist is decent at initially hiding but get comfortable really fast. Keep in mind you must know yourself when it comes to acknowledging healthy and unhealthy aspects of your life. If you drink too much that is usually negative. If you exercise but not obsessively then that is positive. Be honest with your lifestyle. Again, from what I understand these ideas apply to new relationships (less than a year), but you will notice things after just a couple weeks.

If the person you’re seeing recently got out of a long term relationship and seems to talk crap about their ex. Red flag. If they “love” you after a short period of time. Red flag. If they downplay or dismiss your boundaries. Red flag. If they accuse you of caring about your sleep, schedule, work, family, friends, etc. more than them. Red flag. If they want to push the relationship to the next stage but you aren’t ready, and they accuse of blame you. Red flag.

Anonymous WikiLemming

12/10/24 10:33pm

Listen to your gut.

Anonymous WikiLemur

12/18/24 10:32pm

I first noticed I was dating a narcissist by the way he monopolized the conversation and was very controlling/jealous in the first few weeks. And also constantly talking about his looks lol.

Anonymous WikiStoat

12/22/24 8:41pm

I would ask exactly what is/n't being said or done to make you feel this way. Ideally, when a conflict resolves, you should both feel better rather than worse. That you still feel distressed implies that the issue wasn't properly dealt with.