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Play it cool in any situation after accidentally letting one rip
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Passing gas is a natural bodily function that happens to everybody, but that doesn't mean it can't still be pretty embarrassing in the wrong setting. It might be off-putting to people nearby and make it obvious that you were the one responsible. Thankfully, there are a few smooth ways to cover a southbound wind should you have one slip out by mistake. In this article, we’ll show you the best ways to (not) react and cover your tracks so that no one suspects a thing.
Things You Should Know
- Keep a warm, neutral, relaxed expression on your face and go about your business like nothing happened. Freezing or looking too blank seems suspicious.
- Or, try making a slightly disgusted face to make it seem like you’re getting a whiff of someone else’s gas to get the suspicion off of you.
- Make an excuse to leave the room or start walking to separate yourself from the odor, or join a crowd of people to make it hard to pinpoint who broke wind.
Steps
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Don't react to the fart. The surest way to let everyone know it was you is to immediately look worried or ashamed, so if you're around others and one gets loose, don't overreact—in fact, don't react at all. This is the opposite of what most people would do, so a strong display of ignorance will point people's suspicions another way.
- To keep a poker face , relax your facial and jaw muscles and keep a slightly warm expression (don’t look extra cold or blank, or you may seem suspicious). Talk more deeply and slowly. [1] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
- If the fart is too loud or smells too bad to realistically ignore, you may have to orchestrate an escape plan. Look perplexed, create a distraction, and get out of there.
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Go about your business as if nothing happened. Carry on with whatever activity you were doing without interruption. If you don't actively “pause” the moment by showing surprise, others may not notice at all. If they do, they'll probably have the dignity not to question who the culprit was. [2] X Research source
- It's not uncommon to detect strange noises without knowing the source, and there will be no reason for anyone to assume that the sound they heard was a fart, or that it came from you in particular.
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Act mildly grossed out to shift suspicion away from you. If the noise or smell is starting to get noticed, don't quietly accept the blame. Look around and feign disgust or confusion to let everyone know it could have been anyone in the room. [3] X Research source Most people will be too concerned about others thinking they did it to be motivated to get to the bottom of things.
- Don’t directly accuse a particular person of passing gas. Since you're trying to sidestep embarrassment yourself, pinning it on someone else is a dishonorable move.
- Some light laughter can help alleviate the awkwardness of the situation whether others suspect it was you or not. Make a quick joke or chuckle, then shift topics.
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Blame the dog (or something else nearby that’s smelly). It’s a classic excuse—just blame the dog, if there happens to be one around, for an especially offensive intestinal assault. Babies also make sterling scapegoats for the more experienced fart-hider. Some might even find it cute if they think it was an innocent newborn, never knowing that it was actually you.
- You'll need to stick pretty close to the dog if you want this tactic to be convincing. People will eventually catch on if the dog is all the way across the living room.
- Or, try pinning the blame on other smelly objects in your environment like trash cans, truck exhaust, or factories.
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Excuse yourself politely to leave the room. Your company will think you're simply going to wash your hands or grab a glass of water, or that you've left something in the other room. In reality, you're being courteous enough to withdraw and avoid a scene after accidentally passing gas.
- While this is the most secretive method, making a break for it won't always be possible. If you happen to be in a time and place where you can't excuse yourself, you may have to try out another approach.
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Walk it off. Give yourself a reason to walk away after an accidental fart. This is perhaps the best way to conceal a fart when airing one out in the open, for several reasons. First, the motion of walking will help wave away the emission, dissipating it faster. Second, the smell will quickly disperse in the open air and you'll already be moving away from the source of the stink. [4] X Research source
- Breaking into a walk will provide a welcome diversion after the sound (if there was one), and the gust itself will be harder to identify with the surrounding distractions.
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Join a crowd of at least 3 other people. With more people around, it becomes difficult to tell exactly who broke wind. This strategy requires a poker face, as it's likely that someone in the group may have heard or smelled the outburst. Often, you can rely on the good social graces of others not to draw attention to it out of fear that someone will think it was them. [5] X Research source
- If you're the type who blushes easily or can’t pull one over on an unsuspecting crowd, consider finding an isolated place to take refuge after easing out a surprise fart.
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Mask the scent quickly with scented lotion, perfume, or gum. If you’ve farted and the sound has gone unnoticed, spritz yourself with perfume or cologne, rub on some scented lotion, throw something fragrant in the microwave, or do anything that creates an alternate smell. The smell can be pleasant or unpleasant—as long as it’s not a fart smell, you’ll be good. [6] X Research source
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Bend, crouch, or reposition yourself to spread your buttcheeks apart. If you feel a breeze coming on down below and circumstances allow, get into a position where you can bend over or crouch down. [7] X Research source In these positions, the bowels are less obstructed and you can let loose without worrying so much about waking the neighbors. Doing this will not mitigate the smell if there are discerning noses around, however.
- Also try relaxing your sphincter and releasing your gas slowly to minimize the noise and fart quietly .
- This method may be a lifesaver to those who work physical jobs or often partake in activities where they can move around freely, especially if you’re outside.
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Mask your fart with other noises. If you're in a quiet room, you may need a sonic diversion. Try coughing, exclaiming loudly, or dropping objects for stealthy cheese-cutting, but get as creative as you please. Work the toot into a well-timed bout of laughter, or wait until someone opens a bag of chips. [8] X Research source
- Act natural about the cover noise you're generating. If the problem gets to be too much for you to handle at an important social event, you may have to just bite the bullet and let it go.
- If you’re in a noisy area, like out on the street, you can probably get away with a moderately noisy fart without anyone you’re with noticing.
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Choose a soft surface for sitting. The softer and more plush a seating surface is, the more it will act as soundproofing for your down-under disruptions. Pick a cozy office or conference chair that can withstand the brunt of your blasts, or opt for the worn old sofa over the swanky leather recliner whenever possible. If you're careful, you should be able to expel as much flatulence as you need without having to get up.
- Soft cushions can also absorb about 50% of the odor, making your fart less noticeable. [9] X Research source
- Avoid hard surfaces, like park benches or wooden chairs, or “reflective” surfaces, like leather and hard rubber, when you're gassy. These materials amplify impactful sounds, including your antagonistic farts.
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Release your fart sooner than later to avoid a noisy buildup. Your gas is going to come out one way or another, so look for an opportunity to let it go discreetly or make your way to a bathroom. Holding your gas can cause bloating, discomfort, or even abdominal pain—and when it eventually bursts out, it may be much louder than if you had released it earlier. [10] X Research source
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Community Q&A
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QuestionWhat do you do when you are at a sleepover and you both keep passing gas, but there's no one in the room?Astrid Fischbach McLoughlinCommunity AnswerMake it into a contest; whoever wins is the farting queen.
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QuestionWhat should you do if this doesn't work?Community AnswerTry another method, or come clean and be better prepared next time. Everybody farts!
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QuestionWhat if people find out it was you?Community AnswerWhy should they? They'd have to be paying pretty close attention in most cases to single you out if you're being vigilant about how you pass gas. Most people will probably willing to forgive and forget, even if you are the prime suspect.
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Tips
- Be cautious about coughing, laughing, or sneezing if you're about to burst. The physical motions may cause you to lose control.Thanks
- If you try to cover up your fart with a cough or other common sound, have good timing. Making a sound too early or too late will make the fart more noticeable. The second you feel it about to come out, ready your distraction.Thanks
- Remember that everybody farts and it’s not the end of the world if you get caught. Simply apologize, make a joke of it, and stay lighthearted. People will forget in no time.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- If you feel you may have soiled yourself, discreetly make an exit. Calmly excuse yourself and head to your car or elsewhere private. Compose yourself and handle things before returning. Accidents happen.
- Stay seated and still if possible. Keep writing, reading, etc. without moving your lower half. The less motion the better for subtle emissions. People tend to notice changes more than constants.
- Remember that everybody passes gas, even if embarrassingly. If caught, politely change the subject. With humor if you can. And know that these things ultimately matter little in life.
- Lifting a leg while standing can help release gas quietly. Clench your cheeks as it starts, then slowly let it seep out in small bursts you can control. Just don't overexert.
- Leaning forward while standing can help too. Discreetly rest against a wall, relax your cheeks and slowly release. Just make sure you have good bowel control first.
- Wait for loud cover sounds like hand dryers in bathrooms. Time flatulence to coincide with automatic flushes and driers. The noise camouflages; just act normal.
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Warnings
- While farting is a totally normal and healthy thing to do, it can be construed as rude and inappropriate in many situations. Know when it's okay to surreptitiously let one slide and when you're better off holding it a little longer.Thanks
- Avoid spicy foods, high-fat dairy, legumes, and any other dietary choices that may cause excessive bloating and flatulence. [11] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source Preventative measures are better than cleaning up a mess later (no pun intended).Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2023/03/when-and-how-to-keep-a-poker-face-at-work
- ↑ https://www.news24.com/life/archive/how-to-deal-with-farting-in-the-office-20170821
- ↑ https://www.news24.com/life/archive/how-to-deal-with-farting-in-the-office-20170821
- ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-to-fart-in-public-and-get-away-with-it-1738843195
- ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-to-fart-in-public-and-get-away-with-it-1738843195
- ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-to-fart-in-public-and-get-away-with-it-1738843195
- ↑ https://dudeproducts.com/blogs/dude-blog/why-do-farts-make-noise
- ↑ https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/how-to-secretly-fart-in-relationships
- ↑ https://www.thrillist.com/travel/nation/plane-etiquette-how-to-fart-on-a-plane-discretely
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