This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara
and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden
. Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
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cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
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Talking to your boyfriend about his feelings can be tough, especially if you’re nervous or anxious. When you’re in a relationship, you might feel great about it—but it’s hard to know if your boyfriend feels the same way. If you want to check in with him about your relationship but you aren’t sure how, keep reading to learn a few ways you can ask him about it.
Steps
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Go somewhere private and quiet so you two can talk alone. Aim for a time when you and your boyfriend aren’t rushed, and you don’t have anywhere else to be later. Try to talk when both of you are in good moods and you aren’t feeling stressed or anxious. [1] X Research source
- Going on a little date night is the perfect time for a chat like this. A secluded walk in the park or a quiet corner of the restaurant is the perfect spot for a serious talk.
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Lead the conversation by telling him how happy you are. You can let your boyfriend know that you really like being in a relationship with him. If he feels the same way, he’ll probably say it right back to you. Try something like: [2] X Research source
- “I’m really happy that we’re together.”
- “I think our relationship is going really well.”
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See if there are any issues he wants to bring up. You can ask him how he feels about your relationship so far to see if he still wants to be with you. If he does, he’ll probably say that the relationship is going well. [3] X Research source
- Say something like, “How do you feel about our relationship?” or, “Are you happy with our relationship?”
- If he isn’t 100% happy, that doesn’t automatically mean he doesn’t want to be with you. You two might need to have a longer chat to see what he’s unhappy with and what you two can do to fix it.
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Maybe his actions are making you a little worried. If he’s seeming bored with your relationship, you could ask him if he thinks you two are stuck in a rut. If he’s been distant lately, try asking if you’re meeting all of his needs. Get specific with it so you two can talk out any issues. [4] X Research source
- You might say something like, “You seem like you’ve been a little bored lately. Are we getting stuck in a rut?”
- Or, “It seems like you’ve been pulling away from me a bit. Are you okay?”
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If he can name a few things, he probably wants to be with you. See what he’s happy with in your relationship to understand what he’s feeling. You can follow up with a few things you like about your relationship, too. [5] X Research source
- Say something like, “What do you like about our relationship?” or, “What’s the best thing about our relationship?”
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If he considers it a long-term relationship, that’s a good sign. You can check in with him about how he’s feeling by seeing what the end goal is. If he assures you that he sees you together for a long time (or even forever), it means that he still wants to be with you. Ask something like: [6] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
- “Do you see us staying together long-term?”
- “How long do you think we’re gonna be together?”
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It’s the best way to get your message across. If you feel like your boyfriend might not want to be with you anymore, simply ask him if he does or not. If he does still want to be with you, he’ll have no problem answering that question. [7] X Research source
- Just say something like, “Do you still want to be with me?”
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He might not understand why you’re asking him these questions. You can tell him straight up that you need more reassurance in your relationship to truly believe he wants to be with you. He’ll probably understand where you’re coming from, and he might even offer you more reassurance in the future. [8] X Research source
- You could say, “I get a little anxious when it comes to relationships, and I need a lot of reassurance from my partner. Hearing you say that you want to be with me makes me feel secure.”
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Your anxiety might try to tell you that he’s lying. However, that isn’t the case! When your boyfriend tells you that he wants to be with you, try to believe him. People generally say what they mean, so you don’t need to be worried that he’s saying one thing but thinking another. [9] X Research source
- If you think there’s an issue in your relationship, bring it up with him so you two can talk it out and figure out a solution.
- Similarly, if he's giving you signs that he's not interested, don't convince yourself he wants to be with you. For instance, if he says something like, "I'm not sure what I want right now," he's likely just being vague to avoid hurting your feelings—chances are, he's losing interest in the relationship. [10]
X
Expert Source
Imad Jbara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
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Giving constant reassurance can be a little exhausting. It’s fine to ask once in a while, but checking in with your partner every day can be excessive. If you can, try to listen to what your boyfriend says and take it to heart so you don’t have to keep checking in with him. [11] X Research source
- Keep in mind that he might need some reassurance, too! Try to let him know that you still want to be with him whenever you can.
Expert Q&A
Tips
- If you feel anxious about your relationship a lot, a mental health professional may be able to help. [12] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to sourceThanks
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References
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/conflict-resolution-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-express-emotions-in-relationships
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/change-in-relationships-what-to-do-when-your-partner-changes
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_thinking_about_the_future_makes_life_more_meaningful
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ambigamy/201407/do-you-still-love-me-no-really
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intimacy-path-toward-spirituality/201808/why-its-ok-seek-reassurance
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ambigamy/201407/do-you-still-love-me-no-really
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intimacy-path-toward-spirituality/201808/why-its-ok-seek-reassurance
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/finding-a-therapist-who-can-help-you-heal.htm