What Are the Bases in a Relationship? Defining the Baseball-Sex Metaphor

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Has anyone ever asked you which “base” you got to with a date? While you probably assumed they weren’t talking about baseball, figuring out exactly what each base means might not be the most intuitive process in the world. Fortunately, you’re not alone—plenty of people want to know what the bases are in dating! That’s why we’ve written this article to define each base once and for all.

Things You Should Know

  • First base is kissing and making out, and second base is touching above the waist.
  • Third base is stimulating anywhere below the waist, and fourth base, or home base, is having sexual intercourse.
  • You may hear different definitions of each base depending on who you talk to. Since each base is made up, everyone has slightly different interpretations.
  • Always ask your date for consent before, during, and after any sexual activity.
Section 1 of 6:

First Base

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    First base is kissing , making out , and French kissing . Anything you might do on a first or second date is usually included in first base. You might give your date a quick kiss on the lips, or you might have a full makeout session with tongue and all. [1]
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Section 2 of 6:

Second Base

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    Second base is where things get a little handsy: you or your date might feel each other up above the waist, including touching the chest, breasts, or nipples. [2] Definitions vary slightly on whether this is over the shirt or under the shirt, but the general idea is the same.
Section 3 of 6:

Third Base

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    It’s the closest you can get to having sex without having full-on intercourse. Usually, this involves stimulating each other below the waist, either with your fingers or with your mouths. [3]
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Section 4 of 6:

Home Base

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    Home base is when you take things all the way home: it’s the furthest you can go with a partner. [4] You’ve most likely gone through every other base up until this one.
Section 5 of 6:

Why are some people’s definitions of bases different?

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    Since the “bases” are made up, you might hear a few different versions of each base and what they mean. The bases also might vary depending on how old you are, too. [5] It’s important to remember that you don’t need to be focused on which “base” you can get to with your date—instead, pay attention to how much fun you’re having and the experience as a whole.
    • Some people have different definitions of each base, and that’s okay.
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Section 6 of 6:

Importance of Consent

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    It doesn’t matter which base you’re going for: before you do anything, check in with your date to see how they’re feeling and if they want to continue. Take your own feelings into account, and feel free to ask your date to stop or slow down if you’re feeling uncomfortable. [6]
    • It can feel a little awkward to pause in the middle of things and ask how your date is doing. Try asking something like, “Does that feel good?” or, “Do you want to keep going?” for a casual way to check in.
    • Or, if you’re the one who wants to take a breather, try something like, “Could we pause for a second?” or, “Just give me one second to catch my breath.”

Become a Better Lover with this Expert Series

Ready to become the best lover you can be? We've put together this expert series to help you spice things up in the bedroom and foster romance in your relationship.
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Become a Better Lover
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Make Love Last
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11 Ways to Make a Woman Feel Loved and Secure
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Become a Romantic Man

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      Tips

      • Make sure you’re ready to have sex before going all the way. If you feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable or rushed, feel free to say no and back off a bit.
        Thanks
      • Remember to enjoy the journey rather than the destination! Each base has its own joys. Be present every step of the way and allow the chemistry between the two of you to unfold naturally. Sex and intimacy is not a game of who finishes first or how fast you can get to "home base"—it's about connecting with yourself, the moment, and another person all at once.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/adventures-in-dating/201403/the-surprising-benefits-kissing
      2. ↑ https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/health-and-wellness/2018/february/affection
      3. ↑ https://www.southuniversity.edu/news-and-blogs/2016/08/the-psychology-behind-love-and-romance-70700
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/may-i-have-your-attention/201506/be-more-intimate-your-partner-know-yourself-first
      5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/benefits-of-play-for-adults.htm
      6. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/sexual-consent/how-do-i-talk-about-consent

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