How to Ask a Woman on a Date: Expert Tips & Mistakes to Avoid

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Dating coaches explain how to ask her out (and have a great date)
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Asking a woman out on the first date can be exhilarating—and maybe slightly nerve-wrecking. You don’t know if you’ll be rejected or if she’ll accept your invitation, but that won’t keep a brave guy like you from trying! Fortunately for you, we’ve compiled a list of tips and tricks that will increase your odds of getting her to go out with you, including how to ask her out the right way and specific mistakes to avoid . We also talked to professional dating coaches Stefanie Safran and Imad Jbara for their expert advice and insight. Keep scrolling to learn more!

How to Ask a Girl on a Date (Overview)

According to dating coach Stefanie Safran, women notice when you make an effort, so make sure to look your best and act confidently. Ask her out in person when possible, and propose a specific time and place. Plan something low-key so you can avoid distractions and focus on getting to know one another.

Section 1 of 3:

How to Ask Her Out the Right Way

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  1. Asking a woman out in person is key to successfully getting a date. Although you may be shy or intimidated, try not to let these feelings hold you back. A date is a potentially intimate moment when two people get to know each other a little better. You should start it off that way. [1]
    • It’s tempting to ask a woman out over text or online. This can work well if you only know each other through social media or a dating app, but if you’ve met in person, it reflects well on you to make a move face-to-face.

    Meet the wikiHow Experts

    Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach and matchmaker with over 15 years of experience in the industry.

    Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach based in New York City, offering matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps.

  2. Picking the right time and place to ask her out is one of the most important factors in getting a date with your dream girl. Choose a time when you’re both not very busy or distracted by other things, and do it in a neutral location where you’re both comfortable and can hear each other (like at a coffee shop or after school, for example). Here are some common errors to avoid:
    • Don’t pick a time or place where she is distracted.
    • If you’re in a bar or club with friends, try to find a moment when you're alone. Otherwise, some of your or her friends might invite themselves and make it a group date.
    • Don’t ask too early in your encounter or the vibe may get awkward. Ask toward the end of your encounter when you think you will part ways.
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  3. While your first date should be memorable, you don’t want it to be the sort of thing that could intimidate her or could signal to her that you’re jumping the gun on a relationship that doesn’t exist yet. The purpose of the first date is to spend time together and focus on each other (not to do some very interesting activity that would distract you from each other). Here are some common date ideas to avoid: [2]
    • Anything that requires traveling more than half an hour from your home city. You both should feel at ease and at home wherever it is.
    • Events like concerts or music festivals. Such events will undermine the ability for both of you to communicate and form a bond.
    • Events that the other person might not be interested in. Don’t propose a date to an exhibition on modern art unless you know that she’s also passionate about it.
    • Dates at locations that will force you to continue spending time together, even if things go badly. Safran adds that public spaces and settings are better because they will give you exit options. [3]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 691 wikiHow readers, and 49% of them agreed that a coffee shop is the best place to have a first date. [Take Poll]
  4. Low-effort date planning or coming up with plans on the fly might not convey that you’re genuinely interested in making the best first impression possible. Be clear about when and where you'd suggest meeting or if she’d like you to pick her up. Feel free to ask her opinion, but if she defers to you, don't worry about it. Pick where and when you want to go, and set the date.
    • Set a specific time.
    • Set a specific place.
    • Let her know where you'll be going and what you'll be doing so she'll be prepared. [4]
  5. Texting is a great way to follow up with her after you initially asked her out to help assure that you’re both on the same page as far as your upcoming date. Text her the afternoon after you meet her or ask her out to show her that you're thinking about her, but you're not obsessing. You can start off with a light or funny comment that will relax her and get her excited to talk to you. For example: "Hey! Remember that devastatingly handsome guy you met last night?"
    • Keep your texts short and conversational (no novels!).
    • Be clear, concise, and articulate what you want and when. For example: "Does Friday night work for you? I'd like to take you out to dinner at [x] so we can get to know each other better."
    • Don’t be forceful. Avoid telling her what she should do or what she'll be missing if she does not go out with you.
    • Allow her time to respond. Don’t jump the gun if she doesn’t text back in 3 minutes and then shoot her another text. Wait a few hours or more. Chances are, if she wants to go out with you, she’ll respond. [5]
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Section 2 of 3:

Presenting Your Best Self

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  1. When asking her out, the tone and language of your body should match up with your words. You want her to get the sense from how you’re carrying yourself that you are confident and want to get to know her a little better. Make sure you’re standing up straight, smiling, your shoulders are up and relaxed, and your hands and arms are in a relaxed and non-defensive posture. Here are several things you should avoid: [6]
    • Slouching over.
    • Crossing your arms. This demonstrates that you’re in a defensive posture.
    • Fidgeting with your hands. Don’t play with things in your hands, and don’t keep your hands in your pockets.
  2. In order to give her the right impression of who you are, you've got to maintain good hygiene and look well-kept. Safran says, “Women very much notice whether you make an effort or not.” She notes that some people underestimate the importance of a polished physical appearance : “Shave. If you have a beard, groom it consistently. And your hands and nails should be clean at all times.” She adds that when you improve these things about yourself, you’ll begin to get lots of compliments! [7] Consider going the following:
    • Shower before you ask a woman out (and before your date).
    • Use deodorant and cologne.
    • Floss and brush your teeth.
    • Only wear clean clothes. [8]
  3. When you ask her out, make sure you seem ultra-confident and sure of yourself. Try to think positively and focus on all of your good qualities in your own mind. Start the conversation in a light way. Make an (appropriate) joke about something to try to get her laughing and relaxed. Demonstrate your interest by asking her questions, but nothing too prying. Focus on lighthearted things. Be careful not to act too confidently, though, or you might accidentally:
    • Come off as arrogant or full of yourself.
    • Make her think that you think you’re too good for her.
    • Alienate her or her friends by bragging or boasting about yourself.
  4. Don't make it sound like asking her out is a matter of life and death. Avoid inserting a sense of urgency into the situation. Instead, act nonchalant, but interested. If you are tense and nervous when asking her out, she will feel just as tense and nervous. Make your invitation sound as if it were the most natural thing for you to do (like you’re friends already), and this will help her feel comfortable and at ease with the plan as well.
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Section 3 of 3:

Common Dating Mistakes to Avoid

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  1. If you’re really into her, the prospect of dating her can be really enticing and exciting. After all, she must have some great qualities if she’s managed to grab your attention. However, all you can do is try to impress her and ask her out— the choice will ultimately be hers. No matter how much you like her, remain calm, cool, and collected. If she's interested in you and wants to go out, she'll let you know.
    • If she chooses not to go out with you, don't try to read in between the lines and interpret it as her playing "hard to get."
    • Don't be rude or try to change her mind. Just accept her wishes and move on.
    • Remember, one rejection will not be the end of the road for you—there are plenty of fish in the sea waiting to be hooked on you !
  2. 2
    Don’t make any assumptions about her interests or needs. Ideally, going on a date with her will provide you with the opportunity to get to know her better, but try not to make any assumptions about her beforehand. For example, don’t assume she’s single just because she’s chatting with you. Take the initiative and ask. If she’s single and is interested in going out with you— great!
    • Ask her what her food preferences are or if she’d like to go see the new Marvel movie. Maybe she’s a strict vegan who prefers psychological thrillers— the more you know, the better date you can plan.
  3. 3
    Don’t be inauthentic. It’s normal to want to present the best versions of ourselves when we’re asking someone new out on a date, but there’s a difference between making an effort and completely changing who you are. Jbara says, “People overthink in terms of not being genuine to themselves. They don't say how they're really feeling, and they compromise their own personality to accommodate the other person in front of them.” [9]
    • He warns that this can come off as “desperate” since you are then relying on “the approval of the other person.” Jbara explains, “When you seek someone’s approval, you lose them immediately.” He adds that it “destroys the dynamic as the one person becomes very reliant and dependent on the other’s validation.” [10]
  4. 4
    Don’t be rude once you’ve made it to the date. Safran emphasizes the importance of making a good first impression . She shares, “Do not be on your phone on your date. Do not sit and text. Do not sit and say, ‘Hey, I just have to take this call with my boss.’ Use your manners.” [11] While it sounds like common sense, making your date feel wanted and appreciated is key! Here are some other things to consider:
    • Since you asked her on the date, pick up the check if you’re able to and feel comfortable doing so. If you’re not able to, you can also suggest splitting the check, although she might then assume that it wasn’t a real date. [12]
    • If you’re on a dinner date, try to do some small, kind gestures for her, like pulling out her chair and refilling her glass of water.
    • Walk her back to her car or wait outside for her rideshare. Don’t leave her alone so that she knows you care about her safety and are willing to protect her.
  5. 5
    Don’t try to overcompensate. Jbara says that trying too hard to impress the other person is one of the most common dating mistakes he sees. He explains, “If a guy sees a girl who is very, very attractive, they assume them to be high maintenance, or that she’s only interested in wealth. So, they take them to the fanciest restaurants and start bragging about their accomplishments… which hurts them more than anything.” [13]
    • In other words, be yourself and share the things you enjoy without worrying about either of your “statuses.”
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Join the Discussion...

What are the best ways to ask a girl out?
WikiDolphinWhisperer571
WikiDolphinWhisperer571
There's this girl I really like and want to ask out, but I'm clueless about how to do it. Any tips/advice on what to say and how to ask her?
wikiHow Editorial Team
Start a casual, lighthearted conversation with her IRL or over text. If the vibes are good and she seems engaged with the conversation, that's your cue to ask her out. Say something like, "I've been really wanting to try this new restaurant downtown—would you want to go together sometime?" or "Do you want to grab coffee this Saturday? My treat!" Another great option is to invite her to something you already have planned. For example, you could say, "I've got an extra ticket to this concert coming up—want to go together?"
Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
When asking out a girl, the key is to be confident and clear but not too direct. Being too direct would sound something like, “You're gorgeous and sexy and I want to date you.” That might make a girl feel uncomfortable. Instead, just be clear and say, "Hey, are you free for dinner on Thursday night? It'd be great to get to know you better.” This kind of invite makes it clear that you’re romantically interested in her.
See all 9 Replies and
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do I keep her interested between dates?
    Stefanie Safran
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
    Stefanie Safran
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Expert Answer
    The most important thing is probably to make sure the initial dates go well. Women are very much looking at if you make an effort. Don't underestimate how important it is to be well-groomed, to have clean nails and hands, to dress a little more nicely than you would if you were just going out with buddies. Also, follow basic etiquette. Don't be on your phone when arrive, and don't sit and text during dates. Instead, be fully focused and paying attention to the person in front of you.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    How do you ask a girl out on a first date?
    Stefanie Safran
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
    Stefanie Safran
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Expert Answer
    Present a plan to her to see if she's interested. Try to phrase your idea for the date as something specific that you're open to her input on. You could say "What do you think of going to lunch at Mellie's, or would you prefer to walk in the park?"
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      References

      1. ↑ http://www.manhelper.com/dating_sex/5_things_to_avoid_when_asking_her_out
      2. ↑ https://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-first-date-ideas.html
      3. ↑ Stefanie Safran. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview
      4. ↑ http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/08/first-date-dilemma-planning-it
      5. ↑ http://elitedaily.com/dating/gentlemen/gentlemen-the-5-texting-mistakes-youre-probably-making/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/202204/how-men-and-women-flirt-body-language
      7. ↑ Stefanie Safran. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview
      8. ↑ https://www.mensjournal.com/style/10-things-she-secretly-notices-about-your-hygiene
      9. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      1. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      2. ↑ Stefanie Safran. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview
      3. ↑ https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/survey-most-say-men-should-pay-for-first-date-in-hetero-couples
      4. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Asking a woman out can feel intimidating, but keeping it low-key and respectful will help things go smoothly. If possible, ask her out in person at a time when she’s not distracted or stressed out. When face-to-face isn’t an option, give her a call or shoot her a quick text. Be specific about when and where you want to go out, since she’ll be more likely to commit if you have a definite plan. When you ask, be polite and up-front about your feelings. Let her know you’re interested, but don’t be pushy if she says “no.” For expert advice on how to make a great first impression, keep reading!

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