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Do you feel lost, upset, or overwhelmed? Do you find yourself forcing a smile and lying when people ask how you're doing? Sometimes, you don't feel like you're okay. It can be stressful when you're going through a hard time. Luckily, things can get better in time, and you don't have to face this alone.
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1Let your emotions out. Find an opportunity to be alone, where you can cry and let your feelings loose. Let yourself punch the couch cushions and scream into pillows. Call a friend to vent if you need to. [1] X Expert Source Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 August 2021. -
2Spend the next two minutes on calming down. Focus on your surroundings, take deep breaths, and try something that calms you. [2] X Research source
- Distraction: Count by sevens, list as many synonyms for a word you can think of (e.g. kindness, compassion, caring, etc.), or name as many capital cities as you can. [3] X Research source
- Sensory experiences: Listen to music, look at pictures of nature or animals, touch something soft, smell a nice soap or perfume, or eat a food you like.
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3Make a plan for how you're going to get through the next hour. Don't worry about anything beyond that. What are you going to do? Choose something reasonable. When you have planned a designated time to work, and a designated time to relax, you can feel less anxious. Here are some example plans.
- Spend the next half hour drawing pictures and relaxing. Then do a half hour of the lab report.
- Draft one body paragraph of the essay. Then take a long, relaxing bath.
- Write a draft of what you want to say to your boss. Then stop thinking about the conversation, and play with your cats.
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4Do something for yourself. Indulge in a favorite hobby, invite a loved one to see a movie with you, or go get some frozen yogurt. Recognize that relaxation is part of being prepared and successful. [4] X Research source
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5Reach out to someone. Emotional support can help you overcome your struggles, or at least make things a little easier. Don't be afraid to ask for help or companionship. You deserve it. [5] X Research source
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1Notice which things are dragging you down. Are there any things that you dread when you know they're going to happen? Or people/things that leave you feeling tired, upset, or bad about yourself? Try to pay attention to these patterns. Noticing what's happening is the first step towards improving it.
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2Think about how to manage the things that bring you down. Some things, like a bad boyfriend, might need to be gone. But others, like stressful schoolwork or difficult in-laws might not be easy or even a good idea to get rid of. Think about your needs, goals, and responsibilities. Here are some different ways to handle sources of stress:
- Planning more time to recharge before/after you deal with them
- Using tools to de-stress while dealing with them (e.g. good music and a healthy snack while you study)
- Communicating better about the stress you're experiencing
- Setting limits on how much or under what circumstances they can be involved in your life
- Cutting them out of your life altogether
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3Choose how to take action when you face the stressor again. Putting a plan in place can empower you to face things without getting overwhelmed by them.
- "I will politely tell my coworker that I need to get back to work when I want to stop listening to his rambling."
- "I will work on supporting my sister without taking on her stress as my own. While I can help, I am not responsible for her."
- "I'm going to drop one class but stick with the rest. My mental health is more important than graduating early."
- "When my dad calls me names, I will politely ask him to stop. If he does not stop, I will leave."
- "I will take 15-minute study breaks every hour to do something that helps me recharge."
- "If I get too upset, I can excuse myself and leave."
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4Learn about how other people have managed similar challenges. Chances are, you aren't alone in this. Even if their circumstances are a little different, find out how they felt and what action they decided to take. It might give you strength or inspire you.
- Try an in-person or an online support group. Even if you don't want to speak up, listening can be helpful.
- Keep in mind that not everyone has good advice. Pay attention to your instincts.
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5Tackle big problems one step at a time. Large tasks can feel overwhelming and may cause you to panic or freeze. Instead, do one small part of the task: write a rough draft of one paragraph, spend 20 minutes on calculus, or sketch the outline of your presentation. This will help you feel better, and by breaking it into pieces, the task becomes more reasonable.
- If you often feel overwhelmed by your troubles, tell your doctor. You may have an anxiety disorder, a treatable condition that may affect your ability to work.
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6Don't let setbacks cause you to lose faith in yourself. Sometimes, you won't succeed. You'll procrastinate too much, let someone walk all over you, or fall back into a bad habit. That doesn't make you a failure. It's just part of life. Don't overlook your wins.
- It's natural to stumble more when you're trying something new. That doesn't mean it'll always be hard or that you'll never become good at it.
- Work on forgiving yourself for your mistakes.
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1Reflect on what happened. What happened, and how did it make you feel? How did it effect you and others? What is the big problem here—the difficult part that makes it difficult to get over this particular memory?
- You may find that writing about it helps. [6] X Trustworthy Source University of Rochester Medical Center Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research Go to source
- If the event was particularly traumatic, talk to a counselor, therapist, or doctor. Sometimes, trouble letting go of the past can be a sign of mental health disorders like Acute Stress Disorder [7] X Research source or complex PTSD. [8] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source These are treatable, and a therapist can help you learn new coping skills. [9] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
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2Give yourself time to process and feel those difficult feelings. Take a warm bath, eat ice cream, watch movies, and cry. Try designating a weekend to experience your unhappiness. Wrap yourself in blankets and indulge in self-comfort. Sometimes, you just need to let out all your emotions before you are able to move on. [10] X Research source
- It may take hours, days, weeks, or even months, depending on how upsetting the experience was.
- If you get stuck in the wallowing stage, then something is wrong. Talk to a counselor or trusted adult right away, because there may be going on than meets the eye.
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3Do something nice for anyone you hurt. If they are open to seeing you, give them gift, write them a nice note, or apologize in person. [11] X Research source If you broke something, ask if you can help fix it. You can mend relationships and overcome guilt by being kind to people you wronged. [12] X Expert Source Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.- Take time to affirm that you care about them and help them feel valued and respected.
- Ask how you can make it up to them. Focus on their needs, not your guilt.
Tip: Don't reach out to them if they've asked you not to. You need to respect their boundaries. Sometimes, the best way to help is to listen when they say "please leave me alone." [13] X Research source
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4Make peace with your past. Your past is part of you, and it has shaped who you are. What you faced was rough, and now you are a stronger person. Acknowledging it is important to being able to stop focusing on it. [14] X Research source
- Recognize that you did the best you could at the time.
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5Symbolically move on to your new life. Redecorate your room completely. [15] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Get a new haircut. Update your wardrobe. Do something nerve-wracking for you, but still something you can laugh at if it fails. Now you have accepted your past, so it can no longer haunt you, and you can move on as a whole person. [16] X Expert Source Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
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1Focus on being yourself. Just like an orchestra is comprised of all different instruments, life is full of different people. Your uniqueness adds value to the world. Come to terms with who you are, and recognize that you don't need to change the fundamental aspects of your identity. [17] X Research source
- Your gender identity, race, sexual orientation, disability, skin color, clothes preferences, and size are all valid. You should not need to change them (or hide them) in order to get basic respect.
- You are allowed to like whatever you want. Don't listen to elitists who say that something is "too girly," "too childish," or otherwise "not good enough."
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2Make peace with your faults. Self-improvement is a good thing, but so is recognizing that you are fundamentally human. It may not be practical or possible to please everyone all the time, constantly suppress your temper, or whittle your curvy figure down to a size 2. Accept that you can't control everything, and that it's okay to have flaws. Instead, focus on what is under your control, and let the rest go. [18] X Trustworthy Source FamilyDoctor.org Family-focused medical advice site run by the American Academy of Family Doctors Go to source
- You are allowed to make mistakes sometime. Everyone does. Learn from them and move on.
- Not every opinion, social message, or piece of advice is valid.
- People tend to judge you less than you think.
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3Make a gratitude journal. Grateful people are happy people. Every night, write down two things you are thankful for about today. Are you happy about your friend's kind words, your awesome science project, the nice weather today? Write in it every day, and you will feel yourself slowly becoming a happier person.
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4Balance your life. Your day shouldn't consist of mainly work. Give yourself plenty of time for hobbies, loved ones, and general relaxation. Set aside a specific time each day where you can do something you enjoy. [19] X Research source
- Place a reasonable limit on time spent browsing the web, as this can overtake more important things like friends and hobbies.
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5Master the art of the study break. After about an hour of intense concentration, your neurons get tired and stop working as well. You can fix this by taking 5 minutes to do something else: stand up and stretch, get a drink, talk to a friend, or do something fun. This will help prevent burnout. When you sit back to work, you'll be more focused and productive. [20] X Research source
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6Spend time outdoors. Fresh air and sunlight are important to your physical and emotional health. Something as simple as a 10-minute walk after supper each day can give you a significant boost. [21] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- Try setting up a basketball hoop and shooting hoops when you're stressed or you need to think.
- Bring a loved one on a walk around the block so you can catch up with each other.
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7Do something meaningful to you. This may be your job, a volunteer opportunity, or your personal relationships. Find a way to help others . When you are making the world a better place, you feel better too.
- Consider how you can use your unique skills. For example, an engineering student probably couldn't do a good job building a school for impoverished kids, but she could work to design infrastructure, or teach kids about her field.
- Everyone has some sort of skill. Maybe you're good at mentoring kids, selling things and donating part of the profits, or writing work that inspires others to do good things.
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8Practice kindness . Work on being patient, and reaching out to others who are having bad days. Perform random acts of kindness . Approaching others in a gentle and understanding manner is instrumental in feeling good and building relationships.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionIs it OK not being OK?Dr. Mary Church is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Honolulu, Hawaii. With over a decade of clinical experience, she aims to integrate evolution, genetics, and neuroscience within the practice of psychotherapy. Dr. Church holds a BS in Psychology from Eckerd College and an MS and PhD in Experimental Psychology from The University of Memphis. She completed a Post-Doctorate in Clinical Psychology at The University of Hawaii at Manoa. In addition, Dr. Church is a member of the American Evaluation Association and Hawaii-Pacific Evaluation Association.Definitely! What matters most is maintaining a positive, uplifting perspective, even if things aren't going your way.
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QuestionWhy is it important to have a positive perspective?Dr. Mary Church is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Honolulu, Hawaii. With over a decade of clinical experience, she aims to integrate evolution, genetics, and neuroscience within the practice of psychotherapy. Dr. Church holds a BS in Psychology from Eckerd College and an MS and PhD in Experimental Psychology from The University of Memphis. She completed a Post-Doctorate in Clinical Psychology at The University of Hawaii at Manoa. In addition, Dr. Church is a member of the American Evaluation Association and Hawaii-Pacific Evaluation Association.Having a positive perspective helps you look toward the future instead of focusing on the past. After something bad happens, try asking yourself something like "What good will come of this?"
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References
- ↑ Mary Church, PhD. Research & Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201506/9-ways-calm-your-anxious-mind
- ↑ https://www.uhhospitals.org/Healthy-at-UH/articles/2020/04/strategies-to-redirect-your-thoughts-and-distract-your-mind
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/201611/4-ways-you-can-start-treating-yourself-better-today
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201610/7-effective-ways-ask-help-and-get-it
- ↑ https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/acute-stress-disorder
- ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/complex/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/coping-with-emotional-and-psychological-trauma.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-musings/201611/3-reasons-let-yourself-feel-your-emotions
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-make-an-adept-sincere-apology/
- ↑ Mary Church, PhD. Research & Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-respect-other-peoples-boundaries/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ripening-time/201805/making-peace-past-mistakes
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/03/healing-design
- ↑ Mary Church, PhD. Research & Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201810/how-be-yourself-in-five-simple-steps
- ↑ https://familydoctor.org/mental-health-keeping-your-emotional-health/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201409/5-ways-find-balance-in-your-life
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201704/how-do-work-breaks-help-your-brain-5-surprising-answers
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/nurtured-nature
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