Download Article
The psychological effects of growing up with a narcissist for a mother
Download Article
Growing up with a mother who has narcissistic traits can be draining. Your mother might try to improve her self-image by putting you down, for example, which can be a lot to take on mentally. You may become codependent, self-critical, and a bit insecure. But why do your mother’s actions affect you so, and are the symptoms of being the daughter of a narcissistic mother reversible? We interviewed psychotherapist Kelli Miller to answer all of your questions about being the daughter of a person with narcissistic tendencies, and to explain ways you can heal.
Things You Should Know
- If your mother has narcissistic tendencies, you may have low self-esteem, could be a people pleaser, or might struggle to trust others.
- Your mother could have narcissistic tendencies if she makes you second-guess your reality or constantly criticizes you.
- Healing from a mother with narcissistic traits is possible. Focus on setting boundaries and developing healthy relationships with the people in your life.
Steps
Section 1 of 6:
Symptoms of Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Download Article
-
Self-criticism You may be highly critical or doubtful of yourself. You likely strive to be perfect and may often feel inadequate. This may be because you were constantly criticized growing up—the need to be “perfect” may be ingrained in you. [1] X Research source
-
Lack of empathy A mother with narcissistic tendencies puts her needs above her daughter’s. You might struggle to express empathy or show emotion in romantic and platonic relationships. This likely comes from being suppressed or put down for your feelings early on in life. [2] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to sourceAdvertisement
-
Low self-esteem If you’re constantly put down by your mother, you may have a very low image of yourself. You likely struggle to be confident in your own skin and abilities. This isn’t to say you lack charisma, but you might second-guess yourself more often than you’d like. [3] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
-
Insecure attachment style You likely experienced an unstable environment growing up. People with narcissistic traits tend to be unpredictable, and the inconsistency in routine growing up may leave you walking on eggshells as an adult. You may have a tendency to be anxious, fearful, or avoidant in relationships. [4] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
- Not sure what your attachment style is? Take our “What’s My Attachment Style?” quiz to find out.
-
Lack of boundaries You may struggle to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Your mother might not have respected your boundaries growing up. Maybe you were never allowed to close your door or had to help her do things that made you feel uncomfortable. Now, you may have a hard time recognizing and keeping boundaries with others in adulthood. [5] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
-
People-pleasing behavior You might have learned to put aside your own needs to satisfy your mother’s. People may call you a “people pleaser,” and you may very concerned about how others perceive you. You likely want to avoid confrontation altogether, and you may put other people's needs ahead of your own. [6] X Research source
-
Codependency You might rely on others to make decisions for you, and this may be a result of your mother making choices for you throughout your life. You likely struggle to be independent because you worry about your mother's approval or whether or not her needs are met. Because of this, it can be difficult to make decisions, set boundaries, and speak up for yourself. [7] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
-
Fear of abandonment Your mother may have threatened to leave you. People with narcissistic tendencies often manipulate those close to them physically and emotionally. Your mother may have packed her bag more than once or expressed a desire to leave you behind if you didn’t follow her rules. Now, you may have a hard time trusting others or struggle being alone. [8] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
-
Difficulty expressing emotions People with narcissistic traits often belittle and criticize others. If your mother was constantly putting you down growing up, you may struggle to show emotion as an adult. You’re likely scared of being invalidated or yelled at because that’s the response your mother gave you. [9] X Research source
-
Verbal aggression In some cases, people with narcissistic traits can be verbally abusive. If your mother yelled, shouted, or cursed at you, this may also be your default when communicating. Because you likely didn’t receive affection growing up, you might believe that getting loud is the only way to express yourself. [10] X Research source
Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Tips
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about narcissism , check out our in-depth interview with Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW .
References
- ↑ https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/narcissistic-parent/
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment-styles.html
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
- ↑ https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/narcissistic-parent/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/codependency.htm
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
- ↑ https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/narcissistic-parent/
- ↑ https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/narcissistic-parent/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm
- ↑ https://www.dukehealth.org/blog/9-signs-of-narcissistic-personality-disorder
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissist-gaslighting.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gaslighting
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm
- ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886910004745
- ↑ https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/narcissistic-parent/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers.html
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25775577/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/disorders/how-to-stop-contact-narcissistic-relatives#is-no-contact-the-best-option
About This Article
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 3,711 times.
Advertisement
