How to Deal With Falling in Love with Your Best Friend (for Guys)

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If you're one of those guys who's begun having feelings for your female best friend (or just a female friend), these instructions might help. Dealing with it can be very tough, especially if you find she doesn't feel the same way about you.

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    Are they compatible? You've likely seen your best friend in a relationship with someone else before. Is she flirty with other men even when they're not single or does she become all-consumed in a relationship with someone? Examine her (and your own) common traits when dating someone and see if you can handle this step-up in relation with her.
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    Does she do things which completely irritate you (and vice versa)? If so, the chances of lasting in a long-term relationship will be affected. Annoying habits are easy to brush over for a few months before they become all you notice.
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    Understand your abilities to compromise . There's way more give-and-take in a relationship than there is in a friendship. Can you truly accommodate each other's wants and needs? Can you do so maturely?
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    Assess your abilities to trust . If you're already best friends, you already knew each other's secrets and some very personal information about one another. Can you trust your friend not to fall in love with someone else again or use that information against you if you break up?
    5. Quiz

    wikiHow Quiz: Am I in Love with My Best Friend?

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    Are you starting to wonder whether your feelings for your best friend are strictly platonic? Maybe you think about them all the time or get butterflies in your stomach when they’re around; either way, it feels like there’s something more to your relationship with them. If you’re ready to figure out how you feel about your bestie (and how to deal with those feelings), take our quiz below.
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    Do you try to look nice when you know you’ll be seeing your bestie?

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    If the attraction is mostly physical, a fling may not be worth damaging such a close friendship over. If you don't want to risk the mental component of your relationship, look at finding a casual sex partner elsewhere.
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    Observe if she has the same feelings for you. [1] Remember, she might look at you as a brother-figure and then be shocked when you tell her how you feel about her. This could ruin everything, but it could also make the relationship better. Weigh the risks against the possibilities. Be careful about coming out too suddenly or openly. No matter what you have to say, there's always a gentle way to say it.
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    Don't tell her right away. Drop subtle comments like, "You know, we've been friends for a long time," or "What would I do without you?" These are essentially harmless displays of affection toward her. However, don't drop them too often because you will risk being too obvious.
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    Enjoy the same activities you always have as best friends. Show her that you're fun to be around.
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    Use humor . If you both have a sense of humor, tell each other jokes you like. It serves to entertain you both (and if you're lucky, you may get emotionally little closer before you even properly realize). If you have an inside joke, use it when it fits the situation.
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    It's important to understand what she needs. If she wants a shoulder to cry on, offer one. If she's cold, lend your jacket. Over time, she's bound to notice how great you are. You need to make sure she sees what a great boyfriend you would make and starts thinking about the idea herself. Remember to be there for her because you care about her, not because you expect anything in return.
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    Be patient . If you're lucky and compatible, things will work out. Most relationships are made long in advance and are just waiting to happen.
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    Tell her how you feel . [2] This is often easier for a guy than a girl because most girls are pretty considerate of feelings. Give her a chance to understand you and when you think the time is right, tell her what you think. [3] Of course, you may risk ruining and/or losing your friendship, or at least changing it even if you don´t want to. But if it turns out lucky, then she will be even more considerate of you and your feelings.
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    Be prepared for rejection . [5] If she doesn't end up liking you back, stay cool. Be casual and try not to let the friendship get awkward. Try to get things back to the way they were before.
    • Your friend might also not have an immediate answer. Give them to think things over with a clear head. [6]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 316 wikiHow readers, and 52% of them agreed that the best way to cope with changes in your friendship is to focus on your own interests and hobbies . [Take Poll] This can help you handle and move on from the rejection.
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      Tips

      • If you decide to tell her, say something about it being okay if you just want to be friends and that you can get over it if she doesn't feel that way. Tell her you couldn't keep it to yourself any longer, but you can deal with it if she doesn't feel the same way.
        Thanks
      • If you are going to tell her your feelings, talk to her personally. Don't use text messages or e-mail. Don't tell her in public because she might get very embarrassed. Also don't do it drunk because it will be very awkward the next morning, especially if neither of you remember.
        Thanks
      • If she expresses any negative emotion, it doesn't mean that she doesn't like you outright. Maybe she has never thought about the two of you dating. She actually might need time to think about it. Don't just say you were kidding! She will either see through your lie or think it´s a cruel joke.
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      Warnings

      • If you tell her and she isn't interested, steer clear of rubbing your feelings in and trying to make her love you. You'll lose a very good friend.
        Thanks
      • Even if you do get together, this can spell utter doom for the friendship. You might get together, but what if you break up later on? Even if it's mutual, you would be seeing your former lover in the arms of other people. How would that make you feel? Be mindful of the future.
        Thanks
      • This can be a very tricky situation. If you truly love her, you will know in your heart and the truth will want to come out. Pick a good moment to tell her and it may just work out your way.
        Thanks
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      References

      1. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      2. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      3. ↑ Candice Mostisser. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
      4. ↑ Candice Mostisser. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
      5. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      6. ↑ Candice Mostisser. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Falling in love with your best friend can be exciting, confusing, and even a little scary. Before you rush into anything, think about whether a romantic relationship with your friend could work. Do you both want the same things out of a relationship? Are you both available and interested in dating? Are you able to compromise when you disagree about something? Try to figure out if your friend might have the same feelings for you, too. If you think it could work, let them know how you feel. Be careful not to put pressure on them to answer right away, and be prepared for a possible rejection. Whatever they decide, respect their feelings so you don’t put any strain on your friendship.

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