How to Get a Female Friend to Make the First Move

Co-authored by Michele Fields

Last Updated: June 21, 2024

Confidence is an attractive trait in both men and women, which is why so many guys say they want the girl to make the first move. It shows that the woman is self-assured and that she is clearly attracted to you. Unfortunately, because it's a little non-traditional, it can be tough to have your female friend make the first move.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Setting Yourself Up

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It can be hard to catch a girl’s attention if she thinks you have other commitments. Don’t spend a lot of time hanging out with other girls in a one-on-one setting. Consider mentioning that you’re single around her, but don’t force it into conversation or say it in a way that is self-pitying. Mention how you wish you had something fun to do on a night you’re free.
Your friend isn’t going to make the move while you’re out with your friends getting fast food. Figure out something that the two of you can do together alone. Don’t do something dramatic like taking her to a fancy restaurant. Something as simple as going to the park together is fine.

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Drop hints. Let her know that you are interested. Flirt with her a little bit. If you aren’t sure how to do this, just smiling and laughing a lot while you have a conversation is a good place to start. Don’t do it too much or it will seem forced, but doing it more than usual will let her know you are really enjoying talking to her.
- You do something subtle, like gently holding her hand or putting your hand on her back while she's going through a door you opened.
- You could also go out of your way to spoil her.
Playing hard to get isn’t going to work. Be open and honest with her. Give your honest opinion if she asks you what you think about something. You don’t have to wear your heart on your sleeve, but you should be willing to talk about your feelings to a certain extent.
If she’s flirting with you, flirt back. Gently tease her. Mirror her body language the best you can to make her comfortable. ^{[1]
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Research source} She’s never going to make a move if she doesn’t think you want her to.
Ultimately, there’s nothing that you can do that will force the girl to make the first move. You can only hope that she likes you and try to set up the right situation. If it seems like things are going well, relax and go with the flow. There will be a moment when it’s clear she’s going to make a move where she slides close to you or makes eye contact for a long time while smiling.

Part 2

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Preparing for a Relationship

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Think about whether you really want to have a romantic relationship. If you’re already friends, it could change the dynamic of your relationship forever, even to the point that you no longer talk to one another. If you aren’t willing to take this risk, then it is best to move on and not pursue this relationship.
- It can be difficult to have feelings for someone and not show them, but they will eventually subside. If you can’t pursue the relationship and are having trouble getting over her, try a new activity or go someplace you’ve never been before. It will help distract you from your friend, and you may even meet someone new you like while you’re out.
People say that you should be yourself when it comes to dating. This is true, but you should strive to be the best version of yourself you can be. Make sure you practice good hygiene and wear clothes that fit well. Keep your hair well-maintained. Start exercising if you don’t already, as muscularity is something that almost everyone sees as attractive. ^{[2]
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Respect her as a person, complete with unique and independent thoughts. Just because she is single doesn’t mean she is interested in dating, or interested in dating you. People are attracted to others for different reasons, and many times the feeling is not mutual. Keep this in mind at all times so you don’t disrespect her and do something immoral or unkind.
- Don’t get upset if she’s interested in someone else. You probably could not have done anything to stop or change this. There’s plenty of fish in the sea and you’ll find someone that makes you happy soon enough. Above all, don’t try to split them up.

Part 3

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Nurturing your Relationship

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Be a good friend. You shouldn’t stop being a good friend because you have a romantic interest in them. In fact, being a good friend will help your case more than changing your how you interact with them would. It should be an authentic friendship that you maintain because you like them, not just because you want to hook up with them.
- If you’re serious about this, you should also try to become friends with her group of friends. Remember that these should be authentic friendships. People will quickly notice if you are just pretending to like them to get in their good graces. You don’t have to be best friends, but you should at least try to be friendly.
If you have already been friends with this person for a while, they may not know that you are romantically interested in them. Try flirting a little bit by doing things like playfully teasing them while smiling and making eye contact. Low-pressure physical contact like shoulder taps and touching their forearm is also appropriate, but remember to not take it too far. These things will let the person know you want to be more than just friends. ^{[3]
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Look for signs that she is interested. If she’s interested in you, she’ll do things to let you know it. She may start obviously flirting with you, but she may be a little subtler about it as well. Look for signs like her smiling and tilting her head slightly upwards or her offering to share food off her plate with you. These are all signals that she is attracted to you. ^{[4]
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- Look for signs that she is not interested as well. If you see these, it’s time to stop, otherwise you are harassing your friend. She may not come out and say outright that she is not interested, but she may say something like “I’m really happy with our friendship” or turn away when you try flirting with her. If you suspect things aren’t going well, you’re probably right.
- Ultimately, if she doesn't make a move, she's either feeling shy, feeling like it's your place to make the first move, or feeling uninterested in a potential relationship.

Expert Q&A

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Question

Should I ask her father for permission before dating?

Michele Fields
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Michele Fields is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Owner of Bon Jour Matchmaking based in Denver, Colorado. With over thirty years of experience, she specializes in helping others meet people and navigate dating and relationships. Michele has created over 300 marriages and has been featured on Denver ABC News, The Rocky Mountain News, Colorado 2 News, Denver Westworld, and The Denver Post.

Michele Fields

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

I don’t think in this day and age it’s necessary to ask her father to “date” her. Unless you work with the father and know him first, then it would be appropriate. Otherwise, it could go either way with her perception of that. Either she will think you’re an “old school gentleman” or she’ll think you’re weird.

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Show her respect. She might have gone through tough times.

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If she makes the first move, you may have to make the second. Relationships need to be balanced, so don’t expect her to take the initiative every time.

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Take things at an appropriate pace. You won’t go from friend to boyfriend overnight.

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Warnings

If you really care about this person, accept the fact that you may only ever be friends with them.

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If she’s already in a romantic relationship with someone, don’t interfere. You won’t win her over, and she will probably dislike you for trying.

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