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Is one of your friends or family members suddenly acting like someone you know they are not? Have you recently been annoyed or bullied by someone with an obvious "put-on" persona? If so, you're not alone — fake people are everywhere and they are usually desperate for attention. Luckily, with a few simple tricks, you can get rid of the influence that posers, haters, and other fake people have on your life.
Steps
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Avoid the fake person. Whenever you're dealing with someone who makes you feel annoyed or disrespected, your best move is almost always one of the simplest options available. Simply avoid the person who's aggravating you. Hang out together as little as possible. The less time you spend with this person, the fewer chances they will have to get on your nerves. [1] X Research source
- The best part of this policy is that it's also a subtle way of punishing someone for acting fake. When they act this way, they don't get the privilege of hanging out with you.
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Keep your interactions short if you can't avoid the fake person. Making decisions about who you hang out with one-on-one is easy. However, sometimes social situations can force you to hang out with fake people (for example, if the fake person shows up to a group event). In this case, you still want to avoid being rude, so don't outright ignore the fake person. Instead, just try to act polite without being overly friendly. This way, you have less of a chance of starting a conversation with the fake person. [2] X Research source
- A good rule of thumb is simply to avoid talking to this person until they talk to you first or until you have to for some other reason. Act polite but a little distant towards this person — a little like how you'd talk to someone you've never met before.
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Don't let annoying fake behavior get to you. Keeping your cool around fake people is very important, even if they're really annoying. [3] X Research source
- It's almost always better to remove yourself from an annoying situation than to blow up at someone whose fakeness is aggravating you. Don't be afraid to give yourself a few minutes of "cool off" time if you feel your temper beginning to flare.
- However, if the fake person says something disrespectful to you, you don't have to lay back and take it. Fake people need to know that there are limits to their behavior, so fire back by saying something like, "I don't like it when you say things like that around me."
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Don't stoop to the fake person's level. You never want to become fake yourself when you're trying to fight fakeness in other people. Resist the urge to "get back" at a fake person by giving in to petty gossiping and rude remarks. Remember that if you act this way, other people may not be able to tell the difference between your fakeness and the fakeness of the person you're fighting. [4] X Research source
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Address the "fakeness" head-on. It's one thing when a classmate or acquaintance is acting fake. When a close friend starts acting fake, however, it can seriously affect your life because it's much harder to avoid or ignore this person. If you suddenly notice a change in your friend's behavior — they start acting in a way that you know isn't true to their self — speak up. Be prepared for a little resistance, however. No one likes to hear that they are doing something wrong. [5] X Research source
- For example, if you notice that your friend is hanging out with mean, petty people to look "cool," tell your friend that you're surprised by this. Stay polite, but don't shy away from mentioning that you think these people have terrible priorities.
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Ask questions to get to the bottom of the fakeness. Understanding why your friend is acting this way can make it much easier to overcome their fake behavior. Asking your friend questions about their new behavior is a good way to figure out what's going on, but it's important to stay respectful. You don't want to upset your friend when you can avoid it. Try asking questions like:
- "Hey, I've noticed you acting a little differently lately. What's up?"
- "So you've been hanging out with some different people, huh?"
- "What's all this new stuff you've been talking about lately?"
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Consider having a heart-to-heart if the problem is serious. To a certain extent, what your friend chooses to do is their business. However, if the desire to be "fake" cool leads your friend to do things that are unwise, it's your duty as a caring friend to intervene. You may not be able to stop your friend from doing these things, but you can let them know how damaging you think it will be. [6] X Research source
- If your friend is getting involved with things that put their safety in danger (like, for example, drugs), you can tell a counselor or parent. They may be angry about this, but it's better than the alternative.
- Only do this if you are genuinely concerned for their safety. It is not your place to patrol your friend's choices in life.
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Talk to your other friends about the problem. Keep in mind that you never have to fight fakeness alone. If you've noticed that one of your friends has been acting fake, odds are that your other friends have too. When your fake friend isn't around, discuss what's going on with them. They may have new perspectives or inside information that makes things easier to understand. Together, you can come to a decision about how to deal with your friend's new behavior. [7] X Research source
- Try to avoid having your conversation turn into a "dogpile" session. Remember that your goal is to talk about how your friend is acting differently than you're used to. It's not an excuse to make fun of this person or offer complaint after complaint.
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Be willing to "take a break" from your friendship. Ultimately, you can't force someone not to be fake. If you're having trouble getting your fake friend to "see the light," take a step back. Let your relationship cool before you start hanging out again. Avoid hanging out with this person one-on-one and limit your interactions when you're hanging out in a group. Showing your friend that fake behavior makes it so that you don't want to hang out may persuade them to stop. If not, at least you'll limit the amount that this person can annoy you. [8] X Research source
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Protect Yourself from Deceitful People with this Expert Series
Do you have liars or people who like to bully and gossip in your life? It can be hard to know what's real when the people around you aren't truthful, so we've put together this expert series to help you protect yourself from lying, bullying, and gossip.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionIs it OK to cut off fake friends?Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.Sure it is! At the end of the day, we all want to be loved, appreciated, and approved of. Ask yourself, what is it about this individual that you want their approval? What is it about this individual that you want to be connected to? We have all entered relationships that are flatly unhealthy. Your role, above all, should be to avoid playing their mind games and do whatever is necessary to be safe, even if it means to cut ties with said person.
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QuestionI have a friend who is fake and belittles me when I call her on it. What do I do?Community AnswerLeave her. Nothing's worse than a friend like that -- it's toxic!
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QuestionMy friends are ignoring me and I did nothing wrong. What can I do?Community AnswerBe straight forward and ask them the reason. If they give a valid reason, then apologize. If they give an invalid reason and ignore you for a really long time, it's is probably time to move on from harmful friendships.
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Tips
- Even though fake friends may take advantage of you, just forgive them and move on with your life. You don't have to deal with all that drama and make yourself feel bad.Thanks
- Losing a friend because of their fakeness can be hard. However hurt you may feel, don't let this problem consume your entire life. If it is really bugging you, take some time for yourself. Your own happiness should be the most important thing to you.Thanks
- One additional idea is to treat fake people the same way they treat you. This isn't guaranteed to work, but it can sometimes show them how their behavior is hurting you.Thanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS .
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201603/8-signs-toxic-friendship
- ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/growing-a-business/how-to-deal-with-fake-people/402260
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/where-science-meets-the-steps/201610/8-ways-stop-worrying-about-what-other-people-think
- ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/growing-a-business/how-to-deal-with-fake-people/402260
- ↑ https://www.enkirelations.com/how-to-deal-with-fake-people.html
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/dealing-with-a-toxic-friendship
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/dealing-with-a-toxic-friendship
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/dealing-with-a-toxic-friendship
About This Article
Article Summary
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Fake people are never fun to deal with, but if you stay calm and avoid stooping to their level, you’ll be fine. When dealing with a fake person, the easiest option is to simply avoid them. It may be tempting to gossip or say rude things about them behind their back, but don’t do this! Instead, remain polite to avoid a fight and keep your interactions with them as short as possible. People usually act fake to fit in, and their behavior isn't a reflection of you, so don't let it get to you! If you do find yourself losing your temper, excuse yourself and take a few minutes to cool off. Ignoring a fake person is usually the best way to deal with them, but if they start saying disrespectful things about you, don't be afraid to speak up. To learn when it’s time to take a break from a fake friend, read on.
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Reader Success Stories
- "It taught me how to ignore fake people. I have a lot of people at my school that call me fake, when they don't realize that it is actually they who are the fake ones. This really helped a lot." ..." more
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"It taught me how to ignore fake people. I have a lot of people at my school that call me fake, when they don't realize that it is actually they who are the fake ones. This really helped a lot."
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"I have a friend that, one minute, likes to talk to me, and then the next day, I'm ignored. This article has told me how to deal with this situation from now on. Thanks!"
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"I have always had an issue with fake friends. But I now know I am not alone. I will get through this. I am amazing. They are fake."
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"What helped me most were the real life people and answers! That way, I know exactly how to deal with them!"
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