How to Enjoy Your Preteen Years

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Preteens often have many events going on in their lives. Some are going through puberty, whereas others are feeling self-conscious about their body. The preteen years can be difficult for some people, as they are finding ways to be independent while following their parents' rules. Having your life set up in your preteen years will make it smoother for you to transition into high school and your adult life. Here are some ways to live out your years from 9-12 well.

Part 1
Part 1 of 4:

Staying Healthy

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  1. Many preteens are tempted to stay up late playing video games or watching videos. Don't do this! Your body needs many hours of sleep to repair itself and to rest. [1] Additionally, most preteens are still growing. Your body produces the growth hormone at night, allowing you to grow taller. In school, getting enough sleep helps you stay concentrated so that you'll remember what you learned in class.
    • Preteens aged 9-12 should ideally get 9-12 hours of sleep. [2]
    • Avoid staying up until or after midnight as it can be bad for your health.
  2. Make sure your lunch has a variety of vegetables, protein, grains, and fruits. Consider replacing a burger with a vegetable sandwich. If you pay for school lunch, buy the healthiest option. Try to avoid reaching for the bag of chips or the chocolate bar as a snack every day. Instead, choose healthy fruits or vegetables as a snack. Some yummy choices include fruit cups/salads or carrot/celery sticks dipped in ranch or hummus. [3]
    • Add some dairy into your daily meals, if you can. This includes milk products such as milk, yogurt, cheese, etc. If you are lactose intolerant, you can drink cow milk alternatives, such as soy milk and almond milk.
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  3. Exercise daily to make it a routine. Exercises boost your heart and lung strength. It can also reduce stress and make you happier! [4] If you have gym/PE class on some days, you won't need to exercise more. Find fun ways to exercise if it is boring for you. Dancing, playing a sport, jump roping, and playing outdoor games are great ways to exercise while enjoying the experience.
    • You can exercise in fun ways by incorporating your family members and pets. Playing frisbee with your siblings or running with your dog can be far more exciting than running around the block 10 times.
  4. Females usually start puberty earlier than males. Females start around the ages of 8-14, whereas for males it's 9-15. It's okay to start puberty in elementary/primary school; it's normal, and you are just an early bloomer! Many preteens in school are in puberty already, whereas some are late bloomers who don't start puberty until high school. Signs of puberty include: [5]
    • For everyone: Armpit, genital, leg, arm, back hair (males may have chest hair too), more sweating, acne and excess oil production, a growth spurt, mood swings [6]
    • Females: Nickel-sized bumps under each nipple (breast buds), breast tenderness, breast enlargement, the genital region increasing in size (the vaginal lips and the inner region, the vagina, all grow), the first menstrual period (which may come with cramps), widening of the hips.
    • Males: Testicle growth, penis growth, frequent erections (such as morning wood), the first ejaculation/wet dream, voice cracking and eventually voice deepening, hair above and below the mouth (which you can style into a mustache or beard), muscle growth.
  5. Kids usually start puberty between the ages of 8-15, which means 3rd-10th grade. This means everyone will have to deal with puberty-related issues at one point or another in school. If you are in puberty, here are some tips:
    • For everyone: Take care of your skin if you have acne . If you are uncomfortable with your body hair, shave it (or wax if you are allowed to). Allow yourself to de-stress and talk to someone you trust if you are not feeling good.
    • Females: If your breasts feel uncomfortable, buy a training bra. As you develop more, you can buy a larger, padded training bra and later, a cup bra. Additionally, some girls start their periods as preteens. Track your cycle to prepare when it starts and buy your menstrual products. You can use pads, tampons, or cups. Find ways to deal with leaking and cramps on your period.
    • Males: Males will have frequent erections (sometimes by romantic thoughts, sometimes randomly), so find ways to hide them . If you accidentally get some liquid on your pants, know how to clean the fabric. If you have facial hair, you can shave it off or style it into a mustache or beard.
  6. The preteen years are when some people start to feel stressed; the beginning of puberty, peer pressure, self-consciousness, and transition to middle school can make preteens feel anxious. If you are stressed, angry, or sad about something, feel free to tell someone you feel comfortable with. Such as your parents or a close friend. Don't hide your feelings and pretend they don't exist, since this will only worsen your mental health.
    • Take some time off to de-stress and relax. If your parents enrolled you in many extracurriculars, this may be challenging. However, you can take 30 minutes before bed to relax and enjoy your free time. If you have too much on your plate, you can talk to your parents or school counselor about it. You may be able to remove some extracurriculars from your schedule.
    • If you are feeling down, talk to someone. If your parents aren't available, try talking to a school teacher after class or a school counselor. [7] If you have kind friends, talk to them! Try not to dump everything onto them at once; take your time to explain what you are struggling with. [8]
  7. Mental health issues are serious conditions that won't be solved by "cheering up" or "being relaxed". They are real conditions, such as diabetes or pneumonia. If you are relating to many of these symptoms, consider talking to your parents and a school counselor. Your parents may be able to help you find a good therapist.
    • Depression : People with depression feel sad and low most of the time. They feel empty or hopeless about their situation. They slowly lose interest in hobbies and things they usually enjoy doing. The person may cry a lot or get angry over things that never bothered them before. [9] Some people may want to harm themselves or consider taking their life. If you feel this way, please call a mental health hotline right away. In the U.S. and Canada, you can call 988 for a mental health emergency.
    • Eating disorder : People with an eating disorder may care a lot about their appearance. They may stare at their body in the mirror frequently, thinking that they are unattractive. They may say that they are overweight or "fat" even when it is untrue. They may skip meals, vomit the food they ate, or exercise too much in order to lose weight. Some people eat a lot of food in one sitting to cope with stress. The person may feel ashamed of themselves when they do these things. [10] Do not be afraid to ask for help if you need it!
    • Anxiety disorder : People with an anxiety disorder may get anxious on a daily basis. They may worry about little things or think too much about an event before it happens. They may avoid the thing they are afraid of in order to stop feeling anxious. Additionally, many get panic attacks, which happen when a person gets so anxious that they hyperventilate, have a racing heartbeat, and shortness of breath. [11]
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Part 2
Part 2 of 4:

School Life

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  1. If you are in your last year of elementary/primary school, you may be wondering what middle school is like. Middle school is different than elementary school since you have different teachers for each class. This means that you will have to pack up and move to your next class. If you are in an American middle school, you will have a locker to put your school items in. As middle school goes on, the teachers will remind you less of expectations and assignment due dates since you are expected to know this information.
    • Some kids are mature in middle school, whereas some may act younger than their age. So, don't believe that you have to act a certain way to fit in. Everyone's different and it's completely okay.
    • With most people going through puberty in middle school, males and females may feel uncomfortable being close to each other as friends than in previous years. However, there are no limits to who you can befriend! You can still be friends with someone of the opposite gender.
  2. The preteen school years are when teachers start setting expectations for high school (or late secondary school), where you are expected to be responsible for your own assignments and tests. So, for your high school years (and your adulthood) to be successful, take time to review information from previous lessons. Take breaks in between study sessions so you won't get too tired (and lose focus).
    • You can use a website such as Quizlet or Kahoot to review, or you could make your own paper notecards to study vocabulary. For math and science (mainly for math-based science such as physics/chemistry), practice a few problems on paper to make sure you understand the whole topic. [12]
  3. Instead of continuing to sleep after hitting "Snooze" on your alarm clock, wake up on time. Go to bed at a good time each night in order to get a good night's sleep every day. Eat a good, filling breakfast like eggs with toast. You can pack a lunch if you want. Shower (if you shower in the morning), get dressed, and do your hair or some light makeup if you're in middle school. Check if everything is in your backpack and head out the door! [13]
    • Also, plan on leaving some spare time if you walk to school. Walking often takes a while, so leave home early. For example, if it takes you 10 minutes to walk to school and school starts at 8:15 AM, leave your house at 8 AM or 7:55 AM as a safeguard.
  4. Gym/PE class will be different than what it was in elementary/primary school. Because everyone is going through puberty (and will be self-conscious), your school may separate the boys and girls into different PE classes. Some may decide to keep everyone together for the sake of time. The school will likely tell you to purchase gym clothing, and you will change in and out of this clothing before and after each gym class. Here are some tips to survive PE as a preteen:
    • Don't stare at people when changing. You may get in trouble for invading others' privacy. Look at a wall or your locker. Change fast. You may be able to wear your gym clothing to school; check with your PE teacher to make sure. If you are changing for swimming class, put a towel over your waist region to cover yourself.
    • Remember that it's just gym class, not an official sports competition. Stop caring about whether your performance is good enough and that you can impress everyone in the class. PE is often only graded on participation, so you don't have to be a star athlete.
    • Making friends in gym class can help you feel less alone. It also minimizes the chance that you get picked last during team selection, which can be embarrassing.
  5. If you're leaving elementary/primary school, you may be sad to leave your old friends behind. After all, middle/secondary school is often the first time kids meet other kids other than their childhood besties from kindergarten. You can keep in touch with your old friends too by keeping cell phone numbers or email addresses. In sixth and seventh grade, try making some new friends to branch out. Even if you're one of the older kids, it's still possible to make new friends! You can make friends with classmates of any grade level.
    • If you see a kid sitting alone, wave to them, smile, and introduce yourself. Ask them if you can sit next to them. If they agree, you can then strike up a conversation with them about school. Once you get to know them, you can talk about more personal matters.
    • Be friendly to everyone who is friendly to you. If people are mean to you, you don't need to be too friendly.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 4:

Personal Life

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  1. If you want to look put-together, you will need to pay some attention to what you wear and how you style yourself. First, keep up with hygiene by showering regularly (daily if possible, but freshen up with wipes if you're unable to). Shave your body hair if you want to, and cut your nails every week or two. [14] You might try out a new hairstyle or start wearing more earrings and necklaces. Try out different accessories to see which ones fit best on you.
    • If you want to look more mature, avoid wearing cartoony graphic T-shirts and bright shorts/skirts too often. Bright or neon colors may make you look immature. Pair complementary colors and balance accessories.
  2. People are constantly changing, so it's normal for you to grow out of something you used to enjoy as a kid. Your interests at 5 will be different than when you're 10, and when you're 15. If you have outgrown your childhood hobbies, you can try new ones. If you're taking an art class and decide it's not for you, you can quit it and do something else.
    • Your parents may not agree. You will have to convince them that quitting the activity and allowing you to choose what you like to do is best. Additionally, you want to branch out and try new things instead of just sticking with that one activity.
  3. As of 2024, the average person spends around 7 hours on the screen! [15] Except for computer time during class or for homework, you should limit your time on the internet. Think about it; what memories will you have if you scroll and watch videos for hours every day? You won't have many interesting memories of your preteen years in the future. Scrolling online and watching videos also wastes time. You want actual, tangible memories of you with your besties, family, and classmates that you can remember for years.
    • Instead, use this time to engage in hobbies, exercise, or relax. It's good to take a break and stretch sometimes.
    • You can also spend time with family and hang out regularly with them in a common living space, such as a living room.
  4. It's great to spend time with your family to bond with them more. If you are bored, spending time with family can brighten up your day. Don't avoid your parents because they angered you; find ways to resolve conflict with them instead of giving them the cold shoulder.
    • Some ways to spend time with your family include having a weekly game night/movie night, riding bikes, hiking, karaoke night, etc. [16]
  5. Lashing out and yelling or crying at your parents won't solve the problem, and it will probably hurt their feelings. Instead, if they say something that offends you, say, "I'm going to take a short break". Take deep breaths, stretch, take a sip of water, and think about the best way to solve the problem.
    • Use "I" language when explaining your emotions. Find a way to compromise if your parents have strong feelings for something.
    • Sometimes, you may have to give in to your parents. This is normal at your age. Preteens don't have the maturity of older kids, and many preteens will still act impulsively. Your parents may be doing what is best for you. You may have to wait until you are in high school to dye your hair, and that's ok. It's not the end of the world, and you can wait a few months and check again to see if they will allow you.
  6. The preteen years are hotspots for hormones. You may become physically attracted to someone, which later develops into romantic attraction. You may act very shy or very talkative around your crush, and you may want to talk to them. You may find out where your crush sits during lunch to get closer to them. There are a few ways on how to deal with a crush.
    • You can keep your crush a secret. You could admire them from afar and cheer on them during sporting events. This is fine, but you may miss an opportunity to know your crush more after you move on to high school (as you two may attend different schools).
    • You could tell it to your best friends. Your best friends may encourage you to tell your crush about your feelings. Tape a note on their locker (or slip it into their backpack) asking for their feelings. You can do this to see if they feel the same way. If they do, you can date them; just know that the relationship may not last long. If they don't, move on.
    • You could confidently admit to your crush that you are in love with them. After some thinking, you can tell your crush in private about your feelings and ask if they feel the same way. If they do, you can date them; just know that the relationship may not last long. If they don't, move on.
    • On the other hand, stop crushing on them. If you know that a long-term relationship with them wouldn't be realistic (e.g. they are actually mean, too immature, or if you guys are going to different schools after graduation), move on. [17] Avoid seeing them where you go and pretend that they are just an acquaintance.
  7. You may feel mature enough and responsible enough to start dating. Many preteens feel pressured by online media from young celebrities to start dating. However, dating should not be your main concern as a preteen. You may think that you will date and eventually get married or start a happy life with your significant other. However, most people start having crushes at this time, but these usually aren't enough to blossom into fully committed and responsible relationships. Besides, many kids are still immature in middle school, so it's best not to date until you are older. [18] [19]
    • Even if you are head over heels with that smart girl in your science class or that confident boy in your history class, you should not rush to date them.
    • Some people you are dating may not even take it seriously; they may think of dating just to gain maturity or popularity. They may not know what to do in a healthy relationship.
  8. Internet fads and trends change quickly, so once you're invested in doing one thing, the internet has already switched to another fad. It's tiring to follow so many different fashion styles, challenges, or music trends. Instead, do what you want to do.
    • Avoid joining social media underage. Preteens are under the age of 13, which is the minimum age you need to join most social media platforms. [20] Since you are pretty young, you should live your life happily offline instead of devoting your time to following online creators and posts. Go outdoors and enjoy the weather. Spend time with family, friends, and pets—go shopping in the mall, watch the newest release in the cinema, or just have leisure in a park.
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Part 4
Part 4 of 4:

Discovering Yourself

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  1. This could be your older sibling, an older friend, a parent/relative, or a teacher. It could even be someone famous and with truly good qualities you can look up to. [21] If you decide to have a famous person as a role model, you should find someone near you that you can actually talk to about any concerns. These role models can mentor you and help you with any challenges.
    • Avoid bad influences. The preteen and teenage years often determine part of your habits and your personality in your adult years, so be careful. If your friend encourages you to vandalize, smoke, bully others, or get into fights, then stay away from them.
  2. Be yourself . This sounds cliche, but it is a true fact of life. Stop trying to act like other people in order to "fit in" or impress them. You won't be happy because this is not your true self. The preteen years are when classmates may get mean and jealous of other kids, so peer pressure increases. Kids try fitting in with others to feel included as part of a group. However, if you aren't happy with it, you should stop. Being yourself makes you the happiest, and it showcases your true personality to other people. You may also be liked more since you are more authentic. [22] [23]
    • For example, if someone starts a comic book club, feel free to join it. Trying new things expands your horizons.
    • If someone teases you for liking "childish" things, brush it off. Their opinions don't matter- the only opinion that matters is your own (and sometimes your parents').
  3. Peer pressure is when the people around you pressure you to do certain things. Good peer pressure could mean your friends encouraging you to pursue a hobby. Bad peer pressure could mean classmates forcing you to cut your long hair to join their friend group, or older kids telling you to do mean things to others. Avoid this kind of peer pressure since it will harm you or others.
    • When someone asks you, politely say, "No" or "I'm not interested, thanks." If they continue bothering you, tell a trusted adult. [24]
    • You could also suggest doing something else. Instead of sneaking out late at night to meet some classmates, suggest going to the skate park or the mall in the evening (with permission from the respective parents). [25]
  4. As a preteen, you should live your life happily while taking care of school matters and personal affairs. Understand that, because you are a preteen, you won't get as much freedom as teenagers. Some kids think that acting out or being disruptive is "cool". However, you shouldn't focus on being "popular" or "rowdy" in your elementary and middle school years, since these won't matter in the future. Focus on being your best self instead of impressing other people or being immature.
    • You don't need to know what everyone is doing. You don't need to know everyone in your classes on a deep level; having a few friends is fine.
    • Being popular in elementary or middle school won't last. You will move onto high school, and you will meet many new people. They won't care too much if you were popular as a preteen, and teachers care about your academic performance, not your popularity.
  5. Change happens all the time. The preteen years are a time for change because friendships may end, friends may go to different schools, and people may try new things to gain independence. No matter how old you are, you will still be different than what you were in the past.
    • If you still have hobbies that are traditionally reserved for younger kids, you can still follow them! As long as it doesn't harm anyone else or disrupt your own life, you can do it!
    • If you're sad about change, think about it this way: change is an opportunity for you to learn and grow. If nothing changed in your life, you wouldn't be able to learn new things. Additionally, nothing lasts forever. You will eventually make new friends and get better grades, or stop getting bullied.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/sleep/conditioninfo
      2. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/recommended-amount-of-sleep-for-children
      3. ↑ https://www.taste.com.au/galleries/make-fruit-veggie-after-school-snacks/83zrqno6
      4. ↑ https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/10-benefits-of-exercise
      5. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/understanding-puberty.html
      6. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22192-puberty
      7. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/school-counselors.html
      8. ↑ https://www.self.com/story/healthy-venting-friendship-tips
      9. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/teen-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20350985
      1. ↑ https://www.uchicagomedicine.org/forefront/pediatrics-articles/2024/may/eating-disorders-in-teens-warning-signs-and-treatment-options
      2. ↑ https://www.webmd.com/teens/anxiety-and-teens
      3. ↑ https://www.edutopia.org/article/teaching-students-use-evidence-based-studying-strategies/
      4. ↑ https://www.mydoh.ca/learn/blog/lifestyle/daily-routines-for-kids-and-teens/
      5. ↑ https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-cut-nails#how-often
      6. ↑ https://explodingtopics.com/blog/screen-time-stats
      7. ↑ https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-to-spend-quality-time-with-your-teen-2610997
      8. ↑ https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-get-over-a-crush
      9. ↑ https://www.erscream.com/post/middle-school-dating-and-why-you-shouldn-t-do-it
      10. ↑ https://www.lovetoknow.com/parenting/teens/pros-cons-dating-middle-school
      11. ↑ https://pedialliance.com/socialmediaguide#:~:text=Social%20Media%20Types%20and%20Age%20Restrictions&text=It%20is%20also%20important%20for,for%20most%20social%20media%20sites .
      12. ↑ https://helpfulprofessor.com/role-model-examples/
      13. ↑ https://theeverygirl.com/how-to-be-yourself/
      14. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/peer-pressure.html
      15. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/peer-pressure.html
      16. ↑ https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-peer-pressure-22246

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