Funny Tombstone Sayings That Really Exist (Plus Fake Ones for Halloween)

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People with a great sense of humor, even in the afterlife
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Whether you’re a committed jokester who wants to leave them laughing when you go or are just looking for inspiration for some fun Halloween decorations, this article’s for you. We’ve put together a list of hilarious epitaphs that appear on real headstones and funny tombstone sayings to help you create a faux cemetery that is sure to make all the trick-or-treaters giggle. Plus, we’ll tell you how to make realistic-looking fake tombstones that are equal parts spooky and fun!

Section 1 of 7:

Funny Sayings from Real Tombstones

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  1. An epitaph, or inscription on a headstone, tells everyone who sees it a little about who the deceased person was…and how people felt about them. When an epitaph is a funny saying, it often means the person had a sharp sense of humor that they or their loved ones want to memorialize. Here are a few funny sayings from real headstones.
    • I was somebody. Who, is no business of yours. – Anonymous, Stowe, VT
    • Here lies Lester Moore / Four slugs from a .44 / No less / No more – Lester Moore, Boothill Graveyard, Tombstone, Arizona [1]
    • Here lies Stephanie Hespeler. Then Boultbee, then Freeze, then Benn. So many men, never The Man...Arg-h, men! – Stephanie Hespeler, Cementerio Inglés de Málaga, Málaga, Spain
    • Game over. – Michael Leroy "Pac Man" Luther, Thetford Township Cemetery, Clio, MI
    • Daughter / Dorothy Ann Whitaker / Born Who Knows / Died Who Cares – Dorothy Ann Whitaker, Elmwood Cemetery, Memphis, Tennessee [2]
    • This ain’t bad once you get used to it – Murphy Andrew Dreher Jr., Star Hill Cemetery, Louisiana
    • Here lies the body of/ Jonathan Blake/ Stepped on the gas/ Instead of the brake – Jonathan Blake, Uniontown Cemetery in Uniontown, PA
    • Died and gone to hell – Moses Harshaw, Old Clarkesville Cemetery, Clarkesville, Georgia
    • She always said her feet were killing her, but no one believed her. – Marguerite Dewey Daniels, Hollywood Cemetery, Richmond, Virginia [3]
    • My loss, but your gain – Joel Dermid, Ebenezer Baptist Church Cemetery, Hendersonville, North Carolina
    • Damn, it's dark down here. – Fran Thatcher, Prairie Mound Cemetery, Dane County, WI
    • He never voted for Republicans and had little to do with them. – William Herrell “Bill” Kugle III, Rusk County Memorial Gardens, Henderson, Texas
    • Here lies Ezekiel Aikle/ Age 102/ The good die young. – Ezekiel Aikle, East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia
    • Too bad…we had fun – Constance W. Bigsby, Hollywood Forever Cemetery, Hollywood, California
    • Retired by God – Carl Morgan Bigsby, Hollywood Forever Cemetery, Hollywood, California [4]
    • I told you I was sick. – William H. Hahn Jr., Princeton Cemetery, Princeton, NJ
    • He never killed a man that did not need killing. – Robert Clay Allison, West of Pecos Museum, Pecos, Texas [5]
    • I’d rather be reading this – Esther A. Freer, Oakwood Cemetery, Farmington, Michigan
    • If you’re reading this, you desperately need a hobby – Alan Dale Willcox, Key West Cemetery, Key West, Florida
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Section 2 of 7:

Celebrity Funny Tombstone Sayings

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  1. Famous people—especially comedians—sometimes add a humorous inscription to their memorial to get the last word. They may also want to continue their life’s work and make people laugh even when they’re gone. Here’s a list of funny headstone inscriptions of famous people.
    • Jesse James: Murdered by a traitor and coward whose name is not worthy to appear here [6]
    • Mel Blanc: That’s all, folks [7]
    • Billy Wilder: I’m a writer but then nobody’s perfect
    • Leslie Nielsen: Let ‘er rip
    • John Belushi: I may be gone, but Rock and Roll lives on
    • Spike Milligan: I told you I was ill
    • Rodney Dangerfield: ...There goes the neighborhood
    • William Shakespeare: Good Friend, for Jesus' sake forbear/ To dig the dust enclosed here:/ Blessed be the man that spares these stones,/ And curst be he that moves my bones.
    • Jackie Gleason: And away we go!
    • Frank Sinatra: The best is yet to come
    • Dorothy Parker: Leave for her a red young rose,/ Go your way, and save your pity;/ She is happy, for she knows/ that her dust is very pretty. [8]
    • Joan Hackett: Go away—I’m asleep
    • Charles Bukowski: Don’t try
    • Merv Griffin: I will not be right back after this message [9]
    • Dee Dee Ramone: OK…I gotta go now
    • Frank Carson: What a way to lose weight
    • Jack Lemmon: in
Section 3 of 7:

Funny Fake Tombstone Sayings for Halloween

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  1. Adding a fake headstone with a funny inscription is a great addition to your Halloween decorations. Plus, it gives your guests a chuckle during the spooky season. Check out this list of rib-tickling epitaphs, or use them as inspiration to make up your own.
    • I’ll be back…
    • Does anyone have a shovel?
    • A pail of candy she ate with laughter before she left for the sweet hereafter.
    • It does our hearts a lot of good to see him in a box of wood.
    • This coffin is lonely. There’s nothing to do. Oh, how I long for some company. Maybe someone…like you!
    • He ate too fast and died too young. Swallowed a bone and bit the big one
    • Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Sooner or later, you’ll lay with us.
    • Get off my lawn!
    • I knew this would happen.
    • I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.
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Section 4 of 7:

Work-Related Funny Tombstone Sayings

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  1. At some companies, decorating the office for Halloween is a big deal with contests and fabulous prizes. Impress all your coworkers with some funny tombstone sayings for Halloween parties at work. Here are a few ideas to get you started.
    • Crushed under a mountain of paperwork
    • Caught a computer virus
    • Taken too soon by a case of the Mondays
    • Clocked out - permanently
    • Hit “Reply All” on a company-wide email
Section 5 of 7:

Funny Tombstone Rhymes

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  1. Make a rhyming joke on your fake tombstones to multiply the laughs. Making a clever rhyme is a time-honored way to make people laugh . Add one of these silly tombstone-inspired lines to your Halloween decorations to make them scream with laughter.
    • John Edward Smith always ran fast. He came in first and then breathed his last.
    • Mary Anne Watts played a trick on this spot. And now she’s in a place that gets very hot.
    • Here lies Mavis Stokes. A frog in her throat caused her to croak.
    • Myrtle Yoast liked reptiles the most. She was petting her cobra when she gave up the ghost.
    • Here lies Uncle Ned. We found his body but not his head.
    • Auntie Mim went out for a swim. She couldn’t float, so that was all she wrote.
    • Frank Morris, the florist, was never lazy…but now he’s busy pushing up daises.
    • Here lies sweet Julia Beth. Saw a ghost and was scared to death.
    • Here lies old Abigail Barnes. She sold her soul and then bought the farm.
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Section 6 of 7:

Funny Tombstone Names

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  1. Sometimes, all you want is a funny name that makes a pun to fill out your spooky decorations. These funny names can stand on their own or combine them with a funny epitaph to double the fun.
    • M.T. Tomb
    • Dee Kayd
    • D. Ed Ringer
    • Frank N. Styne
    • I. Emma Ghost
    • R. U. Next
    • Upton Died
    • Izzy Deadyet
    • Dustin Graves
    • Ima Goner
Section 7 of 7:

Making a Halloween Tombstone

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  1. Use a 4′ (122 cm) x 8′ (244 cm) foam insulation board that’s 2″ (5 cm) thick. Use a utility knife to cut the board into pieces that measure 18 inches (46 cm) wide by 24 inches (61 cm) tall. [10] Trim the top corners in a curve to make a tombstone shape with a rounded top.
    • If you can’t find a 2” (5 cm)-thick board, glue 2 1-inch (2.5 cm) thick boards together.
    • Look for extruded polystyrene (XPS) foam boards, which are easier to cut. They’re usually pink, green, or blue.
    • Be careful when using the utility knife. The blade is very sharp.
  2. Use a foam paintbrush to cover the entire surface of your tombstone with primer to help the paint stick to it. Once the primer dries, use a fresh foam paintbrush to paint the tombstone with the lighter gray paint.
    • Try Drylock water proofer as a primer to give your tombstone a gritty, stone-like texture.
    • Exterior paint with a flat finish works best for making faux tombstones.
  3. Use a small paintbrush or black paint marker to add the name and funny saying. Draw cracks, making your lines thicker closer to the edge, and then gradually narrowing as they move toward the center of the tombstone.
    • Make it more realistic by writing the wording in marker and then carving it out with your utility knife. Then, paint the inside of the letters black.
    • For an extra touch, use a sponge to dab on mossy green paint to age the stone.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://tombstonechamber.com/BootHillGraveyard/tour-the-graveyard/row-6/lester-moore/
      2. ↑ https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/15912681/dorothy-ann-whitaker
      3. ↑ https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/28457972/marguerite-devane-daniels
      4. ↑ https://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/12676
      5. ↑ https://www.mentalfloss.com/posts/unusual-headstone-inscriptions
      6. ↑ https://photocontest.smithsonianmag.com/photocontest/detail/the-original-grave-site-of-jesse-james-located-in-the-yard-of-the-james-fam/
      7. ↑ https://www.mentalfloss.com/posts/unusual-headstone-inscriptions
      8. ↑ https://dorothyparker.com/2021/08/dorothy-parker-gravestone-unveiled.html
      9. ↑ https://www.mentalfloss.com/posts/unusual-headstone-inscriptions
      1. ↑ https://www.dreamalittlebigger.com/post/foam-halloween-tombstones.html

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