How to Attract a Girl Without Worrying about Your Looks

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Building your confidence and finding a partner
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Sure, talking to a girl can be scary, especially if you don't have a lot of practice. But if you build up your confidence and know how to make a girl comfortable, then you'll be on your way to getting any girl you want, without worrying about what you look like. If you want to know how to catch a girl's eye and to keep her interest, see Step 1 to get started.

Things You Should Know

  • Smile at girls who acknowledge you, and keep your body language open: face her with your body, make eye contact, and avoid crossing your arms.
  • Ask her questions about her own life, like what sort of hobbies she has or what she's passionate about. Answer her own questions honestly and openly.
  • Compliment her personality before you compliment her looks. Say things like, "Your sense of humor is great," or, "You're so easy to talk to!"
Part 1
Part 1 of 2:

Getting a Girl to Like You

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  1. Be approachable. If you want to get a girl's attention, then you have to make it look like you actually want her to come up to you. This may seem obvious, but you'll be surprised by how unapproachable you may look just because you're nervous about talking to the girl. If you want her to like you, then you can't act like you're too busy, too cool, or too distracted to talk to the girl. If she comes up to you, put away your phone, stop looking around, and give her your attention. Here are some other ways to be approachable:
    • Smile at the girl if she walks over to you or passes you. [1]
    • Use open body posturing; don't stand around with your arms crossed.
    • Be aware of your resting facial expressions; don't scowl or glare at her or anyone else.
    • Don't fidget or look down at the floor.
  2. Exude confidence. If you're worried about approaching a girl no matter what you look like, then you may lack some confidence when it comes to your looks. That's okay: most guys doubt their appearance now and again. However, if you want to get the girl, you don't have to be the most handsome guy in the room, but you should act like you're happy with how you look. [2] [3] If you're not pleased with your appearance and don't carry yourself confidently, the girl will be able to tell, and she'll be less likely to talk to you. Here's how you do it:
    • Stand tall when you walk up to her.
    • Look her in the eye.
    • Remind yourself that you are worthy of her attention.
    • Avoid making fun of yourself or putting yourself down too much.
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  3. Be yourself. If you're trying to be someone else, your love interest will never have a chance to like you because she will never know who you really are. Though you can work on self-improvement and on being more appealing to girls, you shouldn't have to change your entire personality to get a girl's attention. If you're being dishonest or not being yourself at all, the girl will be able to tell and she won't be impressed. Remember that, at the end, the girl has to like you for who you really are.
    • When you meet a new girl, yeah, the goal is for her to like the person who you really are, at the end of the day. But that doesn't mean you should put it all on the table at the beginning -- getting to know you will be a process. You don't have to tell her about your bug collection or your obsession with video games until you know each other better.
  4. Communication is important in all areas of life, not just talking to your potential future girlfriend, so you should work on improving your communication skills. [4] A lot of guys, especially if they are in high school younger, have a hard time really communicating with girls, or even with other guys, and if you're comfortable enough to have a meaningful conversation with the girl, then you will stand out to her. Here are some ways to communicate effectively:
    • Ask her questions. Show that you care about her life. [5]
    • Listen to her. Don't interrupt her when she's trying to tell you something.
    • Compliment her and learn to take her compliments.
    • Learn to express her feelings when the time is right.
  5. This does not mean you have to buy her tons of presents or pay for every meal that she eats. Emotional support is key to keeping a girl's attention. Simple things like listening to her when she has had a bad day or congratulating her on a recent accomplishment go a long way. Once you get to know each other, you have to show her that you're supportive of her goals and daily life, and will be there whether she's having a great day or a terrible one. Show that you're not only there for the good times. [6]
    • Finding ways to support her, from going to her soccer games to texting her to see how her math test went, can show her that she's always on your mind.
    • Remember that her goals are just as important as yours. Take her goals and accomplishments seriously so she knows that you really care.
  6. Though girls want a guy that they can have a meaningful connection with, they also want to have some fun. Girls should see you as a guy who is easy to hang out with, who makes them laugh, and who is easily able to just go with the flow. [7] You don't want to be seen as a stick in the mud who is always complaining or only wants to do the same three things all the time. [8] Here are some ways to be fun to be around:
    • Plan an adventurous date for the two of you or for a group of her friends. Go hiking, build a fort, or just do something wild and crazy.
    • Don't complain about activities she wants to share with you. Try them out! You never know what you will enjoy doing when the company is right.
    • Don't take yourself too seriously. Learn to poke fun at yourself, and the girl will be more comfortable around you.
  7. Have good manners. Belching at the dinner table, telling racist jokes, or making fun of people is no way to win a lady's heart. Treat her with the same kindness and respect that you would show to your mother. Remember that she is not your closest bro friend, and she won't laugh at all of the same jokes. You don't have to be incredibly proper around her, but you should be respectful and say things that make her feel comfortable.
    • Hold doors for her.
    • Be polite to the people around you, too, from teachers to waiters. If you're nice to her, but rude to others, the girl will notice.
    • If you really want to stand out from the other guys out there, then having good manners is one of the best ways to do it. Unfortunately, it's all too common for guys to have terrible manners. If you have good manners, the girl will see you as mature and worth knowing.
  8. You should practice approaching girls, even if they are not the ones you are interested in pursuing. Practice doesn't always make perfect, but it certainly helps. Spend some time approaching new girls and making new friends. Not only will this help with nervousness, but it will help you develop your own style of interacting with girls that you like. The more comfortable you get with talking to girls, the more likely you'll be to be yourself and to stop worrying about rejection.
    • You should work on being nice to all of the girls around you, not just the girls you like. You want to get a reputation of being a nice guy.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Simple observations and compliments can be great conversation starters. Follow up with open-ended questions to show genuine interest, and to help keep the conversation going.

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Part 2
Part 2 of 2:

Making a Girl Feel Special

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  1. Learn to give real compliments. If you really want to get any girl you want, then you have to know how to give her a meaningful compliment. Just saying, "You look hot in that dress" probably won't win her over because it won't make her feel like you're really paying attention to who she is and to what makes her special. Instead, you have to work on being a careful observer and on noticing what really makes the girl stand out from the others. [9] Here are some meaningful compliments you can give:
    • "You're so good at talking to new people. How do you do it?"
    • "You have the most amazing laugh I've ever heard."
    • "You really know how to cheer people up. That's a real skill."
  2. If you want to get a girl to want to be around you, then you have to make her see that you don't just see her as an object, but that you see her as a real person who you care about. Make sure to ask her about herself, from what her goals for the future are to which classes she likes in school or if she has any pets. At first, you don't have to ask her anything deep or serious, but you should ask her questions to show that you want to get to know her. Here are some things you can ask her about:
    • Her favorite hobbies
    • Her favorite bands, TV shows, or books
    • Her friends
    • Her siblings
    • Her favorite places
    • How her day was
  3. Another way to make a girl feel special is to ask her opinion about things. You don't have to talk about anything too controversial, at first, or you may get off on the wrong foot. However, you should ask her what she thinks you should do in a certain situation, getting her advice to show you value her opinion. Ask her about her thoughts on a new band, on what she thinks of your new shoes, or what she thinks about the history class you're both taking. She'll see that you really care about her if you show that her opinion matters to you.
    • Asking for the girl's opinion on stuff will show that you think of her as more than just a pretty face.
  4. Listening to a girl -- for real -- will definitely make her feel special and will make her want to be with you. When she talks to you, don't interrupt her, don't try to solve her problems, and don't compare everything she says to your own problems. Take her problems at face value and show her that you really do care about what she has to say. When she's said her part, you can ask her more questions about the situation and her feelings; don't just move on to talk about yourself once she's done talking.
    • You should also remember what she tells you so you can recall it later. Saying something like, "Did you have that talk with your sister that you were telling me about? How did it go?" will show that you actually care about her.
  5. Let the girl know that she stands out to you in a real way. Tell her that she's different from her friends and different from the other girls you know. This may make her blush a little bit, but it will definitely make her want to be with you more. Here are some things you can say:
    • "You're so different from the other girls here. You're just so comfortable with yourself. Anyone can tell that you don't care about impressing people."
    • "You're so different from the other girls I know. It's just so easy to be around you."
  6. If you really want to show the girl that you care, then you can't act aloof and like you're way too busy to hang out. While you shouldn't always be available for her and should show that you have your own life, you shouldn't ignore her when she wants to hang out, either. Spending enough time with her will help your relationship grow and will make her see that you really care about deepening your bond.
    • This doesn't mean you should give up all of your boys' nights to hang out with her. But it does mean that you should free up some time for her if you want her to see that you care.
  7. If you want the girl to see that you're thinking of her when she's not around, then you should make an effort to check in with her every once in a while. You shouldn't text her every five seconds or call her all the time or you'll be smothering her, but if you're apart for a little while, just text her to say something like, "I've been thinking of you," or "How was your aunt's birthday party?" to show that she's on your mind when you're apart.
    • You don't want the girl to think that you've stopped caring about her as soon as she walks away. Getting in touch with her when you're apart is a way to show her that you still care.
    • Just make sure that she checks in with you, too, so all of your communication when you're apart isn't one-sided.
  8. Never forget to tell her how much you like her. If you and the girl have started a relationship, then you should start letting her know that you really care for her. You shouldn't do this too much, or too soon, but once it's been established that you're a couple and you're hanging out a lot, don't act too cool to say, "I really like you" or "I love being with you" when the mood strikes you. While you don't want to smother her with affection, you don't want her to feel neglected, either. Make sure that you never stop letting her know how much she means to you.
    • It's important to tell her how much you like her just because, not just when you're trying to convince her to go to a basketball game with you or to give you a kiss. You should tell her that you like her just because it's true and you want her to know how much she means to you.
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Attract Girls and Win Their Hearts with this Expert Series

Attracting girls and turning them on doesn't have to be hard. Learn how with these expert articles, hand-picked from our dating coaches and relationship experts.
1
Show a Girl You Like Her
2
Be the Guy Every Girl Wants
3
Create Sexual Tension
4
Win a Woman's Heart
5
Turn a Girl On
6
Know a Girl's Feelings

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      References

      1. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 16 June 2021.
      2. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 16 June 2021.
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-confident-be-confident/200907/the-key-confidence
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-web-violence/201409/do-you-want-be-better-communicator
      5. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 16 June 2021.
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201409/emotionally-supporting-your-partner
      7. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 16 June 2021.
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-confident-be-confident/201104/stress-free-dating-equals-fun
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201305/9-types-compliments-and-why-they-work-or-not

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you want to get with any girl, focus on being comfortable in your own skin, which will give you the confidence to strike up a great conversation! When she approaches you, stand up tall and smile at her to show off your confidence. Ask questions that show you want to get to know her better, and don’t interrupt her when she’s telling you something to make it clear you respect her. If she has done something well, like an assignment for class, compliment her on her achievement. At the same time, when she has a bad day, be there for her by listening to her problems. Make her feel special by telling her how she stands out from other girls you know and by making time to hang out with her. For example, you could say, “You’re different from the other girls here. You’re so comfortable with yourself.” For tips on how to balance spending time with your girlfriend and your friends, keep reading!

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